I just wanted to take time during my lunch break to type this out. I know that I have been causing some issues on this site. I know it's not physically harming others(I hope it isn't). I wanted to take time to say on my first blog, how awesome you guys have been since March 2013 when I first came here. I have enjoyed being a part of this brony fandom and the show FIS has really helped me maintain a positive attitude on life.

I have some problems going on in the real and I know that we all have issues. So I'm not special and I am not trying to make this sound like some pity party(it sounds like one). I have the following going on in my life; Parents have been harder on me since 2012. I have some house issues, meaning I am trying to get out on my own, but cannot support myself with the wages I make. I also have did everything I could to maintain health and things are going better than expected. I have issues with my so called "real" friends. To make a long story short. I have been there for them, they have never been there for me. They never call me and it boils down to me having to start something. I find real friendship to be a community.. a team effort. Real friends love and support each other. I have been with these people since 6th grade and it may have seemed real then, but I wasted 8 years on these people.

So it's just the typical 'trying to find my purpose and place in life'. Things are building up for me and I feel this great change about to occur in my life. As a result it has made me very crazed. as in I cannot focus on channeling that energy to manifest into a reality. I have done these things to increase benefits in my life.

I have started meditating with amazing results in March of this year

This is important to me, because last year I started getting into 'religious study'. I thought christianity would have been good for me. But it actually wasn't. It instilled a ton of fear within my spirit and it really had this external influence over my life. So in December 2013, I started to drift from it and entered a secular spiritual view. I became fascinated with the mind and discovered what true spirituality is. It is within us all. So I left the theistic view. I couldn't go with the atheistic view. I am sorry for all the atheist on this forum I have offended and cause harm to. I know that atheism is not a black and white religion(yeah I said it). Atheist can be spiritual or non spiritual. I have met unique atheist and what turns me off from atheism is just that it's impossible and I have gotten better at respecting their view points. but know that atheism is not a one track system.

So I am deist, I hold a secular spiritual view on life and it has helped me and is helping me. So in the future I will try to calm myself down. I am a very emotional person and people say I'm intelligent. I question my intelligence because I don't like to esteem myself above others. I need to find a balance between emotion and logic.

So what do i want to do with my life? I want to help others. I love research and I know people have a tin foil hat perspective of how I come across. I am online and you are all real human beings and it doesn't excuse me from acting out of line. I vent my research online because no one in my real life wants to hear it. They think I'm an idiot. I love to learn and I love to experience real education. So just a heads up, I am not a conspiracy nut. I used to be heavily influenced by Alex Jones and David Icke when I was 15. I grew up and knew these men were money shakers and are hiding real truths.

So my view is simply, do your own research and think for yourself to come to logical conclusions. I know we don't want to leave our comfort zone. But I grew up sucking in public school(Thank God). I left High School and started to get fascinated with the internet and this whole world that has been kept from us. Science, history, anthropology, archaeology and all these things about our planet are not defined. We humans are ignorant to think we know everything.. When we haven't learned to walk yet. It's my goal to get out and explore and I want to do it for others, not just myself. So yeah, public schooling is awful and I know why kids are sucking.. because they're actually intelligent people

So to wrap up. I'm sorry for any mayhem I might have caused to people. I'm not going to play favorites. but there have been many people on this forum that have been great people to me, even though we don't know each other. No need for names, you know who you are Even if we have fought and don't agree with each other.. Still thank you for talking to me in the first place.