Random reflection, tiny update, and honestly I have no idea what to title this
So I totally forgot to update you guys in the midst of everything in my life banding about.
I was considering a blog, but maybe this should be a post, Idk.
Several people have reached out to me about not responding to my discord messages and such - well, I have decided to simply not use it as much anymore.
I was considering account deletion and was unfriending some people over time the past few months, as admittedly I was unhappy about some relationships with people, in some cases I was emotionally used by others where they ignored my thoughts and feelings on things in general, and in other cases it was not anyone’s fault. There were periods of time where I rarely had meaningful conversations in the week, despite having tons of friends online.
Whenever I had any issues with anyone, I started to be more direct and it led to some great conversations and introspection. Other relationships ended respectfully or others were acknowledged to have run their course. Like two ships passing in the night.
My clinical depression also causes extreme withdrawals, which leads to episodes of depersonalization and dissociation of other people. Even with my loved ones from time to time. So please do not take anything personally as there are some things I cannot always control.
If anyone thinks I hate them or anything negative, I really do not.
Usually if I dislike someone, I tell them directly, they say it back, we glare at each other and say “grrr” for a bit, usually until someone smirks, and then we laugh about it together. I wish I was exaggerating on this, but that happened to me more times than I can count IRL. It’s partially why I have started to essentially forgive everyone that I have met in the past. Even the people who really hurt me.
I had an insightful conversation with someone that is a Buddhist here and they granted me a perspective I haven’t considered as I get busy with a lot of things online and IRL.
Sometimes leaving things be and walking away from the chaos is better for your mental health.
I feel liking having a lot of realizations is a recurring theme in my life XD
I know there are other users who experience similar things, while others are not so understanding and that’s okay. Just as I try to be patient and respectful with you, I ask you to please try the same for me.
Hope this clears up some things as I was receiving a lot of random messages and I needed to start clearing up my inbox.
Lastly, I plan to take a small break soon to take care of things, but I sincerely wish everyone and their loved ones the best in the meantime.
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