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Haruhi-chan

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Blog Entries posted by Haruhi-chan

  1. Haruhi-chan
    Seriously. I've been forcing it so much lately, and I can't keep putting it off either. I need ways to break this writer's block. I just can't seem to write like I used to. It's frustrating because it makes me feel like something is missing in my life. If I'm not writing, then I'm losing my mind and dealing with intense anxiety. I can't seem to shake the writer's block. I know people will just say to pace yourself or write what comes to mind but... that's the thing. None of that stuff actually works for me. D:
     
    Meh. I don't know. I just felt like venting all that. Feel free to leave suggestions and what not if you like.
  2. Haruhi-chan
    First off, I've had three outbursts in one day. Second, when i got to my mental health clinic, I had to talk to a comptuer via webcam to a psychiatrist. I had an outburst right then. I was overwhelmed with so much anxiety that I thought I was going to scream. The guy refused to talk to my dad, and kept talking to me... even when my dad said I was autistic and heard the outburst I had. Then, they almost were just going to mail the prescription, when I needed it RIGHT THEN AND THERE. That's when I had my second outburst. They were able to get the prescription written by someone else.
     
    If I have to talk to a computer like that again, I'm not going to like it. I have a hard enough time with phone calls, and I can't even video call or webcam people on Skype because my fears and anxiety are so bad. =.=
     
    Oh, and he also had the nerve to cut off my Klonopin, which I fricken need!! ! I can't function at my anime convention or during really anxious moments without it. Just so you know, I have autism.
  3. Haruhi-chan
    I gave AutisticAlice an even better new makeover, complete with her new cutie mark. I wasn't too keen on her last one. Autism puzzle pieces remind me of Autism Speaks, and I hate them with a huge passion. I don't really feel like going into why I totally despise them.
     
     
     
     
    What do you think? I tried to make her colors more coordinated with Alice, but it wasn't easy to make them look like they were really good together. :/ Her personality is still pretty much the same though.
     
    Also, I know it's unrelated to ponies, but I've been reading a lot about the Warriors. It's about these cats who are feral or wild. I suck at details and explaining what books are about, so you're better off looking it up yourself lol. Anyway, I made a cat persona that I absolutely adore more than anything. Her name is Jaguar Song, and she is named for her spotted Jaguar-like coat.
     
     
     
     
    She has a personality that's somewhat similar to AutisticAlice, but Jaguar Song is far more introverted and withdrawn though.
  4. Haruhi-chan
    Well, one of my closest real life friends has passed away. He was the first friend I ever made at Saboten about five or six years ago (if not longer). It's both a shock and a tragedy for me. He was so strong and always really nice to me. He didn't care that I had well... special needs either. He was always being helpful too. All I really know is he had a bunch of health issues. I don't want to be rude to the family by asking while they are going through this rough time. I'm not good at these things, so... it's just really hard for me. Losing such a close friend I've known for years is really hard for me.
     
    Apparently, from what his sister said is that he died in his sleep. D: He had a lot of health issues, but he was also young to be passing. It's a shock to me, and I don't know what to think. It's putting a huge impact on my ability to write at the moment. I don't want to take a break from writing, but I just... I don't know.
  5. Haruhi-chan
    I spent the whole day with my dad, well most of it. He went to the VA hospital for an appointment, and it ended up taking all day. So, I'm glad to be home right now. However, I think we've got a storm coming in from some hurricane, or at least what's left of it. D: I hate thunder so much though. It's so loud and... ugh. You probably wouldn't understand this. ><
     
    Anyway, I'm watching MLP right now while playing Pokemon Black. XD I'm still struggling with my writing still though. I'm watching the last episode of season 3 right now.
  6. Haruhi-chan

    Ugh

    By Haruhi-chan,

    So, I have a bad case of writer's block right now. I have no idea how to get rid of it. Usually, listening to music helps, but I've over used that method far too much. I was hoping maybe some of you guys who are writers might be able to help. I'm really in a bind here because I haven't been able to come up with a new story for a long time.
     
