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Rebel the Wolfgirl

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  1. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    DISCLAIMER: This blog entry discusses sensitive and potentially controversial and/or triggering subjects such as dubious consent, cult mentality/brainwashing, sexism, homophobia, racism, and overall things people would consider "yikes", especially nowadays. Viewer discretion is advised; approach with caution.
    Robert A. Heinlein. Considered one of the most celebrated and important authors of modern-day science fiction, Heinlein is primarily known for a number of things - staunch libertarianism, deep philosophical and political themes in his work thereof, and not afraid to push boundaries of good taste and the medium of writing itself. 
    And, unfortunately, his penchant for controversy (and more importantly, how our perspectives on media can change over decades) is what we're talking about today. Heinlein's most important novel within the popular culturesphere is 1961's Stranger in a Strange Land, primarily because it helped inspire that decade's counterculture movement and its' values. As someone who has always found kinship with the hippies of the sixties (whether it's my strong advocacy for libertarian socialism, love of animals and the environment, or more relevant to this blog entry, polyamory and sexual freedom), I quickly became enamored with this book and the ideas it put forth. That was, until rather recently. You see, one of my favorite YouTube channels is Overly Sarcastic Productions, who specialize in discussing literature, history, philosophy, mythology, and related topics. They put out a video discussing the novel and brought to light a number of things that are equally as controversial about the book as its central focus. Namely, discussions of homophobia, sexism, and most importantly, Heinlein's assertion that his way is the "right" way, and that nothing (especially not a couple of minor things like society reacting-fairly appropriately, I might add-with shock and horror to the values put forth, or consent (no means no for a reason; not everyone is secretly sex-starved and repressing inhibitions, Heinlein) will get in the way  of humanity embracing the HETEROSEXUAL (emphasis here) polyamorous sex cult that is the "Church of All Worlds" .
    So, without further ado, I'm going to discuss the problems with Stranger, which can be boiled down to four or five points: 
     Cult mindset, and how Mike Valentine Smith's movement checks off most of not all the boxes in regards to it. How Heinlein, for all his progressive thought, still advocates for reactionary attitudes towards non-heterosexual people. Heinlein's hypocritical views towards organized religion. How Heinlein not only exploits, but objectifies women in order to "set them free" of inhibitions. Disregard for the idea of consent. ---------------
    The "Church" of All Worlds: Thou Art God A Cult
    Within the context of the novel, the Church of All Worlds is a new religious movement founded by the novel's protagonist Michael Valentine Smith in an effort to elevate humanity into a new state of being. Built on the principle of "Thou art God" , the Church advocates for sexual freedom and indulgence of desires so that humans can "grok"; that is, to understand and become one with not only each other but the universe itself. However, as OSP point out, the Church reads more like a cult from a modern day point. But what, exactly, defines a cult? According to Dr. Michael Langone, cults are defined by thirteen characteristics:
    , how do the Church fit into these 13 characteristics?
    1. The group sees Michael as a father, leader, and lover who knows what is best for them.
    2 and 3. The Church is intent on recruiting all of mankind, and making money off of them via rankings and initiatory circles.
    4. No one even dares to think of questioning Michael's authority lest they "disappear" .
    5. The Church uses mind numbing techniques under the pretense of gaining psychic powers.
    6. Michael dictates how the Church's members should act and think.
    7 and 8. The Church has a very elitist mindset, claiming the humans who do not join them will eventually die out.
    9. Michael, as a near literal god, claims that no one on Earth has authority over him; the Church's members even go as far as commiting (and advocating) murder to justify themselves.
    10. The Church insinuates that all (heterosexual) humans are inherently sexual, and that inhibitions are tantamount to guilt.
    11, 12, and 13. The Church's members are encouraged to cut off any past ties with non-Church members, devote themselves to the organization, and live in polyamorous, communal "nests" with their fellow water brothers.
    So yes, the "Church of All Worlds" is, indeed a cult. Given Heinlein's ties to L. Ron Hubbard, I am not shocked that he had a similar (albeit fictional) religion.
    ---------------
    Heinlein and Homophobia
    Now, as stated earlier, Heinlein, in spite of his advocacy for polyamory, actually made it clear (in no uncertain terms) that the polyamorous sex cult of the Church of All Worlds was explicitly heterosexual; as OSP (again) point out, he says that love should be free...unless you, in any way, are homosexual; he further says that masculine men are disliked by homosexuals (which goes hand in hand with the stereotype of gay/bisexual men being effeminate), and Jubal encourages Michael to think along these lines. This not only runs contradictory to the otherwise progressive themes about sexuality (more on that later) of the book, but also shows that Heinlein was very much a man of his times even when he was going against the grain in terms of societal norms. That certainly does not excuse his homophobia, but it goes a long way towards explaining it.
    ---------------
    Meet the New God, Same As the Old God
    The world of Stranger in a Strange Land is a post-WWWIII Earth, one where organized religions have taken on a megacorporation -like status.  Of particular note are the Fosterites, a megachurch where vices are encouraged and only considered "sin" if done outside of the church's authority. 
    Does that sound familiar at all? If you guessed "The Church of All Worlds" , you win! This oxymoronic portrayal of religion is a hallmark of the book's inherently contrarian viewpoints and serves to paint Heinlein as a hypocrite. Michael Valentine Smith basically tears down the old world order in an mission to "save" humanity, only to put an almost-exact same system in its place and ensure humanity becomes a ruthless race of elder gods, leaving it far worse than when he found it.
    Did I mention this is portrayed as a good thing?
    In essence, Michael (and therefore Heinlein) imply that no matter what, the system will never change and that things will likely be worse; but in their view, that's perfectly fine so long as your goals and viewpoints are accomplished! /s
    ---------------
    Heinlein and Women
    One of Stranger's central themes is that of sex-positivity, and the idea that women should enjoy sex openly and freely. While I am apt to agree with Heinlein on these viewpoints, he and I differ in opposite directions as to how to go about it. And suffice to say that Heinlein goes about this idea...rather poorly. Namely, in how one of the novel's main characters, Jill, is "converted" into these views by Mike and Heinlein's self-insert Jubal. A prudish and conservative woman, Jill is portrayed as a rather reactionary figure towards Mike's views of free love and sex as the ultimate expression of understanding and closeness. A strawwoman, if you will. So how do Mike and Jubal get Jill out of this mindset? By pressuring her to become a stripper, of course!
    Uhhhhh...  Come again?
     She's, in essence, PRESSURED to become a stripper to "free her inhibitions". And now here's where my problems come into the forefront - Jill doesn't do this of her own free will; at the very least, that's how I read it. She does this because Mike, the supposed savior of humanity tells her to. This not only runs contradictory to what Heinlein was intending, but if anything, it shows Heinlein objectifying women in the name of feminism. This is actually a common criticism of Heinlein's work - he writes strong female characters, and yet gives into pandering misogynistic stereotypes at the same time. It's a symptom of the larger problem - hypocrisy and contradiction. And this is clearer nowhere else in my final criticism of Stranger: a disregard for consent.
    ----------------
    UIN - Unsafe, Insane, and Nonconsensual
    Ultimately, my problems with this book boil down to one idea and one idea only - the idea that there isn't such a thing as consent. Mike tries to impose his radical ideas by forcing them into humanity, without understanding that a majority value their own freedoms of choice. Thus, it's no shock when humanity reacts through an equally extreme measure - violence. Jubal, by the end, is himself a stranger in a strange land - he still values his own individuality in a world that has gone down a path of free love and peace - albeit not one of their own choosing. 
    In short, Heinlein certainly has a number of good ideas...he just advocates for them in the worst way possible.
     
    ----------------
    My Own Opinions
    Now that we have my big issues with Stranger in a Strange Land out of the way, I'd like to discuss my own personal viewpoints on the subjects presented; each of them will act as a counterargument to one of the five issues above.
     1. My religious beliefs, and the seven core values I try to live by.
    2. My views on polyamory and free love.
    3. My views on organized religion.
    4. My views on voyeurism and exhibitionism (per site rules, I will not go into explicit detail, just an overview of my general thoughts).
    5. Why I place a crucial emphasis on consent and differing opinions in my relationships with my partners.
     
    ---------------
    Luci(fer) in the Sky With Diamonds
    I make it no secret (at least on here, anyway) that I am a Luciferian. But what exactly does that mean? Is it the same thing as Satanism? ...Well, yes and no. Luciferians and Satanists have generally similar views, but have differing ways of approaching them. Wikipedia explains it better than I can.
    In short, Satanism focuses on indulgence and rebellion not only for its own sake, but only in the short term. Luciferians focus on indulgence not as a form of going against the grain, but as a path to enlightenment. And being nondogmatic, Luciferians have a wide variety of beliefs and interpretations: some see Lucifer in a literal sense, others see him as purely symbolic. I myself am in the agnostic camp. Could Lucifer exist as a literal being? Possibly, but whether he does or not is irrelevant. What matters is learning from him, and applying the teachings to one's own life and self. My values as a Luciferian can be broken down into seven statements and values. 
    In opposition to my virtues are corresponding sins.
    As you can see, my beliefs (like many Luciferians) are rooted in secular humanism and encourage appreciation of the arts and natural world, as well as acknowledgement of the natural human condition. We are not inherently "sinful" but freethinking, flawed human beings.
    ---------------
    All You Need Is (Free) Love
    Let me get this out of the way first: I have no problem with monogamy itself (though I did a few years back, when I was first discovering the ins and outs of what being "polyamorous" meant). If you want to have a single partner, then more power to you. I will fully understand and support you on that. What I do have a problem with is monogamy as an enforced construct: socially, religiously, and legally. Speaking from my sociopolitical standpoint as an anarchist, I see the construct, not the concept, of monogamy as an infringement on an individual's right to have personal and intimate relationships. Boundaries and ground rules should be respected above all else in a relationship. No one-not religious institutions, not government institutions, and especially not societal norms-should be involved; so long as all parties involved are consenting adults, who cares what happens behind closed doors? Certainly not me, that's for damn sure.
    Now, free love and nonmonogamy are, in the popular imagination, heavily associated with promiscuity. This is due to a combination of factors - namely, a skewered view of the counterculture (certainly not helped by its "mainstreaming") and dozens, if not thousands of young people either losing sight of their ideals and falling into drug and sex-fueled hedonism or not sharing the counterculture's values at all and hopping onto the bandwagon of psychedelia. 
    There is a big difference between nonmonogamy and promiscuity. Nonmonogamy simply means having multiple simultaneous romantic and/or sexual relationships, with all parties consenting. Promiscuity is just sleeping around. My views on promiscuity are that it is only dangerous when all involved don't use protection and common sense. Thanks to our broken educational system's insistence on "abstinence-only" sex ed, this is an unfortunate reality.
    But what of marriage? In order to make my views on the socioreligious institute known as "marriage" more clear, allow me to relate a small anecdote.
    So I'm reading the TV Tropes page on Glory Road (another Heinlein novel), and...holy shit, I think I've found something he and I can actually agree on.
     See, I have very similar views on marriage as Star's society does; in my ideal world, the legal and religious aspects of marriage are done away with in favor of a mutual partnership that can include as many men and/or women as one likes. For instance, my main partner (my "girlfriend" of almost four years now) and I consider ourselves married even if we are not legally recognized as such. Were we to extend that mutual partnership to others, we would need to set ground rules and respect/acknowledge each others' boundaries and limitations.
    I believe in polyamory because I believe in its purest form, love should be shared with others. And if you were to ask me what unites us as a species, it's love. Plain and simple.
    ---------------
    (Don't) Give Me That Old Time Religion
    Like Heinlein, I am critical of organized religion for a number of reasons: its hypocrisies, its influence towards shaping how society, and most importantly it's insistence on blind obedience and unquestioning dogma. Either you revere Mohammad/Jesus/Yahweh, or you hate them and are sentenced to eternal damnation. In my view, that encourages not only anti-intellectualism and groupthink, but also fearmongering. But does that mean I hate practitioners of the Abrahamic faiths on a personal level or religion in general? No, and especially in the latter case, no. I don't hate religion as a whole. In fact, I think religions can and should have a place and positive impact on people and society. And I certainly don't hate Jews, Christians, and Muslims on a personal level (fundamentalists aside). If anything I find Jesus' original message to be something that I can completely understand and relate to: we don't suffer because of some original sin, but because we are human; so long as we accept that we suffer, we understand the universe on a deeper and more personal level. That original message, however, has been lost under the centuries of violence, persecution, and games of political chess perpetuated by those ostensibly meant to carry on the teachings of Jesus and his disciples.
     
