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Corgis

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  1. Corgis
    So I don't like to talk about myself too much but I would just like to share a story about the past year about my University experience in the hope that I can help out others who are also dealing with similar issues, mostly concerning self worth and seemingly hopeless situations.
     
    Long story short, first semester in University was very rough on me. I was freaking out about my marks, I was too shy to make any friends, my anxiety made it hard to calm down when I got home and at one point I passed out during class from stress. I felt like I was fighting a desperate war and losing terribly, I just could not seem to do anything about the situation and any attempt to make a major change just feel through the next day because I could not get the motivation to make any changes. I spent far too much time playing video games in an attempt to escape from all the stress but that just made things much worse.
     
    Semester 2 rolled around and I tried to make sure things would go well but the first few weeks went rough so I felt like the whole semester would go down just like the first one. It got so bad that I would end up crying in class multiple times a week because I felt everything was falling apart and there was nothing I could do about it. I then decided that it was really time to fix this mess so I went to a councler for help and stayed at school for up to 12 hours a day to study like my life depended on it. In the short run I felt good but after a few days I felt disparaged again because I could not finish my work even when I spent so much effort on it. In hindsight: studying for 10+ hours a day is very ineffective since you will become so tired that nothing you study will be retained and you will just wreak yourself for minimal gain.
     
    However, about 2 weeks ago something changed. I was up late watching videos of video games to try to calm myself down before I went to bed when in the comment section I heard somebody say that another YouTuber was having emotional issues so I went over to try to give some advice because for some reason I have a really strong drive to help out others who are going through stuff like that. In summary, he had a panic attack about stomach pain which caused him to freak out beyond beleaf for days on end. This kind of thing had happened to me years ago were I went nuts over not being able to sleep which caused me to panic and cry for hours on end. I basically told him that you will be OK so there is no need to worry about it, help is out there so nothing bad is going to happen to you. The comment got buried in the end so I doubt it helped in any way... at least it did not help the person it was intended for.
     
    This really stuck with me for the next few days, the fact that somebody just about fell apart over something that really was not a major issue at all. In the same period I got my last semesters marks back which I was neither happy nor sad about since I did not fail anything but they were lower then my high school marks so I was not happy about it. The wake up call however was when I got my Accounting midterm back. The mark was fairly lower then my normal high school marks so I was kind of annoyed at it. However, I soon found out that that "bad mark" was 22% above the class average and that it was the 4th highest out of a class of 40. I was almost in shock and for the first time that year I was overwhelmed with happiness instead of sadness and despair. I then started to realize that my other marks from last semester were not bad either after seeing how low some of the class averages were. Some of the marks that I saw as being sucky were also 10-20% above average in some cases.
     
    Yet all this time I had been telling myself that I was doing awfully academically and that I needed to improve. The fact that I could not bring my marks up in the past almost tore me apart coupled with the fact that I had no friends at all. My viewpoint was just so badly biased that I thought I was doing terribly when in fact I was still above average most of the time. This coupled with the YouTube incident changed my viewpoint right around. I thought I was fighting a desperate war and losing when in fact I was fighting a war and actually winning, HQ was just looking at the worst battles and not paying attention to the smashing victories that occurred much more often then the minor defeats. This sounds kind of silly but my obsession with military stuff makes me think up stuff like this all the time.
     
    Things were looking up already but this week my councler pointed out that my sleep schedule (which was in shambles) might be causing my lack of energy. He gave the excellent piece of advice that I really need to get up at the same time every day and I need to stop using screens an hour before I go to bed. I followed this and things improved almost imediently, getting up at a good time every day is absolutely key and having an inconsistent sleep schedule can make your body feel tired a lot since it is not sure when it will get the chance to get sleep next (at least that is what appeared to happen in my case).
     
    Probably the thing that made the biggest difference though was what I told myself. Before now I kept telling myself that I needed to work harder whenever I did not do something perfectly and that I needed to improve all the time since I am just not up to par with others. If I did something well then OK, that is good enough but you still have a mountain of other things you need to do better so get a move on! This does not help at all and just made me feel awful most of the time. These past few weeks however I have tried to tell myself that I can do it and that the situation is going well so even if I don't do excellently it is not the end. If I do something good I try to think of how great it is and get excited about it since it is proof that I am improving and succeeding after all.
     
    This week has been the best since I started University by far. I have been extremely motivated to get work done and have hardly even thought of playing video games since I have been so occupied with school work which I have now told myself is going well. If you think you are doing a good job at something then it is much easier to work on it so doing studying is bearable. My anxiety about school work has also calmed down so I can talk to people properly now without having to worry about school stuff all the time. I am just overall much more happy then before and I do not feel tired much anymore which also feels great.
     
    Overall, if you just feel totally useless or that things are just going up in flames just remember that we can be really negative about new situations sometimes. Never tell yourself that you are useless because that will not help anything and make you feel even worse. If things seem really bad then just look on the bright side as much as you can even if things appear bleak because sometimes our perspectives can just bend us towards irrational viewpoints. This may seem like common sense I suppose but for me anyways things have just improved so much because of this change in mind set. Very little has changed external situation wise but I feel like everything has changed internally which can make all the difference sometimes.
  2. Corgis
    Since this community seems to be quite interested in art related hobbies, I thought I'd make a post about why I like Film Photography and how you can get started with it.
     
