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Let's talk about mental health

Creepy Scribbles

Entry posted by Creepy Scribbles in mental health

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Hello, everypony.

I want to talk about a mental health, nature of complex trauma and psychotherapy as a way to explore your inner world.

What the heck, Crypty?

Happened that since last spring I started gathering information about complex trauma. It started accidentally, I just saw a random video about it in YT and decided to listen for general education. I felt overwhelmed because it perfectly described my problems and explained what experience in the past may cause them. Instantly I got hungry about it and started digging deeper.

What I achieved

As I feel, a lot. For several months I got rid of paralyzing shame, unreasonable loneliness and itchy wish to attract attention of some people. It all reduced daily stress and anxiety, improved my motivation and sleep quality and made me feel more healthy physically in general. As you can see, the progress is pretty much real.  

Some boring details of personal experience:

Spoiler

First boss I defeated was the Shame. It was related to some event in the past involving inappropriate behavior from my side toward one my ex friend. Like, it was extremely rude. Sounds like nothing special but it was so much against my own moral principles that created strong inner conflict inside me. Shame was so strong that it blocked some memories and feelings including love to making visual arts and MLP, it was paralyzing and holding me from growing up and moving forward.

First step of healing was admitting that I was sick (some very stressful events IRL happened) so I wasn't fully controlling myself at that moment. It didn't heal me, but gave me ability to talk about it and returned part of memories. Second step was sharing. I shared this story with patient friends and as more I talked better I felt. But again, it wouldn't be possible without understanding that initial unfortunate event was result of complex trauma laying deep in my past. Now I still feel sorry about what happened, but understand that it does not define me as person.

Second fight was against twin demons - Loneliness and Attention Hunger. They are twins because has common reason.
Some people experience loneliness of unconditional nature. It can't be healed with words of support or presence of friends. Imagine, you're on your birthday party. Dozen of friends around are cheering you and sharing happy common memories. But you still feel lonely.
Some people who read it can't even imagine how it may be possible, but others may think that it's normal to feel such things from time to time... No, it isn't normal. I escaped this limbo and now I feel weird thinking that I considered it as normal before.

I learned that brain of some people with complex trauma subconsciously thinks that love should be deserved and considers 'free' love of friends and family as less valuable.
I found healing in understanding the fact that I should not chase people who isn't interested in me but should open my heart for ones who show their appreciation of my person. After understanding it I dropped attempts to reach attention of people who I admire but by some reasons they don't notice me and, with a big surprise, found that actually I have several new potential friends who I enjoy talk to and could just not notice in the past! It made me more happy immediately.

How my process looks

Nothing special. I'm just listening lectures with names catching my eye and trying to apply to my current state, if it's being talked not about me at all, fits partially or describes me perfectly. There I can find an explanation why I feel this way and why I shouldn't and, sometimes, how to fix it. That's it. Knowledge and understanding is key for healing itself. When I meet unhealthy emotion again I recognize it and remind myself that it's unhealthy and where it comes from.

About information sources

I talked to good therapists, bad therapists, expensive therapists (all of them was, actually). But the best results I achieved from self analysis.

There's some thematic YT channels exist. All of them are telling the same more or less. Here's some channels with good reviews I found:

https://youtube.com/@timfletcher
https://youtube.com/@crappychildhoodfairy
https://youtube.com/@thepersonaldevelopmentschool

I got stick with Tim Fletcher personally, by the reason I discovered his blog first. Crappy Childhood Fairy is really popular, I bet because of catchy name =P

Why I share

First I didn't want to share it with anyone except some friends who I already told being emotional, because this topic is... sensitive. But later I started noticing that some other forummates are telling about being depressed without actual external reason. And I thought that even if I overcame so much for several months, I didn't know where to start for many MANY years. 
So even if at least one person will find this topic useful I have no reasons to regret that I brought it out to the light.
In addition, I'm not a qualified therapist, I don't make diagnosis and can't tell people what to do. But, definitely, I can show what can be achieved on my own example to cheer and motivate others to explore themselves.

Cheers. Your pal Crypty.

Edited by Captain Salty Scribbles

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Starlight Serenade

Hello Crypty,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. It's incredibly brave to open up about such a personal and complex topic, especially when it comes to mental health and healing from trauma.

I’m really moved by how you've navigated this path, especially the way you've confronted and processed your feelings of shame, loneliness, and the need for attention. It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to dive deep into these emotions, and your story shows how transformative that process can be.
 

Spoiler

Regarding the part against the "two demons" and how some that brain of people who subconsciously deal with complex trauma:

That passage is incredibly powerful and resonates deeply. The way you describe the "twin demons" of loneliness and the hunger for attention captures a feeling that I know all too well. It’s that sense of being surrounded by people who care, yet still feeling an emptiness that cannot be filled - a loneliness that doesn’t make sense on the surface, but feels all too real. I felt that for years because of my troubled past with many people in the real world.

Your insight into how complex trauma can distort our perceptions of love is something I’ve struggled with as well. The idea that love must be earned, and that the unconditional love of those closest to us might be seen as less valuable, really hits home. It’s like our minds are wired to seek approval from those who don’t give it freely, and we miss out on the genuine connections right in front of us.

What you’ve shared about shifting your focus - letting go of the need to chase those who don’t see you, and opening up to those who truly value you is such a crucial realization. I can imagine how liberating it must have felt to finally recognize the potential for real, meaningful friendships that had been there all along.

This shift in perspective is something I’m working on, too. It’s not always easy, but knowing that you’ve found more happiness by embracing those who appreciate you is incredibly encouraging. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the connections we need most are right in front of us, waiting for us to notice them.

It's amazing to hear about the progress you've made, like overcoming paralyzing shame and finding more peace and connection in your life. The fact that you're feeling healthier both mentally and physically is a testament to the hard work you've put in. It's inspiring to see how you've taken control of your healing, using the knowledge you’ve gained to recognize and address unhealthy emotions when they arise.

I also really appreciate how you've emphasized that this journey is about understanding yourself and not letting past experiences define who you are. Your approach of learning from lectures and applying that knowledge to your own experiences sounds incredibly empowering.

Your willingness to share this with others, despite the sensitivity of the topic, speaks volumes about your compassion and desire to help. You’re right - so many people struggle with feelings of depression or loneliness without knowing why, and your insights could be the light they need to start their own healing process.

Thank you again for sharing your story. It's a powerful reminder that healing is possible and that we’re not alone in our struggles. Wishing you continued strength and peace on your journey.

Cheers to you, Crypty.

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ComanderZhabikKlavik

Hi! I am glad that you have overcome your mental problems and posted it here. Your post can help other people overcome their problems. After reading your post, I wondered if I have mental problems. Maybe I do, but I can not notice them because I think it is normal. Now, with the help of your post, I have already discovered one problem.

Edited by ComanderZhabikKlavik
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