    ---------------
    Let's Go Sunning
    Hooooo boy...I've been dreading these particular topics, both out of fear of being reprimanded, potential ridicule, and because they're generally uncomfortable topics to talk about. But if my buddy @Kyoshi has taught me anything, it's self acceptance. And if there's anything I need to accept about myself, it's that I'm pro-voyeurism, pro-exhibitionist, and pro-nudist. All three of these have fair amounts of controversy, and it's easy to see why: potential privacy issues (voyeurism), slut-shaming/exploitation (exhibitionism), and a whole host of ethical and legal issues (nudism). To which I've thought a lot about. Take these as general suggestions on how society could approach these issues and not exactly how they should. I'm not here to preach the gospel, I am here to make you think.
    -Voyeurism: The best way to approach voyeurism is through the same way I've been discuss throughout this blog. Through explicit permission and consent. Depending on if it's in private or in public, the consenting parties would have to either discuss the terms and conditions between themselves, record such (either through video, audio, or both) and frame it as a binding contract that can be voided at any time. If such occurs, criminal charges would be able to be filed (depending on circumstances).
    -Exhibitionism: I am of the opinion that men and women should be proud of their bodies, and not be afraid to show them off however they see fit. However, some are not comfortable with this idea, and for good reason. That is why the solution lies in optional dress codes. Have different establishments cater to the exhibitionist crowd by outlining what constitutes a loose dress code that respects their right to express themselves while also respecting the rights of others.
    Nudism: I cannot tell a lie, I would very much like to practice a nudist lifestyle within private. My girlfriend and I have even discussed it in our potential future plans. Unfortunately as I live with family, I cannot do so. And let's not even go into public nudism and its legal/ethical can of worms. My solution? Follow the European model - designate places where clothing is optional (for added protection, ensure these are 18+ places: you'll need to show ID before entering). This way, everyone wins.
    ---------------
    Let's Talk About Consent
    Consent. What is it and why is it so important to me? Consent, by its traditional definition, is permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. Within the specific context of sexual activity and freedom, consent is voluntarily allowing oneself to engage in such activities without threat or authority. So why is it such a big deal to me? One, it's common sense. Two, I used to be a person who didn't take how others would feel about certain actions; most notably, this is why and how I got myself banned for four years in here (2015-2019). There's good reason I keep bringing my ban up from time to time. It's not in order to draw pity, nor is it a badge of dubious honor for me. If anything, it's a badge of shame, and one I keep bringing up to show that I made a huge mistake; one that, for better or worse, helped shape me into the person I am today. Thirdly, how can I respect my partners as lovers if I don't respect them as people first? The answer is I can't. Sure, sex is great, and I'd be a fucking liar if I said I didn't enjoy it (even if it is only cyber). But to me, sex is only one half of being poly. The other is laughing at your partners' dumb jokes, telling them things will get better, and most importantly telling them you love them as much as possible. Because no other words mean the world to them.
    -----
    This has been the inaugural entry in Tales From the Punchbowl. I'll see you next time.
    Discuss below your thoughts on polyamory and free love, or relationships in general.
  2. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    If one is to embrace Lady Eris as their Goddess, then one must know the Five Basics of Discordianism.
    Who is Eris? What are the Rules of 3s and 5s? What are Dichotomies and why are they so important? What are the Five Principles of Discordianism? And more importantly, can we trust them? Notice how there are Five Basics, but only 4 bullet points? That is because while the Rules of 3s and 5s might be the same, they are simply two different ways of looking at the world. Strike that, reverse it! WE'LL GET TO THAT POINT LATER.
    -------------------------
    WHO IS LADY ERIS?
    Who, exactly, is Lady Eris? I'll tell you exactly who she is: She is funny. She is intelligent. She is sexy. She is flirty. And more importantly, she is Goddess of Discordianism (and my waifu).
    But I am getting slightly off topic here. Eris, as viewed by the Greeks, was primarily the Goddess of Strife and Disorder; however, their views cannot be trusted, for they were (as the Goddess saith) victims of indigestion - remember to check the expiration dates on your Hebrew Nationals, Ball Park Franks, etc., folks. She was emphatically not, as commonly believed, the Goddess of Chaos; that is simply a modern conflation with Her Motherfather - the primordial and formless Void from which She, Her Sister Aneris (otherwise called Harmonia or Order), and Their Brother Pnevmatikótita (otherwise called Spiritualitas or Spirituality) were birthed.
    And that, friends, provides a nice segue into the Discordian Creation Myth. In the beginning, there was Void - formless, with no gender or sex, and simply pure, unadulterated Chaos. From Chaos there came Form; and from Form there came twins - Eris and Aneris, both born as adults. Whereas Eris was fun, flirty, and didn't give a load of dingoes' kidneys, Aneris was more serious and greyfaced. But mostly she was jealous of Eris, who was born pregnant and birthed the human race as Her children - immortal, without semblance of illusions such as right or wrong, monogamy or sexual and gender discrimination, aging and therefore death.
    Suffice to say, Aneris was pissed. How dare her sister get the privilege of being born pregnant while she was forever sterile!? Therefore, her solution was rightly sound: the old standby of "If I can't have immortal demigod children, then no one can!"
     As you can clearly see, this "logic" is not only stupid, but is ironically illogical for a being such as Aneris. In her petty jealousy, Aneris gave Humanity five curses: the curse of Right and Wrong, the curse of Mortality (hence why everything begins in life and death; Eris births our spirits and shapes our mortal bodies, Aneris makes us grow older and eventually die), the curse of Order, the Curse of Hate (which comes in many forms, most prominently racism and anti-LGBT viewpoints), and finally the curse of Seriousness, more popularly known as the Curse of Greyface after its most prominent ancient philosopher.
    Spirituality wants nothing to do with his sisters' BS, hence why he has no place in Discordian Creation. And honestly, who'd want to be? So thanks a ton, Aneris. You're the reason we as a species are so screwed up.  
    Anyways, we cannot see Eris, at least not with our own mortal eyes. We can, however, freely communicate with Her through a small part of our brain known as the pineal gland. How one interprets the Goddess is purely up to Her, as she appears to many in different forms. This, for instance, is how the Greeks and Romans interpreted her:

     
    And this is how I (and a number of my generation) interpret her:

    (Thank you to @Randimaxis for linking me to this amazing fan art of Billy and Mandy's Eris!)
    Either way, Eris can and does appear however and whenever she sees fit - she routinely likes to play jokes on unsuspecting victims - it's her way of showing she loves you.
    That about covers it for Our Lady of Discord, I should think.
     
    WHAT ARE THE RULES OF 3s AND 5s?
    The Rule of 5s is a well-known and documented phenomenon in Discordianism, having been first recorded in the Principia. It is a way of thinking by seeing the number 5 in everything - as 5 is Eris' favorite number. Much less known, however, is the Rule of 3s, first revealed by the Goddess to me when we first began talking about life, the universe, and everything (we both agree it's an excellent book, probably one of Douglas Adams' best). "3," so saith the Goddess, "is my second favorite number. Not as much as 5, mind you. That's not why nobody has noticed it before you, darling."
    " But my Lady, my Goddess, my Lover! " I implored. "What is the Rule of 3s?" I then received a hard backhand for my insolence.
    "If you'll just let me talk for a moment," Eris told me rather irritably, narrowing her eyes so that I could see the purple mascara coating them, her ruby red lips pursed, " I shall impart the knowledge of the number 3 onto you. " I soon found myself in a classroom setting, Lady Eris standing in front of a blackboard with a pointer on 3 large words written in chalk: THE RULES OF THREE AND FIVE. "Are you ready to begin your lesson?"
    "Yes ma'am!" I said, sitting up as straight as I could, ready to jot down notes.
    "Now then," saith the Goddess. "As you know, the Rule of 5s state that Discordians such as yourself see the number 5 in everything. Is this correct?"
    "Yes."
    "Do you know why?" Oh boy, now she was testing my mind grapes.
    "No." I answered honestly.
    "The Rule, or Law of 5s, exists because you perceive it to be true." Eris said as she turned around to write on the board ( my thoughts as I watched her do so are both inappropriate to post here and irrelevant to the discussion) and drew a small diagram to illustrate the point. "The same goes for the number 3. You perceive things in groups of 3 and 5 because you see past material illusion. " She turned around and tapped the center of her forehead to indicate the pineal gland. To demonstrate, she picked up the Apple of Discord and placed it directly in front of me, on top of my notes. "Tell me, Renegade, what do you see in front of you?"
    "The Apple of Discord, what else would it be?" I answered like the smartass I was. That earned me a whack across the face from the pointer. Eris glared at me again, biting her lower lip to keep from screaming in rage. I immediately wisened up and looked closer at the Apple. Sure, it resembled an ordinary apple at first glance, albeit a golden one with ' Kallisti' inscribed into it. If I looked closer, however, I could see it divided into three parts: the body, the stem, and the leaf. Observing it even closer yielded a further result. Kallisti. Kal-li-sti. Three syllables. Now I understood. Leaning down to face me, the Goddess and I locked eyes.
    "Now do you understand? The Rules of 3s and 5s are similar, yet different. The differences are superficial and irrelevant. What matters is the perception."
    " Like how neither subjective or objective truth are the same, only two halves of capital-T Truth?" I immediately found myself pulled into a loving embrace by my Goddess.
    "You've got it, darling!" she cheered. " You've got it with flying colors!" She kissed me passionately, and I kissed her. When that was said and done, she departed from me, our meetup over.
    I left with my first real understanding of Truth.
     
    THE HONEST TRUTH ABOUT DICHTONOMIES
    From birth, we are taught to see the world in certain ways - good vs. evil, Republicans vs. Democrats, Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, etc. and scooby dooby doo. However, Discordianism's central tenet is to ask the question, "What is, exactly, the Truth, of the world?" And much like the Rule of 3s, it can be boiled down to this.
    There is order, which is known as Aneristic Truth. There is also Disorder, known as Eristic Truth. Both are mere illusions; there is neither order or disorder, for both are dual aspects of Chaotic Truth. Now, this doesn't give you the right to, say, set the local portapotty on fire or stalk one's ex; you're still gonna get in trouble for those. Discordianism is not about needless violence nor is it about trying to keep order even when doing so is counterproductive to safety or wellbeing. Eris is a playful anarchist; essentially she's the non-malicious internet troll or shitposter. She gets reactions out of people, whether it's laughter, confusion, or confused laughter. She loves anyone and everyone, even her supposed enemies. She does have her standards, however, and ensures that her followers don't go too far in their mischief making.
     
    THE FIVE PRINCIPLES OF DISCORDIANISM
    I figured we should finish this blog off by outlining the basic rules of Discordianism which its followers are simultaneously are supposed to follow and disobey at their leisure. It is also known as the Pentabarf.
    There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm. A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System. A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Roman Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns). A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub. A Discordian is Prohibited from Believing What he reads. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Hail Discordia!
  3. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Greetings all, Renegade here with a LOOONG-overdue update. For today's entry, I decided to do something a bit different - a retrospective list of all the albums I could remember listening to in my childhood. I listened to a LOT of albums growing up (particularly hardcore punk, psychobilly, and heavy metal) so narrowing them down to my top 10 was a difficult task. But anyways, I'll be taking a look at the 10 that I most remember fondly - the rankings do not signify a particular order from best to worst of vice versa - I like them all equally.
    --------
    10. Dead Kennedys - Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables

    Genre(s): Hardcore punk
    Release date: September 2, 1980
    Songs of Note: Kill the Poor, Holiday in Cambodia, California Uber Alles, and Viva Las Vegas
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: Ah, the Dead Kennedys. The...Beatles of hardcore punk, if you will. Probably the single most important band in the genre out there, I was first exposed to the band through my dad, who was (for better or for worse) probably the most hardcore punk person I knew in my early years. And just like the Beatles, the DKs played straightforward, surf-and-rockabilly influenced punk before diversifying their sound and then eventually coming full circle with their final album Bedtime for Democracy. Anyways, this album is about as basic as you can get with American punk rock: guitar, bass and drums, fast tempos, and frontman Jello Biafra's biting satire that pulls no punches and doesn't lean either to the extreme, neoliberal left or to the neoconservative religious right. They're just out to tell you how wrong you are, and how the world isn't a very nice place. And that is something we need more of in the divisive, everything is political and there is no middle ground climate of today.
    ----
    9. Primus - Pork Soda

    Genres: Alternative metal, funk metal, experimental rock
    Release date: April 20, 1993
    Songs of Note: Mr. Krinkle, My Name is Mud
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: While I didn't truly get into this album until I was in middle school (and post-my parents' divorce), I still consider it an album from my childhood thanks to my then-18 year old cousin Justin showing me the music video for Mr. Krinkle in the olden days of pre-2010s YouTube. Thanks to him introducing me to Primus (and listening to System of a Down around that time; I'll get to Toxicity in a bit), my love of more experimental bands was seeded. Les Claypool's bass is heavy on this album, and given the darker subject matter ( "Bob" hits home pretty hard nowadays due to my dad killing himself via hanging in April earlier this year), why shouldn't it be? There's still the normal Primus wackiness from earlier albums still on here, but it's not as prominent. Pork Soda is considered Primus' masterwork by many, and it isn't hard to see why.
    ---
    8. Bad Religion - The Process of Belief

    Release date: January 22, 2002
    Genres: Punk rock, melodic hardcore
    Songs of Note: Sorrow, Supersonic, and Kyoto Now
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: This album, or rather, Sorrow, was probably my first exposure to Bad Religion at 4 years old. It became one of my favorite songs (next to Barroom Hero and The Dirty Glass by Dropkick Murphys) to sing at that age. And listening to the album in full all these years later, it still holds up as my second favorite BR album-my favorite being New Maps of Hell. Full of energy, melody, and most of all, intelligent political discussion, If you want to get into this band, start here.
    ---
    7. Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies

    Release date: March 19, 2002
    Genres: Celtic punk
    Songs of Note: Drunken Lullabies, If I Ever Leave This World Alive, What's Left of the Flag
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: Probably my second favorite Celtic punk band, Flogging Molly is near and dear to my heart, striking a balance between tender, tearjerking ballads and in-your-face, Irish-loud-and-Irish-proud punk...and oftentimes both. This one brings on the waterworks easily, but it's worth a listen or two.
    ---
    6. System of a Down - Toxicity

    Release date: September 4, 2001
    Genres: Alternative metal, nu metal
    Songs of Note: Chop Suey, Toxicity, Aerials
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: Ah, System of a Down. What would I be without  Chop Suey ingraining itself into my young brain and becoming a favorite song of mine? What should I say about this album? It's political, funny, heavy, poppy, and diversive all at once. SOAD have been called successors to Frank Zappa and for good reason. They can take any music and mix and match genres and lyrics with it, creating something unique get accessible and familiar. This album is still a riot all the way through, but the singles are standouts.
    ---
    5. Reverend Horton Heat - Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em 

    Release date: November 1, 1990
    Genres: Psychobilly
    Songs of Note: Bad Reputation, Marijuana, Psychobilly Freakout
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: This is the album (along with Tiger Army's Power of Moonlite) that introduced me to the genre I eventually decided to pursue musically - psychobilly. And nobody does it better than Jim MF'ing Heath and his bassist Jimbo Wallace. This record is everything you could ever want in a psychobilly album: good old rock and roll riffs and basslicks recorded live in the studio, lyrics about sex, cars, and drugs, and is overall just a fun time. Easily the best thing the Rev ever recorded, and highly recommended.
    ---
    4. Ramones - Loud, Fast, Ramones: Their Toughest Hits

    Release date: October 15, 2002
    Genres: Punk rock
    Songs of Note: Blitzkrieg Bop, Beat on the Brat, Sheena is a Punk Rocker, I Wanna be Sedated
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: While I don't remember the exact compilation I listened to as a kid, this one was most likely it based on the songs I can remember. And that title doesn't lie - the Ramones were loud, fast, and tough. They were pop song writers above all else, though, and these tunes will get stuck in your head, no ifs and or buts about it. Definitely a must-have for any punker like myself.
    ---
    3. Devil Doll - Queen of Pain

