I'm at least going to be involved enough in this community to have a public journal. Not only a public journal, but a journal where I smack that devil on my shoulder telling me I should reword something for artistry or restructure a paragraph for better flow. And also preclude myself from verbosity for the sake of verbosity. I find that as a writer, learning and remembering new words is can be achieved for me through using more complex words in my writing for the sake of word flow and artistry...but not here. This right here this my journal. I'm STILL fighting sobriety...I'm closest to being sober than I have since almost a year ago. I feel as though I'm overdramatic. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and I've at least tended to my fitness somewhat, but I feel like my heart truly gave up in so many ways, and I feel like I lost everything. A collection nearing $3000 in value (Including my MLP collection, but at least I've built that back up). My enrollment in grad school (I'm supposed to return next fall, but that's a whole year and I'm afraid of between now and then). And I've had issues with immediate family with reached a boiling a couple months ago, and these issues had been building up for years. I made a decision...and now I'm having to not go back on but tweak that decision...I have to get better. I'm clearly neurodivergent and most likely mildly autistic, but I've also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. That really sucks. I wasn't allowed to explore myself in high school because of problems at home, and it created a very dysfunctional problems. I've become self-aware about so many things these past few months as a result of selling my collection and coming to terms with the person I have to deal with when I have nothing to turn to. So much of that collection were things which truly didn't represent me, I didn't use them, and I simply wasted space. So much of it though...you've heard it before, you don't know what you've got until it's gone. I'm 6'0," and I weigh 160-165 pounds. I've said its a problem before that I'm this height and weight. "I'm six foot tall and I wear a small! That's a problem!" No, I'm clearly proud of how small I've become. I both recognize how impossible it is stay at a calorie deficit like I do (often by replacing food with substances), as well as recognize I can't go gaining weight to get off of substances...well, I'll just say alcohol. That's my only substance vice right now, and has been for a couple months. Alcohol, and I've used the experience of alcohol hitting harder when my stomach's empty as a motivation to not eat many days. I've become self-aware of how atypical of a young man I truly am, and you know this "male loneliness epidemic" we hear so much about? Well, it sucks, but its even more isolating when you can't relate to those men. I don't resent society for allegedly (and it doesn't) disparaging men. I resent being a man, and feeling like I have to "be a man." I like ponies, Buffy, Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, I like being small, I like being silly. Women don't make me feel insecure. Even if a woman puts me down, it just makes sense to me? I don't know how to explain it, but I've always been more comfortable around women than men. Men make me feel insecure and unsafe. And while I'm not denying being gay, I don't feel gay? I've dabbled with it, sure, but all-in-all, being in a relationship (and things which would be inappropriate to discuss on this forum which obviously accompanies relationships) just feels icky. I feel totally isolated from other "lonely men" because it seems like my issues come from a totally different place. Which I guess is a segue into the next stressor I know most of us are feeling... The sociopolitical climate. I'm American. It's getting worse. International affairs are worsening. The economy is worsening, and everyone is losing their rights. The common worker is losing rights. Women are losing rights. And as someone who has left a digital and social footprint of being both left-wing and queer, I'm constantly scared of suddenly becoming a target. It doesn't matter I don't date (and haven't in ages) or sleep with anyone at all. It doesn't matter if my left-wing politics are absolutely sequestered by a lack of courage to express or act on them. I'm afraid of being a target. When I say things are looking up...it doesn't feel like I'm saying much, and to be able to return to a life where I have good days, I'm going to have to chin up and face some music. I want to become more involved in this community SO BADLY. I want to be seen for the person I believe I would have become if I had have been allowed to explore myself when I was growing up. Eh. Signing off for now.

It’s sad, but it’s unfortunately natural for people to deny the validity of so many minorities. Hence why pride is SO important right now.

