I've a slew of "problems" that I always wanted to tackle head-on one at a time, but no way of keeping track of them. Maybe if I made clear objectives and made them semi-public, that'll motivate me to follow through. Maybe I want to vent but I don't wanna clog up Life Advice and force my problems onto anyone. A blog seems like good neutral ground.

Anyways, on to the first entry! Let's get caught up to speed.

I quit my job a few months ago. A job that, while the work itself was incredibly isolating and repetitive, there still was no chance for me to socialize on breaks or before work, as most of the people there spoke very little English, and most of the people there were elderly. Not that that's their fault or anything. I suspect they run a refugee program and I think that's pretty rad.

My new job, while almost exactly the same as the last, pays more, has us working less, and is laid out in a way where bumping into others is almost inevitable. We work in a tightly-knit group where everyone is friends with everyone, and I love that.

And while this job is making me feel hopeful for once in my adult life, I feel like I'm hitting some bumps trying to integrate into my work-family. Thus, the point of this blog.

• Before switching jobs, the few people who did interact with me always talked friendly, but sort of condescendingly. I've read this as them assuming I'm special needs when I'm not, and ever since then and up to now, it's hit me pretty hard. It's pretty much shattered what little confidence I've had to the point where I'm considering that maybe I am intellectually disabled. Honestly, I think all of this started literally just because I'm fat and I buzz my hair. Nobody has ever talked to me this way when I was skinny and had long hair. Long story short, this has had a stranglehold on my confidence and my ability to open up to people and it's still showing. Every once in a while, peers will walk up to me and try to get me to open up (and I'm incredibly grateful for that) and I'll let little bits and pieces and jokes come out. But I'm still hesitant to initiate, or to talk about myself in-depth. What can I do? I can add one of them on Steam or Discord and start talking. Opening up to one person will make opening up to several easier. And I've done the first half of this. I need to follow through.
• Expanding on the first point, I present androgynous and people keep asking what my identity is, what pronouns I use, what names I use, etc. While, it makes me feel really happy to be working in a very diverse company that cares, and that I'm safe and welcomed in my workplace, my automatic response is to just go, "I don't really mind either way." And I'm trying to figure out if that's actually true, or if I put other people's comfort before my own. I've been raised as a doormat and it's biting me in the ass. Before I tackle this question further, I really need to work on my assertiveness. What can I do? I'm... not quite sure to be honest. Role-play? T-pose? Start being the one to occasionally greet others first? Start asking more questions?

Thems the first two problems I'm going to focus on for now. I'm really thankful for my new job and new coworkers, and they all seem to understand I'm struggling but still trying. I'm doing way better than I was mere months ago and I am doing lightyears better than I was a few years back. But there's still improvement to be made!