    Release date: October 14, 2003
    Genres: Rockabilly
    Songs of Note: Bourbon in Your Eyes, Liquor Store, You are the Best Thing and the Worst Thing, Queen of Pain
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: I blame my mom for me loving this album in a good way. It's sexy, fun, and Colleen Duffy is just...mmm.~ I had such a crush on her as a kid, but I'm getting off track here. This record, much like Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em, is pure 50s rock and roll distilled into its base components. And going back to this album now fills me with a lot of nostalgia (and imagining Colleen Duffy singing to me in a smoky bar somewhere out of a film noir).
    ---
    2. Tiger Army - Power of Moonlite

    Release date: July 24, 2001
    Genres: Psychobilly, horror punk
    Songs of Note: Annabel Lee, In the Orchard, Under Saturn's Shadow, F.T.W.
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: If the Reverend Horton Heat can be considered everything fun about psychobilly, then Tiger Army can be considered the brooding, introspective, and emotional side. While they certainly have the punked-up 50s rock and roll and B-movie vibes of psychobilly, Tiger Army isn't concerned with talking about fictional monsters, cars, and girls. Their monsters are more "real" - depression, heartbreak, and thinking about good times that can never be captured again. Nick 13, lead singer of the band, draws on his darker experiences and country influences to paint vibrant pictures that can bring tears to one's eye.t
    ---
    1. Nirvana - Nevermind

    ...this was the only censored version I could find. Sue me.
    Genres: Alternative rock, grunge
    Songs of Note: ...All of them.
    Renegade's Thoughts on the Album: What can I say that hasn't been said before? Nevermind is a perfect album all the way through - perfect 60s pop melodies put through the fuzz of Kurt Cobain's guitar and Dave Grohl's pounding drums, lyrics about Kurt's volatile relationship with Tobi Vail, feminism, and masculinity, and a commitment to rocking the fuck out. This is my most treasured childhood album, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
  4. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Sooo...how can I preface this? Well, let's start off by saying that the Unswept's debut album, in spite of almost entirely being covers, was an excellent beginning - it's clear the O'Brien trio have a wide variety of influences and are able to cleverly work them into their Beatlesque sound with no effort at all. That isn't to say the few originals are slouchers in that department either; I could see songs like "Inside Out" and "Certain Flowers" appearing on a Herman's Hermits or Dave Clark Five record, and think that they wouldn't feel out of place at all.So what happens when the sophomore effort, The Unswept Today! (a clear reference to the Beach Boys and their similarly-titled album The Beach Boys Today!) reverses that trend - a stronger emphasis on original material, with only 2 covers? A year after the release of their first album, the O'Briens returned to the recording studio with 9 original songs in hand, bolstered by covers of Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians' "Another Bubble" and Teenage Fanclub's "Mellow Doubt", to create this 11-song album. But does it hold up to the first album in terms of quality? Well, let's look at The Unswept Today!, and find out.
    ----

