Princess Of The Sun: A Celestia Poem

[Bright Honor 2,809]

This is for the pony who watches over us all, Celestia:

 

Oh Celestia, Princess of the sun,

How each day you fill with fun,

Your mane flows with exotic elegance,

For your beauty catches everyponies' glance,

Your eyes fill me with hope and protection,

It is no wonder why all your loyal subjects shower you with respect and admiration,

You act motherly to everypony,

Therefore nopony is forever lonely,

You rule Equestria with love and fairness,

I couldn't be happier to call you my highness,

Whenever you appear, it is with a smile on your face,

And whenever you soar through the blue sky, it is with unmatched grace,

Wheither it is the Summer Sun Festival or the Galloping Gala,

We are eager to attend, for we all love our princess of the sun, Celestia

 

I can't wait to see what everypony thinks!

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

It is nice, but I must add that just like the Luna poem you did awhile back, Something seems off about it. I dont find it quite fluent, but of course everypony looks at poetry differently, so maybe its just me.

 

Also, again, it feels like you are relying too heavily apon the rhyme scheme. From what I see, the lines dont connect just right... sorry.

[Bright Honor 2,809]

It is nice, but I must add that just like the Luna poem you did awhile back, Something seems off about it. I dont find it quite fluent, but of course everypony looks at poetry differently, so maybe its just me.

 

Also, again, it feels like you are relying too heavily apon the rhyme scheme. From what I see, the lines dont connect just right... sorry.

 

It is ok it does not bother me. Plus, it is true that wheither a poem is good or bad is very subjective. I know it isn't super amazing, but I felt the need to show some appreciation for Celestia. Thank you for your response .

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

It is ok it does not bother me. Plus, it is true that wheither a poem is good or bad is very subjective. I know it isn't super amazing, but I felt the need to show some appreciation for Celestia. Thank you for your response .

 

Well, since we are on the subject of poetry, would you mind clicking the link in my signature and perusing through some of my poems... perhaps leaving a critizism of your own?

[Bright Honor 2,809]

Well, since we are on the subject of poetry, would you mind clicking the link in my signature and perusing through some of my poems... perhaps leaving a critizism of your own?

 

Perhaps tommorow. I would love to do it now, but unfortunetly I am on a bit of a tight schedule. I am sure I will enjoy the poems when I read .

[The Temporal Twins 89]

Your eyes fill me with hope and protection,

It is no wonder why all your loyal subjects shower you with respect and admiration

 

We liked the idea behind this poem, and the work itself.

But personally, we would have shortened the third verse, second line a bit.

 

Also, We may have changed "admiration" with "affection"

We find that it may have flowed a bit better that way

Edited October 21, 2012 by Temporal Twins