SugarCoatxMarblePie

Do I wait for them to reply too much? Not really. Just it bothers me when I do notice it. I know others can be prone to waiting too long in some situations, the less social of us, but I think its because I always lived with family, never on my own, so I feel like a weird abandonment thing is my guess, but I could be entirely wrong, psychology is complex. Yeah I am in such a habit that I basically hide any hobby from my mother except console gaming or playing outside with my brother. And I am highly hesitant to show my brother pony stuff, especially because I can't show him much because he is sensitive. So I don't really have irl peers or anything. Well the morality thing is just me being aware that mid-life crises is a thing, and I don't want crippling depression when I reach that point in my life being 'I wasted it' from a tech progress or ethic utilitarian perspective. You know, status of biology, status of the world, magic isn't real, can't be my oc, etc etc. Singularity didn't happen yet (tho it might soonish, which would be sweet). Goals are sorta lame, like get GM in Stacraft 2, get the Devil Dagger's world record. Get Godly streak with TF2's Spy, do that quad machine for over 1,000 lbs. Make money buying n selling stuff on ebay. Get artistic ability to make youtube vids, art, music, writing, etc(I am nowhere near started with those ones). Get cyborg non-invasive brain enhancers, and medicine which reverses aging so I can be biologically immortal, and a genius. And, being able to just adventure and do what I want. Like read in barns n noble all day, take a hike, learn to swim properly. Maybe flying too would be sweet. I want to practice sniping long range targets to improve my vision. I would have plenty to do if I were eventually immortal due to tech advancements. Which reminds me I also want enhanced eyes to see ultraviolet and infrared and etc. Thanks <3

Turns out its likely diet, I asked, it can cause moodiness while adjusting metabolism, and due to low electrolytes.

Its just, theres no way to know whats 'normal' and 'normal' isn't always 'right' and then 'right' is subjective, so when I get like this its like getting lost in a maelstrom.

I have too much spare time. I guess. Idky I am sad exactly. But sometimes when friends don't reply to my messages it makes me second guess myself. Then I don't want to send more messages in case I just annoy them or something. So then I get stuck on the indecision. I have other ways to spend my time for sure. And I don't feel sad often. But I am usually not very open, even with myself sometimes. Rather just distract myself and run away. Procrastinate everything. I am afraid to be more social, and to be myself irl. I'm stuck inside all day. And sometimes idk if it sjust what I prefer doing, or when its over-done. I am fine being alone, but doesn't mean I am all I want to be, even the parts I am capable of if I were braver. And I know that male suicides are higher than female suicides. This song got me thinking about that. Its a good song tho, and I wouldn't abide by it. Just a closet brony with some psych issues. And when friendship sometimes hurts I forget the times its good, but I am self aware enough to remember that. But emotion and logic are two different stories. Emotion is what feels real despite logic. I was in a great mood after that fic I read the other day, now idk whats gotten into me. And 'rationalization' like 'oh it may be diet' is a defense mechanism potentially, despite it being potentially true, its more like its allowing me to see what I normally hide from myself psychologically speaking. Or maybe when I feel bad I become a pessimist. I think it happened after watching a different video tho, or maybe I should catch up on sleep or etc. *cries just a little* What am I supposed to do? There is nothing. How will I know if life is worth it, when I do more good than bad, how will I know that happens? I won't, objectively speaking, because I don't see the full consequences to my actions, then the stuff that matters I am incapable of changing. Should I just get very good with imagination, then it doesn't matter, I could be satisfied just daydreaming. Real relationships are prolly hard, but the longer I wait the worst I will be at friending and romancing. I never complete any of my goals, and they don't really matter in the first place. W/e, I just am staying up too late, better to think when I am more capable of it. Good night.

Oh yeah, I saw videos on scientists dripping stuff into water to measure how it happened to diffuse. Forget why tho. Also there would probably be a generalized equation one could get but predicting the pattern itself might be difficult due to variation like the double pendulum experiments. Then in flowing water its alot easier to predict because, its like randomly moving a nunchuck, compared to a professional controlled swing. Its not just dangling about, its got a force applied to help direct it. Which means that, thinking about it, the liquid is biased into a direction based on the rotation of the drop due to asymmetry in the dropper, air resistance, the vibration of the water etc. Probably would be a heck of alot more uniform done in space with molecularly symmetrical structures. StarCraft 2 is supa tough, but theres a way to generally practice. Just do build orders, and while 'waiting' on the next steps, multitask. The co-op mode is great for practice, better than campaign and more interesting than playing against normal bots. It gets you to plan your own build orders. SC2 is alot like being a professional chef. Professional chefs need to suddenly prepare a well executed dish at a moment's notice, which requires speed and multitasking to produce on time and properly. SC2 is the same in that sense. But another reason to have it be mind controlled, is so we can control multiple groups of units at the same time. This would boost cognitive capacity even further! A study of older sc2 gameplay shows its good for multitasking and emergency planning and stuff, and found people get more cognitive benefits the more opponents they face at once. Like free for all more than 2 player matches, rather than 1 on 1. And that's before the game got faster paced, and there are mods to play at double the speed I tried out. At my peak I was Platinum league, and it took 60 hours of tutorials, probably a couple hundred hours of random videos and training simulator modes in the arcade subsection. Then a few hundred competitive matches. Oh, and playing vs the ai of course. Coop is so much funner, ranked play is stressful lol. Also because of muscle memory being the only way to improve speed, its really about quantity of hours, and meta-game knowledge you put to use more than anything else which makes you a good player. I never put the time in to become a fast player, as zerg my peak apm was like 130-170 apm. And zerg requires more production artificially increasing the number, and pro players get like 200-300 apm average, and their peak hits as much as 700-800 apm which is 12 actions per second lol. And when I play it was never with structure really, I had strategies instead based on map and races and what happened in match. I beat a diamond player by cancelling tech as I got scouted, to go for economy, then they went defense, and I out economied them, then even tho I had worse engagements I eventually overran them and used some good micro I learned from a micro trainer. It was intense, if I didn't micro I would have lost.

