SugarCoatxMarblePie

I am curious to try and see how it is for others. I operate in a specific manner, and others I realize may not be the same as me so I don't want to assume too much next time I get into a conversation. So I want to know what sort of times have you questioned or doubted your faith. It can be faith of anything, not just religion. I am more curious about how people keep their faith, than how they lose it, but in response to whatever it is that caused a doubt or questioning of it. I am curious at a technical level, like what exactly went through your head? What stresses and pressures were evaluated? What caused you to make your decision, or to re-realize it was true?

The mechromancer has a ton of mlp references in their skill tree, idk about dialogue, for BL2

Don't blame me, blame Hasbro. I mean. You know, for kids!

I am in my room the entire dream. There is an ant infestation, I move my blanket over some of it was on the floor, a queen ant like 2 feet long, wow it looks sturdy don't want it to bite me, I retreat from it a bit til I am cornered in my room and it sorta tries to command me. I just pretend to get along to not get bit. Later I am playing videogames, and I miss the Ant and just look out the window wishing I could see it. Probably me trying to demand my dreams retain some consistency. And have some fun with someone who every single decision I make scrutinizes me if I am bad or sinning and I keep trying to fool it/them, and somepony else next to me very briefly. Brother walks into my room and I tell him not to because he almost found me in an embarrassing moment. (I am a closet brony n stuff, despite it being VERY obvious I am into the fandom I still try avoiding it where my family is concerned.) He apologizes and quickly heads to his room, I look at the doorknob after my door is shut mostly and it closes on two mlp shirts. I thought, did I order these in the mail? Why didn't they arrive in a package? Why do they still have the laundry hook things? They bought this from a store for me? And some music plays similar to just one element of the sad Titanic song, but the song is singing forgiveness of the heart and only uses that one element of the song the whole time instead of shifting alot, when I skim through the song I can't find the specific part its like but I would need to listen to it all I guess, or perhaps my memory was biased cuz I didn't hear it in so long. When I was a kid I used to cry to music very easily. Anyways I began crying, and I was Rainbow Dash in the dream it was revealed at the last minute. I used to be Christian, and very strict on myself to avoid going to hell, years back. I feel like part of me might be ashamed, despite me knowing its illogical, and also probably me trying to control the dream elements in some manner. The ant and stuff is guilt for my room being a total mess and my mom yelling at me over it, and I avoid it as much as possible. The entire dream I am in my room, probably because I am on my computer 10+ hours a day every day. And I know why I was RainbowDash, and the ants are partly to blame fallout really. But also I used to do some pony hypnosis, and once I vividly dreampt I was little pip and I couldn't figure out if it was a dream or me waking up in character while hallucinating then going back to bed, but it has similar elements. A friendly radroach was under my bed and I tried to not touch the floor at all. But why its Rainbow Dash. Alot of my time I focus on fast complex games for the brain. Somewhat competitive. Also I did use the Rainbow Dash file before but I used alot of the files (even tho its recommended to not mix multiple personalities at once because it can cause a psychological condition called Emotional Kernel Panic) Anyways, I was obviously RD, like when she couldn't admit she liked the Daring Do books, I am obviously that way about MLP its not even funny. Also Dash is not confident. Studies show that gamers who feel confident in their skills emotionally are more likely to be bad, and vice versa, called the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect basically if you are skilled you BELIEVE you are not good enough to get more skilled. But that contradicts the effect of confidence during actual sports matches. Pressure would prevent you from succeeding, and you are more weak to it the more skilled you are potentially. Eventually if you are good, there are feedbacks, like in SC2 your ladder rank improving or you constantly winning if you are a pro-gamer. But with me I like focusing on games that would more than likely be objectively superior for the