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Midnight Seeker

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Blog Entries posted by Midnight Seeker

  1. Midnight Seeker
    I had a good today, but now I am in hell. I slowly started to feel a pain in the left side of my head (under and around my eye, spreading over the left side of my head and jaw). I had asked my dad earlier (before I went for a shower and got ready for bed) if he wanted me to go to the shop for anything (booze). He said no. He said no.
     
    So, shower, shave, get ready for an early night as the pain is building slowly. I decided to change the sheets because I wanted to feel comfy.
     
    I had just stripped the bed when I had my name shouted by my dad.
     
    "Would you mind-"
    "NO, I'm going to bed"
    "Please son, your mother and I-"
    "Fine"
     
    He gave me the money and I went to the shop. On the way, the pain increased. My dad was in the habit for a while of calling me a stupid times to run to the shop to get vodka for him and my mum. I was fine doing it once in a while, but he turned it into a habit a habit.
     
    I started getting a wee bit pissed off at that, so he stopped.
     
    He is starting again.
     
     
    And the pain in my head wants me to beat his skull in with a steel bar. I am that angry.
    Can't concentrate.
     
    So yeah, got the booze, dumped it at the door to their bedroom with his change and ran upstairs.
     
    I know they don't deserve this. This rage isn't me. I don't want to be thiss angry, but my brain is finding reasons for me to be angry.
     
    I can't see straight.
     
    Look, if you read this, just tell me that you read it and you understand. You don't need to offer me any advice, or even talk to me (you wouldnt want to ) I am shaking as i type this andI am resist punching the wall put my fist through it.
     
    Please just tell me you read this and understand that I am angry!
  2. Midnight Seeker
    Not really. It's no me being sarcastic, but part of me goes into denial as a way of coping. I make myself laugh to try and stop feeling down. It's a good trick, and really does seem to work. But only as a delaying tactic. My life is empty and I have no real future.
     
    I'm 31 and still going nowhere in my life.
     
    I'm just no a good person.
     
    I don't even mean that in a "good guy / bad guy" way, but more "I'm not good at being a person".
     
    Hell, part of the reason I bitch here is that I don't like doing it with people I do know. I need to vent, but I becoming more and more anti-social as I grow older.
     
    Funny since my issues stem from being bullied as a child and having no friends for most of my life.
     
    Fuuuuuccccckk.
     
    I'm going to sleep now.
     
    What does it say that for me, the worst part of my day is waking up?
  3. Midnight Seeker

    Pleasant

    By Midnight Seeker,

    Well, I'm pretty drunk. To my dad's shame I enjoy the brand Jack Daniels. We're Scottish, and as a people we look down on American drinks. JD and some rums are the only ones I like from the States. I hate American beers, but I also hate the couple of Indian beers I've tried (I do love ale though).
     
    But as drunk as I am (I believe I've had seven drams, 4cl of JD with cheap store coke), I'm no a staggering drunk who slurs every word. Unless I'm downing the hard stuff and doing it quickly (only with friends on the rare night out) I can appear sober. It's a gift.
     
    Why do I do it?
     
    I feel pleasant. It's a warm and relaxing feeling that tends to both calm me, and give me a clarity & focus that I just don't have when I'm sober. This is why I'm writing now.
     
    Don't get me wrong, no force in heaven or earth could get me to drive right now or even most of tomorrow. I know that I feel great, but I am still aware that there is a lot of stuff I cannot do right now. I used to avoid Facebook completely when drinking. Now my friends and family love my little stories.
     
    I guess the point I'm making is drinking often gets labelled only as a bad thing.
     
    Yes, it can be a bad thing and it has destroyed countless lives. But not for everyone. I don't drink as a crutch for example. I don't drink because I "need" to or just because. I drink because I enjoy the feeling and it does feel quite refined to me.
     
    I seriously need a smoking room.
     
    But ah, I guess I was lying when I said I had a point. I'm drunk and just wanted to write. I don't write with any plan and I really surprise myself with where I'm going.
     
    But assuming I didn't make it clear, does this seem like the ramblings of someone who is utterly plastered?
     
    I toast my next drink to you my friends!
  4. Midnight Seeker
    Okay, I know that I dream a lot, but I often don't remember my dreams. I know that once, I dreamed this long and amazing poem but it was gone faster than I thought possible once I woke up (my only memory is that it happened). This was a big deal for me as I have never had any talent or interest in poetry in my life.
     
    Part of the reason I don't remember my dreams is because they tend to be like my life or I feel like someone else and everything is normal. In saying that, I'm most often happy in my dreams. My first words on waking up tend to be either "Oh no" or "argghh!".
     
    I have a condition in my right eye. It hurts at times. Most often when I wake up.
     
    Anyway, my dream last night was just odd. I remember nearly all of it.
     
    It was me and three friends that don't exist (two men and a woman). They didn't have names, but we all knew each other. We were on an adventure holiday in the Amazon. Somehow our bus/van thing could float. We end up getting pulled along the current until we ended up in a jungle river. Our transport was stuck between a few rocks. We were able to make our way across the stream and found a large cave up a hill to camp in right by the waters edge.
     
