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Rascal~

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  1. Rascal~
    So, A King to his Throne is my first ever Mlp:Fim FanFiction.
     
    It takes place in an Alternate Universe, and it follows the story of how the Crystal Empire comes back to the rest of Equestria.
     
     
     
    It's going to be a multiple chapter story, and hopefully I'll update with content every now and then, or at least try and update whenever I can for this story.
    I hope you guys can enjoy it, I'm kinda scared posting this thing up because it is my first ever Mlp Fanfic, and I feel like I'm in such unknown territory.
  2. Rascal~

    Yep

    By Rascal~,

    So last week almost all my friends were dissing a piece of artwork that I was really proud of, dissing both the art and the character that featured in it.
    That affected me really bad, considering that I have no confidence with my artwork. I don't post it here on the forums, and I used to show screenshots of all my art to my friends, but I've been having to do less and less and now just completely stop with it.
    I can't seem to talk about any of my passions, I can't seem to post my artwork to my friends, and I seem to be looking for conversations that I'm never going to find.
     
    So since I exploded at my friends today, after them annoying me about posting in threads, after them telling me to use Photoshop instead of Sai, and after them telling me to change my shading style and all that nonsense. One of my friends who was on the more vulgar side of things has un-contacted me, the one that lead the dissing won't at least say sorry, and I've felt disconnected with everyone else in my chat.
    I'm going to continue doing my commission pics, and replying in threads that need my attention, but other than that. I think I'm just going to stop, I keep ending up crying at my computer, and all this stress is really not helping the fact that I can't take my meds, so I'm at a high risk of suicide.
     
    I'm turning skype off on both my ipod and my laptop so I'm not exposed to more stuff that going to make me worse, and I'm pretty sure I'm just going to be off the computer more and trying to keep steady.
    Because I've had enough of this.
  3. Rascal~

    NAPLAN!

    By Rascal~,

    So today's blog entry will be a life entry, and then I may do a studio blog entry later on since I've missed a couple days or something, and I have a sleepover this weekend too, so probably no forums. Argh, the weekend is really the only big time that I get to be on the forums and do homework, which I have quite the bit to do.
     
    But, next week I have Naplan testing, and it's my last testing too so after this I'll either have no more national test or Onlar testing if I do average on Naplan. There's not a lot you can do to prepare for either of the tests, but I think that I should do good since my last couple of Naplan tests I have done super well, and if I do well I wont have to do Onlar and I have a good chance at uni.
    Though, even though I have Naplan testing next week, I also have a timeline assignment due week 5 in S&E. It's about the industrial and agricultural revolution, from 1750 to 1914, and already I have 18 things to put on my timeline, though next week I have 4 sessions on the computer and I hope to get more for the timeline, and pick 5 inventions to do a study case on them. Since that's also part of it.
     
    But other than scripts and such to do for studio work, I have other news!
    A friend of mine will be coding a website, that might I say will be pretty awesome.
    There will be a money system, containing; bits, a bank, loans, stock exchange, and other assortment of things that I have forgotten.
    It will also contain, ranks for your net worth and such, a forums area to discuss things and also trade off and use your bits, profile customization so you can make your own avatar pony creator or upload your own pic and as well as customising your own profile and how it looks.
    There will also be games and ways to earn bits, and I hope to have a roleplay section in which people can use.
     
    For the Roleplay area, I was actually hoping of having several sections. A normal rp area, a more canon area, and AU area's. Hopefully they would be able to use the bits in the gameplay, and that could possibly be a way to earn more bits.
     
    But that's it for now, it will take weeks and possibly months to get all of that up and running, I'll be advertising from the Alpha stages, but throughout things would be improving.
    So, bye folks!
  4. Rascal~

    Studio Blog #1

    By Rascal~,

    So, as some of you may or may not know. I am endeavouring in creating my own studio, and predominantly it will be an animation studio.
    But, I like to rant about studio stuff and animation and such, I even have a small group to help me out and such where they just listen to me rant. I rant about a lot of stuff, and well I thought that I would extend my ranting out here so that they don't get positively bored with me.
     
