I was described as a great artist in the past. However, I used to beat myself up all the time over never being amazing or special at the craft. I lacked technical skills when it came to art. Now, sometimes if I were to do observational art work, could create highly detailed works in time.

I spent a year in art college and everything felt like a chore. I understand you go there to learn the objective art skills to get better, I understand that. But during 2011-2012, I was spiraling into a deep depression and art wasn't helping me out at all. I was paying an outrageous tuition to go to a private art college. I had to juggle a part time job with homework ranging from 3 to 9 hours long in one day/

It was not great for me. So after leaving college and sort of floating around. I would just play around inside my own imagination visually, whether my own ideas or forming ideas about potential fan fictions in other media. I spent tons of time in music. Just listening to orchestrated, modern or classic. It really makes me have a deeper imagination when I have music in the background.

I have great ideas with potential. But I lack these skills to bring them out. I remember way back in the day, like 2007-2009, I'd troll on yahoo answers and pull paragraph stories out of my butt. People told me I would make an excellent writer. Made me feel great actually. I have never written one complete work of fiction or non fiction.

I feel the urge to get back to these skills now. Because I feel like they are a part of me, and being lazy waiting for things to happen will not make me better. But I hope I can improve. Seeing others work makes me a tad jealous. I wish I could be that amazing.