    To start with, film is inferior to digital in almost every way. Even some cell phones these days have camera's that rival most film cameras. If film is obsolete then what is the point of still using it?
     
    One major reason why I like film is because it physically limits the amount of pictures you can take on a vacation or on any other sort of outing. With digital you can take hundreds of pictures with no additional cost and I see this being abused very often. This means that you end up with a bunch of poorly done pictures that are very hard to organize and take ages to look through. With film though, you are limited in the amount of pictures that you can take so you are forced to make those shots count. This forces you to only go for the good shots and not take hastily set up pictures of anything you find remotely interesting. With some film cameras, a fair amount of setup is required so you are forced to spend a bit longer thinking about how to make the picture look nice and make all that time that you spent setting up the camera worth it.
     
    Another fun part of film is that you can never be sure as to how the pictures will turn out. With digital you get to see the pictures right away and there is no mistery in how they will turn out. With film though, wacky things can happy which leads to some funny pictures. You can have overexposed pictures which looked faded out, double exposed pictures which overlap each other, light leaks which smudge out parts of the picture and many other aspects which lead to unique photos which would be very difficult or even impossible to get with digital cameras.
     
    One other thing I like about film is that you get to see all the pictures that you have taken at a later date and not right after the fact. I know many people who just look at their pictures right after a vacation and don't look at them much after that. With film though, it can take weeks to finish off the rest of the roll and it can take weeks to get around to sending the film off the be developed. This way you can relive the memories from your vacation after the fact and not a few days after you get back.
     
    Onto part 2: How you can get into Film Photography.
     
    There are 3 major types of film still being made right now: 35mm, 120 and Polaroid. 35mm is the most common type of film and each roll has 24 or 36 pictures on it, you should be able to find it at major photography stores like Henry's. 35mm has been around in movie format since the early 1900's and was adapted for still photography in the mid 1930's. 120 film is a bit harder to find and most older camera's take 8 rectangular pictures per roll while newer ones (1950's or 60's) take 12 square pictures, there are also numbers for 16 pictures per roll but I have not found a camera that does that. 120 film has been around since the turn of the century and is very similar to 620 film which is no longer being made. Polaroid film comes in all sorts of different formats so you need to research what film you need for a specific Polaroid camera. If you are lucky, you might find the film you are looking for in a photography store but you may have to buy certain types online. Polaroid film develops and prints instantly which means that you don't have to spend any money on developing.
     
    Before you get a camera and film, do online research to make sure there are places that you can get film developed. A fair amount of small towns don't have places that develop film anymore so you may have to make a trip over to a larger town to get film developed. Before you go out an buy a camera, try asking family members if they have any film cameras available, I've gotten 4 35mm cameras and a Polaroid from family members so it is definitely worth asking since they probably won't use them again.
     
    120 cameras are a great way to start off if you can get film for them. My favorite type of 120 camera is the box camera. You can probably get one at a local antique store for about $20 in working condition. Test the shutter, ask if you can open up the camera so that you can be sure that everything is in place, make sure there is a spool in the camera and check for light leaks. Since the old box cameras are so simple, not much can break on them so they are extremely reliable and my Brother has used one's from the 1920's and the 1910's without any major issues. These box camera's don't require much knowledge to use and most only have 2 aperture settings, 1 shutter speed and no focus. Just about all you need to do is set the small aperture setting for bright days and use wide settings for dull days. You won't be getting the clearest pictures with these things and I find ISO 400 film to look the best since it has a nice grainy look to it.
     
    35mm camera's are a step up in complexity from the simple box camera's but newer models have automatic features which makes things easier. However, I would advise against using automatic 35mm film camera's since one major advantage of film camera's is that you can control the settings. 35mm camera's vary widely in prices, automatic ones from the 1990's only cost a few dollars while really nice ones from the 1950's or earlier can be over $50. Automatic camera's are a nice place to start off with 35mm but investing a bit of money into a nice old 35mm camera can be a lot of fun if you like to be hands on.
     
    This is my all time favorite camera and was bought for around $40. Camera's like these are great since they are fully manual, do not need batteries (a lot of old camera's use weird batteries that can be hard to find), fairly inexpensive and has a built in light meter that gives a reference on what settings should be used for the light conditions. External light meters can also be purchased at antique stores if a camera does not have a built in one. It is highly recommended that you have some sort of meter when you start out or a table for different light conditions.

     
    Polaroid camera's are quite different from the other 2 film types and there are a lot of varieties out there. Polaroid cameras, like vinyl records, have had an increase in popularity recently so the prices for these can range from $20 to $100+ depending on condition and rarity. Film is available for almost all Polaroid camera's with the exception of the original models from the 1940's and 50's. Some film comes with a battery pack so they can be quite expensive, a single cartage of 8 pictures can cost $25 while some of the more common film without a battery only costs $10 for 10 pictures. Polaroid camera's are mostly automatic and easy to use, older models often have automatic aperture settings and models made after 1980 have auto focus so all you need to do is aim and shoot. Polaroid camera's often produce wacky looking photos which end up even weirder then 120 cameras so don't expect to get top notch quality photos with these ones either.
     
    This was another really long post but I tried to go over the basics of film photography. If you have any questions then feel free to ask me since I really love this stuff and would be more then happy to help out!
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