I'm not sure why I make my life so public here. Maybe because I feel safe

I really don't know.

But here goes.

I've been in an off and on depression for years. Usually when I find something that fixes it, it kills me even more.

Currently, my girlfriend and I have been in a dilemma. She has been neglecting me for months. It is an excuse, as she easily talks to all her other friends, and has plenty of free time. It's been going in for a month. And the rate at which I'm dropping deeper into depression is alarmingly fast.

This is the last message I sent to her:

"

I just don't get it Tara...

I literally gave you everything I could.

I did all I could handle to make sure you were happy. Despite my own emotions, I did everything I could to help you.

Why did all of this happen then. You got busy, and ended up just ditching me for other things. How are you busy with uil when you're at home when you got to stay home. Or with your friends. Or generally being at home. There has to be something else to this.

You lost feelings somewhere. Somewhere along the line, you forgot me. And you get mad at me for feeling the affects of all of this. You watched me dip into my depression again. And got mad at me for it.

I just don't get it.

I loved you. I loved you so much. I did everything for you

I don't understand life anymore. I dont understand how I lost you. How being busy made you lose everything for me.

You say you haven't lost anything, but you're not always busy. Even when you're free, you don't speak to me.

What happened. What the heck happened to us.

What happened to you loving me more than anything.

Remember when you told me before we got together "I will always be here for you."

Those words saved my life. Now they destroy my heart. Where are you now?

I know you're not like this. Why have you done this? You act like the victim when I say this stuff. I know I say "I and me" a lot. But I've felt major effects from this.

You might of as well. But how am I supposed to know this? You don't tell me anything anymore. And when you say you will, you randomly ditch me.

Im broken down to tiny pieces now. I ask you to please explain why this happened. Don't do the "..." stuff or "why". I need an answer.

And dont just not respond. Because I can't take all of this much more. You made me the happiest person alive. Then out of nowhere, I fall into depression, without you to catch me.

If you actually still want me, things need to change. You need to balance me in the equation of your life. I can't be alone for much longer.

Self inflicted pain Is now in my thoughts. So I need you more than ever.

If you truly love me, you'll be here to get me out of this depression

If it was all a lie, break up with me now. Because I can't take any lies.

I want us to stay together more than anything. But I can't be the forgotten boyfriend. I need a place in your life.

If you can easily hang out with your friends nearly every day, you can talk to me

But you have the option. End it, or fix it.

I can't break up with you. The thought even sickens me. Because I still love you.

So you have the choice. I need an answer today."

I'm waiting for her response with great anxiety.

I hope I live through this as I have with every other travesty. Here's hoping.