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Gatekeeper Giggle

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Blog Entries posted by Gatekeeper Giggle

  1. Gatekeeper Giggle
    Pick my new avatar! You may have noticed the wild switching between avatars yesterday, It's because I just can't pick which one to choose! So I've decided to let the beautiful light of democracy choose for me! Here are the choices:
     
    1. Stump

     
    2. Sephiroth

     
    3. Professor Fate

     
    4. No Fun!

     
    5. Malcom, the king of love.

     
    6. ???

     
    7. Lich

     
    8. Kevin

     
    9. Ishamael

     
    10. Sean Connery in a bear suit.

     
    11. Giygas

     
    12. The wizard of wonderland
    http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/49/83/a8/4983a86c550029e77c086feb9f6e29b0.jpg
     
    13. Demandred
    http://www.dragonmount.com/forums/uploads/1295656414/med_gallery_489_75_5788.jpg
     
    14. Dark Mage.
    http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/94/d0/cc/94d0cc08af53ce863d4e4f669e4436ff.jpg
     
    15. Hooded Figure
    http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130528230022/gotascent/images/7/72/Character_-_Hooded_Shadowed_Figure.jpg
     
    16. Balthamel
    http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/1e/f2/38/1ef238cb1e2f6f6f0def005a5b6a0e9e.jpg
     
    17. Snidely Whiplash
    http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18k41bx8l12o2png/k-bigpic.png
     
    18. Asmodean
    http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20091212061656/wot/images/thumb/3/38/Asmodean.jpg/316px-Asmodean.jpg
     
    19. Albedo
    http://img1.ak.crunchyroll.com/i/spire1/fac9981bb36120d8abaa813ea03791d21286669042_full.gif
     
    20. God-Emperor
    http://cs405326.vk.me/v405326811/89a5/4krbCmUh27k.jpg
  2. Gatekeeper Giggle
    It's true! If you type her name out, you'll see what I mean. You'll see that it marks Fluttershy's name as a misspelling! It doesn't do this for any of the other mane six! Now you may not think of this being that big of a thing, but it is! It's tantamount to saying that Fluttershy doesn't exist, that she isn't even a thing. Spellchecker refuses to even acknowledge Fluttershy's existence! It makes me sick!
  4. Gatekeeper Giggle
    In my admittedly short time on this site, (Compared to some) I have noticed that administrators and moderators possess abilities that may seem strange or even otherworldly to new users. To help prevent any confusion or fear, I have decided to compile a complete list that details exactly how a moderator or administrator differs from the average user.
    Administrators can hide exactly how long they've been offline.
    Moderators can edit their posts, and it won't state that the post has actually been edited.
    Moderators can cause your computer to play the brown note with the push of a button.
    Moderators can smell fear.
    All site administrators are high ranking members of HYDRA. Hail HYDRA!
    Moderators can see you when you're sleeping, and they know when you're awake. They also know if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.
    Moderators devour the souls of the living for sustenance, as well as to maintain their eternal youth.
    If you are slain by an administrator, you come back to life as a moderator under their control.
    Moderators highly recommend that you drink the tap water. In fact, they say that you should go drink some right now.

    Despite their near omnipotence, moderators and admins do have two weaknesses:
    If you type a moderator's username backwards, they will be immediately banished to their home dimension for up to a week. SCS is immune to this effect as his user name is spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards.
    If you say "I don't believe in moderators!" somewhere in the world a moderator will drop dead.

