The music? Hit and miss...

The thoughts? Who gives a shit?..

It's time... for... MUSIC REVIEWS WITH ADHD!!!!!1!

Sorry it took so long to do another one. Not that anyone cares. I have had a hell of a week and that took all of my time. Long story short: DMV, building collapse, crack baby, new gun, dipshit w/ diabeetus, smashed in face, drowning kid, and finally Equestria Girls. Yeah, I've been busy as shit. But I'm back baby. To the stack!

Ooh, this should be good.

There Goes Rhymin' Simon by Paul Simon. Let's just get this out there now... I'm a huge Simon & Garfunkel fan. But not so much of a Simon OR Garfunkel fan. From the stripped down sound of Wednesday Morning, 3A.M. to the polished and intricate sound of Bridge Over Troubled Water, together they are incredible. I can listen to any of their official albums front to back and not find a single bad song. I said 'official' because there is an album called 'The Hit Sounds of Simon and Garfunkel' floating around out there. It's technically a compilation album, but it's made up of unreleased songs from their days as Tom and Jerry. It was released without permission by Pickwick.

Oh by the way! Pro-Tip!!! Except for this one and Introducing the Doobie Brothers, they are worthless. For the love of Celestia and Luna... DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BUY ANY OTHER ALBUM RELEASED BY PICKWICK!!! Even Elvis records! Even if it's free, you will probably never be able to get rid of it. The only reason those two are valuable is because they were both composed of unreleased demos and were released without permission, so they were pulled shortly after release. But neither are particularly very good so even though they are rare, their value is still in the double digits. Beats the hell out of the value of every other Pickwick out there. Oh, I almost forgot. Yes, I own a copy of 'The Hit Sound of Simon and Garfunkel'. So eventually, if I do this long enough, I will review it. Yay?

Back to the album at hoof! This album was in May, 1973. It was his third solo album, if you count 'The Paul Simon Songbook'. It was released in the UK only in 1965 before the release of 'Sounds of Silence' and their their career skyrocketing. For us in the good ol' US and A, this was the second solo album. It was a huge hit back in the day. It reached #2 on the Billboard chart and was nominated for 2 Grammy Awards. It's hit single was Kodachrome. It reached #2 on the Billboard chart as well, it reached #1 on the Cashbox however so yeah. I got a feel that this is going to be fun.

Uh... Wat? This cover is, what's a good word... Grotesque. It just oozes 70's cheese. The background is white with blue grid lines. Tacked all over the front and back, it's a gatefold by the way, are fugly ass drawings and objects that are supposed to represent some of the songs on the album. I guess they realized that they sucked ass so they tacked the names of the songs next to the drawings/pictures. I could spend lots of time tearing the cover of this one apart, and I would probably enjoy that, but let's move on. The inside cover is plain. A world away from that ass goulash on the front cover. Song titles. Lyrics. Who plays what. Random pictures. All in columns. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. This cover blows. But! We can't judge a book/album/TV show/movie based on said TV show by it's cover now can we?

To the music!

Kodachrome: One of my favorite songs! Kodak got butthurt on this one, they made him put a copyright notice on the damn record. Not the cover, the record itself! Give Kodak a Zima! Stat! Yeah! High school sucks! Next to nothing of what I learned has helped me in the real world. Same goes for my first and second attempts at college. It's true. My lack of education hasn't hurt me either, but older generations look down upon us lazy ass kids that didn't go to/finish college and get a degree in something unrelated to our careers. Color film takes pictures in color? O rly? Oh shit, putting all the girls I've dated in one room would hilarious. All they would do is fight and scream at each other. One wouldn't be there though, or maybe her ghost would... You see where I'm going with this. Hahaha!!! Every guy fapping right now is saying those exact fucking words about their ex gurls! Dem bitches can't beat my imagination! Lulz. Again, with the color film taking taking color photos. I get it. Speeding things up, all right. Fiddle comes out of nowhere, and now it's over. How would you like to be that guy? Sit through the entire song and you're only part is 2 notes once and a while. I'm sure he made bank though.

