Darkness Over Equestria(Updated!)

[Tom Snyder 4,113]

I'm doing another fic, but can't think of a name. So here's the idea:

 

Tamuro Yoshitaka, a 2nd year school student, has faced many challenges in his life. But during a trip to Osaka, he comes into contact with a strange gateway, this leads him to a dark world; one that gives him the sense of dread. Upon exploring this new place, he finds nopony around, just empty houses and stores. Before he sees it coming, he is knocked out and brought to the castle, there he wakes to see six ponies in front of him:

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Stay away!!" cries Tamuro,  Dimmed Star slowly trotted towards him, a foul, gut wrenching stench increasingly overpowering him with each step she took. Tamuro could hear a barely perceptible squish when she stepped, like something grimey was stuck to her hooves. Tamuro clenched his teeth as he forced himself to tear his gaze away from her eyes and down to her hooves. His heart began to slam against his chest, his breathing doubled, it took all of his being not to scream when he saw soft bits of flesh stuck to the bottom of her hooves.

 

Dimmed Star paused, examining the boy. His face was pulled back in shock, his eyes so wide they seemed to almost pop from their sockets, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his mouth opening and closing trying to scream, and her favorite part: his whole body trembling and convulsing in fear. She began to step towards him again, she couldn't hold back the twisted smile that  spread across her face, revealing her gnarled teeth that were filed to fangs. "Humans are such cowards", she thought, almost laughing when the boy's face somehow pulled back even farther.

 

"Can i play with him now, Dimmed Star?" asks Zalgy Cake,  but Dimmed Star glares at her with disapproval, making Zalgy's ears fold. She was going to have such a fun time; and was sure Tamuro would too. But there is a better purpose for him than to be her personal plaything. "Oh come on! I won't hurt him, just want to play a game, that's all" says Zalgy with a wicked smile. This makes Tamuro's blood run cold, making him back away.

 

"The Queen says nopony is to touch him, so hooves off, Zalgy. This one is special, so let us treat him as such." looking over her shoulder, Dimmed Star gives Dull Sloth a serious glare. "That goes for you to, Sloth, disobey and the Queen will have your head; even if I must do it myself." 

 

"Fine, I won't touch your little lab rat, Dimmed Star, but you owe me." says Sloth with a growl in frustration, having her potential meal taken away makes her angry, but knows Dimmed Star holds to her promises.

 

"Of course I will, don't get in  such a tissy over it, Sloth." Dimmed Star Turns her eyes back toward Tamuro, still fearful of what they plan to do with him. "You're lucky, not many who come here are so fortunate. If you wish to live, then behave yourself." warns Dimmed Star. Six red eyes pierce the darkness, and into the room; all turn and bow respectfully. "You too" forcing him down to his knees with her magic.

 

"So, this is our new guest, is it? A pleasure to meet you, Tamuro." Shocked at how this pony knew his name, he tries to get up, but is forced down again by Dimmed Star's magic. A glare from her makes it clear he isn't allowed to stand; only keep in that position unless told to. "Tell me boy, how did you find that gateway? I have much interest in it." a grin spreads across her face, evil intent apparent.

Edited June 15, 2015 by Candy Star

[Steelstallion 462]

This, good sir, is down right creepy. Is this going to be like a Human in Equestria fix? While I have to admit I probably won't continue to read it, as I'm not really one for gore or violence, it will make a great story for some. Keep up the good work.

[Tom Snyder 4,113]

This, good sir, is down right creepy. Is this going to be like a Human in Equestria fix? While I have to admit I probably won't continue to read it, as I'm not really one for gore or violence, it will make a great story for some. Keep up the good work.

Thank you And yes, it is. But his way of entering their world is different from others. This was just a sample of it.

[Bluenavyangel 366]

It is creepy and interesting at the same time.

[Tom Snyder 4,113]

Thanks for the feedback everyone!

Edited June 15, 2015 by Candy Star

[Tom Snyder 4,113]

Updated some of the grammar to be more precise, but after a bit i slipped back into an old habit; I'm sorry.