The other day, my dad bugged me to watch Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, which he does periodically.  He raves about that show.  I sighed with exaggerated annoyance, as I always do when he brings it up, and told him, like I always do, that I'll get to it when I get to it.

I'm a huge Trek fan, but I basically stop at Star Trek Enterprise.  That's the last thing that I consider "real" Trek.  Everything from J.J. Abrams' 2009 Star Trek movie onward is fake Trek, in my opinion.  I don't much care for his movies, and I haven't watched Discovery (nor do I intend to), or Picard, or Strange New Worlds, or anything else.  I didn't hate the Abrams movies--actually, I somewhat enjoyed them.  I thought they were... fun.  I mean, fun in the sense that I wasn't bored.  That's about it.  Discovery irks me because it looks like it jettisoned too much lore.  (I mean, bald, blue Klingons??  WTF??!  )  I might watch Picard at some point, and I'll probably watch Strange New Worlds, if nothing else just to shut my dad up.  I'm not vehemently opposed to all new Trek--I don't think it's the worst abomination to have ever been vomited out of the maw of humankind or anything.  But it's just not... Star Trek.  I tried to explain why I feel this way to my dad the other day, I couldn't really articulate why.  Then I realized that I had never really thought about it enough to understand why.  I have since thought about it, and I figured it out.  I now know what it is that I don't like about everything from 2009 Star Trek on, and it has a lot to do with Friendship is Magic, surprisingly.

In episode 4.11 of Futurama, "Where No Fan Has Gone Before", Fry is incredibly disappointed to learn that every trace of Star Trek has been erased from Earth in the year 3000.  At one point, Leela asks him why the show is so important to him, and he replies, "Back in the 20th century, when I was all alone and didn't have any friends, Star Trek kind of made me feel like maybe I did."  Leela replied, "Well, that is sweet and pathetic."

Fry's description always resonated with me.  That's how Star Trek makes me feel.  The magic of Trek, of real Trek, is that they made me want to be there.  Any time I watch TNG, DS9, Voyager, Enterprise, and to a slightly lesser extent, TOS (I'm not quite as big on TOS), I fantasize about being a part of those crews.  I desperately want to live on those ships (or station in the case of DS9).  I want to be a tactical officer on the Enterprise.  It always seems like paradise, like it would be the most fulfilling life imaginable, not because it's full of action-packed action, but because of the people--the relationships.  Just like Pony, the characters of Trek are like a family, and, just like Pony, I always dreamed of being a part of that family.

Now, we all know that, in actuality, being a Starfleet officer on one of their flagships would suck.  It would suck monkey f*ck.  It would suck hairy, funky, chunky monkey balls.  How many times have the Trek crew members faced mortal danger, nearly died, been infected by alien pathogens, had their biochemistry horrifically altered, had their memories wiped, been kidnapped and sent to alien work camps, been tortured, and had their human rights violated?    Lol, like, every other f*ckin' episode, right?  That's the magic trick--they make us want to be there even though it's objectively horrible.  But isn't Pony the same way?  We all dream of living in Equestria, of being right there in Ponyville with our beloved pony friends and waifus, but wouldn't that also actually suck funky, chunky monkey balls?  How many times have the ponies faced mortal danger, almost died, been mind controlled, and had their huma--er--equine rights violated (à la Tirek sucking their lifeforce out)?  A helluva lot, right?  Living in Ponyville would actually be intolerably dangerous.  We all know that, but we long to live there anyway.  Why?  Because of the characters.  Because of the family.  The belonging.  Trek, just like Pony, are shows with a central theme of humanity and family.  The Trek crews are full of so much community, friendship, fellowship, camaraderie, and love.

This is going to sound incredibly corny and cheesy, but the real Trek shows have a distinct coziness to them.    I know, I know, but it's true!  They're cozy.  Like a space Downton Abbey.  I want to be there so much.  More importantly, Trek makes me feel a little bit like I have friends, even when I'm all alone, just like Fry.  It creates the illusion that I'm actually a part of that community and family, if only for a second here and there.  It eases the loneliness.  That's the magic of Trek.  It's a momentary antidote for loneliness.  Pony does the same thing.

New Trek doesn't.  At all.  I can only speak for myself, but to me, there is absolutely no feeling of community, friendship, fellowship, belonging, family, and love.  It's all just action-packed action.  No coziness.  None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Bupkis.  *Fart noise*.  New Trek doesn't make me want to be there in the slightest, and that's why I don't like it.

But that's why I absolutely love The f*cking Orville--they captured that real Trek feeling perfectly.  It has all of the community, family, fellowship, etc.  It makes me want to be there.  It eases the loneliness.  They captured the magic of friendship perfectly.  That's why The Orville is the best Star Trek since Enterprise.