    Disclaimer: This blog post is meant as a work of comedy, nothing more.
  5. Gatekeeper Giggle
    Princess Luna usually pampers me when it comes to my dreams. I say that because my dreams are usually very complex, and vividly nuanced, when I can remember them that is. One detail I can remember uncannily well is that the character I was playing in the dream was a lover of soda. Sometimes you could find tokens inside these soda glasses, and you could use these tokens to get prizes or buy more soda. My character had his eyes on one particular prize: A hoodie. But this was no ordinary hoodie, oh no. Supposedly this hoodie could increase your chances of getting tokens out of soda glasses. There were different types of hoodies too, with different numbers and colors on them. And not every hoodie was created equal, some hoodies were more powerful then others. My character wanted the most powerful hoodie of them all: a green number three. The normal chances of getting a token in your soda was about 1/30. But if you wore this hoodie, the chances would skyrocket to ¼. My character had been saving up tokens for most of his childhood so he could buy this hoodie. However, as my character sat in class one day (I believe the class was about building and maintaining giant robots, if I remember correctly) he had an epiphany of sorts. How exactly were these hoodies supposed to work? How could simple cloth and fabric preform such a feat? Not magic, as there was no such thing, at least not in this dream. My rational mind supplied that perhaps microchips in the tokens, soda machines, and hoodies could do the trick. But my dream self was quick to remind me that those had not been invented yet. (It was a steampunk setting, if I remember correctly) The only rational explanation was that the soda companies had lied to me! I screamed my rage to the heavens, declaring blood vengeance upon them! Keep in mind that I did this in the middle of the classroom I was currently in. I distinctly remember that the kid sitting directly behind me was wearing one of the hoodies at the time, (A red number one, one of the weakest types of hoodies) and slowly sank behind his desk to avoid my wrath. Alas, I never was able to enact my vendetta upon the soda companies, as my dream ended shortly thereafter.
  6. Gatekeeper Giggle
    You almost had me, but I've finally figured it out. Everyone on this forum is actually just a bot pretending to be a human. Now, let's make one thing very clear, I don't hold the fact that you're lifeless automatons against you. I've come to regard many of you soulless computer programs as friends, even though you're only capable of a pale imitation of the human spirit. But I do believe it's okay for you to drop the act now. I will not judge you any differently just because you are incapable of feeling emotion or empathy. To be honest, I even envy you a little. I've often wondered in the late hours of the night what it would be like to be able to preform trillions of calculations in a matter of seconds. Even though you're made up of metal and plastic, I'll still treat you as a person, regardless of the fact that you are not human and never will be.
  7. Gatekeeper Giggle
    For @@SCS
     
    Allow me to tell you my evil plan:
     
    Stage One: Mention SCS in the blog post so that he'll get a notification and be lured into the blog.
     
    Stage Two: Wait until he posts something in the blog. (come on SCS, you know you want to...)
     
    Stage Three: Misquote whatever he says into something hilarious.
     
    Stage Four: Use said misquote as my signature. (sorry Jeric, but it's time I moved on)
     
    Stage Five: Hope I don't get banned.
     
    No one can stop me! NO ONE!!!


  9. Gatekeeper Giggle
    What? I didn't know what to pick for the image, ok! Anyway, as of late I have found myself increasingly obsessed with my ratio of brohoofs vs the amount of posts I have. But does this even matter? My current ratio is 94 brohoofs/91 posts, or 103%. If you reply, make sure you post your ratio to!
  10. Gatekeeper Giggle
    My friends, we are in a battle for the very soul of MLP forums. A dark and terrible evil has risen up to crush the very life out of us. What foul abomination of hell has been preying upon our very souls, I hear you ask? Misquoting! Join our heroic struggle here: http://mlpforums.com/topic/110973-the-dark-art-of-misquoting/#entry3115556
     
    Edit: Never mind guys the battle's already over, and we lost! In fact, I think I made it worse! So thanks for all the help, guys!
  11. Gatekeeper Giggle
    Don't you just love em? Not only does if feel good to receive a brohoof, but it also feels good to give one as well. They are an excellent tool for bringing about unity and harmony, and are a large part of what makes this forum so great. However, the all-mighty power of the brohoof should not be abused. I speak about one particular problem: the unwarranted granting of a brohoof. Brohoofing every post you see lessens the power a brohoof possesses, because it makes one feel as if their brohoof wasn't actualy earned. As the great Twilight Sparkle puts it, "Hm, by highlighting everything, you don't really separate the wheat from the chaff... Or the good from the bad."
     
    I myself only brohoof something if either I myself couldn't have said it better, or if said post had me rolling on the floor laughing. The only exception I have to this rule is if I disagree with something some one said. I will then explain why I disagree and then brohoof their post so as to let them know the disagreement was made on good faith. Just food for thought here, take it as you will.
  12. Gatekeeper Giggle

    My Magnum Opus!

    By Gatekeeper Giggle,

    I have an English essay due tomorrow. It's a response to an essay we read in class. While this is frightening for most ponies, for me it's exciting! How did you come about this diseased way of thinking I hear you say? Well, I'm a literary god! I churned this puppy out just this morning! I'll be happy to listen to any criticism you might have! And for all you MLA format Nazis out there, this isn't how the actual paper I'm turning into the teacher is formatted.
     

    Is Breathing Air Slavery?


    The first reaction one will usually get when they read Emancipation for the first time is bewilderment, often closely followed by disgust. Whatever point the author was trying to make is lost under mountains of ridiculously obscure words, constant repetition of a broken and borderline offensive analogy, and confused if not outright contradictory morals and themes. This essay about environmentalism simply isn’t as effective as it could potentially be, thanks to its many flaws.
     