I scored high in SATs for english comprehension and math and low[er] in grammar. Prolly the bias of 'I understand myself so others probably do too' lol. But I don't really care, because if people can understand abbreviated texts and such, then my speak is within an acceptable range. As long as I can visualize stuff I am secure in following problems because then I can recognize it for the future. I even try visualizing some quantum mechanics. Like photons 'behave like a wave and a particle'. Just because they behave that way, doesn't mean they are a wave, it could be due to our tools not being good enough to properly detect it, or its very stretchy particles, doesn't mean its actually a wave, but I would have to get into the other classes to see the limitations on our knowledge before making a statement that'd possibly trigger the whole scientific community lol. Hm, give me an example of something hard to visualize?

Its good the community cares, other communities might just give an announcement and leave it at that, rather than going out of their way. If you find yourself dwelling on this too long (idk how long is too long tho) I heard reading fiction reduces depression/stress/anxiety.

You know the arc when you throw a ball? That's physics. You do it all the time playing TF2 or Overwatch. Granted irl there are wind factors, such as if you do archery or distance rifling (sniping lol). Physics is not hard. Its a common misconception, maybe from before the internet was a significant thing. Like, 'its not rocket science'. Granted that is different because you need to account for surface areas more and chemical reactions and their efficiencies etc etc. Overall, its not really that bad, its just more time consuming to figure out an answer, and if you have the formulas and a calculator and can visualize the process, then it will be easier than alot of other functions you might need to calculate in other classes, and for those you just need to use the formula and functions anyways, rather than doing the visualizing and math in your head. So personally, it was more difficult figuring out stuff like logarhythms, than physics, physics was a piece of cake. I have been not using my math skills lately tho, so I never got to the point where I calculate a throw in my head or such. But that'd be nifty, and I just read a great fanfic, and Twilight in it calculated stuff on the fly x3 and I used pony hypnosis improperly before, so today I actually don't feel [as much] self-conscious oc-related dissonance, I feel like mmmmmm~ dats a good Twilight lol. And she is a draconequus in the fic, so I don't need to worry about the hooves lowering cognitive potential! But like, I think I prefer horn based magic so, idk lol. She is adorbs tho. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/249782/magical-mystery-oops And what led to this train of thought is also a video talking about how males are more cognitively diverse thus more likely to produce geniuses, and they said for colleges that'd be important for economic reasons as tech is related to economic growth. And I feel like I could've done better with myself xD in college I took the sciences(biochemistry, physics, anatomy), then quit because I had 5 englishes in a row to take that I was procrastinating lol. But if I went back now I would probably choose stuff like future tech anyways. Like I want to be able to play StarCraft 2 with my mind or something, instead of having all the buttons in the way and getting RSI from playing games too long xD. But yeah, physics are easy, just wanna get rid of any misconception that may or may not exist lol.

Yes windows 7 is better, I got 10 on my laptop then it just died, and it has ads IN the start menu.

Maybe graphics take a ton of programming, I would have to google it but likely won't. Like, when the singularity happens, games are not going to easily fill out something like 500TBs of space. Look to indie games for example, some games cost more with less storage on disk even if released at the same time, because they put more time into their style or mechanical development etc. Depends on marketing really, and there is eventually a peak of graphical improvements humans can see til they get bionic eyes or something.

I got bit by fire ants when I was 4 and wearing sandles and stepped on them streaming through some crack in the ground. I remember crying and stomping about to get them off or something. Sorta my fault but I was 4 and watched action shows lol. I hope no mammals ever attack me tho, because rabies is a scary thought.

Scientology is some cult that tricks people into donating for different tiers of information on the religion. The lower tiers are taught to be paranoid and take advantage of logical fallacies to preserve their faith, even saying that 'assumption' is a spiritual process. And to stalk people to get them to convert, and similar. Also their 'Thetan' sounds like its named after Satan intentionally. Thetan being the god species of meat alien from another place in space (something bizarre like that if I recall).

You should watch Code Geass

If you know everything, then you wouldn't have loneliness to be tested. What sort of character development would make you more whole?

Other youtubers who have little experience make really annoying intros or outros, or have audio or pacing issues, I feel you have all those covered and I like your logic and agree.