    ALBUM NAME: The Unswept Today!
    ARTIST NAME: The Unswept
    RECORDED: 2015
    RELEASED: April 21, 2015
    LABEL: Draco Records
    PRODUCER: Bert Fern
    GENRES: Merseybeat, power pop, jangle pop
    PERSONNEL: Charlie O'Brien (guitars, vocals), Ryan O'Brien (drums, vocals), Liz O'Brien (bass, vocals)
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    TRACK LISTING:
    Super Sad: 02:19
    Peace of Mind: 02:01
    Please, Please Look My Way: 02:21
    Another Bubble (Robyn Hitchcock): 02:24
    (You Can) Do the Math: 02:17
    Unimpressive: 02:28
    Magnet's Coil: 02:17
    Mellow Doubt (Teenage Fanclub): 02:40
    Cheater: 02:53
    Surf Song (I Wish I Was a Beach Boy): 02:38
    Get Away: 03:26
    TOTAL ALBUM LENGTH: 27:49
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    1. Super Sad - Opening the album with a jangly, 12-string guitar chord (the influence of A Hard Day's Night is readily apparent), "Super Sad" is anything but. An upbeat rocker of a first track, the lyrics are straightforward, playfully mocking overly cynical and dramatic people who feel the need to make others miserable just because. It kicks the album into high gear from the word go, and is something straight off of a Replacements or even R.E.M. record. While it is one of the few songs on the album to not deal with relationships, "Super Sad" is all the better for it, proving that Ryan and Charlie can write more than silly love songs; they can also write more straightforward, anthemic power pop tunes that give off airs of positivity and good vibes all around.
    2.  Peace of Mind - Another upbeat track, "Peace of Mind" focuses on a narrator who reflects on a love from his last whom he still lines for; thinking about her eases him and gives him peace of mind. Featuring Liz on to-lead vocals, this song (at least melodically) reminds me a bit of "I Saw Her Standing There" almost; thematically, it deals with similar themes of pining for someone from afar. Speaking of...
    3. Please, Please Look My Way - While this one's not an upbeat song like the previous two, it's still an earworm of power pop goodness. Lyrically, "Please, Please Look My Way" is a more somber look at unrequited love. The narrator of the song admires a fashion store worker from a safe distance, imagining some clothes from a mannequin looking good on her, and the two of them going shopping together; all the while, he tries working up the nerve to just go up and talk to her, but his nerves prevent him from doing so. Not to fear, though; there is a sense of hope at the end when our protagonist finally decided he's going to do it. Musically, I'm reminded of Big Star's ballads; this wouldn't feel out of place if this was on #1 Record with Alex Chilton on lead vocals.
    4. Another Bubble - The first of only two covers on this album, "Another Bubble" was originally by Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians. The lyrics, as per usual for Mr. Hitchcock, are abstract, enigmatic, and open to interpretation. At first, it seems to be a standard song warning someone that their lover is trouble and that their just "Another bubble" waiting to burst. Then it takes a sharp left turn and explains that the girl is a delusion of some sort, and that the narrator has experience with this. But then it ALSO says that there IS another person, and...yeah, it's confusing when you actually read the lyrics. Nonetheless, it's a fun, happy sort of cover, and you can clearly tell the band is trying not to laugh themselves while singing.
    5. (You Can) Do the Math - A country-influenced tune, "You Can Do the Math" focuses on a man who talks about his admiration of a close female friend. He admits he likes her in that way, but he understands she's her own person and not an object, and that's OK. She goes on her own path, and he goes on his, and while their paths intersect, he's perfectly content to just be friends. Certainly not a conventional love song, but a love song nonetheless; the band shows that they have an understanding of platonic love just as intimately as they do with romantic love.
    6. Unimpressive - "Unimpressive" is a song I can deeply relate to, and for good reason. It's all about anxiety in a relationship, and how one (or even both partners) can feel that they're not good enough for the other. The singer expresses doubt to his partner that he can fulfill his or her needs, insisting he isn't impressive at all and will manage to somehow screw the whole thing up. While this may look like another one of the band's standard boy-girl love songs on the surface, digging a bit deeper reveals a surprisingly mature theme of self-doubt and low self-esteem.
    7. Magnet's Coil - Following from the example set by "Unimpressive" , this song deals with a deeper theme in regards to relationships. In this case, the failure of communication between partners. Lyrically, the song focuses on how a man and his girlfriend don't seem to talk out their feelings with one another, resulting in stress and high-strung anxiety because of it. There's also a neat bit of experimentation here, with a brief synthesizer melody being played in the middle of the song.
    8. Mellow Doubt - The second (and last) cover on this album, originally by Teenage Fanclub. In spite of this, the song adds to the overall maturation of themes found in the second half of this album. It focuses on the idea of a loved one dying, and dealing with the grief that follows. As the lyrics note, grief just doesn't go away. It never really does, and all you can really do is try and come to terms with it.
    9. Cheater - In offset to the melancholic tone of the previous tune, "Cheater" returns to an upbeat, Beatlesque melody...but is by no means a feel good song, as evidenced by the title. The song's narrator calls out his ex-girlfriend for her laziness and infidelity, especially since they were living in squalor. She made her cheating on him fairly obvious, as the narrator points out. As I keep bringing up, the band keeps maturing thematically throughout the second half of The Unswept Today, and this song is no exception. While the band did focus on the subject of a relationship ending in "You're Going Home" from their debut, this is the first time they've confronted the subject of cheating directly and bluntly. And their brutal honesty makes the message very clear.
    10. Surf Song (I Wish I Was a Beach Boy) - The Unswept decide to take a breather from the darker themes present in the last few songs, and decide to pastiche the Beach Boys. While this song stands in stark contrast to the other songs on Today's second half by being lighter, it continues in the idea of musical growth by the band deciding to do a take on an American group as opposed to an English one. And boy, they do it well. This song is a dead ringer for the classic Beach Boys, including the Four Freshmen-derived vocal harmonies. In terms of lyrics, it's replete with references to the Beach Boys' classic period of 1962-1966 such as "Surfer Girl", "Fun, Fun, Fun", "The Warmth of the Sun" , and "God Only Knows" .
    11. Get Away - The Unswept continue the experimentation for the final track of this album in two notable ways: it's their first song to be over three minutes, and adopts a "harder" rock sound akin to the Rolling Stones or the Who. Lyrically, you could see it as a continuation of the story in "Cheater", with the narrator kicking out his girlfriend for her misdeeds. With that said, the album reaches a satisfying conclusion with this song.
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    FINAL THOUGHTS: So, does the Unswept's second album live up to their debut? It does more than that - it's better. With more creative freedom in their sophomore effort, the O'Briens not only refine their ears for sugary sweet melodies, but also step out of their comfort zones by exploring relationships more in depth and (to a certain degree) new soundscapes as well. If I could recommend any power pop album of the 2010s, it's this one.
    ----
    FINAL SCORE:
    10/10
  5. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    A common complaint I tend to see whenever I listen to older forms of music is how "today's music sucks" and "nobody makes music like this anymore". Not only does this reek of r/lewronggeneration, but it is completely unfounded. There are plenty of bands that make good music in this day and age, and many more that specialize in carrying on the legacy of older bands. And no other band does this better than The Unswept, a power trio that seems like they walked straight out of the British Invasion of 1964 to 1966 in more ways than one.
    Originating in Sheffield, England (not coincidentally located 2 hours away from Liverpool, birthplace of the Beatles), the Unswept are comprised of brothers Charlie O'Brien (guitars, vocals), Ryan O'Brien (drums, vocals), and their cousin Liz (bass, vocals). The trio grew up in the group housing projects, playing in various bands before deciding to play music together and immigrating to Chicago's Logan Square. Discovered by Draco Records president Bert Fern, a day of studio time was booked (again, not unlike the Beatles with Please Please Me) and their self-titled debut was recorded. But is it a good record (consisting of 6 covers and 4 originals)? Well, that's why we're here. Let's look at The Unswept, an artifact that arrived 50 years too late, and find out.
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    ALBUM NAME: The Unswept
    ARTIST NAME: The Unswept
    RECORDED: March 9, 2014
    RELEASED: April 12, 2014
    LABEL: Draco Records
    PRODUCER: Bert Fern
    GENRES: Merseybeat, power pop, jangle pop 
    PERSONNEL: Charlie O'Brien (guitars, vocals), Ryan O'Brien (drums, vocals), Liz O'Brien (bass, vocals)
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    TRACK LISTING:
    1. Inside Out - 02:24
    2. So It Goes (Nick Lowe) - 02:35
    3. I Can't Sleep (Lee Mavers) - 02:26
    4. Cynical Girl (Marshall Crenshaw) - 02:22
    5. Certain Flowers - 02:38
    6. You're Going Home - 2:14
    7. I Must Be In Love (Neil Innes) - 02:09
    8. You Trip Me Up (William and Jim Reid) - 02:33
    9. Listen to the Band (Michael Nesmith) - 02:32
    10. She's So Cool - 02:30
    TOTAL ALBUM LENGTH: 24:23
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    1. Inside Out: The opening track of The Unswept immediately pulls you in with its Beatlesque guitar riffs and lyrics about a man who's in love, setting the template for the rest of the album (and by extension, the band themselves) - British Invasion pop tunes that generally don't stray too far from the 2-minute-and-under range. Short and sweet like the rest of the songs on the rest of this record, this opening track basically tells you, "You get what you expect. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride."
     2. So It Goes: The second track of this album is also our first cover, originally by Nick Lowe from his 1978 debut album Jesus of Cool. The phrase was originally used as a transition phrase in Kurt Vonnegut's novel Slaughterhouse Five, usually to signify a character's death, and then move on to another event. While the lyrics may not make any sense at first, they fit perfectly with that idea, going from one unrelated story to the next. It also allows the Unswept to really stretch their power pop legs, giving an indication of the covers on this album and how they fit perfectly into it.
    3. I Can't Sleep - Following the Nick Lowe cover is a song originally written by Lee Mavers of The La's fame. I Can't Sleep is pure power pop perfection in every sense. Juxtaposing lyrics about insomnia and the feelings it brings on with excellent pop hooks and harmonies, I Can't Sleep is an excellent track and probably a "signature song" for The Unswept if they had one.
    4. Cynical Girl - The third cover on The Unswept's debut album is a Marshall Crenshaw tune about wanting to find...well, a cynical girl. With Ryan and Charlie (and Liz on the chorus) dueting in the style pioneered by Lennon and McCartney, this track is the best showcase of the band's vocal harmonies.
    5. Certain Flowers - This song returns to the themes of love established in the first track; namely, talking about certain flowers, how they mean certain things (especially in romantic gestures), certain girls who might like those flowers, and ultimately how things like flowers and cards mean absolutely nothing when it comes to getting a girl to like you. What really matters isn't just cards and gifts - it's about forming personal connections that really make romance truly meaningful.
    6. You're Going Home: As with any band writing silly love songs, the Unswept also deal with the more negative side of romance every now and then. You're Going Home is that song. Focusing on a relationship going sour due to his lover up and leaving him, the narrator reflects on how things aren't going to be the same after that; he never got to say goodbye, all he got was a letter, and he's certainly not going to write back.
    7. I Must Be In Love: The fourth cover on this album is...certainly unusual. The reason being that it was originally by the Rutles, a Beatles pastiche created by Eric Idle and Neil Innes. As such, I Must Be In Love may not seem that unusual unless you know the history behind it. And it's absolutely perfect for a band like this. Just as the Rutles were an affectionate, light-hearted jab at the Beatles (Monty Python and the Fab Four had a mutual respect for one another; Eric Idle and George Harrison were close friends), the Unswept covering a pastiche while also being a throwback to the pop rock of the early 1960s is nothing short of awesome.
    8. You Trip Me Up: The Unswept continue to show off their more unexpected influences by covering The Jesus and Mary Chain's You Trip Me Up, off of 1985's Psychocandy. A problem I had with the original version is that it had far too much noise, feedback and distortion to it (and when you consider that this is the Jesus and Mary Chain, this is saying something), which obscured the actual music and vocals to the point of unlistenability. By stripping away the noise and feedback entirely, the Unswept uncover the catchy one-chord bubblegum melody underneath. If anything, it serves to show the 60s influences of not only this band, but of the Reid brothers as well, much more prominently.
    9. Listen to the Band: Speaking of 60s influences, the final cover and the album's penultimate track is Listen to the Band by the Monkees. While it doesn't deviate too much from the original, both are equally enjoyable in different ways. In fact, this song was included in a tribute compilation of the same name, marking the only time I know of that the Unswept made an appearance outside of their own recordings.
    10. She's So Cool: The final track on The Unswept is an original, this time focusing on the band's own Logan Square vneighborhood. More specifically, how the narrator admires a hipster girl for how cool she is. More specifically, he admires her wit, her eye for art and photography, and how she can make other girls jealous. Overall, a nice conclusion to a n excellent album.
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    FINAL THOUGHTS: This album is perfect in every sense of the word, and I don't just say that due to my love of 60s pop rock. This album is pure power pop straight out of the British Invasion - catchy hooks, teenybopper lyrics about love, and an overall sense of fun. The covers fit so well and so perfectly I thought a lot of them were originals at first. The Unswept are billed as "Chicago's undiscovered power pop gem" for a reason. They may not be the most original group out there, but that's far from a bad thing. It's clear they have a love of the classic Merseybeat groups, especially the Fab Four era Beatles, and pay tribute to them in everything they do. This band needs more love, and I hope this review does just that.
    ----
    FINAL SCORE: 10/10
  6. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Name: Eisheth, Collector of Souls (among other titles)
    Civilian Name: Elizabeth Chandler, Private Investigator
    Species: Succubus
    Age: Somewhere in the 1000s, last she checked.
    Powers and Abilities: Master of seduction, teleportation, illusions, superhuman strength and agility, and wish granting - all vital to her job as a "contractor" of Hell.
    Appearance: In her civilian identity, Eisheth appears to be a black-haired pale woman in her 20s or 30s, dressed in the stereotypical film noir garb of a grey trenchcoat and pork pie hat. She describes her human form as "if Morticia Addams went into adult films" - an hourglass figure, 36DD breasts...the whole shebang. Her eyes are a sharp emerald green (black in her succubus form), her lips ruby red. In short - she's every femme fatale from the classic potboilers. Her succubus form on the other hand, is an equally seductive red devil, with a white, razor-toothed grin, massive bat wings, and a n orange and black formfitting dress.
    Bio: Eisheth, as she would eventually be known as, was born sometime in the early Middle Ages, probably in the 6th or 7th century - her memories are foggy. What she remembers from her past life, though, was that she grew up in a life of prostitution. She was killed on her 21st birthday by a customer, and as per medieval beliefs, sentsnced into the circle of Lust for her "transgression" . 
    However, Lilith took pity on the girl, and saw that she didn't deserve a fate such as hers. So, she made the girl a deal - she would bring her back to life, in exchange for giving the Queen of Hell her soul and working on Lucifer's behalf as a "contractor" - a tempter and collector of souls. The girl, seeing no other choice, accepted. Her first stop upon returning to Earth? A visit to her last customer.
    She slaughtered them all. Him and his entire family.
    And so, she adopted the name Eisheth, traveling the world for centuries as many things - a mercenary, a knight in the Crusades, an entertainer for soldiers in both World Wars (with spying on the side)...and now, she's decided to settle down in the backass of nowhere, Hell, Michigan. Not to worry, though - she's got her partner (in both senses) Necroia to help her investigate the strange goings on in the Putnam Township and surrounding areas.
    Personality: Eisheth is...well, a lust fiend, to put it bluntly. She loves nothing more than bedding various men and women, but outside of her "work", she is completely faithful to Necroia. But she is also crafty and sharp-witted, knowing just how to tempt her clients in exchange for their souls. That sharpness and quick-thinking comes in handy in her day job as a PI as well - and more often than not, her cases are tied to the supernatural occurrences in Michigan.
    Weaknesses: Sounds cliche, but holy objects. And objects related to abstinence.
  7. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    *rises up from my grave with a loud cackle* Hello there, boils and ghouls! Renegade the Zombiecorn here! On today's spectacularly spooky episode of Renegade's Music Reviews, we're going to be looking at the quintessential horror punk band, the Kings of Halloween themselves, the Misfits. Now, if you know about me, I love schlocky horror and sci-fi films and everything associated with them (including music). No other bands do it better than The Cramps and The Misfits. I've always had a particular attachment to the latter band, since my biological dad, for all of his faults (rooted in his pretty crappy childhood and struggles with bipolar disorder), loved them-and more specifically the classic lineup of Glenn Danzig, Jerry Only, and Wolfgang Doyle Von Frankenstein. So instead of going into detail on the troubled production of their debut (technically third) album, I'm just going to get down to business and say: Rob, even if we never got along, you still tried to do right by yourself and me, and while I certainly can't forgive you for some of the things you did, I understand they weren't entirely your fault.So I'm dedicating this review to you. Rock the fuck on, and have a happy Halloween, wherever it is you ended up.
    ----
    This review is dedicated to Robert Mason Boswell. He may no longer be with us, but I'll never forget my roots in music can be traced back to him in some way.
    (1977-2019; R.I.P.)
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    ALBUM NAME: Walk Among Us
    ARTIST NAME: The Misfits
    RECORDED: June-December 1981; January 1982
    RELEASED: March 1982
    LABEL: Ruby/Slash Records
    PRODUCER: Self-produced
    GENRES: Punk rock, Pop punk, Horror punk
    PERSONNEL: Glenn Danzig (lead vocals; rhythm guitar on "Vampira", "Devil's Whorehouse" , and "Astro Zombies", overdubbed guitar except in "Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?" , drums on "Braineaters"), Jerry Only (bass, backing vocals), Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein (lead guitar, backing vocals on "Hatebreeders", "Devil's Whorehouse", "I Turned Into a Martian", and "Night of the Living Dead" ), Arthur Googy (drums)
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    TRACK LISTING:
    20 Eyes: 1:41
    I Turned Into a Martian: 1:41
    All Hell Breaks Loose: 1:47
    Vampira: 1:26
    Nike-A-Go-Go: 2:16
    Hatebreeders: 3:08
    Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?: 2:01
    Night of the Living Dead: 1:57
    Skulls: 2:00
    Violent World: 1:46
    Devil's Whorehouse: 1:45
    Astro Zombies: 2:14
    Brain Eaters: 0:56
    TOTAL ALBUM LENGTH: 24:38
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    1. 20 Eyes: The opening track is the moment everything about this album (and the Misfits in general) is established - heavy, yet melodic Ramones-styled riffs, minimalistic song lengths, Danzig's powerful, Elvis-styled howls, harmonizing backing vocals from Jerry and Doyle, and most importantly, the B-movie inspired lyrics. Something about the Misfits' lyrics to note is that they use B-movies as a blueprint rather than basically setting a plot synopsis to music, which makes them rather unique and allows them to be more creative and a number of times, have a deeper meaning.
    2. I Turned Into a Martian: This one takes 20 Eyes' blast of energy and runs with it, though Danzig uses the theme of a man suddenly turned into a hostile alien to explore the idea of loss of identity, which is something that is actually terrifying.
    3. All Hell Breaks Loose: Influenced by the 1972 horror film Twins of Evil, this song is pure, ballsy fun. Lyrically, it just described the sorts of mayhem punks can get into; in short "all hell breaks loose". If any song could fit the Misfits as a band, it's this one.
    4. Vampira: It's no secret that Danzig and the boys love Ed Wood and his magnum opus Plan 9 from Outer Space; hell, their label is NAMED after it! So what better way to show that love than to pay tribute to the more serious fifties equivalent to Elvira? Here, Danzig...well, basically sings about how much he wants to get in between Vampira's legs (hey, have you seen her? Who wouldn't!?). Oh, and he references the original title of Plan 9 in the opening.
    5. Nike-A-Go-Go: Breaking away from the established conventions for a moment, this is the first song on the album to go over 2 minutes (and the next song, Hatebreeders, goes into 3 minute territory). Not only that, but Danzig goes into the deeper meaning pool again, this time digging into the actual horror behind the B-movies the band loves so much - the Cold War and fears of nuclear annhilation. In this case, Danzig, through the band's catchy and authentic punk, describes Project Nike, which was a project by the U.S. Army to develop anti-aircraft missiles. The ideas of Hatebreeders build upon the ones found here.
    6. Hatebreeders: In this song, the Misfits to into more detail on the real horror of the Cold War - in this case, the true motivation behind all the paranoia and the race between the U.S. And Soviet Union to top one another in whatever it is they did. Simple and to the point, it was hard for the other side. And the message still rings true today; the poles have simply shifted to protecting America's own interests. But let's not debate about this here. Go somewhere else for that.
    7. Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight: This track is actually a pretty interesting one, since it was recorded not in the studio, but at a real concert. Moreover, it's still relevant nowadays due to the subject matter - kids killing others. In this case, the boy in the song cracks under the pressure of his mother's parental reinforcement, and takes out his anger by killing those he feels has wronged him. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? That's something I love about the Danzig-era Misfits. Like all punks, they cared about social issues and the horrors of real life; they just used schlock imagery to conceal it and avoid taking sides.
    8. Night of the Living Dead: This song was released as a single around 3 years before Walk Among Us was released in 1979. And I'm actually shocked it didn't get any kind of airplay - it's absolutely perfect. Focusing on the classic horror film of the same name, this tune is sure to get stuck in your head and not leave your (heh heh) brain.
    9. Skulls: Probably one of the Misfits' most famous and popular songs, this tune has such a happy, almost doo-wop like melody with incredibly morbid lyrics. What else can I say?
    10. Violent World: This one, as it turns out, is actually based on a magazine that was (as the title suggests) fueled by violence and exploitation; As with several of the other songs on this album, there's a socially relevant message buried underneath the campy lyrical content - we, as a society, seem desensitized to extreme violence, especially when it comes to media's obsessions with it. Coming from someone who loves trashy and exploitation media, I think Danzig asks a good question here - do we even have limits as to what we can tolerate, and if so, have we crossed them?
    11. Devil's Whorehouse: Seeing as I've recently become a fan of Hazbin Hotel, this song would fit PERFECTLY in there, especially in regards to my buddy @Spider Demon's favorite character. It's got a nice...pffft...beat, and the Misfits acting so enthusiastic about how much they "sin" there just adds to the "cut loose and relax" and almost advertising jingle feeling of this song.
    12. Astro Zombies: Probably the Misfits ' OTHER most famous song thanks in part to the bands that have covered it over the years, this is probably the Danzig era's most blatant attempt at a B-movie homage. Based on a 1960s film of the same name, it's written from the perspective of the villain; a disgruntled scientist who creates Frankenstein-esque zombies from the parts of murder victims. The zombies end up escaping and murdering people. That's pretty much it.
    13. Braineaters: The final track on the album is probably the shortest one yet. Naturally also dealing with zombies, it brings us back to where we started and never let up on with this album. Short, fast-paced, melodic, and overall an alright conclusion.
    ----
    FINAL THOUGHTS: What else is there to say? This is the quintessential classic Misfits album, and it just keeps on rocking until the very end. Fun, frenetic, but also with a layer of social commentary, no other Misfits album does it better. It's one of my favorite albums of all time, and I highly recommend it.
    ---
    FINAL SCORE:
    10/10
  8. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    The Infinite, as depicted via Hero Maker 3 by Jyger85. Used with permission.
     
    Name: (The) Infinite
    Civilian Name: Joe Carter
    Species: Extradimensional Being, an "Eloi", as they are named
    Age: 1,938
    Powers and Abilities: On the surface, The Infinite 's powerset appears to be the standard Flying Brick/Superman Substitute set - flight, X-ray vision, godlike strength, etc. But it goes beyond that - his true powers lie in the ability to bend reality to his will, do anything he'd like. But due to his nature as a Chaotic Good being, he chooses not to exploit these powers (See "Weaknesses" for the more important and real reasons).
    Appearance: Joe Carter is a tall man at around 6 feet or so, his skin tone a dark tan and his eyes a low silver; both of these are deliberate on his part, as he identifies not with any race or nation, but with humanity as a whole. He wears an armor made of flexible yet strong material, in blue and gold.
    Bio: Joe Carter has not had an easy life, mostly because he's lived for almost two millennia, adopted many names and forms, and experienced many things than one man does in his own lifetime...he isn't sure who he really is anymore. But he remembers the important things. He was "born" in 81 AD, somewhere in the Roman Empire. Raised among the early Christians, it was from them that he learned things such as morality and self-control - which especially came in handy when he started discovering his powers. Interpreted by his community as neither angel nor demon, the man who would become Joe Carter was sent away on his own so that he could escape both persecution from the Romans and possibly a violent reaction from other followers of Christ. At 25, he stopped aging physically. At 30, he took on his first persona - a missionary who would teach in secret. At 50, he became a Roman soldier and witnessed the true horrors authority could sink to. Things get muddled from there on out, but what this man took away from his centuries of experience is that humanity needed to unite as one. Not through force, or through forming mutually beneficial relationships of power that would eventually rot from within. But through the examples of goodwill and inspiring others to do the same. He would become a hero. And through becoming a hero, hopefully humanity would feel the need to unite as an anarchist society.
    Personality: As stated before, Infinite is a benevolent anarchist Superman, taking more inspiration from the Man of Steel's Golden Age incarnation more than any other. He is willing to help those in need, but makes a point to ensure his actions are more good than chaotic a lot of the time. This ties into his biggest fear - the very real danger of his message becoming corrupted and used by more...violent anarchists supposedly in his name, but whose real motivations are more self-interested in causing chaos for the sake of it.
    Weaknesses: Since (unlike Superman) his powers are not determined by any of our physical laws, Infinite's logical weakness lies in his willpower and emotions - much like a Green Lantern. Hence why he's only tapping into the surface levels of his powers. He's fully aware that he can become a god like so many people can claim, he deliberately chooses not to for fear of not only becoming corrupted by the potential, but also because he might end up tearing reality to shreds in the process.
  9. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    The Beatles are often considered to be one of the, if not the, greatest bands of all time, and for very good reason: they broke new ground on both sides of the pond with their techniques in the studio and experiments in pushing the boundaries of music; their greatest works in that regard are Revolver and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. But, even in their earliest days as the Fab Four and playing teenybopper rock and roll, they were still remarkable artists. As a longtime Beatles fan, I have long wanted a chance to listen to their American releases; I recently got a chance to when I discovered the YouTuber That Squirtle You Know, who has taken the liberty of taking songs from the Beatles' "Topic" YouTube channel and organized them into a playlist of songs recreating those albums. The first two of these I listened to were Rubber Soul (which I consider to be superior to the UK version due to its more uniform folk rock/acoustic sound) and the album this review focuses on, Meet the Beatles!. The process behind both of these albums is well known: taking select songs (in this case from With the Beatles and one song from Please Please Me), rearranging the order in which they played, and adding a hit single (I Wanna Hold Your Hand), and creating a new album out of it in order to increase profits. But does this make the Beatles' American debut "weak" in comparison to their UK one? Well, ladies and gentleman of MLPF, let's look at Meet the Beatles, and find out.
    -----------------------------------------

