With midterms long gone and finals soon approaching, mid-November typically marks the pinnacle of procrastination in the life of Regulus. This year is no different—this time around, I started playing The Last of Us on PS3. I had heard many good things about the game, and after waiting for well over a year, I figured it was time to give it a try. I will admit that it's not a game that would normally pique my interest, but I heard the story is "soooooooooooo goooooooood", so... y'know... I had to give it a go.

So, what do I think of it, you ask? I'm not typically one to review games, and I'm not typically one to even form opinions worth sharing. Something about this game is different, though. There is something about this game that I just... really found unsettling.

First of all, this is not a review. That's not what this is. I'm not going to say the game is good, and I'm not going to say the game is bad. I'm not going to tell you whether or not to buy it. What I will do is describe my reaction to it, which means, you know, spoilers and all that good stuff. There's also going to be some vulgar language and descriptions of violent content here, so you've been warned.

The game opens with you playing as a young girl, who happens to be the daughter of an older man. It's the typical horror story: it's late at night, sirens and gunshots are going off, and people are yelling and screaming. The doors are locked, but zombies are bursting through anyway. You know the drill. It's an attack. Run! Escape! Grab your gun and shoot anything that moves!

The beginning of the game is very fast paced, but you don't encounter many, if any, enemies. It's just chaos, and you're just running. Eventually, you think you make it to safety, but... a soldier stops you. He points his gun at you, shoots you, and kills the little girl, your daughter.

Immediately, I had a love-hate relationship with this game. The scene was intense, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't near the point of tearing up when the girl was shot. But immediately, this game makes a very blunt impression: no one is friendly in this world. I was baffled when the armed man started shooting at an unarmed, injured civilian and his daughter. Why? What is the—

I'm sorry, I just don't get it. I don't understand. Soldiers are supposed to be protectors, not murderers. There was absolutely no reason for him to open fire. It was completely unnecessary, out of place, and just, in general, a terrible thing to do. It's against the Geneva convention. No civilized man would... it's just...

Anyway, that was my first impression. From there, the game quickly jumps forward 20 years in time. You're working with an older girl named Tess, who's your partner in crime. Together, you're going after this guy named Robert, who is presumably some sort of crime lord. All you know is that he stole your guns, and you want them back. So, without much thought, I followed through the game's quests and got to the point where I found and interrogated Robert.

Already, I was starting to have a bad feeling about this game. Even though Robert tells you what you want to know, you and Tess still end up killing him in the cutscene. At that point, I wasn't too pleased with what my character was doing, but I went along it. Robert stole my guns, therefore Robert is an asshole. Therefore, Robert should have died. Got it.

It is at that point when you meet a younger girl named Ellie. You're asked to smuggle her, without much a reason as to why. Initially, I was expecting to go on some quest to reunite her with her family or something, but as it turns out, Ellie's family is long gone. The reason why you're supposed to smuggle Ellie is because she is infected, but not turning into a "clicker." There are people working on a cure for the fungus, and Ellie's immunity is the key to finding it.

Okay. I liked that. Sounds good, right? I can help Ellie get to the people working on a cure, save humanity, and help overcome mankind's greatest challenges. Out of all the chaos I've seen, I can bring some good out of it. Right...?

Wrong.

Apparently, my character is a complete asshole. Oh, no. He doesn't want to do it. Tess wants him to do it, but he refuses. He's only looking after his own skin. My character beats the shit out of a guy and his hundred minions to recover a few stolen guns, but when it comes to saving the future of humanity... oh no, to hell with that. Let's let humanity die, shall we?

So, moving forward, he does agree to smuggle the girl, against his will. Tess dies, and Ellie becomes your new companion. That's when the adventure begins.

Nothing interesting happens between the two main characters until they get to a character named Bill. Bill is another survivor, who has an entire town to himself. The whole area is lined with booby traps and other point defenses. Again, we meet a character who is an asshole. He nearly kills you and the girl on sight, and then goes on to talk about how he refuses to look after anyone but himself.

If you haven't noticed it yet, everyone in this game (except Ellie) is inherently cynical. The characters are all as dull and lifeless as the world around them. They don't have any compassion; they're just cold and stoic reflections of the world they live in. They shoot, and then ask questions later... if at all.

After several hours of wishing I had Ezio's hidden blades instead of cheap, flimsy box cutters from Sam's Club, I finally reached my destination: my brother's place. Apparently, he's the guy who can take Ellie to the Fireflies, the group of people who can find a cure and save the human race.

At this point, my character wants to leave Ellie with brother Tommy, and leave that at that. It's over. He's done.

...Until, of course, Ellie goes on her little tirade about being alone. This is where the game starts making a turn. Instead of my character being this heartless bastard, he starts to lighten up a little. He actually starts to care about Ellie, but there is a reason for this. Ellie reminds him of the daughter he lost. Ellie is the replacement.

