Let's talk about mental health
Hello, everypony.
I want to talk about a mental health, nature of complex trauma and psychotherapy as a way to explore your inner world.
What the heck, Crypty?
Happened that since last spring I started gathering information about complex trauma. It started accidentally, I just saw a random video about it in YT and decided to listen for general education. I felt overwhelmed because it perfectly described my problems and explained what experience in the past may cause them. Instantly I got hungry about it and started digging deeper.
What I achieved
As I feel, a lot. For several months I got rid of paralyzing shame, unreasonable loneliness and itchy wish to attract attention of some people. It all reduced daily stress and anxiety, improved my motivation and sleep quality and made me feel more healthy physically in general. As you can see, the progress is pretty much real.
Some boring details of personal experience:
First boss I defeated was the Shame. It was related to some event in the past involving inappropriate behavior from my side toward one my ex friend. Like, it was extremely rude. Sounds like nothing special but it was so much against my own moral principles that created strong inner conflict inside me. Shame was so strong that it blocked some memories and feelings including love to making visual arts and MLP, it was paralyzing and holding me from growing up and moving forward.
First step of healing was admitting that I was sick (some very stressful events IRL happened) so I wasn't fully controlling myself at that moment. It didn't heal me, but gave me ability to talk about it and returned part of memories. Second step was sharing. I shared this story with patient friends and as more I talked better I felt. But again, it wouldn't be possible without understanding that initial unfortunate event was result of complex trauma laying deep in my past. Now I still feel sorry about what happened, but understand that it does not define me as person.
Second fight was against twin demons - Loneliness and Attention Hunger. They are twins because has common reason.
Some people experience loneliness of unconditional nature. It can't be healed with words of support or presence of friends. Imagine, you're on your birthday party. Dozen of friends around are cheering you and sharing happy common memories. But you still feel lonely.
Some people who read it can't even imagine how it may be possible, but others may think that it's normal to feel such things from time to time... No, it isn't normal. I escaped this limbo and now I feel weird thinking that I considered it as normal before.
I learned that brain of some people with complex trauma subconsciously thinks that love should be deserved and considers 'free' love of friends and family as less valuable.
I found healing in understanding the fact that I should not chase people who isn't interested in me but should open my heart for ones who show their appreciation of my person. After understanding it I dropped attempts to reach attention of people who I admire but by some reasons they don't notice me and, with a big surprise, found that actually I have several new potential friends who I enjoy talk to and could just not notice in the past! It made me more happy immediately.
How my process looks
Nothing special. I'm just listening lectures with names catching my eye and trying to apply to my current state, if it's being talked not about me at all, fits partially or describes me perfectly. There I can find an explanation why I feel this way and why I shouldn't and, sometimes, how to fix it. That's it. Knowledge and understanding is key for healing itself. When I meet unhealthy emotion again I recognize it and remind myself that it's unhealthy and where it comes from.
About information sources
I talked to good therapists, bad therapists, expensive therapists (all of them was, actually). But the best results I achieved from self analysis.
There's some thematic YT channels exist. All of them are telling the same more or less. Here's some channels with good reviews I found:
https://youtube.com/@timfletcher
https://youtube.com/@crappychildhoodfairy
https://youtube.com/@thepersonaldevelopmentschool
I got stick with Tim Fletcher personally, by the reason I discovered his blog first. Crappy Childhood Fairy is really popular, I bet because of catchy name =P
Why I share
First I didn't want to share it with anyone except some friends who I already told being emotional, because this topic is... sensitive. But later I started noticing that some other forummates are telling about being depressed without actual external reason. And I thought that even if I overcame so much for several months, I didn't know where to start for many MANY years.
So even if at least one person will find this topic useful I have no reasons to regret that I brought it out to the light.
In addition, I'm not a qualified therapist, I don't make diagnosis and can't tell people what to do. But, definitely, I can show what can be achieved on my own example to cheer and motivate others to explore themselves.
Cheers. Your pal Crypty.
Edited by Captain Salty Scribbles
- 8
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