    ALBUM NAME: Meet the Beatles!
    ARTIST NAME: The Beatles
    RECORDED: February 11-October 23, 1963
    RELEASED: January 20, 1964
    LABEL: Capitol Records
    PRODUCER: George Martin
    GENRES: Rock and roll
    PERSONNEL: John Lennon (vocals, rhythm guitar, harmonica, acoustic guitar, tambourine on "Don't Bother Me"), Paul McCartney (vocals, bass guitar, piano on "Little Child", claves on "Don't Bother Me"), George Harrison (backing vocals, lead guitar, acoustic guitar, lead vocals on "Don't Bother Me"), Ringo Starr (drums, percussion, lead vocals on "I Wanna Be Your Man")
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------
    TRACK LISTING:
    1. I Wanna Hold Your Hand - 2:24
    2. I Saw Her Standing There - 2:50
    3. This Boy - 2:11
    4. It Won't Be Long - 2:11
    5. All I've Got to Do - 2:05
    6. All My Loving - 2:04
    7. Don't Bother Me - 2:28
    8. Little Child - 1:46
    9. Til There Was You - 2: 12
    10. Hold Me Tight - 2:30
    11. I Wanna Be Your Man - 1:59
    12. Not A Second Time - 2:03
    TOTAL ALBUM LENGTH - 26:43
    ------------------------------------------
    1. I Want to Hold Your Hand: The opening track of Meet the Beatles is important in both a music history context and the context of this album in that it not only introduced the world to a band that would set the standards that we see today in the modern music industry, but also re-introducing American audiences to a genre of music that was, by 1964, almost dead in the water thanks to a myriad of factors - rock and roll. While I may be exaggerating just a bit with that statement by my own admission, rock and roll was ultimately viewed as just a curious artifact of the 1950s and not much else by the time the Beatles hit America's shores. In any case, however, "I Want to Hold Your Hand" is the song that really kickstarted Beatlemania and caused a lot of pubescent fangirls to start squealing when Ed Sullivan introduced the nation to them on his variety show. Now that we have the context squared away, let's get into the song itself.  Written by Paul McCartney and John Lennon in order to court the American markets, it's a fairly simple 4-chord song in the key of G major, with the verses having the progression I-V-vi-iii and the choruses having a IV-V-I-vi-I progression. Lyrically, the song exemplifies bubblegum, being inspired by Tin Pan Alley and Brill Building standards and is fairly innocent. This might (and has) understandably turned some crowds off from the Beatles, painting the four solely as a proto-boy band, an image that was most famously capitalized on by the Monkees. Along with the b-sides "I Saw Her Standing There" and "This Boy" (all three make up this album's first 3 tracks), "I Want to Hold Your Hand" lays down the bedrock on which the rest of Meet the Beatles stands.
     
    2. I Saw Her Standing There: Although it was originally the opener to the Beatles' first UK album Please Please Me, "I Saw Her Standing There" was ultimately made the B-side to "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by Capitol Records when released in America. While on its own it works as an excellent opening track, when combined with "I Want to Hold Your Hand", it delivers an excellent one-two punch and really kicks Meet the Beatles into high gear. One of the first songs written by McCartney for the band, it was written as a sort of rock and roll version of "Seventeen Come Sunday", an English folk song (something I found out while doing research for this review) and performed during the group's time in Hamburg. A blues-influenced song in the key of E major, "I Saw Her Standing There" is built almost exclusively around the chord progression I-IV-V and concerns a guy who watches a girl dancing at a club, falling in love with her at first sight. The song's opening lines of "She was just seventeen/And you know what I mean" has a slightly more risque stance in counterpoint to the innocence of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and might raise a few eyebrows until you consider that the age of consent in the UK is 16, so from the point of view of the protagonist, his 'wink wink, nudge nudge' commentary on her age is perfectly normal. An unusual aspect in this song (later revisited in "Little Child", the eighth song on the album), as well as Please Please Me, is John Lennon's use of harmonica; this is something I assume is left over from the band's days as the skiffle group The Quarrymen. Nonetheless, I think it adds to the blues influence of the song with a bit of flavoring.
     
    3. This Boy: The other b-side to "I Want to Hold Your Hand" (in this case, the UK version) is John Lennon's attempt at doo-wop, more specifically Motown's own Smokey Robinson. Building on a fairly standard 50s progression of I-vi-ii-V in D major, the song is actually pretty complex musically. First of all, the time signature is in 12/8, which was (and still is) progressive for a pop tune, especially at the time. Secondly, the harmony vocals revolve around a middle eight of G-F#7-Bm-D7-G-E7-A-A7 and back again. Given that John was, in his own words, inspired by Smokey's own "I've Been Good to You", it's no surprise that there are similarities, especially in the melody and arrangement. Lyrically, there isn't too much in the way; yet for all the song's simplicity, it's actually fairly dark, being inspired by the domestic abuse John's mother Julia Lennon suffered from her common law marriage to a man named John 'Bobby' Dykins. The resulting effect is not only a successful and moving first attempt at a ballad, but also showing a glimpse of the personal issues that would dog Lennon up until his death and proving that the Beatles were just as musically and thematically complex in their beginnings as they were post-Rubber Soul.
     
    4. It Won't Be Long: Following the soulful doo-wop of This Boy is another fast-paced rocker - It Won't Be Long, featuring another lead vocal from John. In a similar case to I Saw Her Standing There, this is another example of an opening track being transplanted to another point in the album. While it works as an amazing opening to With the Beatles, here it acts as an opposite to This Boy, which I feel is more fitting since both have the same Beatle singing one after the other. Whereas This Boy is a moody, Motown-inspired ballad, It Won't Be Long brings us back to the upbeat and fun tone of the album's first two songs, lyrically centered around the worldplay of the words "belong" and "be long". Musically, the song is al over the place (and not in a bad or distracting way); since all of the four were self-taught musicians, they were never taught music theory and how songs were "traditionally" supposed to work. As such, the song contains non-standard chords and going into multiple keys, including a combined D and Bm.
     
    5. All I've Got to Do: Yet a third Lennon-fronted song follows It Won't Be Long, again inspired by Smokey Robinson. With Paul playing actual chords on his bass and singing in harmony with John, All I've Got to Do is sweet and soulful, albeit too short in my opinion.
     
    6. All My Loving: After three Lennon-led tunes, McCartney takes center stage again with All My Loving, a country/rockabilly-inspired tune. Backed with harmony vocals from the other Beatles, McCartney illustrates a story about a man who has to be away from his girlfriend, but he promises to write letters to her every day until he returns (lyrically, All My Loving follows a similar format to P.S. I Love You in that the song takes the form of a love letter). Unusually for McCartney. the lyrics came first in the form of a poem, then he wrote the music shortly afterwards. In an unsettling coincidence, this song was playing in the hospital where John Lennon died mere minutes after being shot by Mark David Chapman. With that in mind, you could also see the song as Paul talking about his friendship with John, and that no matter what, they would always have each other.
     
    7. Don't Bother Me: George Harrison's first song (in the sense that he both composed and sang lead on it), Don't Bother Me is (unlike a majority of the songs on this album) a glum tune, focusing on a man lamenting on his recent breakup with his girlfriend, blaming himself for the incident. He becomes anti-social and aloof, not wanting to see or speak to anyone until he (hopefully) improves himself and gets his girlfriend back. While (much like all the songs on this album) it is a love song, Don't Bother Me establishes a common theme for Harrison: dour moods and the low points in a man's life. Short, simple, and most importantly catchy, this song is a major first step for Harrison, whose songwriting would (within a few years) propel the Beatles into the mysticism of the psychedelic era.
     
    8. Little Child: Paul McCartney has often described Little Child as album filler, and it's easy to see why. On a technical and lyrical level, Little Child is incredibly simple; a piano and harmonica-driven track with John and Paul on vocals, the song is built around the chorus of "little child, little child/Little child, won't you dance with me?/I'm so sad and lonely/Baby take a chance with me". Adding on to this simplicity was the original intended vocalist being Ringo Starr, who was often given "simpler" songs to sing in order to compensate for his self-confessed subpar vocal abilities. In my honest opinion, however, Little Child doesn't feel like album filler at all. It's a fun rock-and-roller, with John's harmonica and Paul's piano playing going together like peanut butter and jelly, complimenting the lyrics perfectly.
     
    9. Til There Was You: The sole cover that was kept from With the Beatles on this album by Capitol Records is also one of the best. An oddity among what one might expect from the Beatles at this time, Til There Was You is something unexpected - a Broadway showtune, specifically from the 1957 musical The Music Man (something Paul admitted he didn't find out until later). Having first heard the 1961 version by Peggy Lee from a cousin of his, Paul McCartney incorporated it into the Beatles' setlists at Hamburg clubs and eventually into their failed audition at Decca Records before signing to EMI. Taking a more acoustic and intimate approach to the song with Paul, John, and George playing guitars, Til There Was You can be considered a predecessor to songs such as "And I Love Her" and more importantly "Yesterday", as well as proving to the older generations that the four lads from Liverpool could do more than just rock and roll.
     
    10. Hold Me Tight: Just like with Little Child, both Paul and John said that Hold Me Tight was just a filler track, statements that underestimate how good both songs really are. Written and initially intended by Paul for Please Please Me, the song captures the live sound of the band perfectly - loud and wild, with the bass and guitars working together perfectly to create a rocker that could have been a potential hit single.
     
    11. I Wanna Be Your Man: The history of this particular song is rather interesting, as the Beatles were the primary songwriters, but not the first to record it - that honor goes to the Rolling Stones, who saw it as a potential hit single, and asked Paul and John (who had been finishing the song in the same room as Mick Jagger and Keith Richards). As such, the early hard R&B influence of the Stones is particularly prominent, only boosted by the energetic vocals of Ringo Starr. The title and some parts of the song (both musically and lyrically) also bear a resemblance to I Want to Hold Your Hand, so it's likely the former influenced the latter in some way.
     
    12. Not a Second Time: The final song on Meet the Beatles is a piano-based track sung by John, once again showing the soul influence he had during this period. Much like This Boy, Not a Second Time deals with an abusive relationship. Unlike that song, however, this is told from the point of view of the abusee, who basically tells their abuser to go screw themselves, and thst they aren't falling for their tricks anymore. Not only does it flip the perspectives on This Boy's premise (although the lyrics are ambiguous, I feel they talk about not only male-on-female domestic violence, but abusive relationships in general), but also gives a positive message that is still socially relevant today - you still have power and equal ground in an abusive relationship. All it takes is help from others, and the willpower to stand up for yourself.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    FINAL THOUGHTS
    Meet the Beatles is a perfect album in every sense of the word: all the songs are catchy pop/rock tunes, and there is absolutely no filler whatsoever. It's a record you can play over and over again and not get tired of. In fact, it's far superior to the first two British releases since Capitol chose to do something unique for the time and focus almost exclusively on the band's original material. As a result, it brings out Lennon and McCartney's strong points as songwriters who can craft rockers as well as softer, less intense songs, something the British releases didn't start doing until A Hard Day's Night later that year. This albums reputation as the powder keg for the British Invasion is well-deserved, and I'm glad I can surely say it's in my Top 10 albums list.
     