brain, but I do not know every game in existence so overlook quite a bit, and still somewhat lean towards certain styles of games more than others. I also enjoy games just to experience them sometimes tho. Everyone likes to think they are above average(except people who do recognize themselves as stupid, which may or may not be, but are just so aware of mistakes they probably feel stupid more than someone who ignores or never notices or recognizes their mistakes, idk, you know those people that say they are stupid? Is it secretly fitting this effect, or is it not? Idk), but some then say they are above average because its a measurable fact for some instances. And basically, all of this is moderated by a 'judge' in the brain. Mine is set to avoiding negatives, not seeking positives, so I was always more likely to be competitive. But my brother is frustrated how good I am in games, and gave up on the ability to do good. The effect apparently isn't always active, it could've even been a biased study, due to ignorant local demographics. Long story short tho the dream also could be about Stockholm syndrome. I can pick out some happenings in the days before that aids in explanation for this dream, because I know everything can be susceptible to deduction to form a greater understanding, especially what we initially think is not comprehendible. And the last part of the dream, the shirts bit caused me to cry with that song because it implies they would forgive me for being a brony. Like, I don't need to live in hiding anymore. To fully understand me tho. My brother randomly barging in the room is reminiscent of when he was crazy enough it ended up driving me literally crazy too before. Once he just barged in my room, shining a light on me robotically, I was scared and uncomfortable. He was asking if I was crying and insisted I was, when I was watching some funny youtube vids before youtube really was as popular as it currently is. I always had to hide. Brother was very... damaged from Christianity in regards to sexuality. I was similar but I lost it sooner. I don't believe in Christianity. It hurt my family. I see it perpetuating pain and ignorance. And ignorance is bliss. People don't need to try and deduce anything, when anything that mysterious they can assume god did it and how wonderful. Amazing. That's just putting ignorance on a pedestal. It harms people. America one of the most religious 1st world countries, has plenty of problems because of it, at all levels. But w/e. This is supposed to be about my dream, and you can see some of the elements better for my explanation. The 'judge' is because I was guilty about exploring my sexuality. I was very homophobic. I am basically straight and a bit bi-curious when it comes to non-irl stuff (you know, r34 n roleplay n etc). I don't like feeling guilt, I blame my parenting. Mom is highly subject to confirmation bias (I am an adult who still lives with their family) a lack of deduction really. She can be wrong she can be right, but theres no true metric to figure out. When she is wrong she is way off the mark usually. When she is right its usually more due to experience. And she is loud and likes complaining just for the sake of it. Like when I don't want the ant to bite me, I am avoidant. I should just smash the ant's brains in and say git off muh lawn lol. Its just an ant, why is there an infestation? Should've solved the problem sooner and got rid of it. I really need to get out more. Basically have 0 communication with anyone someone else in my family does not also communicate with, in meatspace anyways, online I am fine for being social enough. But also I feel if I become too assertive I'll effectively turn into my mom, just wrong and being an asshole cuz of boredom and assuming I am right more often instead of using deduction. Idk. Also she is Christian, very forgiving, but very judgemental. Not as much as other Christians that come to mind can be tho. Its hard for me to conclude anything because conclusions are often potentially wrong. But when I know I am right, I might consider contradictory facts, but I can be passionate about my stance because of the lack of knowledge others have that I have on certain subjects. Dealing with objectivity its harder to fall to the dunning kruger effect, that effect is honestly an emotional bias. I am frustrated that my mom is such a dictator sometimes, its not too excessive but it does bother me. Its why I am avoidant, and she says half the time she is just making shit up for fun. I always took it seriously, because its always presented seriously until I fight back.