    So, for my first blog post here, I'm going to talk about trying to find a cheaper way or a more production line way of creating animation.
    Now, I would like to keep the entire job of animation to only one person, and pay them the rates for the work they do and hopefully they use their paycheck for the right reasons of providing for themselves and possibly their families, but as a producer I have to think efficent ways and cheaper ways so that I can keep to a budget. Or in this case plan out the amount of money needed for said project and animation rates.
    I know a little about animation, studying it a little in my free time, and I know how hard animation can be. The quality that I wish to reach with my productions would take an age to complete, and in turn a lot of money to pay people.
    But, and this may be a way to make things more streamlined, is to have an animator and an artist.
    The animator would do the animating, but only the lineart of what they are doing and that would be significantly easier on the animator and less time consuming, and colour in your animation and making it work for each and every single frame is a whole lot of work for one person, so if the animator did the essential animating then he would easily stream through it. And in turn, could do more in an hour and would be less costly for myself and studio.
    Though, your now asking, if the animator is just doing the line art, how is the colour going to be done?
    We get an artist for that, they do every frame's colour. It would be hell of a lot of work, especially if the artist does great standard and puts alot of effort in, but possibly the quality and the production of animation would be quicker.
    We could have the animator keep powering along with his work, and then the artist would be doing frame by frame. Work would have to be constant, after one project animation the artist would have to move on straight away, and the animator could have a break once and a while to let the artist catch up, but it would still be somewhat streamlined, even more so if there were more than one artist to work on the frames.
     
    Though, hourly rates are what could kill you with this. Animators go by 20-40 dollars an hour, and if more work can be done in an hour then that's good for production, hence why we take out the frame colouring so more animating can be done.
    If an artist gets the same rates, then that is where all the money would bleed through, but it would still be a more streamlined production. Since if the animator gets well ahead he can stop and hence stop getting paid, and then money not spent on the animating can go to the artist.
    But of course, if an artist can go on a cheaper rate, that would be even more amazing, but you should pay for quality and I am aiming for quality when it comes to my studio and it's productions.
     
    Hopefully you guys enjoyed this, any questions I'm happy to answer, and if you guys wanna know, right now I'm just in the money collection phase of productions since we need some kind of funding for this. Any idea would be cool.
  5. Rascal~

    Saturday School

    By Rascal~,

    So, I go to a special school on saturdays thats performing arts, it's called Stagecoach.
    I used to go there when I was really little, till about 7, and then I moved on to Tae Kwon Do.
    I recently came back this year, and tomorrow will be the first day of the new term, but it kinda sucks at this school, I'll tell you why.
     
    First off, its like 40 mins away. I live on the outskirts of civilization, just before it hits farm and valley country, and the school is all the way in the city at a university, so it takes a good 40 mins to an hour to get there.
    And because of that, no one else that goes to the school is from the same area as me, it's little old country me with all those city folks.
     
    Second, The Principle Serina is kinda mean. She's on my back for not having jazz shoes. There aren't really jazz shoes anywhere that I can go, and it's difficult only because it's shoes and I have no clue if it will fit or not, even if I have my size the sizes for the shoes can be completely different. And she's always just on my back, which isn't really that fair, but oh well.
     
    Third, it's on Saturday, a day which I would rather prefer getting up late and dedicating to homework instead of getting up and dancing for an hour, drama for an hour, and then singing for an hour. I do that already at school, in fact I have hours of music, hours of drama, and I dance in my freetime to my music anyway.
     
    But alas, I do it anyway since mum takes me there and all that, but I'm going to see if I can get out of it this week since I have an injury in a very sensitive spot and I can't run because of it and such.
  6. Rascal~
    Huzzah, this back, don't know why, enjoy just me typing this up.
     
    So before I left I used this blog as a means to advertise one of my tumblr blogs, post news and then give it to people, and just type up random things like random reviews and such.
     
