Jump to content
Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky

Supremussy

Muffin
 View Profile  See their content

  • Posts

    12

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Supremussy

    [Rap] Rarity Day

    in Fan Music

    I liked this track!

    He instrumental was interesting, in a good way

    The vocals were ok, even though they were rushed, they weren't out of place

    And the lyrics were ok as well

     

    All in all, still a good listen! :)

    Thanks for the listen and feedback! Hope to maybe collab later on :D

    You get my stamp of approval Kinryoku. Awesome contribution to Rarity Day :D

    Thank you very much! :D Glad you liked it

    Ok. 

     

    It's a decent listen. 

     

    However, you told too much again and didn't show the beauty and elegance of Rarity. Showing every detail of Rarity's beauty is the one thing that would really make this rap shine. Show how Rarity can turn a piece of cloth into something beautiful. Show how her generosity shines to make Rarity who she is. As I said before, taking the winding and longer road, rather than the shorter road. 

     

    Also, the quotes seem a little out of place. I like the "Idea!" quote right at the start, but the others just seem thrown in there. Best if you keep the first and exclude the rest of them. 

     

    In terms of the beat, I see you tried to incorporate the baroque harpsichord style into the beat. Perhaps I can help you with that. You had a basic idea going on, but it was broken up into bits and pieces. Perhaps you can try a Fugue style with your accompaniment. I can teach and help you how to do a fugue-hop type of piece.

     

    All in all, it's a decent piece, but you still need to work on showing more and telling less. I'm always here if you need help.

     

    Thanks always for the critique!

     

    I still know that I'm pretty bad at writing lyrics and this piece was rushed so that made it even worse haha. I really need some more practice and I'm sure I'll get it soon.

    • Brohoof 1

    [Rap] Rarity Day

    in Fan Music

    Hey guys!


    As soon as I saw the announcement on EqD about Rarity Day, I got right down to business, as she is my favorite pony of the mane 6. However, this song was sort of rushed and the mixing, sound, lyrics and vocals aren’t too great, in my opinion. I think I might've even gotten some static in the recording as well.


     


    However, I still hope you guys enjoy the song, and Happy Rarity Day!


     


     


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxpG_DD335c



     


    Lyrics


     


    Art of the dress so prettay 

    Fashionable like Gucci (ay)

    French pony with a beret 

    Eating hourderves so gourmet

     

    She's lookin fine

    Eyes sublime

    Always in the center where the spotlight shines

     

    Leavin me speechless as a mime

    And guiding my hand to jot down my rhymes 

     

    Cutting, sewing, selling, girl is the game

    Can't walk out the door without somepony calling your name

    Look at her style

    Look at her mane

    It's no wonder she rose up to a greater acclaim of fame

     

    Woo

    You can't compete

    Too sleek too chic 

    Body's too weak to ever reach the unique antiques that you hear the ponies speak of the carousel boutique, oh please

     

    ---

     

    When the day seems to be blackened

    And all the ponies are saddened 

    I just tell them to give somepony a visit to have their demon days gladdened

    Just take a trot down manehattan

    To the bathing ape of pony rapping

    Where she'll make you feel anew as platinum

    You'll say, "wow how the hay did that happen?"

     

    The rules of Rarity

    With TLC

    Showin to the scene with a brand new dress for me

    You need to be an inspiration 

    But not cause another big manifestation 

     

    With that book

    Now look were getting to the hook

    And I feel a little shook

    And full of dismay

    But I can't think of a better time to say the cliché 

    Eh buck it Happy Rarity Day


    • Brohoof 2

    [Rap Cover] Sonic Rhymeboom (Original by MicTheMicrophone)

    in Fan Music

    · Edited by Kinryoku

    I'm not sure if covers are supposed to be posted on here buutt...

     

    This cover goes out to my all time favorite brony rapper! I'm still pretty amateurish at this whole rap thing, so it's not really that great haha, but I hope you guys like it. :D
     
    Always open to constructive criticism, whether it's about my rapping, the sound, or anything you can think of!
     

