My head hurts.

I lil recent event made me think about a few things I made, something I usually never do, I always move forward and here I ended up looking behind.

A "friend" of mine has his video featured in EqD (I only write friend like that because I don't know him that much, but every bronies are my friends anyway ).

I don't know for you but to me EqD means a lot, and that's what I told him, that I was happy for him and that I hopped that he was happy and also proud.

That makes me realize because I don't go to EqD anymore. Before, when I began to draw, being featured in EqD was my dream, I even did technically with a participation to an old contest, I'm sure no one noticed me but I was there.

I really remember it well, all the ideas poping in my head, I wanted to make a "ask" tumblr based on an OC, I didn't wanted to be recognized as a good artist (that I knew I wasn't) but just being appreciated for something that was coming for me.

How I ended up drawing nsfw stuffs (and hopefully only posting a few) and forgeting about my dream, this I can't remember. And if it wasn't for this day that brought me in EqD again I wouldn't be trying to, in fact I wouldn't even care and things could have continued the way they were, me drawing and eventually posting, and eventually getting some feedback.

But now, not even I looked at what I wanted before, but I'm also wondering what I'm gonna do next. I feel like I'm mutating I don't use to wonder what direction I'll give to my life (except for studies of course, not like I have the choice) and now I'm wondering.

Should things stay the way they are, bringing me some smile from time to time.

Or should I try harder to achieve a meaningless dream that I goddamn know I don't have the talent for it.

In fact why am I even posting this ? And why am I hopping that someone's gonna answer ? A few weeks ago I would have found this ridiculous if not stupid but now I feel okay with that and even need it.

I really don't know what's happening to me those days.