    But, I'm bringing this baby back. And probably no one will notice it, so I'll write things up when I'm bored and in the mood to write up blog entries
    But I hope to continue on with entries about things like reviews, song lyrics and parodies, updates on studio work, and most probably updates on just my life.
     
    So, hope you enjoyed this post, I bet no one will actually click it, but I'll be cleaning out my blog and hopefully get myself sorted with a proper entry.
  7. Rascal~

    I may be leaving

    By Rascal~,

    Hey guys, I know its been a while since I've written up one of my blogs. But I feel as though this is kinda serious and that some passing people may read it.
     
    But I'm considering leaving the forums, not for ever of course. I love it here, I have many a friend and I love so many people on here, but sometimes the bad outweighs the good.
    I'm actually thinking that maybe I just ignore everything except for just a roleplay, I have heaps of other stuff to do so I'm sure that the very distracting forums won't be much of a distraction anymore, but I think thats really the only activity you'll see from me. Or if I have to work through here, which is possible because I do have a round of messages to do for the Inquisition project.
     
    But I just have been getting a lot of abuse on here, I already have one continuous abuser that I was able to get out of my life for the most part, though sometimes I see the "you've ignored the member's post" when I go through threads. I blocked him fully to the best I can. But recently an old abuser popped up again. I can't deal with threats to myself or my team right now, nor the abuse we were getting. Hopefully that situation will be dealt with somehow, but you never really know with the internet of course.
    Many people here have also been very depressing, rude, mean, they've been arguing, I get about a million status updates of people who want to die or they don't feel appreciated or anything. I'm usually fine with the status updates, there's always someone out there whose depressed and I like to help them out the best I can, and so do many other people. But they have sky-rocketed to the roof lately and it's slightly bringing back my own depression and thoughts. I don't want them, I've gotten rid of them for a while now and I don't like being all happy and bubbly on the outside while I already feel the knife on my throat on the inside. I don't want to go back there, I really don't. All these things that people are shoving to the world is really triggering for me, or at least when I'm exposed to it every 10 mins, and I can't seem to get away from it since it seems to be everywhere.
    And last but not least, my health has been really bad lately. Sometime ago the doctors said to me that I wasn't going to live for very much longer, which sure as hell hit hard for me and my family. I was told that I should be careful, because it is possible that I could drop dead at any moment, and dear god that scares me so much, and my poor mum who is taking care of me. Though not long ago, after my wish day, the doctors said.
    "Hey, we think that you've been doing really well Sab. We're going to put you on some more and new meds and I think that we may have you in a good spot. Let's say that we don't think that your going to drop dead any second. Though please do be careful."
    That's what I got last time I visited them, great news really. But of course, I've been getting some side affects from the new meds and my body is still degrading on me. So I'll keep living till I'm not no more, but I'm hoping to get to the doctors soon and so they can help. I keep having to wear long pants when I go out or if people or family is coming over, I don't like people seeing the weird blotches on my legs and at least the rest are covered up anyway, but hell it's bloody hot over. God damn it summer! Why must you plague me!
    Sorry, went a little funny there. I guess I can't help trying to be a little light hearted about this kind of stuff, I usually do it anyway.
    But of course my heart hasn't been faring too well either, it seems as though the body is either giving up but not, or its confused as to whether it wants to die or not. I don't understand most of it, I just sit here and feel and the pain and watch it, its very scary really from my view.
     
    But hopefully you guys can accept my reasons as too why I may be leaving. I think I'll be going with something along the lines where I'll only be on here for 3 reasons, but for everything else I just wont bother dealing with. I think that is personal messages (may not reply anyway unless they're important), an amazing roleplay I have been waiting to partake in- and I had quit all my other rps and the like so I could join this one and not feel overwhelmed, and my request thread on here too. I still want to practice my skills in that field and the rp I'm too excited about to just give up on it, I'm sorry guys but there is just too much going on right now on here and in real life. I'll still be working though, I don't want to complete drop everything since I do care about a lot of people, but I'm just unsure about everything really.
     
