Asking for OC critique and development suggestions

[NebulaFirefly 15]

May I ask for some help and critique for my main/alter-ego OC?

 

Main info:

 

Name: Nebula Firefly

Type: Gallifreyan Pony (species I've created for my Doctor Who AU/headcanon)

Spoiler

Gallifreyan ponies are alien ponies which are based on the race of Time Lords/Gallifreyans from the "Doctor Who" universe. The same way as their humanoid prototypes, Gallifreyan ponies have two hearts, increased reaction, some other minor physical differences from usual ponies, and ability to regenerate. While still posessing aging, Gallifreyan ponies have longer lifespan than usual ponies - about 200-300 years between regenerations if wasn't injured, and about 4000 years with all regenerations.

In their true form, Gallifreyan ponies look somewhat like alicorns, due to having bot wings and horn, but their appearance can vary a lot - some of them have appearance that is quite typical for Equestrian alicorn princesses, others have a body shape of a usual pony with both horn and wings, others have insect wings like changelings, and some can even look like winged kirins.

A Gallifreyan pony may change her appearance type after regeneration, and it's a norm for one pony, for example, to be born as a "winged kirin", and become a changeling-looking creature after first regeneration. Gallifreyan ponies have a special ability to "hide" their wings or horn, or both, what gives them an opportunity to disguise themselves as usual ponies, no matter if it would be unicorn, pegasus or even earth pony.

Even having an alicorn-like appearance, Gallifreyan ponies doesn't have the same power as alicorn princesses. While actually having the same general amount of magical energy, that can be used at once on their maximum, as the alicorn princesses, Gallifreyan ponies' everyday magical abilities are not more powerful than of talented unicorns. The reason is that Gallifreyan ponies are able to use their full potential only in critical circumstances, one of which is regeneration. In other cases, their organism limits the amount of magic that can be used, to prevent a risk of physical injurance - unlike with true alicorns, for Gallifreyan ponies such a power is impossible to use without a risk of self-destruction.

Like their humanoid prototype, Gallifreyan ponies have additional time-related senses. For them, time has several dimensions, and they are able to subconsciously feel the time flow and if the time itself was somehow changed, but Gallifreyan ponies doesn't have ability to predict events, their maximum is feeling critical points were the time flow may choose several directions depending on someone's decision. They also have an ability to sense others of their kind and, not always but often, recognize each other after regeneration by sensing "time vibes" which are unique for each Gallifreyan pony.

Talent: Understanding animals' behaviour

Appearance:
 

Coat: Purple
Eyes: Aquamarine (light greenish teal)
Mane: Dark purple with yellow (secondary color) and aquamarine (tertiary color) strands

Special details: Has darker markings on her coat (socks, mask, and appaloosa-like marking on her hip). In her true form, looks partly kirin-like because of having a horn with an additional branch, and tasseled tail. Have proportions which are close to proportions of usual unicorns, but a bit more massive in size.

Preferable disguise form: Unicorn

Physical abilities: Strong and athletic, survivor type, but not so good in terms of speed, more of a "helicopter" flying type (usually slow, but highly maneuverable and able to carry big weights)

Cutie Mark: in search of suggestions!
Voice: in search of suggestions! I imagine her with some kind of beautiful but rather low voice, possibly even one which is suitable for heavy metal female vocal.

Clothes/Accessories: in search of suggestions! Thinking about something like googles.

 

Personality

MBTI: ENTP

General impressions: A bit of a freak, she is an intelligent but quite crazy pony. Has strong mind combined with vivid imagination and high creativity. Loud, fun-loving, always interested in the world around her, friendly. Does whatever she wants without paying attention on others' reactions, but because of being kind and caring to all life forms pony, would almost never do anything that can harm someone. However, she also have short temper and heavy hooves, so it's better not to make her angry if you don't want to be hurt. Loyal to friends, she also tries to help, but it can be hard for her to recognise that someone needs emotional care, because she is bad in interpreting other ponies' emotions and actually sympathetic and helping by actions, but not empathetic. Straightforward, honest, but the dark side of this trait is being rude and stubborn. A strange combination of procrastinator and spontaneously hard-working pony.

Positive traits: Intelligent, creative, curious, fun-loving, altruistic, loyal, animal-loving, straightforward, energetic, honest

Flaws: Low empathy, doesn't care about rules, harsh, rude, low level of self-control, stubborn, agressive if provoced, procrastinator

Likes: Animals, wild nature, travelling around the Universe, researching, drawing, having fun, listening to heavy but melodical music (something like power metal or folk rock, sometimes indie or country), cold weather, helping ponies and animals, Heart's Warming

Dislikes: Useless rules, being polite for the sake of good manners, being bored, seeing someone being hurt, being a leader, crowds

 

Backstory

Job: Astrobiologist/xenobiologist, zoology specialisation. Travelling scientist who visits different inhabited exoplanets and researches local fauna in wild.

Hobbies: drawing, travelling, music, astronomy

Age: 67 (first incarnation, no regenerations, considered as a young mare)

Gallifreyan Chapter: Prydonian, with Arcalian ancestry

Short life story: Was born on Gallifrey, and from young age was showing her passion to animals and drawing. Got her cutiemark at the age of 12, after rescuing another filly from an angry wild pig-bear (local animal) by realising that the beast was hurt and needed medical help. Started her education at the Time Lord Academy at the age of 8, like other Gallifreyan foals. Graduated at the age of 45 as a xenobiologist, established symbiotic relationships with her own TARDIS at 53. 

