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Corsair


Ashen Pathfinder
  • , No, Not Cast Adult stallion

    Corsair's color is largely that of a silvery gray that runs from his head to his legs. His mane and tail are a much darker gray. The color in both cases is uniform with no additional markings.

     

    His eyes are a hazel-coloring with a red tint to them. They can appear redder thanks to certain lighting; specifically that influenced by the sun.

     

    He wears a brown flight jacket with a flight hat for added efficiency and protection against the cold. Along with that he carries around flight goggles as his eyes have issues with staying moist while in flight.

    male Pegasus A feather and a lightning bolt.

    His personality is largely marked by being very laid back and happy; sometimes being mistaken for over confidence. While he is very confident, he's not overly boasting of it. Instead, he let's his example in leadership do the talking.He is also known for being one who likes to talk and is good at keeping a conversation going. He also likes to joke around and also tends to pull pranks on his friends and teammates.

     

    All of this adds to his qualities in leadership. He can be very mature and measured in times of stress, while also having charisma to win over the support of others if needed.

     

    While he didn't enjoy his time as a foal in Canterlot schooling, he was still fairly attentive, though posses average intelligence and doesn't care for most scholarly subjects. He also has a bit of a temper which can get him into trouble with others if his buttons are pushed.

    Likes: The struggles other ponies go through.<br />Rich & pampered attitudes.<br />Extreme cold

    Corsair was born to a rich family of pegasi in Canterlot. While growing up he had everything he could want, and at that young age he generally enjoyed it. Entering foal school he was generally well-liked for his friendly demeanor; though he was often called-out for being a bit too cocky. Often times he let his confidence get the better of him, but at that young age he still had plenty to learn. Among his friends were a few transfer students from Cloudsdale; who had shared with him the joys of flight schools and how the best fliers in Equestria generally came from them.

     

    It was from here where he decided that he wanted to do something with his natural ability of flight. His parents, however, didn't relent as they felt the education he received in Caterlot was top class and he would be foolish to throw it away. He reluctantly accepted, but the stories that he was told remained in his imagination. Little did he know that a chance to show off what he could do.

     

    Not long afterwards an event for pegasi fillies and colts was organized by the Wonderbolts in Canterlot for purposes of possible recruitment. Begging for the chance to participate Corsair's parents finally relented and allowed him the chance to race. While Corsair was confident, he was was also nervous. This was organized by the Wonderbolts...the top fliers in all of Equestria. This was his chance.

     

    Once the race started something came to him. In that moment while dodging obstacles and performing small stunts, he shut his eyes and forgot all about about the ponies that were watching him. He just felt himself there; the air around him, his feathers doing their thing, and the feeling of true freedom. While he was going through this moment, to his instructors, it was like he was a bird on fire. While he wasn't the fastest, only finishing fourth, he certainly had potential with his technique.

     

    That didn't matter to him as when he landed; he noticed something on his flank. A cutie mark bearing a lightning bolt and a feather magically appeared; proving to him what he felt and knew on the inside during the race.

    As he came of age he also signed up for flight camp in Cloudsdale; which allowed him to be taught by some of the more talented fliers in the realm. During his years of study and practice he worked on his technique, form, and speed and was able to improve on those facets. He had proved quite popular for his charisma and skills, but he knew that popularity by itself wasn't going to do him much good.

     

    At his graduation, he said that he wanted to do something by himself. He thanked the flight camp for all they did for him, but he noted that his destiny was away from Cloudsdale. While this left a bad taste in the mouth of his teachers, he didn't really care. He wanted to do something that mattered to him, and while he pondered on this for a time, his memories went back to his time at Canterlot. While he didn't have anything against the ponies there; he often noted that there were ponies elsewhere that were less fortunate than him. Some may be in dire situations that they can get out of. He had his motivation.

     

    His idea was to set-up a team to help the ponies of Equestria and beyond who were down-trodden and needed help. Most of those who composed his group weren't considered the best fliers; but that didn't matter to Corsair. He wasn't out to be the best or to showcase talent; but to help others. With the collective talent of his team he would answer the call for help for any pony who needed it. Using the wealth he inherited from his family, he acquired a few hot-air gallons and balloon-supported craft as a means of transporting supplies and even transporting ponies to wherever they needed.

     

    His first mission was to support an expedition commissioned by an earth pony named Sojourner for the benefit of a museum she owns in a small town. Corsair and Sojourner got to know each other, and became good friends. At the conclusion, Sojourner paid his team what was owed, and thus she helped spread the word of his group, which he named "Resonance."

    His accessories included his brown flight jacket, his brown flight hat, and his flight goggles.

     

    His base of operations is located near the foal mountains in the eastern portion of Equestria between Canterlot and Baltimare.

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Denied for using the word moist.

 

 

I promise I'll get to your character when I get home if someone else hasn't done it already.

 

 

Why you... :P

 

And no worries; take your time! :)

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So there are a couple of things that I'm worried about the implications they make that would reflect on pony society as a whole:

  • You make pegasi out of be lower class citizens, which has never really been hinted at in the show
  • You also make it seem like there are fewer pegasi and earth ponies in Canterlot, which I don't know is correct either

A couple of other issues:

  • Personality sections needs to be 2 paragraphs in length
  • Rainbow Dash is touted as being one of the best fliers in Equestria, and hasn't been offered a position within the Wonderbolts. You've basically made him a better flier than her.
  • I don't feel like there's enough of an explanation of Resonance. Also, the word mercenary has negative connotations, and I don't think it's the right word to use there. 

This line:

  • He wears a brown flight jacket with a flight hat for added efficiency and protection against the cold. Along with that he carries around flight goggles as his eyes, unlike other pegasi, has issues with staying moist while in flight.

I think you could remove the bolded part and it wouldn't change the sentence at all, and as above, it implies a lot about other pegasi.

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With all criticisms noted, I have made the following changes:

 

1. I have reworked the first two paragraphs to make sure that pegasai are not seen as lower-class in Canterlot; while also taking out hints that assumed there were more unicorns.

 

2. The sentences of the personality section have been consolidated to reflect the paragraph requirement.

 

3. I've reworked that bit that describes his time in flight school. Hopefully that will remove any pretentious assumptions about his talent. ^^;

 

4. I worked on the Resonance bit; hope that is enough.

 

5. Bolded part removed.

 

Hope that helps! Thank you for taking a look at him. :)

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It looks to me like everything that needed fixing has been fixed. I didn't see anything wrong with the app as it is, apart from a few typos. He has my approval :)

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I forgot to mention that I made an edit to the cutie mark origin story after some advice from Khajiit. There was one requirement that I failed to take into consideration, but that part, at least, should be good to go now. :)

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