    Right now I actually still unsure of staying or not, but I know that I have at least presented my case already so I can just slip away if I decide too.
    Thanks to all who read this and the like.
     
    Sai
  8. Rascal~
    Alright, this is pretty much been spurred on by my favourite Musical and this song, http://youtu.be/jZNqaAh6iLU
    I'm probably going way too into this, and I may make it into a topic later on if I feel like it but I have to do this.
     
    There's always a reason why there's a villain. In every story there is a conflict, it could be a mad scientist, it could be a tyrannical king, it could be an army ready to destroy the universe, it could anything, but there is always a villain, a conflict.
    They are there for plot really, for where is the story for a hero to save the day if there is nothing to save it from?
    But the thing is, for the longest time people only saw them as that, only saw them as the bad guy for the good guy to defeat. Recently in the last couple of years villains have been explored more, but still overall they are the bad guy and that's it.
    People fail to see anything beyond that, I always saw more in them since I always relate to the bad guy better. But Dr.Horrible's Sing Along Blog is what spurred me to do this, I may be looking way too far into this but it shows so much and I cannot stop myself.
    In the musical we follow the story of the bad guy, Dr. Horrible, a Mad scientist or inventor if you will. He looks like the typical mad scientist that you would see in stories, he has the goggles and the lab coat and the amazing gadgets.
    But instead of us seeing his deeds we see his everyday life, him doing the laundry and meeting and chatting with other people, admittedly he doesn't talk with many people but he has a life beyond his dastardly deeds. And something else which is a drive in this musical, a love interest.
    Penny is a very nice girl, she cares for the homeless and is a kind person in general, very ordinary but lovely girl. Dr. Horrible fell in love with this girl, he may be slightly stalker-ish in the fact that he makes sure that he's at the laundromat the same time as her. So that he can do his laundry and check on the girl of his dreams, and maybe even say hi and ask her out. In the musical it may seem a little dull and all that, but in reality this shows so much.
    He's a guy, he has emotion. He has the girl of his dreams to strive for, and that maybe one day she will finally see who he really is and accept it, become his girl. It may seem like she may be a trophy as how I put this, but in all reality his trying to achieve all of his dreams and ambitions, and the girl is his biggest one.
    Someone who holds his heart, his emotions, he knows that she is his significant other and he urges for the feeling of companionship and love. That is a basic human instinct, it proves that he is human and that he strives and lives in hope. He is human, not a blank force derived of only evil, he is human.
    Already you can see this one villain in a different light, in two mediums he is being showed to not just be a bad guy. In the musical and what I just told you, this is all leading up to something so bear with me.
     
    Already there we can see Dr.Horrible's ambitions, hopes, dreams, the way to his rise to power persay. But I must address another character, Captain Hammer.
    He is the hero, the very typical hero indeed. Though the musical has portrayed him to be a slight dick people do in fact forget to realise that hero's are like this, they do this to those who are against them. They have no mercy, even if they have been portrayed to have it.
    I like what they did with him, he is a character meant to be hated and I hate him, but I can see the underlying tones and the contrasts to other situations.
    A hero's story is bland, is boring, it is the same thing over and over again, you add bits here and there but when you really see it you can see that every hero is the same. They all have the same story, yes sometimes different but all of it the same, being over used and being repeated over and over again.
    Rise from ashes, become the hero, save the day.
    Already the protector and hero, face opposing force, save the day.
    Already hero, retired/not feeling as though worth it, has to face opposing force, face mental/physical ability, save the day, get better and accept being the hero.
     
    Look at every hero you know, then see if you can compare them to one of those three. I can easily put the big guys in there like Superman and Batman, Twilight and everyone else I know, they fit in there somewhere. Whether it be mixed or matched or something, they are in there.
    You can not do that with a villain, you can try and generalise things heaps but there are way too many versions for a villains plot line that you cannot list them so easily. They are shrouded in mystery, they could hold the world behind them and you would never know. They are the most developed and under developed character ever in my opinion, because you can do anything with them.
     
