I am sorry. I am sorry to everyone of whom I have affected or spoken to in my time here. I didn't mean to leave you short handed in your desire for online communication and friendship. For the most part, I have been extensively fake in an attempt to reconcile my failures and pains in the life away from the computer screen. Not only have I been unsympathetic to many, I have fooled others into growing attached to me. It was like a drug, lighting and inhaling until it was burnt out. Sadly, the satisfaction was only temporary. Assuming the date is correct, I have been a member of this site a little over half a year and throughout that time period I have been hiding from a reality I have to face. It's nice to dream...but sometimes you have to let go. You have to understand that life is what it is and it isn't getting any better. It will always remain the way it was since the beginning and you can be assured that one day you will die. What you do in that time, whether you waste it on a website, party with your friends all the time, work till your dying breath, is your decision.

Look at me pretending to be wise. In reality, I'm not wise at all. I'm a very insecure person who has had a deep and dark past. Sensibly, who hasn't had a dark past? Who hasn't had it rough in their life? Everyone has it rough in some form right? Everyone is special in their own way and everyone has a purpose....

Unfortunately, if everyone has these things, who truly has these things? I'm not special. I don't have a purpose. Shadow and dust is what I am. I will work then I will die. Doubtfully, I will love and have a family. If I do, likely, it will be only to satiate that desire rather than out of love. I'm nothing more than a pawn: a marionette on a string. Fighting the inevitable only makes it worse. Believing in the impossible only makes it worse. Just bend over and take it...My face is blank. You can hide and imagine the world to be colorful and beautiful, but you only blind yourself to the shades of grey...I accept them now. I am no one. I am a beaten, ugly, and torn image...colorless and pale.

It's time to take my place in those lines of shadows...

et sic alii mortem