Mushroo

my status as a My Little Pony fan.(archive of my lore)

>I will be talking a lot about angsty stuff,some random cringe things and maybe some relatable stuff too? dunno but I guess here this mess.:^p

2016:middle school,I was around 11-12? I don't know. I've already been of a fan of other fandoms like Five Nights At Freddy's,Bendy In The Ink Machine and Undertale,Sonic and other fandoms alike,I already knew I was the weird kid beyond redemption to normality, I had way to many habits like eating rapidly as I stare deep into the TV,scratching chairs,twitching my head whenever I say something off or annoying,biting my fingers and repeating dances and songs as I repeatedly get told by teachers to sit down or shut up,I loved horror games, I loved making up scenes in my head and talking to myself, I admit some of these habits became very self destructive but for the most part most of them were just dumb middle school anxiety or boredom,I collected my first few figs such as the mini Equestria girls figures of pinkie pie and twilight sparkle in their sleepover outfits,I likes watching YouTube a lot around this time as it was my only source of entertainment as well as childhood trauma and nostalgia,Smile HD,Shed.Mov,cupcakes,elements of insanity,discord x Fluttershy music videos,amvs,and Sonic crossovers with MLP, I loved every part of it despite the horrors lol. 

2019: quarantine:the virus has begun and were all stuck in our homes and worrying if our computers will work and not be super damn slow for online classes whilst not learning a thing,I believe I was around 13/14 but despite all that boredom and oversleeping I had my my first YouTube channel! it actually began got created in 2018 but I believe I didn't post till next year...well for realsies anyway,I posted small speed paints,half ass animations and followed a bunch of short form animators who make music animations with their colorful cool looking characters that were after named "animation memes"...in a few words they are basically short animations with a part of a song being played with a character bopping their head up and down or just dancing,they often have furries,popular characters or other type of OCs/gacha OCs,(original characters),animation memes was such a prevalent part of my childhood...that i was sadly one of those goobers who would unfortunately copy the movements of the characters...irl...weird I know. but I guess quarantine got to us and i guess I went a little coocoo in the brains and honestly I don't blame my younger because quarantine was a tough time for all of us,but besides that everything was okay...well...for the most part? I don't want to include any more negative topics but just know that 13/14 year old me was NOT supposed to interact with strangers online! stranger danger...the age requirements to have access to any social media apps should definitely go up...like seriously a lot could've been avoided but I guess that's what happens when your raised by the internet yeah?   

2021-2022: my high school sweetheart! well...we met in my sophomore year but I still count us as high school soulmates,I met him in my sophomore year where I started having band class! which unfortunately...is the only class I had him in but we got a long well when we first interacted with me...asking me if he could draw me...i admit it was awkward but I said yes cuz I found it sweet.we slowly started talking more as days went by and little by little we became friends,we drew together,we yapped all day long even if we were being annoying,and finally in late August....I jokingly asked him if he had a crush on me...and he actually said yes! me? being likable? how??? its something I never thought was possible...I acted all loud and charismatic...just because I wanted friends...someone to talk to...but he wanted to be with me as more than just friends??? I freaked out silently during math class and I responded back and said I liked him too...maybe I moved too fast or acted out of impulse but that moment sealed it and I was completely set! the other times anyone has claimed to like me became a forgotten false memory because this felt genuine and real and I wouldn't change it for anything.

2023-2024: many years have passed and I'm no longer a filly! or at least someone who's no longer under 18...ye. junior and senior year...man...it was absolute horseradish, homework pilling,teachers getting stricter,sleep worsening,self esteem dropping like a bomb,and just overall a mess. I absolutely HATED these years I just cant stand having to do all this work I didn't give craps about and I cant fathom how much I hated high-shcool for giving me the inability to like myself because of failure and anxiety! MATH IS HARD. I get math should be something that could be beneficial for everyone...but man does it make me want to pull my hair out. I've always struggled with math and everything number related...times tables? subtractions? addition? that's alright but everything else is like trying to start some sort ancient ritual with a soup of numbers,signs,steps,and...LETTERS. algebra was for sure my greatest enemy. and I for sure sound dumb and doopid...but its true,I struggle and I just cant seem to grasp it no matter how much I try. god help me when I have to do taxes and do pay my bills because I'm gonna be in the streets when I get out of the house. uhhh other than that umm depression definitely was a major factor in my struggles but I've always just raw-dogged life like that because I live in a low income family with one sibling working and the rest of my siblings still in pre-k and elementary,and the only parent who's my mom who stays with us even without a partner...she remains home to take of us,my two twin sisters,my baby sister,and my younger brother,my mom might not be perfect but she really is carrying all of us so we can have a better life,she pays for us to eat,she cleans,she talks to us and most importantly loves us even with us as a Hispanic/Mexican family living in the US.so yeah i definitely went through a lot but I wont let that get me down.

and finally...

2024-2025:this year...changed me a lot...I'm now 19 (april-15) and I've been chilling at home,I know its sort of telling of what little I've done...like I have spent the entire year of when I came out of school just struggling to apply to get into a damn college...and just thinking of my future...creating a portfolio of my art and absolutely getting slammed with comments like "did you apply yet?" "did you finish your FAFSA form?" "why don't you have a job yet?" just please stop...shut up...I get it I'm a 19 year with no life! I know!...shocking! well yeah I'm pretty much still looking...searching...and learning...its hard adapting to all these changes,getting rejected/ghosted by jobs,colleges being billions of dollars too much to pay for,and life beating me up with depression,self hatred,and things I regret doing to myself,I've wanted to give up so bad and let life drown me along with my pity, last year 2024 is when I've first hurt myself purposely because of how much my mind ate at itself to just give up,I felt like I deserved to suffer in silence,to not let anyone know what I was going through...who I was and what I wanted...I completely derived myself of happiness,joy and love, I had just one thing that held me up when I was alone, the band Korn. a nu metal band that had a dumb name and weird music with dark themes,I've been attached to the band ever since my junior year but this is where I needed it the most. their songs might be dark,crazy and goofy but its the message that a few songs give that make me feel like I'm not a lost cause and that I'm not alone,my boyfriend might be annoyed by my obsession with the band but he supports why I like it so much and why I relate to it on such a personal level,I couldn't give a damn about the fandom or what normies think, I like the band and its music and its totally fine if you don't...or don't know what I'm talking about <_<.