    FINAL SCORE
    10/10
  10. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Name: Ishtar
    Civilian Name: Marlene Babylon
    Species: Human
    Age: 27
    Powers and Abilities: Whenever she channels Ishtar's power, Marlene is able to gain the powers of flight, superhuman strength, speed, and agility, and heightened resistance to injury. She is also able to master any and all weapons, but primarily relies on the sword and archery. Ishtar is also, befitting her spheres of influence, able to strategize and seduce like no other. If any trope could describe her in any way, it would be that of the Xanatos Gambit - she has plans inside of plans inside of plans, and all guarantee that she is victorious in one way or another.
    Weaknesses: Ishtar's primary weakness lies in her self-control. Given she inhabits Marlene's body whenever the former calls onto her, Ishtar is primarily fueled by the traits and emotions that Marlene represses (such as her lust, appetites for decadent foods and beverages, etc.); the stronger said emotion is, the closer Ishtar is able to fully manifest herself, not only at the risk of destroying Marlene, but the world potentially ending. Ishtar, above all else, wants power and dominion over all, so Marlene has to keep her emotions and stress levels under control in order to keep Ishtar in line.
    Personality: In order to understand who Ishtar is personality-wise, we need to look at both Marlene and Ishtar themselves as both separate individuals and two halves of the same person. Marlene is, in her own words, a boring individual. She is no-nonsense, work-oriented, and has a generally "plain" demeanor. She is also rather anti-social and introverted, keeping to herself most of the time. When not working, Marlene often spends her time reading and with her cats.
    Ishtar is a completely different story, however. Ishtar is everything that Marlene isn't. She's outgoing, boisterous, and gung-ho, going into whatever she does with a warrior's enthusiasm. She drinks to excess (and holds her liquor very well), has all sorts of liaisons with men and women alike, and loves to fight more than anything else. Beneath the surface of a seemingly-ditzy and impulsive brunette, however, is a calculating, manipulative, clingy and power-hungry goddess who is biding her time until she can be at her fullest extent of power and rule the world with her fellow gods and goddesses once more. In spite of her flaws, though, Ishtar does care about humanity on some level; in her eyes, humanity had a symbiotic relationship with the gods - they were created to serve and worship them, and in turn the gods provided for them. Mankind, according to her, has failed at taking care of itself (she isn't wrong - the five-way Cold War between the world's superpowers leaves a precarious situation that could very well spell the end) and now, more than ever, it needs protecting.
     Both Marlene and Ishtar are really two sides of the same whole: the person Marlene presents herself as, and the person she'd really like to be deep down. However, both need one another to survive. Marlene needs Ishtar to be a hero when the need arises, and Ishtar needs Marlene to keep her in check..
    Appearance: Marlene is a brown-haired woman in her late 20s of German-American descent. She wears business casual clothing, keeps her hair in a ponytail, and generally wears lipstick and thick-rimmed glasses. She is neither particularly fit not overweight; not buxom but not flat-chested either. She is just a plain, boring archaeologist working in an equally plain and boring office. When in the form of Ishtar, however, Marlene undergoes a complete overhaul in appearance. She has the body and bosom of a Teutonic goddess, her eyes a vibrant green and hair long and raven-black. Angelic wings now sprout out of her back, and she wears a white skirt and top that show off her legs and midriff. Atop her head she wears a traditionally Sumerian war helmet, from which her hair spills out to her mid-back. Around her waist she wears a golden belt where she keeps her arrows; she keeps her sword and bow sheathed in between her massive wings.
    Bio: Marlene Babylon was born out of a liason between a high-ranking member of the Nazi Party and a former female ambassador to the United States government who defected upon revealing her sympathies to the Reich. Raised in Berlin amongst the privileged and free upper classes, Marlene was instilled from birth with not only the racial ideologies of Adolf Hitler and the governing Reichsrat of Germania, but a love of archaeology and the occult. Upon graduation from secondary schooling, Marlene was recruited into the Thule Society, tasked with retrieving powerful artifacts in the name of the Führer. Spending the next 4 years as an adventuring archaeologist, it was at age 23, during an expedition into Middle Eastern ruins, when Marlene would encounter the Babylonian goddess Ishtar; said goddess, now but a weakened and possibly dying spirit from millennia of non-prayer, saw the chance to not only regain her former glory but dissuade Marlene of the idealized, "Aryan" viewpoints she was indoctrinated with. Upon bonding with Marlene and transforming them both into a divided yet singular being, Ishtar (once worshipped by East Semitic peoples) showed Marlene the true horrors the Greater German Reich was built upon. Horrified and angry with herself for the atrocities she took part in, Marlene's heightened emotions allowed Ishtar to take control of her for the first time, upon which she tortured and murdered every single person in the expedition party. Now declared any enemy of the state, Marlene fled to America, where she works from home as a proper archaeologist.
  11. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Greetings all, Renegade here. I was looking around for the next topic in Discordianism to discuss, when my friend and fellow pope @Randimaxis pointed me to a parable from the Principia, page 0005, entitled "A Zen Story". Unfamiliar with this particular bit of the Unholely Book, I skimmed over it, then read it carefully. I realized this would be a perfect object lesson in Objective and Subjective truths, and so now here we are.
    Now, for your reading displeasure, "A Zen Story", by one Camden Benares, the Count of Five and Headmaster of the Camp Meeker Cabal.
    Have you finished reading? Yes? Good. Now what can we take away from this parable? The answer is both complicated and simple. The complicated answer is that there is no "right" answer - Zen parables are open to interpretation, after all, and this one is no exception. On one hand, the Zen Master could be trying to show this young man that peoples' opinions don't exactly matter; after all. what are wordly opinions compared to seeing the word truly as it is and finding enlightenment. On the other hand, the "Zen Master" could've just been a Discordian pulling a fast one on a greyface for shits and giggles (or gits and shiggles, either one works). But the answer, at least to me, is both at the same time. By trying (and succeeding) at elaborately baiting and switching the greyfaced young man for his own amusement, the Discordian "Zen Master" ultimately accomplishes a larger goal: to get the young man to see that nothing is serious and that everything is humorous in one form or another. Thus, the young man goes from a greyface confused by an illogical and disorderly world to someone who sees the world as it truly is - taking itself too seriously as he had, whilst also being chaotic and free-spirited underneath that "serious" facade.
    Ultimately, the Parable of the Monk is a lesson in objective truth, subjective truth, and ultimately Truth with a capital T.
    Objective truth: defined as what can be seen as fact and nothing else. The young man is serious, and views things from an objective point of view. This objective view sees him take the monk's words at face value in hopes of trying to make sense of a nonsensical country. Subjective truth, defined as what others see as the truth. The young man recieves various answers from other people on how best he can ease his troubled mind, the monk believes meditation is the answer, the young man's worries as to what others will think of him, and the two onlookers' conclusion that he is both a holy man and a shithead. Truth, defined by Discordianism as neither objective or subjective, but Truth as is. The young man finally reaches enlightenment by the observation that he is both a holy man for meditating as long as he has, and a shithead for falling into the monk's prank as easily as he had. And so, he begins his journey anew, free from his worries and wiser in the long run. I have said all I have wanted or needed to say, hence this entry's rather short length compared to the last. I bid you farewell.
  12. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Introduction
    by
    Renegade the Unicorn, Holy Pope Whatchoo Lookin' At, Lord of the Dancin' Fools, Self-proclaimed Idiot, And Many Other Titles
    You. Yeah, you. Lookin' at the words on this screen. Have you ever felt...lonely in your life? Like nothing really just doesn't work out for you? Like there's more than just this mundane existence? Like there's a pack of rabid wolverines in your pants gnawing vigorously at your lower half? (I am not sorry about that, by the way; I put them there to get your attention.) Well, boy howdy, do I have the solution to all your problems except the rabid wolverines, you might want to call animal control right about now. Oh, and get your rabies shots as soon as possible.
     
    And that answer is...drumroll p!ease...
    DISCORDIANISM! HAIL LADY ERIS! FNORD!
    Sorry about that. But yes. Discordianism is (and also is not) the solution to all your problems. But what is Discordianism? To put it in terms your unenlightened mind can understand, think of it as Zen Buddhism infused with the counterculture of the 1960s (the primary holy text, the Principia Discordia, was first published in 1965), conspiracy theories that may or may not be true (or both at once), and humor. After all, humanity takes itself far too seriously; we need a faith that allows us to reject dogma and see the sheer insanity of the world around us.
    And that is where I come in - having recently embraced Lady Eris as my Goddess, I intend to use this blog to dissect the Erisian faith as a whole (alive if need be), how to apply Discordianism to oneself (make sure you use nonstick cooking spray), and ultimately encourage discussion about the world stage as it is now. As was said by Malaclypse the Younger in his interview with the Greater Poop:
    And with that, I take my leave. I hope you'll enjoy this blog as much as I will, and don't forget to tip your waitresses.
    Fnord.
  13. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Picture taken from the Club Penguin Wiki.
    Name: Lettuce
    Civilian Name: John S. Manchot
    Species: Toon Penguih
    Age: Unknown, but claims to be 19; considering he's from the "Tooniverse", that's actually very vague.
    Powers and abilities: Limited reality warping and harnessing of physics - only affects immediate area - advanced healing factor, limited omniscience (i.e. fourth wall breaking)
    Appearance: Small green penguin, about 3 1/2 feet tall, white sclera and black irises, stomach area also white, with orange beak and rounded rectangular feet (note lack of visible toes)
    Bio: Lettuce claims to be from an alternate reality known as the "Tooniverse", which seems to primarily based upon cartoons from the Golden and Dark (particularly in regards to Hanna-Barbera) Ages of Animation, living alongside existing characters and expies of such. Through the aftereffects of the dimension-crossing incident elaborated on in Jyger85's crossover between Starslip and Ms. Amazing, Lettuce is pulled from his home dimension and dropped into the Renegadeverse's version of Earth. With no way to return home, Lettuce settles in San Francisco, where he lives with his human girlfriend Lynn and the nonbinary alien Ziggy, working as a performer on a local children's television show - hey, if people just think you're a short person in a costume, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, right?
    Personality: While Lettuce might partially be based on Howard the Duck in terms of his origin story, he's the opposite of said character in terms of personality - overly idealistic and naive to a fault. In fact, his world doesn't seem to have any ideas of real-world concepts such as serious violence, swearing, or the ramifications of alcohol and smoking. It's this childlike wonder and curiosity, mixed with Lettuce's often zany schemes to satisfy base desires like food or making a quick buck, that generally drag him into his adventures in heroics.
    Weaknesses: If Lettuce has any major weakness, it's that he is just as susceptible to real world laws of physics just as others are to his. Adding onto that, his healing factor works similar to Deadpool's: he might be able to heal from any injury, but as a result of the sudden dimension-crossing, it not only takes a while, but is...rather painful and gruesome, depending on the injury.
  14. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Human name: Jacqueline Smith
     
    Magical Girl name: Holy Paladin of Justice Applejack
     
    1. What kind of girl are you? (Holy Avenger)
     
     
    2.   What convinced you to make a pact? (“There ain’t no justice in this town. In th’ name of our Lord, Ah am gonna bring justice.”)
     
     
    3.   What is your wish? (“I want my ma and pa back so m’family can be all together again.”)
     
     
    4.   Magical Element (Earth)
     
     
    5.   Magical weapon (Flintlock)
     
     
    6.   Magical power (Illusions)
     
     
    7.   Magical Girl Costume:
     
      A) Costume Style: Longcoat
     
          B ) Costume Colors: Red and Orange
     
          C) Costume Accessories: Cowboy Hat, Boots, Hero Scarf
    8.   Magical Attributes (Heart: 5, Fury: 6, Magic: 7)
     
     
    9.   Normal Attributes (Charm: 5, Insight: 2, Tenacity: 7)
     
     
    10.  Base Resolve (18)
     
     
    11.  Magical Specialization (Priestess)
     
     
    12.   Magical Talents (Common Talent: Inflict; Priestess Talents: Battle Sorcery and Guided Strike)
     
     
    13.   Crisis (“Mah granny’s missin’, leavin’ me and my brother Mac in charge. Ah’m thinkin’ a youma’s got somethin’ to do with it.”)
    -------
    Fun fact: Applejack's original planned outfit was going to be based on a Showa-era Kamen Rider (for reference, this is a picture of Kamen Rider 1:
    )
    ). But I realized that didn't fit in with my intention for the girls' costumes, which were themed around their personalities and character traits. And when I think "Applejack", I don't think of "tokusatsu hero". So as I was reading Stephen King's The Gunslinger, I began to get a newer and clearer idea on the sort of magical girl  AJ should be. Thus, the gunslinger motif of her outfit, which I feel compliments her choice of weapons far better - the only thing left unchanged from the original idea is the scarf - because come on, the image of a badass cowgirl wearing a scarf as she makes a stand is awesome.
    Anyways, next characters on the list are Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie.
  15. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Name: Infinigirl
    Civilian Identity: Josie Carter
    Species: Cloned Eloi
    Age: 14
    Powers and Abilities: Much like Infinite, Infinigirl's reality warping powers manifest themselves as a standard Flying Brick powerset. Having the mind and emotional maturity of a 14 year old girl, however, means her powers are much more volatile and dangerous - a teenage temper tantrum could very well mean the apocalypse, hence why Infinite has taken her under his wing in the Victory Legion; working with others ensures better control of her godlike abilities.
    Appearance: In contrast to Infinite's flexible yet armorlike outfit, Infinigirl wears a much more comfortable silver and black blazer-and-skirt combination, almost resembling a magical girl in some aspects. Her hair a light brown, and she has blues eyes in contrast to Infinite's gray.
    Bio: Much like everything else related to him, Infinigirl's creation over a 21-year period is connected to Infinite's eventual peaceful anarchist society. Carefully cloned in the various Sanctuaries constructed by Infinite across the earth, Infinigirl has a twofold purpose - first, to act as Infinite's successor for when his work on Earth has been completed, and secondly to act as the daughter he could never truly have. Infinigirl, like any teenager however, wants something more out of life than just to be a successor to Infinite. She wants to be her own person.
    Weaknesses: As stated before, Infinigirl's powers are much more volatile due to her hormonal changes; much like Infinite, she needs to keep her emotions under control lest reality be torn asunder.
    Personality: Josie is (initially) rather self-centered and a drama queen, and tends to abuse her powers to aid her in everyday life or to fulfill whatever she desires at that particular moment. Deep down, however, she really is Infinite's (cloned) flesh and blood, sharing his rebellious spirit and desire to help others. Granted, she always tries to find the quick and easy solutions to problems (and more often than not they tend to only be temporary fixes at best; at worst they don't fix anything and do more harm than good).
    Between all the superhero stuff and studying for algebra, Josie Carter has a lot to learn.
  16. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    So, in returning to the site after so long, I've decided I'm going to try something I started on another forum - reviewing music. Music has been a passion of mine for several years, so it makes sense that I take a look at various albums and give my overall thoughts on them. And with that out of the way, let's get into how each individual entry will be organized.
    Intro - Where I give a bit of history on the album/band in question.  
    Information - Album name, date released, recording length, track listing, and personnel.  
    The review - I look at the album track by track, giving my thoughts and scoring each track on a 10-point system.  
    Final thoughts - I give my final thoughts on the album as a whole.  
    Final score - I grade the entire album on a 10 point system, with 1 being "absolutely hate it" (a rarity, since I try and be objective) and 10 being "excellent"
  17. Rebel the Wolfgirl

    An Introduction

    By Rebel the Wolfgirl,

    AN INTRODUCTION
    Greetings all, Renegade here, and I welcome you all to the first entry to my newest blog, where I intend to talk more about a fanfic that has been several months in the making now: Majikarubasuto, my attempt at the magical girl genre (and more specifically the darker takes on such). The primary inspiration for this fic is twofold - one being Friendship is Magical Girls by the late MythrilMoth (the fanfic is dedicated to his memory as a result; may he rest in peace) and the independent tabletop RPG Magical Burst, from which a lot of the main elements of the setting are lifted - the title itself is a Japanese transliteration of "Magical Burst", in fact. I'm planning for this story to be my attempt at a magnum opus, totaling 93 chapters in all. Call me overambitious if you must, but I have the entirety of the story roughly plotted out, so I'm well-prepared in taking on a tall order like this. With that out of the way, let's get down to business, shall we?
    -----
    PREMISE
     
    Based on the RPG Magical Burst, this fic takes a premise that has been done quite a few times (MLP reimagined as a mahou shoujo series), and infuses the Madoka-style deconstruction of the former into it. Further mix in mythological and biblical motifs, and you have this fic in a nutshell.
     
