Thoughts on my OC? Summerwind

[DukeofCanterlot 158]

Summer Wind (Note: I am changing his cutie mark from the magic wand to a trophy (to symbolize his love of being the best)..I am getting some help on this and will change the cutie mark once it is ready.)

I might write a fanfic about this OC soon but I am going to do my best to make sure he doesn't seem like a Mary Sue, that might take some time..

 

Born and raised in Canterlot to a high-achieving and affluent pegasus family.
His father is a champion flyer who is the lead trainer of the Wonderbolts, his personality is probably a mixture of that of Rainbow Dash and Applejack, a fast, highly confident flyer but with a strong work ethic and very disciplined/tough with his kids. 
His mother is a professor at Canterlot University, who has a PhD in zoology, her personality is similar to that of Fluttershy and Twilight... interested in animals but from an academic perspective.  

Summer has two sisters [an older sister (Soar) and a younger sister (Sunny Day) who are both Wonderbolt-quality fliers]. Haven't really thought about what these two would be like much yet.. but for now, Soar is somewhat of an elitist but with a very graceful demeanor.. she specializes in "ballroom flying", calm but with a dramatic edge. Sunny Day is perky and a bundle of energy..she is more into the high speed flying and aspires to be a Wonderbolt. 

 

Summer Wind, while an average flyer, is a fantastic student - particularly good with numbers. He is just as bright as Twilight Sparkle. However, his sense of morality is a little more hazy than Twilight's and he is more willing to bend the rules to get what he wants. He is a fast thinker and even though he isn't the best flyer, he has impressed his fellow pegasi nevertheless. He is good with money and is motivated by being the best, being #1 in anything he does. However, he has a good heart and wants to help his friends/family. But his biggest personality flaws are his overcompetitive nature and his arrogance - he thinks he is fundamentally better than the other ponies and has an elitist streak.. but rather than coming off as a snooty Canterlot pony, rather he comes across as a fast-talking know-it-all who might be trying too hard. Some of his best traits are his strong work ethic and goal-oriented personality, he sets a goal and works to achieve it.

 

Due to his abilities and his father, Summer Wind was able to get a job as a financial advisor to the Wonderbolts. Summer's job is to increase the net worth of the Wonderbolts. He has been doing great so far but has gotten involved with some shady ponies in the process... 

 

Summer Wind's relations to the Mane Six
First of all, my OC has met Twilight, Rainbow, and Fluttershy before.. he is meeting Pinkie, Applejack, and Rarity for the first time during his visit to Ponyville.


Twilight Sparkle: A friend of his during childhood, they grew apart though when Summer went to flight school and Twilight went to magic school. When Summer hears that Twilight is at Ponyville, he decides to visit her. He desires to rekindle their friendship, Summer kind of feels though that Twilight cut him off after she started magic school (something she didn't do deliberately but from being so engrossed in her studies). He also goes to Twilight for advice when he realizes that he is romantically interested in Pinkie Pie. Not sure if I would want to do something where Twilight gets jealous that Summer is interested in Pinkie or not.. or just make them really close friends who share a bond of "being on the same wavelength intellectually".

Rainbow Dash: One of Summer's classmates at flight school. Rainbow taught Summer how to become more assertive and helped him become a better flyer. Summer, in return, helped Rainbow with her classes (the academic stuff) at flight school. The two of them have a friendly competitive dynamic even though each of their talents are in different realms. Summer being around would also give some more insight into Rainbow Dash's experiences at flight school. 
 

Fluttershy: Summer's cousin, on his mother's side. The two didn't have much interaction as kids though since Summer's mother and Fluttershy's mother don't exactly get along. The two interacted more in flight school, even though Summer wanted to be friends with the "cool ponies", he would defend Fluttershy when the "cool ponies" bullied her. Despite being a year younger than Fluttershy, he wants to take on the "protective big brother" role with her that he could never do with his strong-willed younger sister. Summer wants his parents and Fluttershy's parents to get along.

Pinkie Pie: A pony that he is intrigued by and in whom he has a romantic interest. He loves her optimistic personality and energy. She takes a liking to him early on too since he has a fun demeanor and is quick-witted despite being somewhat selfish and arrogant. Probably due to his interest, Summer also has a tendency to overestimate Pinkie and think she isn't capable of doing anything wrong. They both also enjoy pulling pranks on the other ponies and go over-the-top.
This also reveals that he is somewhat shy when it comes to expressing his feelings.
(Not sure if I want to actually do some kind of OC/Pinkie romance yet though...but I think I can do it while keeping it PG/PG-13. I might go along with this because I have already thought of a scene where Summer Wind takes Pinkie Pie to Canterlot to meet his family...)

 

Applejack and Rarity: Not 100% sure yet for either of them but I am thinking that Summer Wind would be interested in helping Apple Jack out with the farm and thinking of ways of how her farm can become more successful financially, the same goes with Rarity and her fashion business...but I really envision this role with Summer Wind and Applejack. Rarity would also likely take a strong interest in Summer's upbringing since he does come from an elite Canterlot family. 

 

Thoughts on the whole?

