I have investigated the rumors thoroughly that this song was first performed three years ago at a high school dance in Hill Valley, and I'm sorry to say they don't hold up. Calvin Klein, the supposed performer of the song, apparently vanished into thin air the next day, because he hasn't been seen or heard from since. To make matters even stranger, it was Chuck Berry's estranged younger brother Marvin who was playing that night, not this mythical "Calvin Klein."

So stop with your silly speculation and just let the master enthrall you. This is Johnny B. Goode.