So, what happens? My character decides to go with Ellie to the Fireflies' headquarters. This is a genuinely good moment in the story. Finally, I get the impression that this asshole of a character I'm playing is finally starting to lighten up. Ellie is a breath of fresh air and a beacon of hope in this world; it's good to see that my character thinks so, too.

All is well until the very end of the story. The bond between the main character and Ellie strengthens, and it's clear that a father/daughter relationship is forming. But the endgoal—getting Ellie to the Fireflies—turns out to be a big disaster.

You see, Ellie wants to save humanity. She knows she's infected, and she knows she holds the cure. She's willing to embark on this mission, and she fights harder than anyone else. She's strong, fiery, and feisty. She's a badass, but she doesn't have the same "I don't care" attitude as everyone else. She does care. She knows what she has to do, and she's willing to do it.

On the other hand, when the operation to extract her brain and examine the fungus begins, my character flips out. My character knows this means Ellie is going to die, but he can't have that. Oh, no. You know what he does? He goes around and starts killing everyone!

No, no, no! Stop. These are the good guys! They're working to develop a cure, and you're having me shoot them all? Why? I'm the player. Why can't I decide what to do, here?

I don't know. But, the point is, I can't. My character is insane, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm forced to kill everyone, even the unarmed civilians. These are some of the last decent human beings on the face of the Earth, and I'm stabbing them in the throat for no good reason.

Oh, but it gets better. Eventually, I do end up saving Ellie before her operation begins. My character brutally kills everyone in the entire facility, even when they try to talk sense into him. Then, he takes Ellie back "home."

In the end, Ellie wakes up. She asks what happens. The answer? My character lies and says the Fireflies stopped looking for a cure. He says lots of people are immune, and they just don't care.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

No. Goddammit, no! That is not true. I care. Ellie cares. The Fireflies cared before you shot them all to pieces. There was hope for humanity, and it was you who ruined it. You wanted your daughter back, and you were too selfish to let Ellie make her sacrifice. You'd rather live your boring life out in the woods with your daughter than save the future of humanity. You'd rather forget about the past than face it and overcome it.

Ellie asks if it's really the truth. The character says yes, to which Ellie pauses. "Okay."

The end.

Okay? How is this okay?

I have never had such a bitter taste in my mouth after playing a game. I feel like I need to unwind the last few hours of my brain. The whole game is nothing but people cheating, lying, backstabbing, and killing with brutal hatred. I can't stand it. I know the game is supposed to have a good story, but it doesn't.

The characters aren't relatable except Ellie, Sam, and Henry. Everyone else is just a sick person who would rather put a bullet in your head. At no point are there ever any negotiations. At no point is there ever an act of kindness. At no point does a character do something that I myself would do. The story goes out of its way to kill as many people and be as heartless and depressing as possible.

In fact, the character I was playing as was basically an anti-me. He makes one choice I disagree with after another. I never would have killed Robert. I would have been more than happy to smuggle Ellie. I would gladly have accepted the mission. I wouldn't have been so harsh toward Ellie in the beginning, but I wouldn't have grown so attached to her later on.

I wouldn't deny Ellie the right to make her sacrifice. I would have encouraged her to do it. I would have wanted to find a cure for humanity more than anything. I don't believe humans are such vile creatures as they are portrayed to be in the game, and I would fight tooth an nail for humanity's survival, if I had to. I would be willing to work as a team more so than ever in any sort of apocalyptic event. I wouldn't backstab anyone, and I wouldn't kill anyone unless I absolutely had to.

The reason why I felt it necessary to discuss this game is because it conflicts with my core beliefs so strongly. I didn't expect to think it would be the greatest game ever, but I expected to at least enjoy it. I did not expect to finish it and feel like I had done something horribly wrong and completely against my principles.

No matter what, I'm really not that misanthropic of a person. Although it may not seem like it, I'm not that cynical. This game really struck a chord with me, but not in a good way. It went against everything I know and fundamentally believe in. I couldn't relate to the main character at all, and at many points in the story, I wished I had the freedom to make my own choices.

The game tries to present all these events as being morally ambiguous, but I just don't see it that way. I wouldn't have made the same choices my character did, and the story told here isn't one that resonates with me. It's too dark. It's too bloody. It's too hopeless.

I don't believe in killing unless it's necessary. I don't believe in saving one person at the demise of millions. I don't believe in the "every man for himself" ideology.

I believe every human life is valuable, and I will do whatever I can to ensure the survival not of myself, but of the human race. I believe humanity has a future. I believe humans can genuinely be good, even in dark times. I believe anything is possible—I don't believe in no-win scenarios. I kill all I want, I steal all I want, and I rape all I want. That amount is zero, because I don't want to do any of those things. A few people growing fungi in their brains isn't going to change that.

If anything, in an apocalyptic world like that, I'd be one of the characters working on a cure. I'd do anything I could to make sure I can help as many survivors as possible. It doesn't matter if everyone I know and love dies. That isn't going to change. That would only make me more dependent on my local community.