Edited November 17, 2013 by DukeofCanterlot

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@@DukeofCanterlot,

 

It's a really good OC. However, I think you overdid it a little bit with the education and made him close to Twilight Sparkle. Having his father as the leader of the Wonderbolts, seems like a very Mary Sue like father. Also, having Rainbow Dash teach him to be more assertive is a no-no for me, because that's basically copying off of Sonic Rainboom. You might wanna go back and change that. I think that this OC has a little TOO much ties with the mane 6 and could use a little refining on those parts. It's a good start though. 

[Sugar Pea 2,682]

Hmmm...try making the colors at least a little bit softer, because hard solid colors usually don't look that good on an OC, unless, that is, they pull it off somehow. Especially if his name is Summer Wind, I mean wouldn't he have more summer colors on him?

 

Another thing is making the character know the mane six. Personally, I think it's a huge no-no, because it's like saying, "Hey, my OC knows the mane six and your's don't!". I mean, over 1,000,000 OCs know them already! Don't let your OC be a copy! (Please note i'm not trying to be mean, i'm just giving constructive critism)

 

Maybe if he knew a character or two, since they are basically all around Ponyville, it would be fine.

 

 

[DukeofCanterlot 158]

@@DukeofCanterlot,

 

It's a really good OC. However, I think you overdid it a little bit with the education and made him close to Twilight Sparkle. Having his father as the leader of the Wonderbolts, seems like a very Mary Sue like father. Also, having Rainbow Dash teach him to be more assertive is a no-no for me, because that's basically copying off of Sonic Rainboom. You might wanna go back and change that. I think that this OC has a little TOO much ties with the mane 6 and could use a little refining on those parts. It's a good start though. 

Thanks for the advice. I am planning to incorporate this OC into a fanfic which involves the Mane Six but I think I could take out some of the original ties with them. I think having Summer Wind know Rainbow Dash from flight school is plausible though but the assertiveness training probably isn't necessary...my OC isn't exactly a wallflower to begin with anyway. 

I dunno.. honestly, I could probably have the same effect on how his personality develops just by making more OCs (first of all, his family, and secondly, some of his friends). I could have Summer Wind befriend other pegasi in flight school instead for instance..

 

I guess I could also just make Summer Wind's father a really good flyer without being the Wonderbolts' lead trainer as well. I still kind of like the idea of Summer Wind working for the Wonderbolts as a financial advisor though since that is part of his talent..

 

I would just need a good reason for Summer Wind to visit Ponyville in the first place, since he is from Canterlot. I mean.. would have Twilight ever gone to Ponyville if it wasn't for Princess Celestia? It's not exactly a big city...maybe he could be friends with Rainbow Dash and he decides to visit her but meet her friends in the process, which I know is like "Griffon the Brush Off" but my OC is not as much of a biatch as Gilda..

Hmmm...try making the colors at least a little bit softer, because hard solid colors usually don't look that good on an OC, unless, that is, they pull it off somehow. Especially if his name is Summer Wind, I mean wouldn't he have more summer colors on him?

 

Another thing is making the character know the mane six. Personally, I think it's a huge no-no, because it's like saying, "Hey, my OC knows the mane six and your's don't!". I mean, over 1,000,000 OCs know them already! Don't let your OC be a copy! (Please note i'm not trying to be mean, i'm just giving constructive critism)

 

Maybe if he knew a character or two, since they are basically all around Ponyville, it would be fine.

 

Thanks for the advice. These are both interesting to think about.. I kinda like his color but I get what you mean especially when compared to the ponies in general, almost all of them had soft colors. He's supposed to stand out somewhat but I'll have to experiment. I'm more likely to change his name than his color though.

 

See my response to Thunder-Dash regarding what I am thinking of doing in terms of how he knows the Mane Six. I am planning to write a fanfic where he meets Twilight and her friends but I know that doesn't mean he needs to know any of them prior to that.. I am envisioning now that

a.) he never met Twilight before but just heard about her ascension to princesshood..

b.) he knew Rainbow Dash from flight school..

c.) he is not related to Fluttershy, even though his mother is somewhat like Fluttershy in terms of personality..

 

These changes may not be so bad actually for me.. I could always just make more OCs (already working on his family but also his own set of friends).

 

I do think the Summer Wind/Pinkie Pie interactions would be particularly hilarious though and I could always just write a fanfic where he somehow meets and befriends her..with the other Mane Five being basically background ponies if they show up at all.. probably with Twilight and Rainbow Dash actually playing somewhat important roles. 

Edited November 18, 2013 by DukeofCanterlot

[Stancet 689]

I've read most of his profile, but not much of his relationship to the mane 6 yet.

 

If you want to know my personal philosophy, I believe there is NO such thing as a Mary Sue. Mary Sues are created only because writers are lazy and can't explore the next level of depth in their characters. I've never worried myself too much when trying to create an original character because flaws normally come to them after I figure them out.

 

Summer Wind, though, seems like a very good character. I understand why you're afraid that he's maybe too perfect. But, I think he would do very well in a story with extreme circumstances that demand a character who can rise to those challenges. Superman's the best example, but you don't have to compare Summer Wind to him if you don't want.