     
    Lyrics:

    These ponies all fillin' up inside of me

    Just look up and see

    Those Rainclouds fillin' sky

    Fillin' ya eyes makin' ya cry

    Like Pinkie Pie's birthday; Worst day of her life

    Friends goin' and actin' the fool (WHAT!)

    Pushin' Pinkie Pie outta the loop (WHAT!)

    Was so inhumane causin' her that pain that they drove that filly insane now

    People say I'm a little too old for this

    "Hey man that show's for kids!"

    Well I don't care go ahead and talk your bit

    Talk your shit Cause I don't hear nothin' of it

    Ponies walkin' up down the block gettin' at me

    Tryin be Makin' real their fantasy

    But these bronies be plain to see

    They're on the verge of fuckin' insanity!

     

    Man I really hate to say it (OUT LOUD)

    But now I'm gonna yell it (I'M PROUD)

    To be a Bronie chillin' with my homies

    Sittin' on the couch watchin My Little Pony

    Blank Flanks likes a champ cutie mark crusaders

    Big Macin' on all ya'll CMC Haters

    Scootaloo; Applebloom Sweetie Belle on top

    Gonna get their cutie marks never gonna stop

    Go rockin' that dress like a Rarity Tank

    Don't know what I do? Better check the Flank

    Talkin' art of the dress I'm fashionista

    Two tickets to the ball from Trollestia

    Trapped on the moon like a Lunar God

    Only wanted SOME attention, not a fuckin lot

    Come back from the moon 1000 years, and then I say I'm sorry?

    Some bronies be takin' the shot makin' it hot

    But bronies be makin' the slop goin'

    "That fanfic makes me wanna CLOP. :3c"

     

    Gotta have the audacity to clash with me

    Better pony: Applejack or Rarity? It has to be a tragedy

    MAN MOTHER FUCKIN' FLUTTERSHY'S SCARIN' ME

    Twilight got me under a spell You know it well

    Friendship fillin' up inside

    When my rage gets higher, Mane on fire

    Fools better run and hide

    Manticore, Ghosties, Ursa Major

    Pinkie Pie Cupcakes addin' to the flavor

    Savin' Ponyville such a grand endeavor

    Elements of Harmony bringin' about the Saviours

    Mic bringin' the the ponies I'm flippin' out for

    Dressed fly walkin' down the aisles at the toy store

    No Transformers, No Star Wars

    Got the force pullin' me to the pink floors

    Pinkie Pie, Twi', 'Shy, AJ, way more

    Ponies than I thought, freakout, mind's blown

    Grabbin' like a clepto, now I'm on a roll

    payin' at the self check out now here we go

    I got lazy rhymes? This ain't lazy town

    This Ponyville, Hottest mares around

    Breakin' ya sound, shakin' the ground

    Don't go messin' with the butch one, she'll take you down

    Her moves blowin' up big; Panasonic Rainboom

    Haters are doomed, haters'll swoon

    Head turnin' every time that she enters a room

    Hey! Even got the Wonderbolts kissin' the flank too

     

    She can't be stopped, bringing the storm,

    Clouds bangin' and they groovin' leavin' everbody cryin' in ruin

    Givin' em Dash Makin' a flash

    Skies boomin' stormin' up clouds brewin' like a Pinkie Pie Bash

    Parasprite invasion hazin chillin' in the orchard lazin' grazin'

    Smiles forever Sonic Rainboom makin' This pony friendship's amazin'

    Some bronies just lose their minds

    Talkin' 'bout their waifus all the time

    Walkin' the trot, eyein' the plot

    Yellin' at em all to STOP!

    Stop playin' like a silly pone

    She's never gonna greet you when you're home

    Never gonna shout out, huff or moan

    My bronies cryin' out: "FOREVER ALONE"

    Gonna slow it down Take my time

    Don't gotta talk fast just to rhyme

    Pacin'myself never gonna rush

    Iron Pony winner? Man, what's the fuss?

