I have just watched an episode of Jem called 'Father's day' and...it has gotten me thinking about my father.

To be honest, I never treated my father right. I usually cared about myself and my needs, not that I appreciated it much. He bought me what I wanted, even when I didn't need it and I still didn't appreciate it. I was so bent on resentment that I didn't care to concern myself for him.

I never cared for my mother either. She loved to hug me and still does but I try to stay away from her unless food is involved.

I've thought about suicide plenty of times and still do but I just ponder on when my time will come when I lose someone close to me. What will that be like? I never lost anyone that was important to me, not that I ever had anyone important anyway.

My resentment was particularly because of my discretion. I was ashamed of my ADHD and disowned my mother for it. I didn't have many friends at all, and I strayed away from them most of the time. Even at home, I kept the door closed except for food. Consequently, there was no place I felt was for me and my parents suffered for it. That led to me cutting myself in secret and the mental hospital.

Every day was a struggle with me. I didn't talk to them much and when I did talk to them, it was taken as a 'smart aleck' type. But essentially I was just living, not giving any academics any concern whatsoever.

My father will die soon I suppose and so will my mother. He only eats once a day and my mother has a risk of diabetes and chooses not to exercise. Pretty soon I will be on my own and I will regret it. But I live on and here I stand.