    But back to Dr. Horrible since he started all of this.
    From what I've already explained to the part of the musical I will go on. He has his own conflicts, several in fact. He has Bad horse, that is an ambition for him, to get into bad horse's league of super evil bad guys and become one of them. Another would be trying to be with Penny, to be with his significant other and love her and for her to love him back, to accept him as well if and when the time came. And Captain Hammer, Dr.Horrible's opposing force for him getting the other two things.
    Captain Hammer stops him countless times from achieving his petty crimes and his bigger crimes also. Captain Hammer also takes Penny, after stopping one of Dr. Horrible's crimes he chances upon Penny and he then takes her heart persay. They go out, but of course CH is himself, superficial and the like. Only caring of getting into Penny's pants than actually loving her and enjoying their time together, and even goes ahead and be a jerk to Billy. Billy is Dr.Horrible, only in normal clothes and not trying to do anything bad, that's the human everyone.
    Captain Hammer admits to only pretend to care for penny so that it would be good for his public image, so that he could 'bang' her and only doing the latter because Billy showed interest in her. You can see why he is meant to be hated, good writing and acting.
    That is Dr.Horrible's start in his decline, his hope and ambition being taken away by his opposing force, but I'm only saying decline and not fall because he can get her back, there is a chance but it is a blow.
    Around now I should mention something that will come in later, I am unsure if it's around now or earlier in the musical but after a failed attempt at a robbery or something similar he gets a letter from bad horse saying that a murder would be nice if he wanted to get into his league.
     
    Now let's skip to near the end because from that part in the musical to this you can just enjoy and not think to much, its a very good musical so you should go see it. You can find the full thing on youtube, easy.
    About where I'm talking about is at the song Slipping, all about how Dr.Horrible has frozen Captain hammer with a freeze ray and he's enjoying the moment by singing how no one can see how much of a dick he is. Very good song
    But of course something does wrong and Captain hammer is unfrozen and punches Dr.Horrible, Which results in Captain Hammer being in the upper hand and intending on Killing Dr. Horrible with his own death ray. It backfires on him, after Dr.Horrible pleads him not to do it, and he goes flying backwards and things rattle and such.
    Captain Hammer lives, though he acts strangely saying that he's in a lot of pain and then he walks out. Dr.Horrible is shocked but happy.
    He did it, he defeated his opposing force. Surely his other desires will follow? Surely Bad horse will accept him in even though he didn't kill anyone, he defeated the town hero.
    Then he finds penny, a piece a metal lodged into her stomach and she dies right in front of him. His significant other died because of his weapon going off, if she hadn't been there, or he had never come, he had never made that death ray then maybe she would have lived. But she didn't, and this is his downfall, this is where he stops.
    He had hopes and dreams, that was his rise. Captain Hammer running away crying, that was his peak. And his heart dying, that is his fall, he stops there. An emotional progression, we see a life, we see a story there. His hopes and ambitions were what made him the bad guy, him trying to achieve something was what made him the villain in town.
    I would suggest listening to the song again now, it would have finished by now so please do replay it.
     
    His world, heart and emotions are gone. But that was his murder, he's in the league. By losing his biggest dream he gained his ambition, even while watching it light heartedly this is pretty big.
    But now he doesn't have any feeling, so he says he's fine, he'll go on his merly old way. But he has fallen, he's just Dr.Horrible now, no Billy any more.
    He is just a man for the league now, he's just the bed guy in town and he'll take what he can. He'll rule the world, but of course he doesn't have anything anymore. He's dead on the inside.
    He ends the song and the entire musical with him saying that he won't feel a thing, he knows that he is gone and that he isn't coming back. His world is gone so now he's just going to take over the world.
     
    This is a backstory, think of now the typical mad scientist in a movie or something, when the hero has to go save the day and stop the bad guy. That is the man you're seeing, that is the one that's lost everything and is taking something that could be is to fill the hole in his soul. There is the reason, it's a cycle.
     
