soar the blue sky (original) by tatictime1

[TaticTime 0]

i would love some feedback on this song its my first song im a singer/song writer, heres the song http://www.youtube.c...h?v=4xTaedE2pNE

[OrangeRiff 45]

Sorry, if this will be harsh, but as you asked for feedback, I will try and point out the mistakes.

 

1. Music

I think I got a glimpse on what you wanted to achieve, but this was so off mark, you hit something on another continent...

The never changing chimes you used were empty by themselves. The whole melody was too ripped apart to be enjoyable.

There was nothing holding this together, so the 2 or 3 different instruments (if I herd them out right) just felt like they were thrown on eachother.

I think you should really think this one through and start again. Maybe listen to some other songs for reference...

 

2. Singing

No!

If you want to sing, then sing!

Don't act like your singing, or do it the halfhearted way.

If you decided you would sing, then let your voice out!

 

I'm not saying you should shout, just try to actually sing the song.

This was not singing.

If you don't have confidence in your skill, or voice, or self, or whatever, then go and do something about it!

Go to music school, try to sing for friends, improve your singing skills at home by yourself, etc.

This was like listening to the 5 years old nephew I never had doing karaoke for the first time, while he doesn't know the tune or the lyrics.

If you have written the lyrics, then at least try to sing it from your heart, and not just mumble the words so not one of the listeners can understand them.

 

Everypony can sing if they try!

Some may not be as amusing or talented as others, but they can, IF THEY TRY!

You should try sometimes, and maybe it will turn out differently

 

 

I hope, that I didn't kill your artistic mood, because I believe in the fact, that eveypony, who tries themselves at music, can show something new to the world.

I believe, that you can make something nice, if you try some more, but not this time.

 

Have a cake and start over

[TaticTime 0]

thanks for the feedback ya i kinda realized it after i uploaded it 

[OrangeRiff 45]

Sorry again, if I was too blunt... 

I hope I didn't upset you too much, with what I've written.