--Thunder Bolt--

It might be possible for an alicorn OC to not be a Mary Sue, but most alicorn OC's seem to fall into one of these annoying categories:

 

• Overpowered
• Has a broken horn or broken wings which makes being an alicorn plain out useless.
• Neon Colors
• Royalty
• Related to the mane 6

As soon as someone makes an alicorn OC that DOESN'T fall into one of those categories...that certain alicorn OC will not be a Mary Sue. So, it's not necessarily the alicorn itself (unless it has eye-blinding neon colors), it's the backstory or personality type. Pegasi, Unicorns, Earth Ponies, and the other types can be Mary Sues as well, but it seems to be harder to do and easier to pull off. 

Hmmm.  I'm interested to see what people think of my alicorn OC Neferu-Merywset.  I created her for two RP's, one that's specifically for alicorn characters, the other to fill the alicorn "Pharaoh" slot for a pony ancient Egypt setting.  Going through Wheatley Core's list:

Overpowered: For most RP's...yeah.  I haven't really gotten into the kind of games where "power" is much of an issue (combat-oriented games, etc.) yet.

Has a broken horn or wings: No, her horn and wings are intact.

Neon colors: No.

Royalty: In ancient times, yes; canon eras, no.

Related to the Mane 6: No.  In canon times, she lives a secluded life and has not met them (yet).

I think "create a good alicorn character" represents an interesting writing challenge, so I'd like to get some feedback on whether I succeeded or not.

I love your work!  Could you please do Nephthys Nightshade for me?  Thanks in advance!  There's a reference image at her link.  If you want I can post another one in a few hours when I get home. 

"Hmmm...what we did...just then...it was wonderful!"

When Twilight's "turn an orange into a toad" spell missed and hit Sweetie Belle.

(Result: poor Sweetie Belle croaked)

"OK meow.  Why don't you get out your license and registration meow."

I took the liberty of copy-pasting everyone's in-character posts (except AlicornPrincess' OP, which was already there) to the new in-character thread.

--Ankh Taui Temple--

 

Merywset was deep in meditation when she felt, and heard, a burst of magic nearby.  She opened her eyes to see a small scroll appearing in a puff of green smoke.  A message?  For me?  Who would even know of me...or want to send it? she thought as she used her telekinesis to bring it over and unroll it.  Its contents shocked her to the core.  The ponies...gone?!  Of course Merywset knew that all that blossoms fades, dies, and germinates anew.  The treasure rooms of her mind held memories of three thousand years' worth of dear friends and loved ones she had seen lain in their Houses of Eternity.  Then the time had come...when the ponies did not truly need, or even hardly remember her anymore.  She had left them to their own devices then, sometimes coming out in disguise to watch them going about their lives, so brief yet so rich in joys and sorrows.  So yes, Merywset knew far better than most, that Anpw, the Guide of the Dead came for everypony. 

 

But ponykind itself?  That...she had not expected, not for hundreds of thousands, perhaps even millions of years.  The ponies had achieved peace amongst themselves, learned to live in harmony with their environment, and they had new Alicorn protectors to insure the Ma'at of the Realm.  Merywset read the message again, then cast a translation spell and read it yet again.  It still said...that an unknown calamity had come...that the new (from her perspective) Princesses had failed to save ponykind.  That they had not even sent out this call until it was apparently too late.  And worst of all...that Merywset herself had not sensed the calamity, had not emerged from her refuge the one time she had been needed in the long millennia since the end of ancient Kemare't...she had not done what was in accord with Ma'at...that she had failed them.  Tears fell on the parchment as her sobs echoed through the towering colonnades and empty halls of Ankh Taui Temple.

 

...

 

"It has been a long time, old friend," Merywset whispered to the sleek golden boat that sat on its rests in the Holy of Holies.  As with many other relics of her time as Princess of the Two Lands, she had used her magic to preserve the ancient ark.  She placed her supplies inside, then walked up the gangplank herself.  She wore her blue War Crown, gilded scale-mail armor, and twin khepesh scimitars strapped to her sides.  It had been such a very long time since Merywset had gone to war.  There were no winged ones to pull her battle chariot now, a thought which stabbed her with sadness.  Perhaps then, the Symbolism would be more appropriate, that she should fight this battle from her Royal Barque.  This was the vessel used to sail up to the Fourth Cataract and call forth the life-giving annual floods of Hapi, the eternal River.  This was the vessel she used for the Sun Ceremony on the dawn of the winter solstice, to Symbolically invoke the return of light and life as the tide of winter reached its peak and began to recede.  It represented both the Sun as it crossed the sky, and the spiritual conveyance that carried the transfigured spirits of the deceased to the Duat, the land of ever summer.  If there were any ponies left to save, it would be from this ark that she would save them, or perish herself in the attempt. 

