Hello, my little ponies.

I posted to this blog twice and both times I thought it shall be the last one. I wanted to title this one as "Conclusion" but I don't want to make this mistake again.

6 months have passed since I knew that I live with Complex PTSD. For 6 months I've been disassembling and reassembling myself again and again to hack my personality and eliminate the quirks spoiling life for me and people around.

Did my life get better? Definitely! Controlling my own behavior and thoughts is an interesting exercise. I became a better version of myself and started understanding other people way much better too.

But were there only good changes? No. Escaping autopilot mode and controlling yourself is stressful, along with following new patterns. With consciousness instability came. I experienced insomnia, relapses, and fear of staying alone.

But for the last couple weeks I'm feeling stable and confident. I could say that I didn't feel so good and powerful for many years, but it wouldn't be 100% true because even on my best days I had those C-PTSD quirks waiting behind the stage. But now I feel free of them and I really can say that I have never felt better before. Procrastination has gone, amount of productive hours per day increased, relationships with people got more rich and strong. I'm building plans for the future for years ahead and feeling that I have enough energy to turn them into reality.

During my progress I built solid thick mental walls to protect and control my dysregulated emotions. But all my armor was destroyed in seconds by certain event like a sand castle being washed by an ocean wave during high tide so I had to start from the scratch. An event which could seem insignificant for others. It gave me an understanding how evasive my progress could really be.

But anyways, today I celebrate my little victory on this path. Today I praise people who were supporting me during hard times. Thank you. For the possibility of talking to someone when I was feeling on the edge, or just a silent reacts on my vent post, or sometimes for an inspiration to continue my fight you were giving me from a distance without even talking to me directly.

I started this blog to encourage others to make a first step on the path of self-exploration. And I want to believe that this post will become the next little beacon of hope for someone.

Your Internet pony, Crypty Scribbles. Cheers ^-^

Reformed Chrysalis is by https://www.deviantart.com/mlp004ninintv. Just because >=P