So tonight, my family went out for dinner. Nothing special, my mom just didn't feel like cooking on this particular evening. As our dinner progressed, I began to notice something: I hated my parent's guts. I have no idea why, there was no particular reason for it, for some reason, I just all of a sudden despised them. I could barely stand even talking to them. I have absolutely no idea why it happened. I have no real reasons to hate them, sure my mom's a bit of an idiot, and my dad is kind of annoying, but they're generally good people. They provide for me, they're almost always pleasant, nothing wrong with them at all, really. But all of a sudden, I just felt an intense rage against them, like they were the worst people in existence. I despised them for every little thing they'd ever done.

Is there a mental condition like this? I can't see any other reason for me to feel that way about my parents. Maybe I just belong in an institution. Wouldn't surprise me...

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It's a double whammy today! You must feel so lucky...

So one of my many fears that I've only recently come to realize is my extreme fear of embarrassment. This goes beyond stage fright, I can't stand to be embarrassed, not even a tiny bit. Perhaps as a result of this, I demean myself at every possible instance in an attempt to get my self-esteem so low that being embarrassed wouldn't matter, because I have no self-esteem left to be degraded. This is why I don't do art, because I'm so afraid of it being criticized that I couldn't stand to even attempt to create a piece of "art". This is why I can't play any musical instruments, because I'm almost never alone, so I can practice said instrument without fear of someone hearing how awful I am. I probably have a good many talents, but I can't use any of them for fear of criticism.

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So... yep. Not much else to say, really. Thanks for reading...

EDIT: I just found out there's a very good chance I'm bipolar. So remember that incident from a couple weeks ago? We're going to have repeats of that! Over and over again. Oh joy. In fact, as I type this, I'm feeling exactly like I did during that incident. I'll try to stay off the forums as much as possible when I'm feeling this way, so as not to cause forum drama...