 

Perhaps, if the Symbolism held, a new germination of Life would begin, in this very moment.

 

Merywset lit her horn, and the boat began to glow softly with the pink and orange light of a new sunrise.  The shadowed sanctum filled with light, glinting from its gilded walls, carved with elaborate scenes and hieroglyphs.  With a faint creak, the boat lifted from its rests.  Then, the doors of the inner sanctum swung open and the Royal Barque floated out, bringing light to the Chamber of Offering.  Past golden altars and lampstands and incense burners she flew, saying incantations that had not been spoken in four thousand years.  The doors of the Chamber opened in their turn, and her rays, growing brighter, fell on the massive columns of the Hypostyle Hall.  These columns, topped with lotus flowers to her right, papyrus blossoms on her left, represented the primordial marsh at the beginning of Creation.  From their she entered into the first courtyard, then passed the first pylon, and the second, and the third, re-enacting the ancient Kemare'ti story of Creation; ceremonially and Symbolically acting to restore, regenerate, and protect the vigor of the natural world.  Passing through the final pylon gate, Merywset lifted her ark high into the sky, then sped off toward her new destination.

 

As she flew, her heartbreak was tempered by the thrill of being able to use her magic to the fullest for the first time in so long.  Like stretching one's legs for a run after a long, long sleep.  Yet, one ruined pony town or city after another continued to remind her that this was no happy journey.  Another there.  Small, and quaint, charming even in decay.  Merywset brought her ark down for a closer look, hoping against hope...

 

@,

There!  A glimpse of a bright pink equine form entering a ruined building.  The pony had to see her sunbeams now as she drew closer.  "Be not afraid, my little pony," she said as gently as her resonant Royal Voice would allow.  "I am Neferu-Merywset, Princess of Kemare't, Daughter of the Sun, Protectress of the Two Lands," she intoned.  "I am here to protect you from this calamity.  It is...my great sorrow that I did not know of it in time...to come to your aid before."

Arachnid walked around ponyville and stopped as a spider jumped on him. "Really...no other ponies around anymore....what...so there are two alicorns up ahead...both princesses...Neferu and Lovebright!...guess I should meet them" Arachnid said as he placed the spider down and continued forward and saw the two alicorns. "Hello to both of you my name is Arachnid Sin and I am terribly sorry about pony ville I have been keeping to myself" Arachnid said in a calm voice as a spider jumped on his wing that he held out.

Princess LoveBright being a fairly new Princess was shocked that there were actually other Alicorns who showed up! "My fellow Alicorn Royalty! I am a fairly new Princess as my Parents are still the rulers of the land of Shetzerland and I came to ask if anypony knew what the odd looking ponies are in this old photo I have found?" She held up an old photo of the Mane six in front of Rarity's boutique. Only one was an Alicorn, but she had no idea what the others were. "I am curious to what there creatures are and to what have befallen them. Does anypony know?"

"Ah I know them they were the elements of harmony I don't know the name exactly but they stopped many evils..

The alicorn however seems familiar

Merywset looked at the picture.  It had been made in the modern way, with a machine; but it was now faded and decaying, like the building in which it had been found.

"My apologies.  I do not recognize any of these ponies.  Why do you say that they are 'odd looking?'" she asked.  Aside from their foreign mane-styles and the hat one of them wore, they seemed normal enough.  Except perhaps, for the pink one.  She was unusually bright with joy, and more than the others she seemed to be looking through the surface of the picture as if she might somehow bound right out of it.

Bwahahahahaa!  Awesome!  There aren't enough brohoofs for that!

Twilight = Tenenbaum?

Luna/NMM = Fontaine/Atlas?

Trixie = (memory slip) that guy who makes you take pictures for his "masterpiece?"

Cupcakes!Pinkie = the creepy plastic surgeon that cuts people up...

Rainbow Dash = the scariest Slicer of the bunch!

Sweetie Belle = a Little Sister, also the voice for the Gatherers' Garden machines (because, *squeak!*)

The Season 4 animatics offer pretty conclusive evidence that Twilight will remain part of the M6 and not separate from them in any way.  She's shown with them (and Spike) in the "Power Ponies" clip.  There's the clip with the Apple Family in the wagon with Pinkie Pie (so, an AJ/Pinkie episode that's not All About Twilicorn), and what looks like a dream sequence about Luna's original transformation into NMM, through Celestia's eyes.

