Second attempt to keep the blog posts coming.

Ahem! Here's goes....

Okay. I'll admit it, I've used banter back in 2014 to conceal the confession that I had a crush on someone. Ten years ago. o.o;;

That banter grew as I evaded my feelings and turned into an endearing friendship between two people who loved and respected one another (too much not to pester the other about feelings). 

But this is something I've been wanting to write about for quite some time.... Banter, generally speaking, tends to be between people who know each other and understand the delicacies of the other's nature. While, I wouldn't stop people from having some light-hearted banter... (you guys proclaimed me as the Queen of Banterlot, after all, so how could I fail you? c: )

I still can't help but notice another... aspect to such an intricate thing.

Imagine, if you will, there is a banter between two people who have known each other for years. And some random person jumps in in order to mimic it. The implication lies that the meaning behind the banter is shallow in nature and that "just anyone can jump right in" to repeat those words and obtain the same effect with just anyone.

With Banterlot, I deliberately kept things wholesome so that banter *can* actually work like that. You jump in because everything is harmless and banter back and forth, like strangers tossing pillows at each other -- nicely. I have a hidden element in there, however. And that hidden element is the opportunity for each individual to express something about themselves so that the innocent banter is also a game-play to learning each other. In the end, it's all in good fun, no one gets hurt and no one sees it as a jab of a mean/hidden nature. 

How to banter on a deeper level 
Recently (both IRL and in the forums) I noticed there were some conflicts of banter where... someone was just being silly or didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings... but regardless, another person ended up getting hurt. This is why the question of intention is irrelevant and the connection between you and the person is what should be stronger before such a thing can even be an attempt.

Healthy banter should be harmless without any petty jabs or concealed mean spiritedness. But if a person does not know you... how can they make sure this is truly the case? Or, worse, how do you know you are not making light of a super sensitive subject towards the person in question who was just trying to have a nice day/be vulnerable and is now feeling disrupted or harassed?

Mind you, this blog isn't pointed at anyone in particular, I've already given the friendship advice in private. Now, I'm just wanting to blog based on my own personal experiences.

For example...

I remember when Sir and I would banter SO hard, I wouldn't be surprised if people believed we hated each other. We were just too familiar and comfortable that we understood the spirit and nature between us. But in comes my own harsh lesson... from years ago... when I bantered with one of our more sensitive friends here. I knew their nature was playful and kind. I knew they would totally get it... yet it fell flat on its face. Suddenly, Sir telling [said person] "I'm going to get my revenge on you!" over a VERY silly matter involving a movie called Spirited Away at a watch party... suddenly.. the person disappeared. Days went by and they were not being themselves. I asked them.. "What happened?"

They later confessed to me that they were terrified, because Sir said he would get his revenge on them and everyone knows what THAT means! I remember giggling and saying "Are you kidding me?! When it comes to friends, he means something ridiculous like REALLY BAD meme spams or punny jokes!" Heck, I remember @Lightwing's quote one day when he said "Revenge?! HAH! You've been saying that for TEN years and it's really just meme spam!"  Those two are like the kings of banter together!

The friend later returned and learned how playful and light-hearted we actually were... but it also made me hyper aware of the intricacies of banter and how each and every person is different. This is key.

When people would see me banter with hundreds of different people, it probably looked random and silly and as if I were just randomly plucking people out of a crowd to mess with them. But no, each one was meaningful and different. I can be smug and ridiculous with Sir, but then go super soft and gentle with a soft person. Gentle banter with another, etc. What may be banter to one person may be offensive to another and this is something you learn over the course of years. Even if you find you have REALLY strong momentum with an early staged-friendship... take it slow and get to know them. Even if they laugh, pause, ask their actual stance on the matter and if such subjects/jokes bother them. Even if it seems harmless, like "Hah! You must be a fairy cause you FLY out of sight so quickly when in crowds!" 

While that may seem like a compliment, maybe the person struggles with social phobias/anxieties and doesn't want to have that glorified. Maybe they have a thing against fairies (I know, right? Perish the thought!) But regardless, making banter personal and meaningful can only strengthen your friendships when you actually know their stance.

I won't go over the so-called "banter" that’s literally destroyed the friendships around them despite many a warnings of "Please, keep it between close friends. Someone else might find that offensive!" Only to be met with, "oh, but my bestie LOVES that joke and they GET it..." ¬.¬ 

Hopefully explaining it from a more... positive level will have a better impact than a warning.

But here's my little hill.
My little soap box... on why Banter can be a beautiful thing... when executed respectfully and with the awareness of the other person engaging with your exchange. With that said. Let the shenanigans begin.  Cheers!