    Tara Sparks has always felt like an outcast; her only passions being her studies and anime. However, this all changes when she encounters a small, wingless dragon named Spike. Spike explains he is a tsukaima, a creature with the ability to grant magical powers, from the shining astral city of Armonia, ruled over by the benevolent and wise Celestia. Spike has sought out Tara for a specific purpose: there are creatures known as “youma”, creatures who feed on the innocent in eldritch planes of reality known as “Nightmares”, lurking in the shadows of Canterlot City. Tara must make a pact with Spike in order to battle the youma, and in exchange she will be granted a single wish if she collects 13 “Oblivion Seeds”. Teaming with five other girls with whom Spike has made similar deals with, Tara accepts her role as the magical girl Twilight Sparkle and is determined to become a hero.
     
    The saying “too good to be true”, however, is readily apparent as Tara finds out. Being a magical girl means encountering and experiencing horrors no mortal was meant to know, and carries a certainty of death. Adding to that, Spike isn’t exactly truthful about his motivations for recruiting the “Elements of Harmony” as the team is dubbed; in fact, things may be far more sinister than they realize. And why is Tara having strange dreams of an apocalypse, and a being calling itself “Discord”?
     
    --------------------------
     
    Does this all sound familiar? It should; like Magical Burst, this fic is primarily inspired by Puella Magi Madoka Magica, along with other magical girl anime such as Yuki Yuna is a Hero, Kill la Kill, Pretty Cure, and Sailor Moon. However, it also incorporates elements of works ranging from Kamen Rider Ryuki to Neon Genesis Evangelion, with just enough original elements to keep things fresh; after all, no idea is truly original, but it takes creativity to make it your own.
     
    Structure-wise, this fic is organized into 7 “arcs”, which are divided into 13 “episodes” each, and bookended by a prologue and epilogue (totaling 93 chapters in all). The “episodes” themselves are structured on a MOTW (Monster of the Week) basis, divided into a four point formula:
     
    Introduction: The Elements are introduced doing something, and the episode’s conflict is set up.
     
    Investigation: The main “meat” of the episode, if you will. The girls investigate the episode’s main threat further, most often discovering a youma behind it. Along the way, the overarching plot is furthered, usually through character exploration and discovery of “secrets” relating to the conflict between magical girls and youma. And these secrets are far from pretty.
     
    Climax: The main threat is confronted, and more often than not, battle ensues. This part of the “episode” is often the most brutal, emotionally and physically.
     
    Aftermath: The denouement of the “episode” often wraps up the conflict, but at the same time leaves new scars and leaves the girls asking more questions than they started with.
     
    Not all episodes will follow this exact pattern, and more often than not, things are switched up in order to create variety; in some cases, the MOTW battles are at the start of an episode, and in some there are no MOTWs at all, and in those cases, the plot (both overarching and of the specific arc) takes center stage.
    -----
     
    SETTING
     
    Canterlot City is, for all intents and purposes, a fairly normal (if vaguely defined as a setting) bustling metropolis. People go about their daily lives, facing the problems that everyone in the world does. Under the surface, though, lies a world of eldritch horrors and danger, one where secrecy, manipulation, and betrayal are as commonplace as anything else. This is the world that Spike drags the Mane Six into. The world of magical girls.
    Beneath the shiny and glitzy surface, however, the Elements soon find out that life as a magical girl is dangerous and horrifying. The  youma are Lovecraftian monstrosities, born from the corrupted desires of people who have made deals with Discord - some are truly selfish, driven by hatred and avarice; others have simply reached such a threshold of desperation that they will simply do anything to get whatever it is they desire. As such, the youma act as foils to magical girls, the two sides caught up in a vicious, never-ending cycle of battle.
    It isn't just the youma that the girls have to face, though - other threats are all too human, and some magical girls aren't as nice as others. Some are so driven by their goals that they've let their own magic corrupt them into something neither magical girl nor youma.
    The psuedoyouma.
    In spite of these obstacles, however, the Elements only have good intentions, and together, they believe that friendship and love conquers all.
    ----
    As one last stop, let's look at the youma themselves.
    -----
    YOUMA
     
    The youma are the enemies of Armonia, and by extension magical girls. They are eldritch monstrosities that seem to defy any sort of logic or reasoning, and their appearance can range from simple, if highly unsettling humans to utterly bizarre and abstract forms ranging from multi-eyed living dodecahedrons to things resembling the Elder Gods of the Cthulhu Mythos. The first and greatest of the youma is Discord, a being of malice and hatred who is said to inhabit the very center of the universe. The motivations, like appearance, vary wildly. The only constant among the youma, however, seems to be an utterly incomprehensible yet harmful form of morality not dissimilar to most tsukaima. Youma are divided into four types: standard, imps, psuedoyouma, and shadows.
     
     
    Standard: The most common kind of youma, even the weakest of them are able to kill, or at the very least severely injure, magical girls with ease. They tend to come in two varieties - “natural” forms born from the Darkness, or normal humans that have been corrupted via magic taking hold of their inhibitions and negative emotions, stripping away any morality they may have had and transforming them into youma. Ultimately, this loss of humanity (or lack thereof in the former case, and even then some of the corrupted youma barely had any humanity to start with) is what separates them from the psuedoyouma; the latter are fully aware of what they do, while youma generally don’t.
     
     
    Imps: The most common mooks that magical girls face, imps are actually immature youma, albeit ones that can be taken out with relative ease. While youma can spawn individual imps, most tend to be of a hive mindset; they are still inherently dangerous, and given enough time, they can and will become full youma.
     
     
    Psuedoyouma: If the youma can be considered the “Angels” of this story, then the Psuedoyouma can, to some extent, be considered similar to the Witches. Like the Witches, they are corrupted magical girls, but that’s about where the similarities end. The psuedoyouma, like regular youma, have the power to create Nightmares as well as lesser minions known as “shadows”. But these are pale imitations of those things, since psuedoyouma only emerge under incredibly specific (but not uncommon) circumstances. Psuedoyouma’s appearances derive from extreme magical mutations rather than being their “natural” forms, and as such, they exude a sense of humanity (albeit a twisted one). Most psuedoyouma are fueled by perverted forms of human emotions rather than the abstract morality of regular youma, but there are (somewhat) exceptions.
     
     
    Shadows: Minions of psuedoyouma, similar to imps. Unlike imps, however, shadows are just puppets of the psuedoyouma, acting out their masters’ wills and cannot become “full” youma. As such, they are far weaker than imps, their danger coming from numbers rather than strength.
    ---
    And with that, I bid you farewell. Tune in next time as we begin our look at the main characters - all 24 of them.
  18. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Name: Aquaria, Wrath of Hydra
     
    Civilian Name: N/A
     
    Species: Deep One
     
    Age: Roughly 80,000
     
    Powers and Abilities: Immense strength, inhuman agility, especially when underwater, the ability to commune with sea creatures, arcane spells powered by the Gods of the Deep, Father Dagon, Mother Hydra and the Great Dreamer Himself, Cthulhu.
     
    Appearance: Aquaria stands at roughly 7 feet tall, with green, scaly skin, yellow eyes, and sharp teeth and fangs. Her rather scrawny form hides her true strength. She wears a set of sea blue armor covered by a hooded cloak made from the skin of a whale, the armor itself decorated with various bones. 
     
    Biography: Born to the Deep One Queen Pth'thya-l'yi, the Lady of the Abyss, Aquaria has observed human civilization from afar for millennia. As such, she finds most human religions rather quaint, as her Gods are quite real, unlike those of man, who simply pray that they are real. Like many of her kind, she has bred with humans in the past, leaving behind many hybrid young, most of whom eventually returned to the sea. It wasn’t until recently, however, that she ventured onto the surface.
     
    The Second World War proved quite troublesome for the Deep Ones, with the naval battles taking place on the surface causing havoc down below. Aquaria was sent onto the surface to try and put a stop to it. Along the way towards the capital of Germany, where she intended to kill Adolf Hitler, she was reunited with an old paramour, Infinite. He had formed a team, which she joined until the war was over. Once that happened, she returned to the ocean, but not before giving Infinite a medallion that would, she said, call her if he squeezed it and said her name in a time of need. Now, nearly seventy years later, he has finally called.
     
    Personality: Aquaria is scholarly, zealous about her faith, rather slow to trust, and boisterous in combat. Outside of it, she spends much of her free time reading, drawing, meditating and practicing magic. She is fiercely loyal to her family and those she calls friends, and she considers Infinite to be her brother. The Deep One female is extremely intelligent, relying on brains just as much as brawn to win a fight. She finds most human religions to be rather quaint and ridiculous, and operates on an utterly inhuman set of morals, which is to be expected, as incest, cannibalism, slavery, ritual sacrifice and murder are commonplace among her people.
  19. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    These next two character profiles (Rainbow Dash and Applejack) are respectively dedicated to two of my close friends: @Lucky Bolt and @Misty Breeze, for essentially being those two ponies in human form
    -----
     
    Human name: Ashleigh Mercury
     
    Magical Girl name: Prism Valkyrie Rainbow Dash
     
     
    1.   What kind of girl are you? (Blazing Heroine)
     
     
    2.    What convinced you to make a pact? (“I’d rather go down fighting.”)
     
     
    3.   What is your wish? (“That bitch Gilda hurt Andrea. I want her to get what’s coming.”)
     
     
    4.  Magical element (Rainbows)
     
     
    5.   Magical weapon (Sword)
     
     
    6.   Magical power (Flight)
     
     
    7.   Magical Girl Costume:
     
    A) Costume Style: Greek heroine
     
     
           B )   Costume Colors: Rainbow and Iridescent
     
     
           C)   Costume Accessories: Chains, Boots, Cape, Omega motif
     
     
    8.   Magical Attributes (Heart: 4, Fury: 8, Magic: 6)
     
     
    9.   Normal Attributes (Charm: 4, Insight: 7, Tenacity: 7)
     
     
    10.   Base Resolve (18)
     
     
    11.   Magical Specialization (Knight)
     
     
    12.   Magical Talents (Common Talent: Speed Burst; Knight Talents: Aura of Strength and Second Wind)
     
     
    13.   Crisis (“The police are after me for some reason.”)
    ----
    Next up - Jacqueline Smith, the Holy Paladin of Justice -'APPLEJACK! 
     
  20. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    As the first step in a long journey to introduce a very large cast of characters, let's start with our main protagonist, Tara Sparks, AKA Twilight Sparkle. Seeing as I intend to incorporate as many of the mechanics from Magical Burst as possible, I will use the character templates provided by the game's rulebook.
     ----
    Human Name: Tara Sparks
     
    Magical Girl Name: Arcane Sorceress Twilight Sparkle
     
    What kind of girl are you? (Bookworm)  
     
        2.     What convinced you to make a pact? (“I want to be a magical girl just like in my favorite anime.”)
     
     
    3.  What is your wish? (“I wish I could have friends.”)
     
     
    4.  Magical element (Lightning)
     
    5.  Magical weapon (Magic staff)
     
     
    6. Magical power (Analysis)
     
     
    7. Magical girl costume:
      A) Costume Style: Witch
     
          B ) Costume Colors: Violet, Pink, and White
     
          C) Costume Accessories: Tiara and Runes
     
     
    8. Magical Attributes (Heart: 9. Fury: 6, Magic: 9)
     
     
    9. Normal Attributes (Charm: 7, Insight: 2, Tenacity: 5)
     
     
    10. Base Resolve (18)
     
     
    11. Magical Specialization (Knight)
     
     
    12. Magical Talents (Common Talent: Fight for Friends; Knight Talents: Create Barrier and Aura of Strength)
     
     
    13. Crisis (“Every night I dream of a powerful youma that will destroy the world.”)
    ---
    Next up: Tabitha Stone, The Fabulous Diva Rarity!
  21. Rebel the Wolfgirl

    On Morality

    By Rebel the Wolfgirl,

    OK, so this is not what was promised at the end of the last entry, but I figured I'd outline the relationship between Discordianism and morality before I forget.
    Morality is...a tricky thing to define, especially in the context of the Goddess. Even organized religion has a difficult time trying to define what, exactly, morality is (hence the concept of "sin" and an eternity of eternal torment; it creates a sense of fear and distrust, and the rather unfortunate implication of God trying to impose His will-and therefore Order and "control"-onto a species that is defined by free will-and therefore Disorder and "freedom").
    However, I feel the Wiccans hit the nail on the head: An’ ye harm none, do what ye will. What that means is, in Modern English, "Do what you want, as long as no one is harmed". Just as was stated in the Introduction with "Nothing is true, everything is permitted", that doesn't mean you should do literally whatever you want and consequences can go eat a big fat hot dog. The Wiccans also came up with a Law of Threefold Returns to discourage this kind of thinking: it operates under the standby that for every action, there is a greater and opposite reaction, sort of like karma; do good things and good things will happen to you. Do bad things and Lady Eris will bitchslap the shit out of you.I
    -----fnord-----
    Just like the Judeo-Christians, we Discordians base our code of conduct and ethics on a set of ten (Paradoxical) Commandments, outlined in The Book of Eris in a section by one Dr. Ken M. Keith. The Paradoxical Commandments are as follows:
    There are also four cardinal virtues discussed a few pages later:
    Together, these virtues grant oneself the Five Blessings of Eris: health, wealth, happiness, longevity, and peace. And moreover, these five points (the Rede, the Law of Threefold Returns, the Paradoxical Commandments, the Four Virtues, and Five Blessings) form a collective ethical standard I like to call the 23 Pragmas of Eris. Pragmas are one of the five kinds of "-ma"; we'll get into further detail about those later. 
    But anyways, now that we know what the Pragmas are, what happens when they aren't followed? Or rather, when others don't follow them? For that, we'll need to discuss the tale that Goddess Eris is most well known for: the Original Snub.
    -----fnord-----
    So, I'm pretty sure all of us know this story. Guy named Peleus meets sea-nymph named Thetis, and they decide to get hitched. In celebration, Zeus decides to throw a party on Mount Olympus (called Limbo Peak by us Discordians), and invites all the gods and goddesses.
    All except for Eris. Now, as we know, Eris isn't a bad sort; she just loves playing pranks and upsetting the status quo in other ways. To Zeus, though, this was all the justification needed to not invite her. But, or course, this was just because the Olympians were petty, omnipotent children who just couldn't handle their precious little bubble being popped by anyone or anything. Nevertheless, Eris decided to go anyway in spite of being snubbed, out of the kindness of her heart. She wasn't going to stay too long anyway; she'd give Thetis her gift (a golden apple inscribed with the words "to the Prettiest One") then leave. Unfortunately, when Eris got there, she was confronted by Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite, who all began to taunt and leer at her gift. Having no other choice, Eris threw the apple towards the banquet, where the three goddesses dove for it, arguing amongst each other as to who was the prettiest. Eris, nonetheless delighted with the chaos she had just caused, took her leave and stole the hot dogs cooked by Hestia to partake in a feast of her own.
    Unfortunately, Hestia had steamed the buns and made them soggy. And so, that is why Eris forbids hot dog buns except on Fridays.
    -----fnord-----
    So, what have we learned today about morality? That, like every other faith, Discordianism has its standards and codes of conduct that should be easy to get with enough common sense. But with the story of the Original Snub, we also learn that karma is an absolute bitch. Anyways, next time, we're actually gonna get to all the stuff I promised last time. And remember, Goddess loves you!
  22. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Day 2 - Note Duration
     
    Note duration: length of time a note is played - there are four types of notes; whole note, half note, quarter note, eighth note, sixteenth note
     
    Whole note: longest duration in modern music, looks like an eyeball
     
    Half note: half the duration of a whole note, looks like a lopsided oval with a straight line sticking out of it. Two half notes equal one whole note.
     
