
I always respond the same way.
"Let's say for a moment that you were always angry, always sad, and you didn't want to hurt the people you care about by taking it out on them. Let's say everyone always expected you to be happy and cheerful and all the rest. Everything everyone expects you to be. Let's say that you try so hard to live up to those expectations and because you always feel angry and empty and sad you feel like you're failing everyone you care about. But you don't want to hurt them. You don't want to hurt anyone, you don't want to make anyone cry. So instead you take your anger and sadness and failure out on yourself to avoid hurting others. You believe that by doing this to yourself, you're doing the universe a favor. And when people notice, you feel guilty for making them cry and making them upset. You don't want to hurt anyone. So you tell them you'll stop. You'll stop for them. And for while you do, because you don't want to hurt them. You don't want to hurt the people you care about most. You don't want to hurt anyone. But after a while all that anger and sadness breaks through your walls, and you end up hurting the people you care about by hurting yourself. And you feel terrible for hurting them so you punish yourself. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to make anyone cry or be worried. So I hurt myself to save those I care about from myself."
And everyone who hears my explanation has questioned me about it again.
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