Tenderness: Huh? It's sounds like it's straight out of Grease. I could imagine John Travolta crooning this to Olivia Newton John at the drive in. No thanks, Kodachrome is hella better.

Take Me to the Mardi Gras: THE Mardi Gras huh? Odd. Ooh, this starts off pretty good. The groove makes you sway. Perfect for a day at the beach. Little bit of trumpet for accent, sounds good. Is the solo a theramin? Maybe steel drums... Nope, electric organ. New Orleans jazz band comes in to finish it off, I like it.

Something So Right: Something tells me this song is about getting some ass. The guitar sounds French. Like Michelle. Nope, just dang ol' love. Pretty generic love song. He almost sounds like Paul McCartney at times. But Paul's love songs are actually good. Scratch that, it's sounds very similar to his love songs. Damn it! I guess the record is scratched, it keeps repeating. Damn vinyl! This is bland. Meh.

One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor: Strange title, but let's hear it. Hmm, it starts off interesting. Aaand it doesn't stay that way. It's kind of bluesy, wait now it's gospely. I still don't get the title yet, the lyrics don't explain it at all. He's yelling the words, attention coming back. And now that damn background choir chimes in again. Meh.

Side 2!!!

American Tune: 'Murica! Fuck yeah! Slow. I expected something fast paced. He's talking about how his life sucks. It's picking up. A dream about dying, depressing. I think it's about patriotism, at least the end is. Screw it. 'Murica! Automatic win!

Was a Sunny Day: A feel good song about a sunny day. Kind of beachy too. It repeats itself a lot. The whole song is only 2 verses repeated. Lazy.

Learn How to Fall: Starts off pretty good, with a good rhythm. It's about failing before you succeed. Not too bad, another short song. Not much to say about it. I like it.

St. Judy's Comet: Hmm, it sounds like it would fit well on 'Bookends'. I think its a lullaby to his son, lucky bastard. I wish someone would write a song for me. It's not bad, very innocent. Also very different from most of the songs he writes. I give it a meh.

Loves Me Like a Rock: Hopefully this goes better. The last few have been too bland to rant about. Oh, what fresh hell is this? Backing choir again. I think this is Dixieland! Yay! I can't rant and bitch! Oh yeah, talkin' about growin' up in the south in the bayou. You definitely know that feel. You're from New York asshole! Gotta squeeze in that anti gummint lyric in there. Wouldn't be vaguely folkish alterna-rock without it!Why am I imagining him singing this song in black face? I'm so racist.

OK! Another record down. Like most of the albums I'll be bitching or boning over, I haven't listened to it in quite a while. Unless I love the record, I usually listen to it once and shelve it. Plus I have a lot of them. I think FiM will be cancelled before I get through all of them. At least at this pace. And I don't plan on speeding things up anytime soon. So yeah. Anywho, last week we didn't have any luck finding the value of our record. Let's try this again. Success! Aw shit, it's not worth much. Stands to reason, it's passible. OK, there are three listings. The quadrophonic release is $20, the original pressing is $10, and the reissue is $8. Yeah, this one ain't worth shit. I have an original that I picked up for a buck. You seeing a pattern here? I raid the cheap bins for these "gems". Now then, should you buy it? Time to ask...

The Three Questions!!!

Are you a Paul Simon fan?

Are you a fan of vaguely folkish alterna-rock?

Is it cheap?

Yes to question 1: Go for it!

Yes to question 2: Dafuq does that even mean? I ripped it off of Futurama. But I digress, go for it.

Yes to question: 3: Go for it!

Dispite my bitching, it's a decent album. Definitely not up to par with any S & G album, but it could be worse. If you must have a Paul Simon album, I would go with a greatest hits record. Trust me, you won't be missing much. It'll have Kodachrome, and that's all you need off of this one. Alright, that's it. 'Til next time.