Oh my god. Prepare for some entertainment.
"Are you serving breakfast?" *The menu boards still have the lunch menu...*
"Are you serving lunch?" *Menu boards say breakfast...*
Me: "Hi, right now we're doing CASH ONLY. I'll be right with you." (Yes, I emphasize cash only and say it very slow.) Them: "Did you just say cash only?" *Facepalming so hard.*
^Expanding on that one...
They get to the window and hand me a credit card. I shake my head and say "Sir, I told you cash only at least twice. I can't take cards."
Him: "Why the hell not?!"
Me: "Okay, you see how I'm writing down orders by hand, and I have a cash drawer sitting on a stack of boxes? The systems are down for our nightly reboot. I have no way of running a card."
Him: "That's stupid and you never said cash only! You're calling me a liar! *enter rage mode*
Me: Closes window. Walks away.
So this happened a couple months back. I work overnights at McDonalds, so I work from 10PM-6AM. There's a lot of jokes that we get all the drunks and stoners... well they're not jokes. We have people puke in our drive through at least once or twice a night. But this story just topped everything.
A guy came through our drivethrough with his penis out and in his lap. When my manager got to the window to collect his money, he was slapping it against his leg. But the story doesn't end here. He pulls back around and orders a cup of water. She hands me the water and says "You hand it to him. I don't give a fuck if you put a lid on it or not; get him out of the drive thru!" So I laugh and go to the window. He sees me, puts his head down and reaches out for the water without looking at me. I literally just handed it to him and shut the window immediately. He peeled out hardcore.
Here's more.
*Guy comes through and tries to order breakfast food at about 2 AM (we switch to breakfast at 4 AM). I tell him that we aren't serving breakfast food, and he says "Wait, I thought you served breakfast all day!" Yep. We're the next Ihop. So much facepalm.*
*Lady comes through at 3 AM wanting ice cream. I tell her the machine is down, and she flips out. "Why is it that every time I come through here in the mornings your ice cream machine is down?!"
Me: "Uh because the machine goes into heat mode at about 2 AM. It's on an automatic timer, and there's no way for us to stop it. Would you like to scream and swear at me some more or can I get you anything else?" (Yes, I censored her comment. Heavily.)*
*Some kid came through at like 12:45 AM and ordered two double cheeseburgers. I collected his money and told him the next window. He holds up a box of condoms and says "Bro, can you get rid of these for me?"
Me: "No."
He then proceeds to beg me, saying he can't have them. I point out there's like three trash cans outside for him to use, and he just looks back and throws them at me. I was a little thrown off. But anyways, I ignored it and continued working. Here's where it gets interesting. He proceeds to ask me what I rang him up for. I told him two double cheeseburgers. He freaks out, so I say "Did you want the dollar ones instead? The McDoubles?" He says yes, so I call my manager to the back. I do mention the condoms. Well, he walks up to the window and says "Sir, do these belong to you?" The guy goes "I told him to get rid of them!" So it turns into the manager throwing the box of condoms back into this guy's car, giving him his money back, and telling him to gtfo before the cops showed up.*
Oh, and I've had drunk people throw up while attempting to hand me money. There was only one time that any puke actually got on me, but I was so pissed off that one time. It went something like this:
Me: "Hi, that's gonna be $4.28."
Her: "Ooooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh" *spends five minutes digging for change, tries to hand me change, pukes all over my arm*
Me: O_O -> -> D:< "You know what? You need to leave."
Her: "Nooooooooo! Whyyyyyy?!"
Me: "You just puked all over my fucking arm. You're pretty lucky I'm not calling the cops right now, because you are WAY over the legal limit. Go home and go to sleep, and don't come here drunk anymore. Good night." *hands her money back, walks away*
This drunk idiot sat at my window for like two minutes yelling "I'm sorry!" so I walked by the window, looked at her, pulled out my phone and pretended to call 911. She saw it and peeled out lol
That's enough for now.