Need help proofreading my fanfiction

[Sarge Sixteenbit 287]

I'm trying to submit my fan-fiction to Equestria Daily, but unfortunately, they detected a large number of grammatical and punctuational errors

 

here is a link to the fan-fiction on the forums

 

http://mlpforums.com/topic/39665-beavis-and-butthead-in-stupidity-is-magic/

 

I will update the copies of my fiction on the forums, on DeviantArt and on GoogleDocs when they are fixed

 

I am by no means a language arts expert, so can someone please help me out?