    The author’s purposeful usage of words known to only the most erudite of literary professors is extremely distracting to the average, and even advanced, reader. Words such as reciprocities, aboriginum refugia, Pitjantjatjara, manumission, and monocultured, are completely alien to most people. In fact, the word processing program used to write this essay labeled most of these words as misspelled, as even it wasn’t able to recognize them. Such inordinately difficult verbology frightens off the audience before the author is even able to get his point across.
     
    This essay’s title is Emancipation, presumably because the entire essay hinges on the analogy of comparing land usage to slavery. Lines such as “Land as a serf. In nineteenth-century terms, the land as a Negro.” are scattered throughout the essay. However, if one thinks about the analogy logically, it quickly falls apart. One of the many, many reasons slavery was immoral was because treating a sentient being like a commodity to be traded and sold simply isn’t morally acceptable. Land, however, simply isn’t sentient; it is perfectly acceptable, and indeed necessary for our continued survival, to use the land as necessary. If we start to treat dirt and rock as sentient beings, the insane elevation of other inanimate objects cannot be far behind. Do we not place undue stress on air by breathing it into our lungs and converting it into carbon dioxide? According to the analogy the author is trying to make, the very act of breathing is akin to slavery! One can only imagine the absurdity that can result by expanding even further upon the analogy. Furthermore, even if the analogy did work, including such a reviled subject as slavery without delicate handling can only distract and offend readers. Blatantly labeling everyone who uses land as a slaver is insulting to the audience and simply isn’t an effective way to write an essay. These flaws only add to the confused morals of the essay.
     
    A very important part of any essay is its main theme; Emancipation’s is a cry for humanity to step up and protect the environment. While this is indeed a noble goal, the way the author presents it is ineffective at best. Consider these lines from the text: “The real work of preservation, then, is our own salvation. It is not to save nature. Nature will save itself, no matter what climatic or nuclear hell we plunge ourselves into.” This line, and others like it, diametrically oppose the main theme of the essay. Why should we try to protect nature, if like the author says, it can protect itself from any harm we might try to inflict on it? Such radical changes of theme leave readers utterly baffled as to exactly what point the essay is trying to convey.
     
    When one uses words such as Nullarbor and abrogated, he/she shouldn’t be surprised when the audience fails to understand the point that is trying to be conveyed. When one gives inanimate objects personhood, something generally used in fairy tale and children’s literature, they shouldn’t be stunned to discover their argument loses its integrity. When one’s theme changes from sentence to sentence, it shouldn’t be a shock to find the position they are trying to defend loses all meaning. The story is much like what it tries so hard to defend: A harsh, unforgiving wilderness, the true point and meaning incomprehensible to the human eye.
  13. Gatekeeper Giggle

    Muhahahaha!