[TotallyNotNyx 15,566]

I'm not someone who's good at critiquing lol, so I'd rather just praise. I would just like to say that you really do seem to done a great lot of work on your OC and her species as a whole.

Nebula Firefly sounds like a fantastic character. 

I just think it would be better if you shortened "Gallifreyan" down some of the time. Maybe "Freyan" or something, so it fits in with the simple names that the other species of ponies have. So while their technical name is Gallifreyan, they might just use Freyan in normal speech.  

One question: Are you intending to have her cross paths with Equestrians, or are you just using Equestrian ponies at a reference for comparison?

[NebulaFirefly 15]

Thank you! I definitely need to think about an alternative name for the race, as both "Gallifreyan pony" and "Time Lord pony" are too long to pronounce, pluse Time Lord/Lady is more of a title, which Nebula don't like using by the way.

About crossing parts with Equestrians: in my AU, Equestria and Gallifrey had some relationships in the past. Gallifreyans were the ones who actually invented the concept of alicorn princesses, to help Equestria fight against Discord and to stabilize the planet - Discord's magic have ruined the physics in that world, and native planet of Equestria cannot rotate around it's axis and it's sun anymore on it's own.

In AU, alicorn princesses are somewhat like River Song from Doctor Who - the same way as River is a human who mutated due to contacting with the TARDIS and gained ability to regenerate, alicorn princesses also have changed genetics. The difference is that alicorns can use their full potential at once without risking to blow themselves up, but on the other hand they can't regenerate.

 

In case of Nebula herself, I think that Equestrian fauna would be interesting for her (she is Gallifreyan, Equestria is an exoplanet for her!), but I think that if she would personally contact with any canonical pony, it would someones of the background ponies - even if it was not a bad thing to make her friends with someone of the main characters, I don't think Nebula would be intrested in befriending with them. Possibly she could know Dr Hooves (he is a Gallifreyan too in my AU) but just because they are of the same race and of the same chapter (both Prydonians). In other cases, I think that she would interact more with non-canon ponies.

[TotallyNotNyx 15,566]

13 minutes ago, NebulaFirefly said:

Thank you! I definitely need to think about an alternative name for the race, as both "Gallifreyan pony" and "Time Lord pony" are too long to pronounce, pluse Time Lord/Lady is more of a title, which Nebula don't like using by the way.

About crossing parts with Equestrians: in my AU, Equestria and Gallifrey had some relationships in the past. Gallifreyans were the ones who actually invented the concept of alicorn princesses, to help Equestria fight against Discord and to stabilize the planet - Discord's magic have ruined the physics in that world, and native planet of Equestria cannot rotate around it's axis and it's sun anymore on it's own.

In AU, alicorn princesses are somewhat like River Song from Doctor Who - the same way as River is a human who mutated due to contacting with the TARDIS and gained ability to regenerate, alicorn princesses also have changed genetics. The difference is that alicorns can use their full potential at once without risking to blow themselves up, but on the other hand they can't regenerate.

 

In case of Nebula herself, I think that Equestrian fauna would be interesting for her (she is Gallifreyan, Equestria is an exoplanet for her!), but I think that if she would personally contact with any canonical pony, it would someones of the background ponies - even if it was not a bad thing to make her friends with someone of the main characters, I don't think Nebula would be intrested in befriending with them. Possibly she could know Dr Hooves (he is a Gallifreyan too in my AU) but just because they are of the same race and of the same chapter (both Prydonians). In other cases, I think that she would interact more with non-canon ponies.

Sounds great. However, you might need to find a reason (other than a mutation in their genetic material) for why the Alicorn princesses live for thousands of years without needing to regenerate.

Also, maybe you could do a brief origin story for Discord to explain where he came from. Maybe he’s the result of an old Gallifreyan experiment gone wrong? Or maybe he’s an alien from a totally different planet to Earth or Gallifrey? This isn’t essential to the story if you are planning to set the story in the present day, but if you do a chapter or two on the past, it might be a nice thing to add.

I also totally agree to your OC interacting with mostly background ponies. In the show, background ponies never got enough time in the spotlight, so it would be nice to see how you develop the background character’s personalities in this AU.

Even in canon, Dr Hooves feels like an alien. He would be really suited to being a human tbh, since in Equestria, maths and science are always portrayed to be inferior to magic, whereas this isn’t true in the Human world.

Edited March 20, 2020 by Spacetime Vortex

[NebulaFirefly 15]

Yeah I see! I had an idea of making Discord an alien, but wasn't focusing on it yet because Nebula's design and personality was a priority. I need to look into other details of the story too, I think it will come to my mind sometime!

[TotallyNotNyx 15,566]

Good luck with writing the story. Do you have any idea of how long the story  would be? I would advise to take it in small chunks and maybe start off with a short story, which can then be used a basis for more chapters or even sequels.

[NebulaFirefly 15]

I don't know yet! I even had an idea to make it a cartoon not just story, but I am not skilled enough in animation. But comic book - actually, why not?

[TotallyNotNyx 15,566]

Wow, making it into a comic book would be amazing. 

As for an animation, that’s always really difficult and time-consuming, so a comic book would be better.

[NebulaFirefly 15]

Agree! But comic books require a lot of work on design, and here comes the dalek problem because I am a bit stuck here 

[NebulaFirefly 15]

About cutie mark for Nebula - I had an idea that a cutie mark based on a bear footprint may work, because of her combination of short temper and talent with zoology, and also because of getting her cutie mark after saving a friend from a wild pig-bear (which actually look like usual bears but with more pig-like face).

But I don't know what exactly I should do with this cutie mark to show that Nebula is not just biologist but a travelling xenobiologist.