New Fic looking for reviews.

[Deviousnights 48]

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/339792/death-note-alight-equestria

 

Basically a Death note falls into Equestria story. Looking for reviews and suggestions.

[El Duderino 879]

I'm not familiar with Death Note, so this is coming from someone who isn't a fan. This is pretty good. I noticed a few spelling mistakes, but not many. There was only one thing that I didn't like.

 

When he finds the notebook and thinks it is a prank. That doesn't seem right. I would imagine if you found that notebook, you would think it was some kids messing around and just left their book behind, rather than being a prank. It just seems like that wouldn't be a prank.

 

[Deviousnights 48]

I'm not familiar with Death Note, so this is coming from someone who isn't a fan. This is pretty good. I noticed a few spelling mistakes, but not many. There was only one thing that I didn't like.

 

When he finds the notebook and thinks it is a prank. That doesn't seem right. I would imagine if you found that notebook, you would think it was some kids messing around and just left their book behind, rather than being a prank. It just seems like that wouldn't be a prank.

 

I'll make sure to fix the spelling mistakes, thank you. The prank part was a reference to the actual series where the main character finds it thinking its a prank, but your good, you wouldn't know that i guess lol.

[El Duderino 879]

I'll make sure to fix the spelling mistakes, thank you. The prank part was a reference to the actual series where the main character finds it thinking its a prank, but your good, you wouldn't know that i guess lol.

Yea, the reason it seems off is because a prank normally has a target, and the pranksters normally would stick around to witness the prank. It would be a believable prank if something happened when he picked it up, or he noticed someone hiding or being suspicious, or maybe you establish that he knows someone who would try to prank him like that. That way he has a reason for to believe it's a prank. That's cool that it's a reference, but someone who doesn't get the reference would find it kind of off (like how I did). References are good, but don't sacrifice something making sense just for a reference. Always take into account that someone may not get the reference.

Really, other than that, it's really well written. Good job. I'll definitely read more when you write more.

[Deviousnights 48]

Yea, the reason it seems off is because a prank normally has a target, and the pranksters normally would stick around to witness the prank. It would be a believable prank if something happened when he picked it up, or he noticed someone hiding or being suspicious, or maybe you establish that he knows someone who would try to prank him like that. That way he has a reason for to believe it's a prank. That's cool that it's a reference, but someone who doesn't get the reference would find it kind of off (like how I did). References are good, but don't sacrifice something making sense just for a reference. Always take into account that someone may not get the reference.

Really, other than that, it's really well written. Good job. I'll definitely read more when you write more.

Gotcha covered. Honestly didn't think of that. I'll cool it with the unknown references in the future. I'm working on he second chapter as we speak, should be done and hopefully edited within the next few days.

[El Duderino 879]

Gotcha covered. Honestly didn't think of that. I'll cool it with the unknown references in the future. I'm working on he second chapter as we speak, should be done and hopefully edited within the next few days.

Awesome! Can't wait to read it

[Deviousnights 48]

I just need to get it proofread now.

[Deviousnights 48]

Alright new chapter is up

[Deviousnights 48]

Next few chapters are up. Would like some more reviews

[NSB Brony 8]

Death note was awesome! I'd love to check it out for you. I'm a writer myself, so I'll make it constructive