    I'm usually only able to write redos of stories I've tried writing a dozen times. None of them have ever been very successful for me at all. I'm at the end of my rope here. I'm finally getting somewhere with writing my characters as autistic right now, but I notice it's difficult when there's too much going on in the actual story.
     
    Anyway, if anyone has any ideas on how to get rid of this writer's block... that would be great. D:
  8. Haruhi-chan
    So, I had dental surgery done on Wednesday. I didn't update this, but I figured I'd do it now. I had very bad teeth, and they had to come out. I had some pulled before this too, but the rest came out just last Wednesday though. I can't chew my food. I can't drink through straws nor can I drink soda either. I can't eat hot foods. The only thing I CAN eat are mashed potatoes, ice cream, yogurt and pudding. Yep, that's been my current diet for the last four days! Kind of sucks, huh?
     
    I've been take at least five pain killers a day, according to my doctor. She wants me to cut down on them eventually... and I really want to. I just can't deal with the amount of aching pain. X_x So, I have no choice but to take them every four to six hours just to keep my pain down. I've been drinking a lot of juice and trying to eat more yogurt too.
     
    I'm hoping I'll also lose some weight as well, and so is my mom. XD
  9. Haruhi-chan
    I got bored, so I decided to make another pony. I thought AutisticAlice might be lonely on her own, so I created a littler pony named Poetic Story. She doesn't have her cutie mark yet because she's still a little and a kid. She has yet to earn it, but she's very much like the cutie mark crusaders though. XD
     
    So far, I've come up with personality just now. I want her to be the opposite of AutisticAlice, even though they are both sisters. Like, I want Poetic Story to be more outgoing and very creative, especially in writing and stuff too. Since AutisticAlice is more about spreading autistic awareness to other people and such, Poetic Story was made to fill the void of my writing abilities.
     
    However, I didn't want to make them both autistic, but there are times when Poetic Story can get very hyper though. She is more ADHD than she is autistic too, so she has a hard time concentrating with distractions, she gets very hyperactive and also struggles with getting things done. She is very disorganized like her sister and always seems to be losing things like her as well.
     
    That's what I have for her so far. Despite all of those, she's a very sweet pony who loves to make friends with everyone also just like her sister. However, for her sister, she struggles more because she has a tendency to not know what to say when she's trying to befriend others. So, she gets scared by this easily and will either run off or freeze in place.
  10. Haruhi-chan
    Okay so, about say eight or whatever years ago, I used to have someone very special to me. She was like a little sister to me, and I adored her. We were friends for the longest time. She was also autistic and had a ton of other issues like I did. I told her everything and relied on her for everything as well. Anyway, soon, it got to the point where she stopped talking to me though. She made excuses about how her MSN wasn't working at the time and all that. I tried my hardest just to get her attention, but it was so hard.
     
    The whole reason she acted this way was because she became heavily involved with competitive pokemon on a place called Smogon. Plus, I think she was somehow changing as well. She gave up on a majority of her friends too. I've tried to talk to her so many times, but she ignores me like I don't even matter anymore. It took me years to give up on her, and each time I always kept trying and trying.
     
    I just didn't want to let go of my best friend, you know? She was the first person with autism I had ever met in my life. Well, that's not all. I tried making others my brothers or sisters just to fill the void. The sad part is they all left me the same way she did, not by competitive pokemon though. My most recent person I had as a brother took me off Skype without even one reason as to why.
     
    It was this realization that I either embrace what I had left of her or just forget her completely. I mean, I do think of her... so I'm not always forgetting her. It's just... sometimes it's hard to forget someone who had such a huge impact on your life. I don't know if I'm ready to fully let her go yet while at the same time... I think I'm slowly weaning away from after so many years.
     
    I don't know why I shared this, I just had to get it off my chest or something. *shrug*
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