Need feedback on my OC.

[Melted Dog 161]

Can anyone help out with Sleepy Hollow, my second (or third!)  attempt at a well-developed pony? I have her appearance down, but am still in need of help with the personality and backstory. Her bio is in my signature.

 

Constructive criticism would be much appreciated!

[Tealeaf 126]

Hey there! I took a look at your bio and, from what I can see, you have a really great start c: I'm assuming that the darker, warmer coloring on her body is shading, though, since it doesn't seem to be present in your description or her palette. I'm going to go ahead and break this down into sections so that I can focus on each individual part of your character first. Fair?

Her physical design.

The color scheme is one of the single most important aspects in a character's design. From what I can discern, you did a pretty good job, although I would not suggest using unnecessary colors in your reference in the future if that darker tone is not actually a part of her design. This can be confusing to an artist and it's very hard to tell if it is part of the design or not because it isn't in the hair and doesn't effect the eye, either (This is moreso a criticism for the artist, and not you as the character's creator). That being said, your coat color was definitely an unusual decision. Typically, yellow tends to be a color that's happy, exciting, and definitely not very spooky or sleepy. That doesn't make it bad though! That contradiction can be really quirky and your dark purple hair color really compliments the character's themes and smooths that out. Personally, I don't like the eye color that you chose. With purple hair and a yellow coat, the brownish-orange tone doesn't stand out very much. A slightly different version of the same general color or maybe a pinkish-peachish color might be a little more appealing, but that is definitely just a personal assessment.

Her cutiemark.
Her cutiemark is very cute and I like that you reused the purple hair color from her hair. Although, bats aren't really symbolic of sleep disorders most of the time. It's a great idea, but a different form of symbolism might convey your theme a little bit better. Stars, clouds, and the moon are all symbols that typically express this. In terms of design alone though, I actually really enjoy the bat wings. I'm perhaps a bit biased, since bats are among my favorite animals.

Her personality and bio.

I think her having narcolepsy is a strangely cute quirk. Her name hints at it and just that detail alone gives me an idea of how she might behave. Although, I feel like that may be a difficult thing to hide, which makes her being embarrassed about it seem a little bit unrealistic. Honestly, in a weird way I feel like people knowing about it might be an asset. She could pretend to be asleep because of her condition and be able to hear things people might not otherwise say if they were aware of her listening. That could be good in a detective field, although I'm not entirely sure if that was what you were going for or not. In fact, that's the biggest problem I see with this character. You've obviously got a lot of good ideas, but it feels a little but like you were having a hard time sticking to only a single main concept.This could just be something I was picking up from it though, and not an actual flaw with her creation. It wouldn't hurt to refine just a little bit further though. If you want to make her embarrassed by her condition, then maybe a behavior other than just analyzing things would be good. Might I suggest making her excessively hyperactive, leading her to be frequently fatigued, simply to avoid being put in a calming mood.