This really has to be a messy topic...

Some people end up becoming popular, others don't. Some people are well-received, others not so much. I've come across people who wish they were popular on forums or just feel sidelined and I've also seen a pattern in some of the more popular users. Just to make this clear, I'm drawing upon all my years of having been on diverse forums including but not limited to pony-related ones.

Finding your place in a community can be is very difficult because it would require that you strike a very delicate balance across multiple dimensions. Really, there are plenty of things that could go wrong.

I'll start with the most obvious thing; people want recognition. Or put a different way, they wish to feel acknowledged, to feel like they belong and to feel as though they are seen. The opposite would be to feel invisible and/or out of place. Yet even when someone is recognized by people in the community the're in, the question of "is that recognition a positive one" arises. Complicating things further are those clichéd sayings like "don't care what other people think" and "be yourself." Clichéd as they may be, they are very much valid (you're going to have to discover that for yourself). Before I talk about what could go wrong, the background will be covered first.

Communities are like Markets

This is what it comes down to when looking at how some users can be more popular or well-received than others. Of course, I'm using the term "market" metaphorically here. What's more, for the sake of argument, let's say there's no section for monetary transactions which means that users cannot buy nor sell anything to or from each other. So then how are communities like markets? Well, it boils down to what is it you have to offer to people. On forum communities, they're mostly ideas or stories be they in the form of opinions, reviews, critique, BLOGS, etc. Another thing that could be offered to a community like this would be content whether they come in the form of drawings, fan fiction, videos or other works of art. Heck, the content doesn't even have to be your own! I lost count of how many brohoofs I accumulated from posting in the Best Cute Pony Pictures thread. Giving your time to other users is another thing to offer to people of the community. This can come in the form of giving advice, being a shoulder to cry on if not trying acting like a therapist for some troubled users. Go look at the Life Advice section to see what that looks like. There are other things a user can offer to the community that hasn't been mentioned. Like being funny, RPing or even just exuding a presence people want to be in. Or heck, maybe you're a woman in your twenties. Be creative and maybe you could add to that list yourself.

Now, apart from what you can "sell," there's also the question of how you do so. Giving opinions is easy but some do it better than others. Some people present them in more concrete ways while others may focus more on persuasion or perhaps presentation. Some might do a combination - who knows? Another example would be artists; do you just post your work or do you take requests, do collaborations and/or art trades? When trying to "sell" something to people, it is often prudent to think about who your audience is.

Here comes the million-dollar question. Whatever it is you are offering to the community - regardless if it's opinions, content, attention or some other thing - is it "selling"? In other words, is what you do in any demand? If so, chances are that people are going to be flocking to you for more of what you have to offer. Even if what you have to offer is in high demand, if there are more people doing similar things to what you're offering, you may have some competition, buddy. If there isn't much of a demand however, then chances are you're more at the sidelines.

Here's the Caveat

I am not, I repeat, am NOT intending for this blog to be a guide on how to get forums fame! Look at the title of this blog entry one more time; "Finding Your Place in a Community." All I did was set up the background (I know it was long but please bear with me). The whole "Community as a market" idea make up only a few strings of that delicate multi-dimensional balance mentioned earlier. Another part of it is whether or not you are suppressing yourself in the process. Very important.

This is where my experience comes in and I've seen this a lot more in the Brony community than anywhere else. The users that do "succeed" and ascend to fame, they can be quite miserable despite all appearances. How? It's because they neglect their own needs in order to satiate the thirst of the crowd they've chosen to serve in whatever way. It can be quite a burden to take on. Even then, they can still feel lonely because being with other people as a persona is different from being with people as the person you are on the inside. Unfortunately, some people are so disconnected from themselves, they don't even know who they are on the inside. Another thing that can go wrong is when someone takes the "don't care about what other people think" saying and turn it into an excuse to throw all notions of courtesy to the wind and then wonder if not complain about being ignored or hated (I've been guilty of this myself...). There are others who are on the sidelines feeling down because they feel ignored and that often comes from them not really having anything to offer that anybody wants. It could be that the person has unpopular opinions or just sheds baggage all the time (yup).

This delicate multi-dimensional balance

It really, really, really depends on the individual. I don't know who you are on the inside so it's something you have to figure out. All I can really give are some very general directions.

Here's the most important direction I can give you; connect with your gut feelings, figure out its language and listen to it. Only it can tell you who you truly are but only by listening to it and understanding it can you even begin to find out who the authentic you really is - that is, the person behind all the masks. It's a process that can take years (I know because that's how long I've been trying and still am I walking down that road).

That delicate, multi-dimensional balance is about being a service to the community and receiving recognition for it but to do so in a way that is true to yourself. That service has to be part of who you are as opposed to being nothing more than an attempt to meet a demand shared by the community. It will require a lot of reflection to find this balance and it can feel like traversing a labyrinth. See, there's a lot of trial and error involved, it can be hard to figure out where you even are, let alone where you took a wrong turn, you may not even know or recognize the destination and at worst, you could end up going in circles or even give up and remain in the darkness of whatever dead-end you found yourself at. To top it all off, there are no arrows, no signs and no maps. It's entirely up to you to figure out what direction to take and only you.

Only then can you truly say to yourself that you've found your place in your community and it will feel right when you say it without the thinnest sliver of doubt. Yet there are no guarantees. There's always the possibility that whatever community you're trying to find your place in may not be for you after all. Again, nobody can figure that out but yourself.

To everyone trying to find their place be it in this community or anywhere else, I wish you the best of luck ^^