I had some today. Because my mom had to work and my brother decided he wasn't going to disturb me. I've been on my computer 9 hours now. Mostly watching YouTube videos.
Now my mom is home and is yelling at us for not doing the chores she think we should do automatically. Every weekend. Without messing up once. Despite the fact that we've only ever done all our chores once. She complains, every time. This is, in part, because she's stressed with work, because she cooks, because she puts on the washing, almost every night. Almost. Because sometimes she works late and we have to fend for ourselves.
My mom, she has no hobby, nor a goal she's aiming for. She's stuck in a rut and doesn't know why. She complains about life and does hardly anything about it. She'll talk to her boss if she has a major issue, but she's always complaining about how, "The boss has no idea what she's doing."
And she drags that stress with her, into my life. And I've got other things to worry about! Like, passing my subjects in school!
Which reminds me of the fact that my younger brother, whom I have to share a room with, is a total show-off when it comes to schoolwork.
And the worst part in all of this is that I can't really escape. When I'm in contact with them, it's normally night. Which I won't go out during for my mortal safety, unless there's a party going on only a block or two away. That I've been invited to, and where there's not going to be alcohol, 'cause my mom won't let me go. You know, high-school parties almost always have alcohol. So I rarely get to go to parties.
Not that I mind. I'm not a big fan of most kids at school. Why would I be, they're all loud, they love to gossip, and I just don't feel comfortable around them. There are a few, who are less rebellious and so much kinder, my friends. Though, everyone of my fellow students has realized that I do, in fact, need space and have learned to respect this. And sometimes, I'll show that I'm don't mind being around others sometimes.
That's the thing, when I want to be alone, it's better to leave me alone, but when I'm not wanting to be a total loner, I'm more likely to talk to you if you have learnt my rules of personal space...
I haven't had a hug from a person IRL in a while though. I'm not yet comfortable with my new friends to do that yet though. I probably never will be, and that's alright with me. It's the only downside to changing schools, compared to only losing one or two friends at any one time when you stay at the same school, you lose all of them. At once... What's worse is that I couldn't contact them because I had no internet... So, I've now lost all my old friends and have new ones who still don't fully understand my peculiarity. But I'd never expect them to!
But, back to my time alone issues... I don't exactly have a place to get away from my mom and younger brother. I've just had to put up with it. And deal with the strain it's put on me. Like I'm not under enough stress already.
It's fine, everything is just fine... I'm just a little bit tired of it all.
At least I have my 3 km walk to and from school! When I'm normally, but not always, alone. I have a friend I sometimes walk home with, and she's the only one I've told all my secrets to. Well, almost. She doesn't know who I'm crushing on. She knows I'm a brony, that I have over 100 people I'm subscribed to on YouTube, that I adore the Yogscast, that I play Pokemon and Zelda... She's the only person I feel I can trust at this time. She's my Best Friend.
And it's sad that I can't trust people in my life, especially family.
But that's enough sad, sappy, sentimental stuff. I have YouTube to watch!