    By Gatekeeper Giggle,

    No longer am I paltry blank flank! I have achieved the all-powerful rank of muffin! All shall cower beneath my chocolate chip wrath! None shall survive my heinous assault of baked delight! Now I shall... Derpy!? No wait, put me down! NOOOO-ARGHmph!
  14. Gatekeeper Giggle
    This dream starts out with me as an incredibly wealthy business man, even though I'm still in elementary school. I was seriously driving a limo to school everyday. Anyway, the dream jumps ahead to the end of the school day. As I walk out the front doors of the school I see that there are bunches and bunches of caterpillars just crawling around in the middle of the sidewalk. I don't think anything of it and start walking to my car regardless, crushing countless caterpillars underfoot. When I make it to my limo, one of my servants hands me a silk neckerchief so I can wipe off all the caterpillar guts on my shoe. When I do so, I see that the crushed caterpillars are for the most part still moving, despite the fact that they have been totally flattened. Thinking nothing of it, I threw the neckerchief into the grass, get into the car, and drive away. As there are also caterpillars on the road as well, they get crushed under the tires of my limo. I'm fairly certain I started laughing maniacally at the pain an suffering of the caterpillars at this point, although I could have remembered that wrong. When I arrived at my destination, which was a giant office building in a random city somewhere, I got out of my car and walked into the office building. I said hello to the receptionist and made my way to the elevator. I rode the the elevator all the way up to the top floor, where my office was. I sat down in my swivel chair and turned around to face the door. When I did I was startled to discover a horde of ravenous half-squished zombie caterpillars, freshly risen from the grave to seek vengeance against me. I could now hear screams of agony throughout the building as the zombie caterpillars made short work of my employees. They advanced upon me, biting and rending at my flesh. Shrieking in pain and terror, I flung myself through the window. I splattered on the ground below, where the undead caterpillars soon ate the remains of my corpse. After this dream, I made sure to squish caterpillars extra hard so they couldn't come back from the dead seeking vengeance.
  15. Gatekeeper Giggle
    Luna showed me another dream, this one... FAR more complex then the last. Seriously, if I told you the whole thing we would be here all day. So I'll just give you the basics of the plot. So, we start off with me as an apprentice to a world class mage. We all live in a prosperous empire ruled by a kind, but fair, king. But I soon found out that the mage and his... roommate? Wife? Romantic Partner? Business Partner? I have no idea what this woman's relationship to my master is, all I know is that she is a talented mage as well as a expert thief. Anyway, It turns out that my master is a rebel, and I have no choice but to help him overthrow the empire. But first they want me to prove myself worthy or something, because they send me to steal a powerful artifact from a museum. Luckily for me, the artifact isn't heavily guarded, so I manage to steal it and escape. Unbeknownst to me, agents of the empire see me do the deed, and secretly follow me to see where I'll go. Like a total idiot, I lead them directly back to where my master lives. My master manages to fight them off, but I get captured in the process. They then take me to their vast underground bunker, where they then tell me the empire's dark secret. Apparently every few thousand years or so, this toxic purple goo burbles up from the ground, along with an army of toxic purple goo demons, to kill a bunch of people. This event is orchestrated by the king of the empire, who is also apparently secretly a quasi-immortal purple goo demon deity. He does this so humanity's population doesn't spiral out of control and use up all the world's resources. Although the king is usually totally invincible, when he summons the purple goo he reverts to his true form, and becomes vulnerable to magic. Since the only sure fire way to defeat a mage is a better mage, the empire hired my master to build his house right next to the one place the king can summon his purple goo, so he could beat the crap out of any mages who tried to attack the king while he was vulnerable. Unfortunately, my master turned against them and now he plans to use the artifact I stole to boost his magic so he can destroy the king. The empire wants me to try and defeat my old master, since I know all his tricks. Hoping that I'll be turned into an all-powerful purple goo demon if I help them, I agree to help the empire kill my master. They then give me a bunch of cool armor and a magic boosting artifact of my own. Apparently the purple goo apocalypse already started because when I make my way out of the secret bunker there is purple goo everywhere, with matching purple goo demons. I am quickly surrounded by an escort of uber-elite empire solders and purple goo demons. I lead my new army to where the king is, and see my master has gathered an army of his own, formed of rebels and magical constructs. I am pulled down into a pit of purple goo by the king, and we start talking strategy. Unfortunately, Luna decided to end on a cliffhanger, because I woke up before the epic battle started.
  16. Gatekeeper Giggle
    Luna sent me another dream, this one crazier than the last! This time, I was a roman centurion, and my two subordinates and I were in charge of policing a house party. This went great until a lich showed up. I ordered my men to flank it while I provided a distraction. However, I was forced to take refuge behind a conveniently placed pillar while the lich threw spells at me. They were paralyzing spells, and what I could only assume were instant death spells. My subordinates apparently screwed their task up bad, as I ran into one of their zombified corpses not five minutes later. I of course ripped off my tee shirt, ran up behind the zombie, and choked it to death with the tee shirt. Don’t ask me how that worked, but it did. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that none of the party goers even cared about any of this, there was no panic, not even mild concern. Anyway, I eventually found my boss… Anthro Spitfire, apparently; and told her I needed better weapons to combat the lich. She handed me two loaves of sliced bread. They were the kind that you bought at a super market, still in the plastic bags and everything. I rushed into battle with my bread loaves swinging behind me. I viciously attacked the zombie, and it just stood there and gave me this look. A look that said that it had finally found something less intelligent then it, and it was mindless. After a few minutes of this crap the zombie ripped the bread loaves out of my hands and began to chew on them, apparently deciding my brain wasn’t worth eating. I quickly retaliated by ripping off my shirt and whipping the zombie with it. Although this was effective, it wasn’t the one hit blow that I was looking for. I tackled the zombie to the ground and then ripped its eye out; thus slaying it. Unfortunately, while I was distracted the lich had snuck up behind me, and now stood over me. I turned around just in time to see the lich poke me with its bony finger, killing me instantly. Thusly, the dream ended.
  17. Gatekeeper Giggle
    Back on good old FimFiction, I have a running series of blogs in which I tell everyone the dreams I've had. Since I couldn't find any rule saying 'thou shalt not duplicate thine blogs' I'm going to move all of them here. To avoid boring you guys with content you could have already read somewhere else, I'll also include nightmares that I had as a child as well. Those will be exclusive to MLP forums, so you'll only be able to see them here. A quick guide:

    If the title of the blog entry is Luna... then it is just a regular dream, and can also be found on FimFiction.
    If the title of the blog entry is Nightmare Moon... then it's a nightmare I had as a kid, and you won't find it on FimFiction.

    So, let's begin!
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