🦄🏳️‍🌈😊🖤

Pride Month Has Never Been More Important Right now, I genuinely fear for transpeople in this country. For ages, they've been invisible. Who they are is known, and an alarmingly large patchwork of different creeds and perspectives have evolved to particularly take issue with any progress with regards to gender as anything but a synonym for sex. I believe in a future where there's no need for giving the component of human experience known as "gender" a word. I dream of a future where a someone would be genuinely confused if someone made fun of a man wearing a dress. Like, "Okay. And I'm wearing a shirt? Are you saying it;s an ugly dress?" We rise above. We end it. Right now, pride in who we are is important, and its important to hold onto it. While my closest friends no its a total facade, I present as a "straight white male." I mean, I assume people wonder because of various personality traits and my general atypicality, but that's as far as it goes. Am I straight? I don't identify as anything regarding my sexual orientation, but you don't still bitterly dream about a life with a man you thought you would be with and say, "I was just confused, lol." That dropped out of nowhere. Sorry. My point is, I present this way because honestly? Even though I scoff at the, "You're not allowed to be a straight white male these days" sentiment. As though being a straight white male doesn't give you insurmountable advantages, but then again, these days? I fear it won't be enough. You're a straight white male? Well, are you transphobic? No? Might as well be a social justice warrior. I also perpetually stay frustrated about my own gender. As a cismale, I'm closeted genderfluid. I'm thankful I don't suffer from gender issues to the extent my brothers and sisters who genuinely feel debilitated by the extent to which they both have to put on and respond in a way which would hide who they really are. I can deal with people assuming I'm a "normal man." I can deal with remaining anonymous in my vigorous and unflinching support for LGBTQIA+, and I'm fine with going along to get along, even though there is an array of feminine-gendered fashion and lifestyle choices I would enjoy. So, have you recently come out of the closet and now you got a partner with the same genitals as you? Be proud. Are you in the closet and you're staying there to survive in your current life circumstances? You're strong, and you should be proud of that. You're a transwoman, and now you're fully feminine-presenting? Be proud. Are you a transman but you're staying closeted for the same reason as they aforementioned gay person? That takes strength as well. You should be proud. Are you like me, and you keep the fact you struggle with gender problems you don't understand, you've been with both men and women, maybe you're pan, maybe you're asexual, so all you can claim is queer? You should be proud, because I'm proud. I've been posting MLP, Owl House, and Hazbin pride content all over the internet, I've been getting abhorrently hateful comments, and I continue to assert, celebrate, relish, shove it in their faces. I don't have to feel anything about being queer, but if you try and make me feel a certain way? It's gonna be pride. Sorry. Once again, Happy Pride Month. I may post more about pride month, but I had to post something as soon as possible.

There isn’t a new Helluva Boss season yet. It’s an only been announced it’s coming to Prime where Hazbin already is. When new Helluva Boss episodes finally come out, they will be released on Prime, and then be released on YouTube a month later.