His father was there, he wouldn't allow it, and you have to appear to have heart in order to not arouse suspicion. That's not agreeing, that's disagreeing. And misunderstanding. Episode 1 or 2 he says he may have to kill his family if things go bad. ANYONE who is not sociopathic to even save their own butt, would say that instantly when being handed such a thing. They would regret it the rest of their life. Instead he just considers it instantly.

Season 3 is mostly better. Depends what you watch it for. Season 1 n 2 had some low brow and cliché moments n stuff. It had good moments too. And if theres a problem with season 3 its the desensitization I suppose. It seems a little hollow, like, it does have deep stuff and a point, but its lacking alot of those feel good moments and stuff other shows may have, but those are all clichés anyways. Honestly I like the creativity more than the humor usually, and you can tell humor is a mask for deeper opinions and concepts. Or rather, it can be viewed that way even if its not intended.

I mean half of what I said confirms he was sociopathic since the start honestly. Its not so much deterioration as underestimation and cockiness.

The series is fresh in my mind having rewatched it in two days time. He says early on if he slips up he might need to kill his family. Also he tauntingly killed Ray Penber and his wife. Anything that would get in the way of his ambitions from the start, rather than a true moral code. After all, he viewed himself as god-like, which means unquestionable authority. I think his downfall was assuming L was the top dog, a true fight and test, then he underestimated Near and Mellow time and again.

I rewatched death note entirely (you prolly wouldn't like it since you are antiviolence a little) and after watching the anime long enough its easy to fall into the assumption that you root for the protagonist. But this is not the show that you are supposed to do that for. This show is like against the grain bad-assery so people love rooting for the underdog. But the truth is his psychology is like almost a school shooter but not pushed over the edge yet, turned serial killer. I only know that because of this other video with strong language explaining somewhat the psychology in laymans terms with over-flourishing strong language (guy used to be a radio host so can be eloquent speedy and creative with his insults/criticisms lol) (if you want to see the video youtube 'rageaholic Faberge eggs' wont link it due to language) and its basically rich spoiled kid told he is special all his life : no one treats them special at school : entitlement dictates they deserve more : they decide to act out. Light Yagami in death note is more like rich kid in a well off family who is a genius. He has boredom (studies show boredom is linked to crime, even for rich kids) he is a popular kid who is socially adept. The cartoon doesn't show it directly at the start at all, but he always had sociopathic and psychopathic traits. The first hint is when he gains ambition after first using the death note I am a deep thinker, so this stuff is on my mind. When I was a Christian it was easier for me to root for Light Yagami, because that's the philosophy it teaches, The world is disgusting. Also, teen angst, its easier to see the negatives than positives. They say you never know what you love til its gone, like your family, but he had reasons to not notice, because 'the greater good' concepts. He threw everything of any value in his life away, then died alone by the end of the show. When I was a Christian I did not understand that. As an adult, and as an atheist its far more noticeable. As a teen Christian I was just rooting for the underdog really. Except, I loved L as a character, so eccentric n honest and logical and some non-social behavior. But Light Yagami was very good socially, its why he could take up lying so easily so quickly, and had alot more initiative than L, the true good guy in the story. Near the end you know the author is not on Light Yagami's side. Because when Light thinks the world is basically his own, he says he is creating a 'perfect world' because it'll be crime free. But then it immediately cuts wordlessly to some factories giving off pollution on the other side of the river as if to show how its not perfect. Nothing fundamentally changed, and when Light dies, chaos may erupt knowing that violence will go unpunished for some time. The world will become normal after several decades, it'll only be a little more impactful than the cold war. Which means he was playing this role for himself, and this ambition scene shows it. His entitlement complex. He thinks everyone is beneath him, because they are all easily lied to and stupid and he passes without trying for full scores on everything in Japan. He had no ambition, was just being a good son, til the death note. He had no purpose, til that. Sorta like how rich kids might go and beat up hobos. Except he was also a genius due to solid up-bringing. Too bad he couldn't see what really mattered, or he could, but found his excuses to justify his actions. He had to do so, because his father is a cop, he was forced into being dishonest due to his life circumstance. Others won't notice that its because of his typical ideology in his family, his normalcy and passion for justice from his father, how easy it is to get away with stuff when you have an entirely unsuspicious of yourself family, an entirely non-critical family. Others might think I am overthinking it, but if an artist made it this way intentionally, which they did, then its not overthinking it. It just would imply its too much for others to handle. I might turn this into a blog post. When he specifically says what are you talking about, I am the best honor student in Japan, that's a sign he already had façade practice. Narcissism is what he has in common to that type of school shooter. And he already knows he can trick everyone with appearances alone.

*boops*

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