    There will always be a reason, there will always be a story behind them, there will always be something behind the facade they place on themselves.
    Enjoy the musical, it's very good.
  9. Rascal~
    Hello, I'm Ravek.
    I'm a thirteen year old girl from Australia, I'm not right in the mind. I do take medication for that, I can't be running around the streets with thoughts in my head now can I?
    I've had a past that not many of you would believe, and I personally don't expect you too. You're not meant to believe everything that you come across, your only human. Humans in this day and age are all raised differently, with different views and laws ruling you everyday.
    We're human, we're pack like animals. Many people would go mad without the contact of another intellectual being, we are social in our nature. Many studies show this, and it's not hard to see in everyday life. Through the actual world or what we view in our media.
    Many things happen in our head, many we do not realize until we actually think about it. I see it as it happens though, I've had too.
    I am sure not many of us run on the instinctual level that we evolved from, we're not meant to. But it still happens. When we're alert to our surroundings to our fear or feeling, when we pick up on things we would have never when we were at peace. That is instinct, running on adrenaline to survive, to pick out every detail, to see things more clearly.
    Imagine running like that for over 7 years, in developing stages of your early childhood. You can't exactly get out of that mind space when you've been doing for so long.
    I have trouble, though I've been getting better. And I would like to believe without the help of my medication, but I cannot know. And I don't think I'm meant to know, the doctors just subscribe me my medication and then soon after I swallow the pills. And I can't always remember if they're for my heart or for my brain.
    I have a heart condition, brought on by trauma when I was younger. So I take pills to keep the muscles moving, so I don't drop dead at school. But it's hard with the children there.
    Children will always be cruel, their upbringing and personality are usually the ones to cause this. And I know how cruel children can get.
    You learn how to run, how to cower, how to fight, you learn how to survive when you're amongst those who do not care if you wake up after your beating. They will watch and then get bored, until you get up and suddenly become less boring. You become entertaining to them.
    That's how a kid works, sometimes they are overwhelmed by something, or they are bored after a few minutes. You can always tell, they make it pretty clear.
    I am sure that the entire world is cruel, but this is just something that I have experienced before.
  10. Rascal~

    How I came up with Chair

    By Rascal~,

    A friend asked me this here on the forums, and then I extended my explanation over skype.
     
    If your wondering, this is Chair, and I recently did some artwork on her here.
     
     
     
     
    My Explanation to him on Skype?
    I needed to make schizophrenia into a character.
    I thought that was the best way to do it, as schizophrenics are very well known for putting things together when there isn't really anything to go by.
    EG: Light bulb buzzing/making noise, must be some government agency spying on me. I just applied the same logic to the name.
  12. Rascal~

    A Poem Fight?

    By Rascal~,

    S&E classroom whiteboard:
    Evil will Prevail until Decent people speak up.
     
    Me:
    Silence is Injustice
    Silence is the Killer
    Evil has prevailed when all is silent
  13. Rascal~

    Request list

    By Rascal~,

    So, I've needed to start a list of all the art I need to do. These are all currently requests, so of course if I get a commission then that gets top priority.
     
    Design Requests
    1. Parasol: poison dart
    2. Parasol: pistol
    3. Parasol: flip knife
    4. Leg brace -For Me
    5. Ankle/lower leg brace -For Me
    6. Top-hat with compartments
    7. Moving Focus glasses
    8. The Arse side of Kelsi’s character
    9. The Inventor’s Arse side -For Me
     
     
    Proper Colour Requests
    1. Parasol
    2. Top-hat
     
    They are all non-pony, all steampunky stuff. If you want to request something, I may add it to my list and then I'll post the finished thing in my SteamPunk thread. But Maybe.
    Or you could always go here: http://mlpforums.com/topic/100967-rascals-cheap-commissions/
  14. Rascal~

    Update!

    By Rascal~,

    So I'm just going to update all the links and things, ocs, tumblrs, all that kind of stuff.
     