Twilight's "being a Princess" is wholly bound up with her relationship to her friends.  It's her experiences with them--her friendship lessons, etc.--that made her Princess material in the first place.  I think they could make a very deep story arc around contrasting Twilight (Princess-with-friends) with Celestia's regal semi-solitude (we never really see her with friends of her own).  Since the ultimate arc of the story is for Twilight to become Celestia's successor, perhaps the ultimate message is going to be that Twilight can be a better Princess than Celestia, because she understands the Magic of Friendship from direct experience.

"I didn't sleep last night either!  Yippity! Yippity! Yippity!  Would you like a Red Bull/Starbucks Double-Shot cocktail?"

"How can I look this badass when I'm plotting evil, and not come up with anything better than 'invade Equestria with teenage zombies?'"

--Ankh Taui Temple--

Merywset was deep in meditation when she felt, and heard, a burst of magic nearby.  She opened her eyes to see a small scroll appearing in a puff of green smoke.  A message?  For me?  Who would even know of me...or want to send it? she thought as she used her telekinesis to bring it over and unroll it.  Its contents shocked her to the core.  The ponies...gone?!  Of course Merywset knew that all that blossoms fades, dies, and germinates anew.  The treasure rooms of her mind held memories of three thousand years' worth of dear friends and loved ones she had seen lain in their Houses of Eternity.  Then the time had come...when the ponies did not truly need, or even hardly remember her anymore.  She had left them to their own devices then, sometimes coming out in disguise to watch them going about their lives, so brief yet so rich in joys and sorrows.  So yes, Merywset knew far better than most, that Anpw, the Guide of the Dead came for everypony. 

But ponykind itself?  That...she had not expected, not for hundreds of thousands, perhaps even millions of years.  The ponies had achieved peace amongst themselves, learned to live in harmony with their environment, and they had new Alicorn protectors to insure the Ma'at of the Realm.  Merywset read the message again, then cast a translation spell and read it yet again.  It still said...that an unknown calamity had come...that the new (from her perspective) Princesses had failed to save ponykind.  That they had not even sent out this call until it was apparently too late.  And worst of all...that Merywset herself had not sensed the calamity, had not emerged from her refuge the one time she had been needed in the long millennia since the end of ancient Kemare't...she had not done what was in accord with Ma'at...that she had failed them.  Tears fell on the parchment as her sobs echoed through the towering colonnades and empty halls of Ankh Taui Temple.

...

"It has been a long time, old friend," Merywset whispered to the sleek golden boat that sat on its rests in the Holy of Holies.  As with many other relics of her time as Princess of the Two Lands, she had used her magic to preserve the ancient ark.  She placed her supplies inside, then walked up the gangplank herself.  She wore her blue War Crown, gilded scale-mail armor, and twin khepesh scimitars strapped to her sides.  It had been such a very long time since Merywset had gone to war.  There were no winged ones to pull her battle chariot now, a thought which stabbed her with sadness.  Perhaps then, the Symbolism would be more appropriate, that she should fight this battle from her Royal Barque.  This was the vessel used to sail up to the Fourth Cataract and call forth the life-giving annual floods of Hapi, the eternal River.  This was the vessel she used for the Sun Ceremony on the dawn of the winter solstice, to Symbolically invoke the return of light and life as the tide of winter reached its peak and began to recede.  It represented both the Sun as it crossed the sky, and the spiritual conveyance that carried the transfigured spirits of the deceased to the Duat, the land of ever summer.  If there were any ponies left to save, it would be from this ark that she would save them, or perish herself in the attempt. 

Perhaps, if the Symbolism held, a new germination of Life would begin, in this very moment.

Merywset lit her horn, and the boat began to glow softly with the pink and orange light of a new sunrise.  The shadowed sanctum filled with light, glinting from its gilded walls, carved with elaborate scenes and hieroglyphs.  With a faint creak, the boat lifted from its rests.  Then, the doors of the inner sanctum swung open and the Royal Barque floated out, bringing light to the Chamber of Offering.  Past golden altars and lampstands and incense burners she flew, saying incantations that had not been spoken in four thousand years.  The doors of the Chamber opened in their turn, and her rays, growing brighter, fell on the massive columns of the Hypostyle Hall.  These columns, topped with lotus flowers to her right, papyrus blossoms on her left, represented the primordial marsh at the beginning of Creation.  From their she entered into the first courtyard, then passed the first pylon, and the second, and the third, re-enacting the ancient Kemare'ti story of Creation; ceremonially and Symbolically acting to restore, regenerate, and protect the vigor of the natural world.  Passing through the final pylon gate, Merywset lifted her ark high into the sky, then sped off toward her new destination.

As she flew, her heartbreak was tempered by the thrill of being able to use her magic to the fullest for the first time in so long.  Like stretching one's legs for a run after a long, long sleep.  Yet, one ruined pony town or city after another continued to remind her that this was no happy journey.  Another there.  Small, and quaint, charming even in decay.  Merywset brought her ark down for a closer look, hoping against hope...