    Fighting for the lead; playin' all these  tricks

    Pullin' all these pranks out just for kicks

    I'm makin' ya bored, Makin' ya snore

    Gonna speed it back cause my bronies all be beggin' for more

     

    Tell me watcha really wanna be? (Just say it, bro)

    Talk to a brony; talk to me

    You ain't gonna get laughed out, shut out, rideculed

    Banished to the Ever-Free Forest by me

    Gettin' kinda paranoid Twitchy Tail

    Call em Combos better look out for the shelves

    Books fallin' 'round; hit the ground

    Let's take it back, get on track 'fore everybody loses themselves

    JUST SAY IT LOUD, BRONY

    Wanna get down on the Magic Pony scene

    Cloudsdale; Ponyville; Canterlot; Fillysberg

    Any pony place on the map is killer with me!

    Goin' down south runnin' there happily

    Talkin' 'bout that orchard; beautiful gotta see

    Eye goin' wide; gotta be a dream. Gotta be

    Apple buckin' everywhere around (If ya know what I mean ;3)

     

    Been talkin' 'bout ponies for a while now

    Sittin' here; Just wonderin' how

    My mouth keeps goin' and spewin; just thinkin'

    How most of this shit made it out of my mouth

    Only got one thing left to do

    Gotta give this a title to use

    Gotta be nice; Gotta be smooth

    Gonna call it: "The Sonic Rhyme-Boom"

     

     

    • Brohoof 1

    [Rap Addition] Luna Jax's Forgive Me

    in Fan Music

    Not bad!

    I love the lyrics!

     

    But i have a few things that I want to suggest,

    Firstly, the volume of your vocals seem a bit too dominant/loud, what I suggest is that you slightly lower the volume on your vocals so it blends in more with the instrumental

     

    Secondly, this is just from what I've noticed from listening.

    The vocals seem slightly out of time in certain places, but it could be me.

     

    Another suggestion is to maybe add a bit of reverb to your vocals to give them more depth.

    Otherwise, this is a great addition to an already great song!

    Thanks for the feedback!

    Now that you mention it, my voice does seem a little too loud. That's something I should look out for next time.

     

    The timing was a paaain when I first wrote the lyrics haha, but I got it down once I started recording.

     

    Yeah, extra reverb would have made it connect with the song's "atmosphere" a little better.

     

    Thanks again for the review! /)

    • Brohoof 1

    [Rap Addition] Luna Jax's Forgive Me

    in Fan Music

    · Edited by Kinryoku

    When I heard this song on Luna Jax's channel, I just knew I had to write a short rap for it. It's such a beautiful song, and my personal favorite from him. All credit of this song goes to him, I'm just adding a rap for fun. :)

     

    As always, I'm open to constructive criticism!

     

    Art is by VividVapor

     


     

    Rap Lyrics (at 2:13)

     


    There's nothin' like old friends reuniting

    Even after all that constant fighting

    Minuette, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine

    And I

    Just want you to come back and intertwine

     

    With your old friends

    All over again

    And maybe make some memories around the bend

    'Cause there's so much more to life

    Than books and quills,

     

    But still,

     

    I don't think I can change the path you take,

    Anymore

    But I don't wanna see you make the same mistake,

    Like I did before,

    Friendship ain't such a chore

    There's the open door

     

    And I know that I came on a little too strong,

    But it's only because I know you still belong

    With us three,

    Ugh I can't speak,

    Moondancer just-


     

    Tell me what you guys think! /)

    • Brohoof 3

    [Rap] Celestia/Sunbutt Day

    in Fan Music

    Ok. 

     

    It's a good listen. 

     

    Some of the lyrics are a little cheesy. The reason why the lyrics appear cheesy, was that you told a little too much. Rather than telling what Celestia does, show the reason why you celebrate sunbutt day. That's what it's all about. Compare rap to a road. There are many ways to get to a destination. You can take a straightforward path, or a winding path. In the case with rap, taking the winding and longer path is actually more beneficial than taking the straightforward path, because you can add more vivid descriptions to your lines and more rhyme can come out of it. Your diction and clarity was stellar though. You have the perfect rap voice. 

