Not sure exactly how much I'll be using this but... here you go!

Welcome ladies and broken gentlemen! Feast your eyes on a sight to behold! Never anywhere else will you see such stupidity, such ineptitude than right here ladies and gentlemen, and I'll tell you that much for free! Be shocked and awed by sheer sights of derpiness. Such adequacy! Such a let down. Such... uhh, suchiness!

Now put your hands together, for the ever lasting all time low, the undisputed champion of misery, Colon "Stachioed" Leftbracket, the Manestache himself, THE EVER-FAILING ONE MAN SHOW!