@,

There!  A glimpse of a bright pink equine form entering a ruined building.  The pony had to see her sunbeams now as she drew closer.  "Be not afraid, my little pony," she said as gently as her resonant Royal Voice would allow.  "I am Neferu-Merywset, Princess of Kemare't, Daughter of the Sun, Protectress of the Two Lands," she intoned.  "I am here to protect you from this calamity.  It is...my great sorrow that I did not know of it in time...to come to your aid before."

"The Apocalypse doesn't need four horses.  I'm enough allllllllll by myself."

Now zat I don't have Fluttershy anymore, Photo Finish needs ein new big sensation!  Ah!  Silverstar!  Strike ze pose!  *FLASH*  Da magics!"

Only Pinkie Pie can manifest in 3D, while sporting a 2-D mustache!

OK, I'll sign up with Neferu-Merywset.  For this RP, she will be hiding her wings under a gown and pretending to be an ordinary unicorn named Blue Lotus.  Yes, she's an alicorn, but she'll want to hide that fact (as well as her real name and history) from the other ponies.

H.P. Lovecraft was going to write a story about this, but it's too weird even for him.

Oh my god, that is the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me.

Even my mum doesn't say inspiring things to me, all I ever get is 'clean your godamn room' 'do your homework' 'get out of bed'

 

Be my friend

*Friended* 

Has your mum seen your artwork?  If she has, and not squee'd with delight and pride, then major parenting fail on her part.  That, plus the "not saying inspiring things to you" bit.  Your avatar and the pics on your profile page are top-tier, in my opinion.  Certainly light-years beyond what took quite a bit longer than three days for me to accomplish!  Do you do paid commissions on this site?  If you have any interest in doing so, you really, really should. 

You really drew your avatar in three days?!  Drew, from a blank slate?  And you're still young enough to have homework?  I.e., not a student or graduate of some art and design school or university?  *picks jaw back up off the floor*  Check your flank.  I think you must have an art-related cutie mark.   Your work is definitely professional quality.  Unless you bought it all from some grizzled beret-wearing Frenchman on DeviantArt and you're just having us on.  

Also, the point of this thread is to post something you suck at and would like to master, not something you've already mastered.  Try again.  *throws cream pie*

The video at your link isn't working at the moment.  Could you do an animation of Nephthys Nightshade?  There's a pic with her bio (linked).   Thanks!

Vector art!  I just managed to produce my first partially vectored OC art--the boat and the sun.  The rest is flagrant cheating with Pony Creator and Photoshop.  I have a long way to go before I can really get that wily Pen Tool to do what I want it to.

I am terrible at art,

My avatar took me 3 days to draw

3 DAYS

If you drew your current avatar in three days, we should all throw cream pies at you until you run screaming from the thread, because you don't suck--in fact, you're freaking awesome.  If you're that "bad" at socializing, you'll probably be the next President or Prime Minister of your country.

Here is my Alicorn, Neferu-Merywset.  For the purposes of this RP, the additional personality attributes and backstory listed under "Canon Era" will not apply.  I will post a "teaser" post to introduce the story scenario soon. 

@@Brain Drain, I'll read your character's bio as soon as I can.  Do you want him to be a native Kemare'ti (Egyptian), or will he be a traveler from somewhere else?  If he's Kemare'ti, if you like I can come up with an Egyptian name for him, and a few subtle tweaks for his backstory within this RP (no need to add them to his official bio, of course), like replacing Dr. Xavier Rath with a powerful sorcerer pony.

I like him!  Also, nice art!

Thank you for waiting.  Here is my Alicorn, Neferu-Merywset.  Assuming this game is set in the canon era (the time of the show) or later, the additional personality traits and backstory (the latter listed under "Other") will apply. 

"And this is...the...uh...erotica section."

I would kindly ask if you're going to mention me or bring me up please find a way of notifying (@EquestrianScholar perhaps) me so I know such as going on. Thank you

 

Also what's being debated about me?

Oh, sorry for not @mentioning you.  Nothing is actually being debated about you or your position so far.  I was pointing out that heterosexuals can debate something like a religious position opposing homosexuality (using your post as an example of such) and treat it as an academic issue because it's not our sexuality on the line.  Like two men discussing the question of whether or not women ought to be subservient to men.  The "issue" feels completely different if you're LGBT (or a woman, in the second example).  I was explaining the concept of heterosexual privilege, rather than addressing you specifically or the link you provided in your post.

Sorry to disprove your theory, but there is no indication that alicorns are naturally weak at flying.

No need to apologize.  Thank you for debunking my hypothesis.  The point of posting this was to find out if there was evidence against it.