     

    In terms of your beat, it could be more developed. You limited yourself to the I and the V of V, knowing that this piece is in the key of C Major. I suggest using some of these progressions here:

     

    I-vi-IV-V

     

    vi-IV-I-V

     

    I-ii-IV-V

     

    I-ii-IV-VI-V (last two chords half beat only)

     

    I-IV-vi-V

     

    ii-I-IV-V

     

    There are many other ways you can order these chords. If you don't know what these symbols mean, you can visit this thread for more info: https://mlpforums.com/topic/136619-chords-progressions-modulations-a-guide-to-composing-music/

     

    Personally, I'd set the key to F major for a more bright sounding beat. Also, a gradual build would fit perfectly with this piece. Start off soft with the piano. When you're starting to rap, bring the beat in. As you progress, add more orchestral instruments, starting with strings, then woodwinds and finally finishing up with brass. 

     

    All in all, it's a decent song, but in terms of content and development, that's the biggest damper of this piece. I'm here if you need any help with understanding what I said in my critique.

     

    Thanks a lot for your critique! I'm glad you were straightforward and clear with your advice. The rapping and lyric structure part has really got me thinking. I took a look back on all of the lyrics, and realized that you were absolutely right. I talked in just a simple path and I talked more about the day than Celestia herself. However, the part where you said my voice was stellar and perfect for rap, that just made my entire week. :D

     

    To be honest, I really don't know much about melodies and basslines. I usually just play around on FL Studio and my piano until I find something that sounds cool. But I will probably take a closer look into music structure later on so I can improve.

     

    Thanks again for your critique, have a good day!

    [Rap] Celestia/Sunbutt Day

    in Fan Music

    Hey everypony! 

     

    So if you keep up with Equestria Daily a lot, you would know that on the 20th, which was the Summer Solstice, was Princess Celestia Day. I decided this sounded like a fun way for me to debut my first official rap. 

     

     

    Now being my usual worst critic, I can say this was probably not the best I could do. The lyrics are preetty generic and my recording sounds a bit bad. So, I would appreciate it if you guys here could check it out! I am prepared for the worst reviews and comments, haha. Leave a like, or a dislike, whatever floats your boat! :)

     

    Lyrics:

     

     

    Six Twenty is now Sunbutt Day
    So everypony, gather around
    And neigh away
    For the one and only Celestia,
    As she sheds bright ligts
    All over Equestria
     
    No screentime?
    No problem
    When there were any villain problems
    She would solve them
    From Tirek, Sombra, and Discord,
    All dismissed
    Except for that, one bitch,
    Changeling Chrysalis
     
    Now we got one day dedicated just for you
    I only write rhymes for special ponies,
    Just a few
    A cake lovin'
    Troll gushin' princess,
    E-Q-D made me get started in an instant
     
    Calpain,
    Thank you for the big announcement
    The date June twentieth has got me bouncin'
    Off the walls,
    That I need to call,
    A certain pink pony to tell me how she curls up into a ball
     
    Oops sorry,
    That was unrelated,
    It's just spittin' brony shit gets me so damn exhilerated
    Back to who this rap is really about,
    Best sister and princess,
    Ha, there's no doubt
     
    A big sacrifice you had to make,
    That made you to the better pony that you are today,
    Makin' Equestria a farther safer place,
    And maintaining life for the pony race
     
    So thank you,
    Thank you for your voice,
    The soothing sound that fills me up with joy
    I can't help it,
    Is it just me?
    Or is she way better
    Than the other three?
     
    Gonna try to keep it short and simple.
    or your interest might begin to dwindle
    This is Kinryoku here to say,
    Happy Twentieth, and Happy Sunbutt Day

    • Brohoof 2
×
×
  • Create New...