New abbreviation: Just Getting Something Out Of My System.

I'm probably going to be doing more of these in the future. Just like other entries in this blog (Lying In The Shade) and unlike my other blog (Under The Rays), I'm not totally keen on what I'm going to write.

Alright, this kinda began at the rant or... whatever that can even be classified as in this post I made. So yeah, I've really been getting serious about accepting change. What may get in the way of things is that I'm less than 24 hours away from my flight to go back home with my parents which is the very same environment that spoiled me in the first place, you can say. If it does turn out to stifle this process of change then I really do regret my decision to take a flight back early, though the only way to find out is to wait and see, of course.

Accepting change. For those who didn't bother to read the post in the link just given, it's basically about coming to terms with the fact that I'm on my own here and must take full responsibility for myself, which is something I've been failing to do here, you see. All this time I have been trying to retreat from that fact somehow be it from escapism through ponymania or through fostering vulnerable, nurturing attachments. Let me explain more about the latter; I don't know if my sig is visible here but when you look at my sig, you see filly Twilight being coddled by Princess Celestia or in this case "Momlestia" (there's a second M in there). Another thing, my previous avatar was filly Twilight sleeping in the care of her two parents but their faces aren't shown. Basically, I wanted to be coddled like that and I thought that I was going to get emotionally healed because of it.

It did help to an extent and it did serve me well with the close friends I've made over the past two years but as I craved for more and more of that warmth, I guess to put it in simple terms, I let this whole dependence state of mind get the best of me. I let it overstay its welcome basically. How bad did this get? Well, for one, I kinda stopped doing my own thinking and many decisions were no longer my own as I always needed input from one of my brony friends more specifically. That input has gotten a whole deal of importance, to the extent that it would make or break whether or not I'd go through with it if it doesn't receive enough attention or approval. Now that I'm saying it out loud, it's apparent how much I've been undermining myself from doing this. I'm just lucky that I have good friends who do care about my well-being which is how I didn't get myself exploited despite everything.

Well, it's getting late and I got enough out of my system for a good night sleep. I might take some relevant points and make a much more thoughtful blog entry that would be worthy enough to be placed in Under The Rays. Good night, everypony.