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Raskolnikov

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Everything posted by Raskolnikov

  1. Raskolnikov
    "And this is what it looked like before the Germans arrived."
  2. Raskolnikov
    Yeah it's a whole thing unfortunately. They're not evil masterminds, just the painfully ordinary everyday evil of callous disregard for anyone's feelings. One of them is more "cutesy" about it too which makes it more mindfucky than the outright hostility of the other. I didn't have it in them to be this opportunistic and cynical about exploiting a dead person's wishes for cash though, fucking christ. Thanks for the concern though. Seems I'm gonna spend the rest of the day whether I want to feel powerless and humiliated and at least try and save my granddad's small woodland or be a stubborn mule and have to bear knowing I didn't intervene. :\
  3. Raskolnikov
    I would like to say that I also talk a lot of shit and I understand if other abuse survivors react differently, I just have a lot of anger in me and I don't mean to sound shaming if other survivors react differently. I will consider this, thank you. :< It's definitely nice to discuss with people who get more angry and indignant about such horrible behaviour. There is often an image of abuse victims being small and people pleasing, and I am like that a lot too, but it's a very shallow image. I burn with anger to power multiple reactors, to be frank, and if doesn't look pallatable.
  4. Raskolnikov
    I'm discussing matters with my sister's mum of how I'm going to approach the subject about selling my granddad's planted forest and unfortunately I can't find a way we can get this done without me grovelling at my dad's feet and I'm not gonna diminish myself into something so viscerally disgusting and pathetic, I'm not a begging victim. I'm not giving my parents power by sucking up to their .01% of goodwill that they are sure to disregard anyway.
  5. Raskolnikov
    Ambivalent, if I could go back without parental surveillance and with the knowledge I have *now* I would probably find it really funny lol. Unfortunately at the time it was a traumatic crapshoot, but nobody gave me a hard time in high school thankfully so it's easier to say that for me. The lessons themselves were a normal respite from the bullshit even if often tedious.
  6. Raskolnikov
    I just can't win. Either I stuff all my feelings and give people an entirely false and guarded image of me, and they completely misread me. Or I don't and I allow myself to be hurt if I express 1% of humanity in me that I show to everyone else. Sure, most if not all of my parents' perceptions of me is carefully constructed rather than authentic, but that is BECAUSE when I was small and vulnerable they ripped my soul apart for being vulnerable. You can't win. You just get screwed over anyway.
  7. Raskolnikov
    Put in spoilers because it's hard to moderate my response right now.
  8. Raskolnikov
    I feel absolutely fucking devastated. My parents love finding creative new ways to destroy me and make me lose everything I love, as always. Even with No Contact. What else is fucking new.
  9. Raskolnikov
    I will never understand beauty standards lol
  10. Raskolnikov
    Literally. It's all just been one really long year for me I think
  11. Raskolnikov
    "Ruin The Cleaners' Day Party!"
  12. Raskolnikov
    Try snowboarding again probably
  13. Raskolnikov
    Thinking intelligence is a monolith, or dependent on education level, is dumb. There are multiple areas of intelligence. What are we talking about here, memorisation? Emotional intelligence? Critical thinking skills? Problem solving? I'd consider myself good in some areas but abysmal in others lol. And being knowledgeable is no inherent indicator of intelligence; I've seen uni graduates struggle with applying their theoretical knowledge to the practical real world around them, or fall for blatantly absurd conspiracy theories. The latter was known for very high scores in college... regurgitating facts and pleasing his professors did his actual critical thinking skills no favours.
  14. Raskolnikov
    I don't think it was affected, I was already into metal by 2011. I like some electronic music like synthpop/synthwave etc anyway but I think I must have already at least vaguely enjoyed retro sounding music like that anyway before Eurobeat Brony's stuff.
  15. Raskolnikov
    Growl/shriek vocals, used to find them tacky but they clicked with me eventually. Can't say the same for hardcore screams, though some are better than others to be sure...
  16. Raskolnikov
    Not how I would like to sound... Not much to be done on that front sadly, it's complicated.
  17. Raskolnikov
    Amol maybe, lol tastes of herbs and failure...
  18. Raskolnikov
    But if I find out the Devil exists in this way, why would I sign the contract? It opens too many theological questions. Does involving the loved one in this deal corrupt their soul and thus make them unable to enter heaven further down the line? Is that the catch here? What does 'equal to the person you want to kill' mean, that they are of similar moral fiber? That they share similar traits? This contract is too vague. I'm not necessarily opposed to the scenario but I think I'd ask too many questions and annoy the dealer too much, he'd look elsewhere
  19. Raskolnikov
    Does having countries on NationStates count? Don't use it anymore though.
  20. Raskolnikov
    66,50'N,28,40'E by Swallow The Sun.
  21. Raskolnikov
    Mattress factory. About as interesting as it sounds. Yeah, we had budget issues but the youth demanded a trip. Financial crisis moment
  22. Raskolnikov
    Chinese takeout. Using Aki's wallet.
  23. Raskolnikov
    Obviously bronita...
  24. Raskolnikov
    4/10 they shot a gorilla
  25. Raskolnikov
    Occupations. No seriously, in my country it's not entirely unheard of for students to occupy schools and shut them down in order to have demands met. There were rumours that students at my school would occupy it for the most absurd of reasons, the most infamous being "displeasure at the shape of the cheese pies served at the canteen". I never got any confirmation of that rumour though, and I don't recall my high school getting occupied for any reason on my 3 years there. Conformists!! It's like they don't even CARE about the shape of the cheese pies in the canteen anymore... doomed generation
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