Disclaimer: This post is based on observations and a general discussion I feel needs to be had. Its not coming from a hostile place nor is there a call to action. I also hope my language doesn't seem to vague or abstract or all over the place. I think readers will get the picture. So, it's been echoed recurrently throughout YouTube videos, internet discourse, and overall debates over fans' reactions to their favorite media being criticized constructively or otherwise. A good summation of their response is, "Go outside and touch grass." Listen, I get it. There's nothing wrong with critiquing works of art whether that be television, film, literature, video games, etc. In fact, I would argue its healthy. It's engaging to go farther than "I like this piece of media," or "I dislike this piece of media." It's also compelling to hear different types of critiques which provide a roundabout answer to various questions surrounding the media? What does it mean? Is that character/storyline/message problematic? Should this be explored? How does this fit in with our social climate?" Also, on a fundamental level. "Is this villain's backstory compelling? Was this storyline's pacing rushed or awkward?" I understand critiquing or even disliking a show for which I hold passion on a personal level and on a level of artistic appreciation (fancy way of saying I'm a fanboy). For example, My Little Pony? I understand there are fans of this show and other media that receive any criticism of their favorite show as a personal attack on them. The classic examples of retorts such as, "You just don't understand it!" Or "This show wasn't made for you, anyways!" Or even something suggesting their favorite show is objectively good, great, or even perfect. Trust me, I've become obsessed with My Little Pony, but I don't see critiques or criticisms of the show as personal attacks on me. Even when the criticisms are smarmy, pretentious, sanctimonious, etc, I might politely engage debate with the critic, but I'm not going to respond on behalf of the show as if I'm a defense attorney. From what I've seen on this site, I feel like 99% of fans share the sentiment. That being said...is it not fair to point out when it goes to far and does become a roundabout personal attack? Is there a point where declarations are made or generalized assumptions are asserted or even facetious jokes that take a step too far? What am I talking about? So, I love My Little Pony, and wouldn't you just be so surprised I'm also a massive fan of other pieces of fiction? Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, Owl House, Gravity Falls, X-Files, Breaking Bad, etc. I'm a fandom guy and that's just who I am. At a certain point, though, I'm with friends and we're talking about things we all love. Two of my friends and I were talking about The Boys, another show I like quite a bit...not to the level of MLP, but I would consider myself a big fan. Also, they'll bring up shows both or either of them like, and I'll engage in conversation even if its something I don't like. For example, I don't like the Marvel movies? I recognize the artistic merit of some of them, I like some of the characters, and there are a few movies I could see myself watching again, but I'm not a fan. I'll happily discuss them, though, and both criticize and praise various qualities. I'll make my dislike known, but I won't go farther than that. On the other hand, if I start talking about MLP or Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (three shows shows I receive the most negatively for liking), I can't really get a word in? Even if they claim to hear me, every three sentences there's a joke aimed at the show, and I'm present. One day, I even noticed a friend out of nowhere say, "What's that show you like? ****bag hotel?" And there's the constant insinuation that MLP fans simply must be perverted in some way. I even had a friend who's non-Christian say, "I hope the Christians win on this one" talking about Hazbin Hotel. Was he joking? Yes. Did I appreciate it when I can't discuss something I love with friends without supposedly playful bashing? Not at all. Am I being unreasonable? I haven't made these feelings known with these people, but what I'm talking about operates on both an interpersonal level as well as on a larger level regarding online discussion of such media. Sometimes, it feels like gaslighting. Why does it feel like a problem? People like me, and I'm sure plenty of people on this site, have an emotional connection with MLP and other pieces of fiction. Of course, not everyone will have that personal connection or take a liking to my favorite stuff. I'm perfectly fine with that. I mean, lots of people in my family love football. In my law classes, students are notorious for checking in on NFL or College Football, and I totally get it. I wouldn't be caught dead watching NFL, but I understand their appreciation. The athleticism. The competition. Celebrating shared victory with their favorite teams with their friends who have the same favorite teams, or even playfully rub their friends' faces in their team's victory over their friend's favorite teams. I might state I don't like football, and I might even go further and say, "I can't have much of a discussion with you about it because I know nothing," but that doesn't mean I don't respect it? When a small subset of unreasonable fans go out of their way to attack critics of their favorite media, it seems like those critics use it as reason for outright mocking and generalizing certain pieces of media and trying to trip them of any artistic merit? It just feels like there should be a difference between criticism/critique and outright mockery and bashing? To say, "Its just a show, I'm not attacking you" doesn't hold as much water when you're making generalized criticisms as a negative representation of the show's appeal and the types of fans it allures. Constructive criticism of my favorite shows often make me appreciate the show even more. The fact the show has reached heights it compels critique speaks to the power and resilience of the show. But just because you aren't technically attacking the person, I don't feel like its overreaching to ask people to comprehend people have emotional connections with the shows and fiction they're passionate about, so is it a ridiculous request to keep negative comments to constructive criticism, or even just criticism, instead of left-field and outright bully-esque assumptions about the show's popularity simply because you don't like it? On that level, it seems like the critic feels like the show is an attack on them when they don't have to watch it, comment on it, critique it constructively or otherwise. How do you feel? I admit for my own good or anyone else's own good who feels the same way that it would be better to have thicker skin. MLP: FIM wouldn't have had nine seasons, a theatrical film, and a spinoff series of films/specials (Equestria Girls) if the toxic mockery actually had an effect on the show. Hazbin Hotel wouldn't be the most successful debut for an Amazon show if its mockery affected the show. Its just that it feels like the there's a refusal to consider the possibility that while these pieces of fiction are fiction, they resonate with people emotionally. People care about these shows and each fan has their own unique relationship with it. Maybe I'm just ranting, and if I am, I hope you understand. It just seems like the, "Its just a (insert art medium)" is kind of gaslighty when you're criticizing a show for only being popular because of a negative generalization of the show's fanbase or mocking your friends without allowing them to express the positive influence their show has had on them. Would love to hear your thoughts? I could be overreacting, but its a pattern I've noticed when it comes to toxic division between different types of passions whether that be for sports, different types of media (as in, you hate shows like MLP but you love shows like Breaking Bad, a show I also love), cooking...I even have a friend who has a sincere and genuine passion for advertisement design and he's shown me details and observations which are genuinely compelling. What do you guys think? There's a roundabout thesis, here, but I made this post on a whim and I'm new to the site so I'm kind of just trying to get in the habit of engaging the community.