    It was at this point one of my friends became a bit unhinged. Like he was on coke. We realized that there was a native tribe on the other side of the water and my friend ignored us to hassle and terrorize them. He developed a "Man who would be king" complex. We stayed in the cave and we kept begging him to leave the natives alone. They were women, children and old folk.
     
    I then did something I never did before. I had a dream inside a dream.
     
    That other dream was of us being horribly killed one by one. I'll spare you the details.
     
    When I woke up from that dream, I took it as a form of premonition, and begged my other two friends to get into our weird van/bus (It was a strange mismash thing that kept changing). They didn't want to leave our other friend behind, but I got through to them.
     
    As we got back to the van, our friend was doing things to a native woman. We begged him to stop and come with is and he just laughed. As we freed the van from the rocks, he continued to laugh.
     
    As we drifted away, my other male friend asked if I knew what the danger was. I pointed to the bank, and we saw we were being watched by a number of armed natives with murder in their eyes. They were making their way back to the village and left us alone.
     
    We ended up in a city and we silently agreed not to speak of what happened.
     
     
     
    As some of you can tell, my dream was based on trashy cannibal native horror movies (like Cannibal Ferox and the like). I don't think I've ever had a dream inside a dream before.
     
    I really don't know what to think of this, aside from me knowing to get the hell out of a horror film sharpish.
  5. Midnight Seeker
    I'm not going to hide spoilers so you shouldn't read this if you haven't played the game. This blog will keep, but the few surprises will be ruined if you read on. Consider yourself warned.
     
     
    Damn, this series might be good, but I wish they'd stop with the heartbreaking stuff!
     
    I wish you could build up more of a relationship with Sarah, as these bits seem rushed. I saved Nick in the last game and I fear I am going to regret it. I won't replay sections of the game until the end of the season as I want to the story to evolve properly. Nick is the new Kenny. He might be a good guy, but he will commit rash actions with dire consequences. Speaking of the devil, I was delighted to see Kenny again! I was sure my buddy from season one was dead, and the the returner was going tae be Lilly since you never see her dead.
     
    I kind of want to see her again, even though she murdered my favourite character (Carley). Early days yet though. I want to see Lilly try to redeem herself, or at least go full psycho so she can be put down one way or the other.
     
    But it was great seeing Kenny return. The guy might make the wrong decisions and may be losing his grip on reality a bit (he also still has that damned temper) but he is a good man and a great character.
     
    Likewise it was interesting to see Bonnie from 400 Days make a reappearance. Had to remind myself that Clem doesn't know her. I was pissed that 400 Days confirmed Carley's death, but I am very interested in how Bonnie's group did.
     
    I don't like this Carver guy as a character or a villain. I'm prepared to wait a bit but I think he's a false messiah type and that he's going tae have a utopia that is going tae fall apart.
     
     
    What do you guys think? Enjoying the game?
  6. Midnight Seeker
    So I was meant to help my mum do a bit of house work, when Breagha (our Samoyed) goes totally nuts. She's hyper affectionate, barking and snuggling up to me. When I go up the stairs to my room, she blocks me off and rolls over.
     
    After a few minutes of wondrous belly rubs, I give in and tell my mum I'm taking Bri for a wee walk. Of course when she hears this, Breagha goes mental. I grab a wee baggy, put her lead on and off we go!
     
    Breagha did her business immediately (right by a dog waste bin I might add) then dragged me to the wood park. As I'm a big guy and I keep her on a short leash (dog walking brings out my inner fascistic) I am used to walking her. She had me jogging!!
     
    Moment I let her off the lead, she was dancing around the park, stopping only to passionately dig up some dirt and do some extreme sniffing around.
     
    I can honestly say I haven't seen her this excited before (and she's no the shy retiring type).
     
    She went mad in the dirt, then had a drink from a puddle, then dived into some mud!
     
    As she is a white dog, the mud was just a wee bit obvious.
     
    We walked towards the burn, and she ran right into it to wash her paws and bark enthusiastically. After a few minutes of playing in the water, she ran out, walked right next to me and gave herself a shake (thanks love).
     
    I got her back on the lead and we walked home slowly now. She wasn't tired though. She was doing it for a reason. Sniff sniff.
     
    We walked past my mother's cousins houses. Now at this point, Bri often jumps on a wall to look at My mum's cousins ducks. This time, she met one face to face! It popped it's head over the wall and gave Bri a start. Fortunately, she was still on her lead. If she wasn't, it would have been a former duck. . .
     
    She resumed her sniffing around the side of the road, when she suddenly dived into the side, and pushed her head into the dirt. I thought it standard insane behavior, until she brought her head up and I heard frantic squeaking.
     
    Her reason for taking it slow earlier? She was mousing!
     
    She caught a wee shrew, and proceeded to *edited for wusses*. Then she gave me the biggest happy smile you have ever seen and rolled over.
     
    Took her home, gave her a wee treat and left her to chill on the step.
     
    Good day.
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