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WARNING: The Ice Breaker Silky Blog Series May Contain Darker Themed Details Not Suitable For The Highly Sensitive Person. Because of the nature of these discussions, these blogs posts shall be rated R for Restricted. Please read at your own discretion as I am simply trying to keep things authentic and communicate my head space on these more personal matters. 

This is a message to yet another gentleman but this one is hidden in the forums... I do not know why they hide. They are either too respectful to speak or prefer to just be helpful souls in the distant. But this one is to someone I dearly miss and have only received emails from before he abruptly disappeared He used to always read my blogs from afar, so maybe he will see this one! Ahem. Here goes:



Henlo, friend. ;~;

Should this letter never find its way under the acknowledgement of your gaze, then may its sentiments reach you through a gentle breeze crossing your path.

A rustling of leaves that whisper the unspoken: Where ever you are, someone is wishing you well and pleading to the stars, the same ones that you may look up towards, to guide you and illuminate the path that leads your inner being in the direction of its fulfilling potential. Someone remembers all you gave without demand and sends a silent gratitude, winged and soft.

May these heartfelt thoughts be carried in your coat pocket for years, right underneath the fox pin of your jacket which you so happened to find by coincidence. Of course!

You are dearly missed here.

I am well aware that I have made for one very poor online friend the past few months... if not.. year? I do not always reply to messages. Sometimes I will open one, it will be marked as read, but suddenly I have to step away to tend to something else so it looks like I may have rudely just ignored.

I returned to a flood of unseen emails of yours, some time ago! Each one utterly neglected. Some even referencing my blogs and what you had reflected upon them even though you never react or show commentary.

My silence was not due to indifference or dismissal. But rather through the intense distractions of crumbling foundations of deception and chaos that was going on around me at that time. Remember that clown who tried to turn you against me with lies? Oho! There is quite the story behind that. We have a lot to catch up on! The story continues into something far more interesting and beautiful.

But putting that aside... what struck me is that...

Even on the precious day of your birthday, you wrote to me some thoughtful words. You thought about me even though you are so reserved and selective about close friends... And I am so honored about that. It hurts me to imagine that you might have felt your words and sentiments may have fallen on cold, cruel indifference... Or someone who did not care to see you express them. 

Although, I did not see you at that time, that is true...

Even though, my inactions have done a poor job at being a good friend to you (and several others, at that) may this letter be some external manifestation of my internal expression... a plea in the dark that something may reach you to please remember that you have a friend here. Forever. Not in the shadows but for all to see. No matter where you are, I hope that you are well, and if you ever decide to reconnect... I will be here. Waiting. Regardless of how many years go by.

And for your birthday this year, I shall do something special in your honor. Just as I should have back then when I was busy fixing up some other nonsense. 

We have been through some crazy times together! I remember when my original intention was to bring warmth and joy to the people around us. I have no bloody idea what it is about this planet and the will -- or intense desire -- to harm innocence or "corrupt it" because "that is SOOOO FUNNEHH HUR HUR.." but when my intentions were faced with... certain challenges and mockery with schemes to take them down... you stood fiercely in place as a shield to guard me against those attackers and I appreciate you so much for that.

It is such a deep caring in friendship that does much to enrich a person's life... and yet demands nothing in return. You really think that I will forget something like that? Do you know how beautiful that feels? That some of these inner flowers can bloom with the history of having had your protection over them? People will admire the flowers but not know that they do not glow because "they are pretty" but because they have been protected with the alchemical formula of a strong friendship. Good principles and strong foundation.

With a playful and passionate will that holds a righteous fury to rival another good friend of mine here - you always fought for what you believed was right. 

Eventually, when you saw me joining the team in order to figure out what was going on that had them so corrupted in power, you had suspected that perhaps I had become exactly like them. And you turned on me. *giggles* Remember that?

All the while, I could not help but admire your passion and convictions. Even if your flames were now aiming in my direction, I could not help but quietly smile with a twinkle in my eye at how nothing ever changes your will to stand your ground on what you feel is right!

I could not fight back or condemn you, no matter how much power I had. I always respected you and always will.

You would later write me a beautiful letter of an apology as things came to fruition with truth and bloomed with even more beautiful flowers as a symbol of your help!

*grin* I may be cheeky, I may be curious and that may have lead me into questionable situations in the past -- but I am no traitor, friend. 
My friends mean a lot to me and I am loyal to each and every one of them -- even if I fail to be a good one, at times.

I just hope that you are thriving and living your best life! Not feeling abandoned and hurt by my lack of sight...

When I fell into a dark place, it was like I had fallen into a hole and no one could reach me. I did not disappear on you because I did not care but rather... because I had been lost and swallowed by the abyss of my own mind pushing everyone away. Even now.. there is a friend I have been wanting to reconnect with since 2021!! She is back and my heart is SO HAPPY. But I am not the same open, bubbly person I once was. I have changed. I have become more distant and reflective. I hope she does not think I am not interested in her friendship. It is just a phase that I am currently going through. I need rest. Peace of mind. And most importantly, I need friends like you to know that they matter. If you prefer not to return (even though you had expressed to me multiple times that you did wished to) then I shall honor the silhouette of our memories with a lantern.

As much as I remember you  fondly, I wish for our friendship to have a living heartbeat in the present, rather than remain the silhouettes cast from lanterns of the past.  

Love you, friend. Where ever you are, please be safe. Please be well. And know that you are not *truly* alone at heart.

Bound by ink and archives,
Ice Breaker Silky