    First of, TUMBLR LINKS
    Mod Blog
    Canterlot Daily Broadcasting Station
    Go on, it just started, go ask a question or two
     
    OCS
    Stardust
    Fire Sharp
    Sai
    Time Scribe
    Fergo~Dragon
    Tar~Pony
    Chair~Dragonquos
     
    DEVIANTART
    Commission Journal page
    ^I'll hopefully have a commissions page on the forums when Artemis finally gets round to replying back to me with the a-okay, but those prices are a little cheaper because I don't have to factor in the percentage the Forums get off of me.
     
    OTPs
    Mystrade
    Johnlock
    DoctorxMaster
    LxLight
    and I have like a million other ships
     
    BEST PONY RACE
    Unicorn, then changeling, then dragons, then Dragonqouses
     
    BEST PONY
    I am neutral
     
    and I may update my profile page with this information also.
  15. Rascal~
    So, I'm hopefully going to dedicate this blog entry to just explaining some things,maybe you people might understand some things after this, maybe not, thats really up to you I guess.
    Warning, I'm probably not going to edit this much, so you guys may have a quick insight of how my brain works with it's steps and such.
     
    So as some of you guys know, I have schizophrenia, and it is one of the hardest things to spell for me. But really, even though I don't act like it much and nor do I bring it up unless I feel the need to inform someone of it, it affects me quite the bit.
    I don't usually have episodes, since I'm able to keep up with them, but of course the side effects of keeping my episodes down and just having my mental condition are a pretty big part of how I run my day.
    I have trouble pronouncing words, while most of the time I'm pretty good and can do better than some people, when I'm having a bad day, my speech goes down the drain. Simple words take about a minute to say, and very complex words take much longer, and even just my accent and all that attributes to speech just goes blop. And even my writing is affected, I start to miss words and entirely misspell words.
    Another thing with it, is my walky talky thing that I do, to stop episodes. Now, you know when you think of people who are nuts, you think of the homeless guy who talks to himself and has arguments and all that while he's walking down the street?
    Well, instead of a homeless man, put a kid in a highschool uniform with a hat and shades, and you have me. I do a lot of talking while I walk, and I know that I talk and that talking to yourself/things in your head isn't right, it's the only proper means that I have to stop my episodes. Medication doesn't do much, and since I have so many complications with them and my other meds, I've had to stop taking my meds for my head.
    But talking to the things helps, it keeps me calm enough to do my school work, and it keeps me somewhat sane enough to go on the computer and bloody use one.
    But my episodes, I haven't had one of those for a little while yet, though I've been feeling one coming on as of late and I've been trying to prevent it the best I can. I don't want to hurt anyone, since in my episodes I can get very violent, and really it just screws me up even further.
     
    And you know what? Because of what I have, I actually feel like less of a person, I don't like to partake in things where I have to state my opinion, and most of the time I won't, because I don't know if I can even trust my opinion. I know that I'm somewhat clever, the classes I'm in, the conversations I like to have, my passions, and really many things about me show that I prefer talking about Hitler's political strategy than talking about tits.
    If anything, I don't think I've gone through the childhood era, and maybe thats why I like mlp, but the fact that when I can have a mature conversation about something that would make other's laugh, I think it shows.
    And it's also hard for me not to see things, this is probably something else people may not know about me, but I'm actually quite observational. I see things, I take them in, and then I use the information. I make decisions on the info I collect, and it seemed that I have learned to not tell people when I've done this to them. Because each and every single time I do it, people call me weird, a freak, a prick, you know all that stuff. Sometimes I just do it without thinking it through, it just happens naturally, and then I get called names and get a whole shower of abuse for it.
    It sucks, but I think it's the more normal side of me so I don't quite mind.
     