    Quarter note: One-fourth of a whole note, resembles a half note, with the “oval” filled in. Two quarter notes equals a half-note, two half notes equals a whole note.
     
    Notes smaller than quarter note have flags. Each flags halves a note’s value.
     
    Eighth note: smaller than quarter note, looks like a quarter note with a flag on it. Two eighth notes equal one quarter note, two quarter notes equal a half note, two half notes equal a whole note.
     
    Sixteenth note: has two flags on it, halving the value of an eighth note. Two sixteenth notes equal one eighth note, two eighth notes equal a quarter note, two quarter notes equal a half note, and two half notes equal a whole note. Four sixteenth notes can also equal one quarter note.
     
    Notes with three or more flags exist, but are rarely used.
  23. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    For today's entry in the Godspell, I want to discuss prayer and meditation, and how it relates to Discordianism. The concept of prayer is defined as "a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship." Therefore, one should (theorectically) pray to Goddess Herself whenever possible, right?
    AHAHAHAHAHAHA. WRONG. Let me clarify something for ya: Eris has better things to do than to listen to her cosmic voicemail all day, going through each little prayer, whether they be actually important or not. Now, I'm not discouraging you from praying to Eris outright; in fact, I strongly believe that prayer is a powerful force and can accomplish miracles if done correctly. However, to pray constantly and for every single thing is not only foolish, but dangerous. Malaclypse the Younger explains thusly in the Principia Discordia:
    See, here's a little known fact/belief about prayer, at least in my opinion: it's a ritualized form of chaos magick, one that has (in one form or another) been connected to religion since prehistoric times. It is inherently connected to the eldritch and cosmic forces of the universe, and should therefore be approached cautiously and with a solid idea of what the hell you're doing. That is why we Discordians seldom pray to Our Lady: it can be freely abused and have disastrous consequences. So if you really want to pray to Eris, make sure it's damn important enough for her to hear.
    So, if prayer is out of the question, and you do want to show devotion to Eris, then what do you do? The answer can be summed up in one word: meditation.
    Even when Eris isn't communicating directly with you via pineal gland, her presence can still be felt everywhere and anywhere. Yes, even in your bedroom and bathroom. Don't ask - she just likes to watch.
    ANYWAYS.
    Considering Discordianism's roots in Buddhist and Hindu practices, it really shouldn't come as a surprise that meditation is more viable than direct prayer like in organized religion. Meditation allows us to grow closer to Goddess and therefore Chaos itself. It also provides an eased state of mind and body, perfect for those with anxiety and a lack of focus like myself.
    So without further ado about nothing, here's a five step guide to meditation!
    Clear your mind, and get into the lotus position. Maybe out on some relaxing meditation music. Focus on a specific mantra; mine is "There is no Goddess but Goddess, and She is my Goddess. Hail Lady Eris. Hail Discordia. Fnord." You can also use Zen koans or even the classic "Aum/Om" Close your eyes. Breath in and out. Do all these steps for between 10 and 23 minutes per day, 3-5 times a day. Should you follow all these steps, you should feel a tingly feeling throughout your body, and the feeling of your soul connecting to the rest of the universe, if only for those briefest of moments. You'll end up feeling more relaxed, sharp-minded, and have a deeper understanding of the cosmos.
    Join me next time as I discuss the story of my conversion to the Erisian faith, what Discordianism can mean to you (yes, you), and the conspiracy theories all around us.  
  24. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    So, following up on the announcement of The Elements of Ilvermorny (something that's been in the works for a while), I've decided to create a post detailing the character profiles of the main cast; a basic rundown of their personalities, their houses*, blood statuses (something I find an unfortunate and oftentimes problematic element in the Harry Potter series, admittedly, but it's a necessary evil that is used to deliver the series' anti-prejudice message), and wand types + wand cores. So without further ado, here they are, the (HU)MANE EIGHT!

    ----------------
     
    Name: Twilight Sparkle
    Age: 11 (first year)
    Ethnicity: Japanese
    Blood status: No-Maj-born
    House: Horned Serpent
    Wand type: Acacia
    Wand core: Dragon heartstring
    Personality: Much like canon, Twilight is an inquisitive, bookish sort who, before coming to Ilvermorny, is mostly an asocial sort - unlike either pony or canon!SciTwi, this Twilight did have at least a small circle of friends; namely Moondancer, Lyra, Minuette, and Twinkleshine (who in canon Twilight treated as casual acquaintances at best until "Amending Fences"). However, once she is of age and whisked off to Ilvermorny, Twilight develops not only a camaderie with several of her fellow first years (Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie) but a few older students as well (Sunset Shimmer, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Flash Sentry). Unlike the vast majority of Potterfics, Twilight is a protagonist already well-aware of the magical world - after all, when your brother's girlfriend (who's also your ex-babysitter) is a half-Veela and incidents seem to happen from nowhere, you tend to put things together incredibly quickly.

     
    Name: Pinkie Pie
    Age: 11
    Ethnicity: Pennsylvania Dutch
    Blood Status: No-Maj-born
    House: Thunderbird
    Wand type: Sycamore
    Wand core: Jackalope antler
    Personality: Pinkie Pie is probably the most exuberant of the eight, viewing Ilvermorny as "the funnest place ever!" Her childlike personality and seeming ditziness, however, hide a quick mind; a metamorphagus by birth, Pinkie Pie also has an uncanny skill for divination and "feeling" other peoples' emotions. These abilities, combined with her natural talents in magic, make her an incredibly dangerous foe...ESPECIALLY if you break her Pinkie Promises - they may not be Unbreakable Vows, but you'll wish you could die before Pinkie gets to you.

     
    Name: Applejack
    Age: 11 (first year)
    Ethnicity: Mixed race (Native American/Black)
    Blood Status: Pureblood
    House: Thunderbird
    Wand type: Apple (initially), black walnut
    Wand core: Unicorn tail hair
    Personality: Applejack comes from a Weasley-esque line of purebloods (and may even be distantly related to said family); like them as well as Sunset Shimmer, she does not believe in the idea of "blood purity". If anything, she believes anyone is capable of magic if they put a little hard work into it. As such, calling her a "blood traitor" or calling any of her friends "mudbloods" acts as a MAJOR button for her. Applejack is loyal and brave through and through, and won't abandon anyone regardless of wrongs committed or danger to her life.

     
    Name: Rarity
    Age: 11 (first year)
    Ethnicity: Anglo-Russian
    Blood status: Half-blood
    House: Horned Serpent
    Wand type: Chestnut
    Wand core: White River monster spine
    Personality: Unlike the rest of her friends, Rarity was born and raised in the United Kingdom until she was around 9 or 10; she was destined for Hogwarts until unforseen circumstances forced she, her parents, and little sister Sweetie Belle to immigrate to the United States. As such, Rarity initially has a difficult time adjusting to American customs and figures of speech (for instance calling No-Majs "Muggles"). She, like the rest of the group, develops an intense rivalry with school bully Trixie Lulamoon; for Rarity, however, it's because Trixie also had failed dreams of going to Hogwarts or possibly Dumstrang (Trixie is inconsistent with this), and she irrationally sees Rarity as a cause with barely any conceivable evidence.

     
    Name: Fluttershy
    Age: 12 (second year)
    Ethnicity: Gaelic
    Blood status: Half-blood
    House: Thunderbird
    Wand type: Willow
    Wand core: Wampus cat hair
    Personality: Fluttershy, as in canon, has an affinity for animals; which wouldn't be so bad if Ilvermorny were not on the border of a forest that is as dangerous as, if not moreso than, the Forbidden Forest in Britain. Unlike canon, however, this incarnation of Fluttershy is more assertive and determined in her goals to befriend all creatures...which ultimately kicks off the plot when she discovers the titular Hecate Witches (while completely disregarding Professor Chrysalis' orders to not go into what is termed the "Black Forest").

     
    Name: Rainbow Dash
    Age: 12 (second year)
    Ethnicity: Italian-American
    Blood status: No-Maj-born
    House: Horned Serpent
    Wand type: Cedar
    Wand core: Rougaru hair
    Personality: Rainbow Dash describes herself, and is shown to be, "tough as nails" since she had to grow up in a poorer neighborhood in Brooklyn. Rainbow has a knack for Quodpot, and this lands her a position on the Horned Serpents' team. She is, ironically for her House, not the best student, and clearly has a different way of learning through observation and perceptions. Rainbow can be brutally honest and arrogant to a fault, but that doesn't stop her from being there for her friends when they need her the most.

     
    Name: Sunset Shimmer
    Age: 13 (third year)
    Ethnicity: Caucasian
    Blood status: Pureblood
    House: Horned Serpent
    Wand type: Red Oak
    Wand core: Horned Serpent horn
    Personality: Sunset Shimmer, in The Elements of Ilvermorny, resembles a blend of her pre- and post-reformation selves: the "lovable alpha bitch" in trope terms. The daughter of Deputy Headmistress Celestia and Congressman Sombra, Sunset, on the surface, resembles the sort of popular girl you might find at Hogwarts: of pure bloodline, obscenely rich, manipulative and has almost the entire school in her thrall...yet she is probably one of the kindest, most trustworthy people in the world - in fact, her establishing character moment involves her beating Trixie up for derogatory comments towards half-bloods and No-Maj-borns. She quickly develops an almost sisterly bond with Twilight, and it's (mostly) thanks to her that the group can get away with what they do.

     
    Name: Flash Sentry
    Age: 13 (third year)
    Ethnicity: Caucasian
    Blood status: Half-blood
    House: Pukwudgie
    Wand type: Ash
    Wand core: Thunderbird tail feather
    Personality: Flash is ultimately the same quiet nice dude he is in canon, and (unlike canon) is still dating Sunset here. The son of an Auror and a No-Maj woman, Flash inherited his dad's wand; an exceedingly difficult weapon with seemingly a mind of its own, Flash is able to cast powerful magic with it yet has to learn to get it under control.
    ----------------
     
    *Houses in this incarnation of Ilvermorny are more akin to sororities and fraternities - the reasoning is twofold: 1) House systems like Hogwarts' don't exist in America for the most part - the closest analogue are those found in some colleges; Ilvermorny's "house" (which resemble fraternities) system is therefore based on the one found at the California Institute of Technology. 2) It addresses (both in- and out-of-universe) concerns about students engaging in intercourse and the consequences that arise from that. Thus, the houses are separated by gender - Horned Serpent and Thunderbird are female-only, while Wampus and Pukwudgie are male only.
  25. Rebel the Wolfgirl
    Ladies and gentlemen, the final character sheet (for now) in Majikarubasuto.
    ----
    Human name: Diane Dahl
     
    Magical Girl name: Smile Princess Pinkie Pie
     
    1. What kind of girl are you? (Bright and Cheerful.)
     
     
    2.   What convinced you to make a pact (“Heroes make everyone happy, and they give us something to believe in!”)
     
     
    3.   What is your wish? (“I wish people didn’t have to suffer and could smile all the time.”)
     
     
    4.   Magical element (Joy)
     
     
    5.   Magical weapon (Cannon)
     
     
    6.   Magical power (Resourceful Purse)
     
     
    7.   Magical Girl Costume:
     
     
    A)   Costume Style: Harlequin
     
     
         B )   Costume Colors: Pink and Black
     
     
       C)   Costume Accessories/Motifs: Heart and star motifs
     
     
    8.   Magical Attributes (Heart: 7, Fury: 6, Magic: 7)
     
     
    9.   Normal Attributes (Charm: 7, Insight: 9, Tenacity: 9)
     
     
    10.   Base Resolve (18)
     
     
    11.   Magical Specialization (Witch)
     
     
    12. Magical Talents (Common Talents: Teleport and Speed Burst; Witch Talents: Amplify Magic and Marionette)
     
     
    13.   Crisis (“There’s a youma that looks like me, and I think it wants me dead.”)
    -------
    As you can see, I maaay or may not have taken inspiration from one of my favorite DC Comics characters for Pinkie's costume, hehe. Anyways, now that the primary characters have been dealt with, next time, I'm going to answer what might be the most crucial questions in the setting:
    "What are the Oblivion Seeds, and what is their true purpose in the grand scheme of the war against the youma?"
    Heads up - spoilers ahead, and they ain't pretty.
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