Like many of my fellow MLP Forums members, I am more than a bit of an introverted personality. I have become more outgoing as the years have passed, but it remains that I am still much more in my preferred environment when I am alone. I am thankful, however, that in this day and age, you're never truly alone if you have an internet connection.
I have made nearly all of my friends online, for a multitude of reasons; the intimidation factor of meeting and conversing with new people is greatly reduced, for one. But perhaps just as important; the nearly unlimited number of people to meet, and more specifically, the much higher probability of meeting someone who shares your specific interests and passions. Take, for example, MLP Forums. How many of us would even have known about this show, these people and their wondrous creations, had it not been for the internet? For these, and countless other reasons, the internet is a savior of sorts to many. I know it has, and sometimes continues to be such, for myself personally.
However, I am not one of those types whom can be completely content with a near-complete online life. There is so much that the internet has to offer, but I've always felt it was, for the most, merely a distraction and sometimes a guide, for the outside world. To put it simply; the internet keeps me alive and breathing. But I want to really live.
Sadly though, I do have a tendency to fall flat on my face when attempting to have a "physical" life. That is to say, I'm not very good at it. I have very few (if any) people in my life I can call my friend, and it always has been that way. I was told I had a bright future when I was very young, but the more I learned of all the problems in the world, the more I thought about life in general, the less I cared and tried at it. I dropped out of high school when I was 17, and I've been working minimum wage jobs ever since, struggling to make ends meet. At the end of last year, I began getting involved with a few hard drugs and the people that come with them. The funniest thing is, the drugs weren't the problem; it's the people who eventually brought me to where I am today. Last month, I lost my job, my apartment and many whom I thought were my "friends" along the way. I also endured two people passing away whom truly were my friends, all in the same month. Thankfully my parents are generous enough to have allowed me to move back in with them, until I can find another job and another place to live.
I have made quite a few mistakes, I'll be the first to admit. I am undeserving of the wonderful family I have around to help me whenever I really need it, and also of my girlfriend of three years whom was been with me every step of the way.
I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for my own stupidity and ignorance. I'm not even sure if I can truly put that blame on myself, knowing my personality defects. But one thing I'm certain of; things need to change. Things have to get better. I dug my own hole, and I will find a way to get out of it.
I'm just not really certain about how to start. That's perhaps part of the reason I have posted this blog entry, because the people of the internet have always been there to ask and listen to, they've been my second family for nearly as long as I can remember. Right now, MLP Forums is one of the few places I can find peace and solace; a place where I can go and, only momentarily thought it may be, forget about all my problems in my life and educate myself on what is happening with others' lives, locally and around the whole world.
I think that's really what I need the most right now.
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