    Also, something else that you guys may not know, but I do hate religion. Really, please don't talk about it to me, don't take me church, don't say I just need to believe in god and then I'll get better, don't say what I'm seeing or hearing is just the word of God or something from the bible, or any of anyone's bible.
    I see it as stupid, and other than the really obvious ones that I'm not going to say, I'll tell you a couple personal reasons why I'm not into the whole religious scene.
    Now, I'm not the only person in my family with schizophrenia. Both my Aunty Rosemary, and my now Dead Grandfather had it, and you know what? Both of them were christians/Catholics, crazy scary nutters, one of which fought in a war and the other took drugs to help her voices out, and they were religious.
    Rosemary thought that she was talking to angels, so many times did I hear her talking about Angels while she was putting a cigarette in her mouth and being high as a kite.
    While I barely saw my Aunty Rosemary, and Grandpa I only saw when I was two and when he was dead, I knew that drugs were bad for you and religion was bad for you, because look at what it did to my own family members.
    I could possibly turn out like my Aunty, she was an amazing artist before she started to take drugs, she had a really bright future ahead of her, just like I have now with my school work.
    And other than everything else I have gotten from religion, you could probably sourced my utmost hatred for it from that experience I had gotten from Rosemary.
     
    Another thing, remember a little bit above how I said I observe things well? Well this kind fits in with that.
    Like I said I notice things, and sometimes the information I happen to collect hits me really hard. On these very forums, I can see people just totally dissing art that people spent quite a bit of effort into, and that stops me from posting my own art here. But then, when I do post my own art, all I see are post grinders, surfing through the section trying to raise their count.
    And then I see those same people give a more thought out post to others, while my art just get the grinding posts. And I know this may not be possibly just by chance, because I've done several different ways and all I get are grinders, when I observe I do get extensive with the research.
    People may not know this, but I do need some kind of praise. I put a whole lot of effort into things, and when I put them anywhere I use a lot of my courage and my other emotions to just press the post button, and then when everything I do is ignored or not even acknowledged, well there goes almost all of my self esteem and self worth.
     
    And of course, I get a lot of shit from people. Not from real life, since I'm able to stay away from people like that, but on the internet I get a lot of shit.
    I don't know, it could just be me, but people always seem to pick fights with me. Over the last two weeks this one person has been picking immature battles with me and I haven't been able to get rid of him. Only about 2 days ago did I finally lose my cool with him, since me called me a pretentious prick for liking Math and for helping a friend out.
    But of course, he's just the most recent fella, I've had a few pick on me and for months I couldn't get away from one man's constant abuse, and then not long after that another kid came along and started to get on the bandwagon.
    It's constant stress, and the most recent heart attack I had was actually caused by the stream of hate and abuse that I've been getting from the most recent fella.
    Actually, all the main buggers are from here, the forums, and while I know that one of them is banned for ever, the other two are still here and posting.
     
    I feel as though I've written a tad much for people to read in one take, and I believe I'm halfway through my little explaining rant thingy, so I may come back to this when I feel the need too.
  16. Rascal~
    So, through some negotiations between myself and my mother we have brokered a deal.
    I go to a performing arts school on the weekends, and as many people would say that they would never get out of that kind of school, let me just say this. I already go to high school that specialises in performing arts, and I am getting a better education there than I am at my second school, so it's just wasting my ma's money and I don't want to do that.
     
    So, the deal is, if I get a social life in the real world, then I don't have to attended my weekend school. Yeah, so that means to me that I have to go do stuff with my friends while also getting a sleep in on saturdays, and more time to do homework. Which actually my mum wants to do with me so yeah.
     
    But that means that I suddenly need a social life, since my friends are not social at all. They all wanna play video games, which is completely understandable, but the buggers won't go rollerskating or kayaking with me, but I got one of my friends to start doing exercise with me so we'll be getting fitter and socialising at the same time.
    Maybe I can go Kayaking with him, who knows.
     
    But, if I Have to socialise, maybe I can do it with some bronies? I know that there aren't that many where I'm living.
    But if you live near Perth in Wa, you don't have to be close to perth considering that I lie closer to the mountains, but if you do maybe we can organise a day out where everyone goes to the movie or something. It should be fun, and well it may be a good idea if everyone goes out once and a while so it'll get everyone off our backs for being on the internet so much!
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