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GrauWitz

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  1. GrauWitz
    One man is determined to destroy Batman once and for all. His name is..... Joel Schumacher.
     
    It's been a while since I did a review, so I might aswell get back on track. This is my review of the film that put the Batman film series ON ICE!
     
    First, a little history. In 1989, Tim Burton released his Batman movie and it was the first time Batman was portrayed in a dark and serious manner. It was a huge hit and it's still one of the highest-grossing Batman movies. Batman Returns was also pretty damn good, but it wasn't the box-office success that Warner Bros. intended it to be. So Burton was fired and was replaced with a new director. Enter Joel Schumacher, who directed the third Batman movie, Batman Forever. This time round, they wimped out and decided to be more kid-friendly (WTF were they thinking?!) and they even had Jim Carrey as The Riddler. And boy did it suck balls! But not as much the film I'm gonna review.
     
    First, the cast & characters. We have George Clooney as Bruce Wayne/Batman. A good choice, but it doesn't make up for the rest of the film. Then there's Chris O' Donnell as Dick Grayson/Robin. Good God, this character is annoying as hell! His dialogue consists of nothing but whining, bitching and complaining! Alicia Silverstone plays the role of Barbara Pennyworth/Batgirl. Bad performance, NEXT! Then, the villains. We have Mr. Freeze played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Interesting choice, but the main problem is that his dialogue. It consists of nothing but insufferable puns. And I'll give you three guesses as to what they're about. Is it A.) Sex. B.) My Little Pony. or C.) ICE?

    And if your answer was C, NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK! Then there's Poison Ivy, played by Uma Thurman. Another bad performance, NEXT!
     
    The main problem with this travesty of a film is that it goes way beyond the campyness of the old Batman TV Show from 1966. It is just 100% stupidity and sillyness. There's also a bit of homosexual innuendo. Well I'm Bi, so I don't really care about the gay innuendo. But still, WHAT'S THE POINT?! Here's the main example. Batman and Robin's suits have BAT-NIPPLES and BAT-ASSES!

    Let's not get into that.
     
    Then, there's the props. Holy crap, they're the worst. The Batmobile has a disco ball under the hood, all the vehicles look like retarded toys (especially Mr. Freeze's tank).
     
    And finally, the story, soundtrack, all of that stuff is shit. There aren't words to describe their horror.
     
    Oh, and one last thing....... Bat Credit Card

     
    Just avoid this movie at all costs, seriously. This film doesn't get a rating, it doesn't deserve one. It is why Superman works alone (an actual quote from the movie!).
  2. GrauWitz
    I've decided to take an alternative route and review shitty movies instead of good ones. That being said.... The Room. Now we're REALLY scraping the bottom of the toilet bowl of the entire film industry! Here's my review of the "Citizen Kane of bad movies"
     
    First thing, the acting. For this part, I'm going to focus mainly on Tommy Wiseau. My opinion on his performance...... it's like watching Christopher Walken impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger playing a SPASTIC! Seriously, it's the absolute WORST performance I've ever seen! You don't believe me? Well here, TAKE A LOOK!
    http://youtu.be/if5eP3crl_4
    You believe me now?! Good. All the other actors, well..... they're not as bad as Wiseau but they're still pretty awful.
     
    Then, there's the story. Johnny, played by Tommy Wiseau, lives a perfect life. He has a nice apartment, a good job, a beautiful fiancée and lots of good friends. But, his fiancée starts cheating on Johnny with his best friend, Mark. In the end, Johnny finds out, goes completely mad and kills himself. This story couldn't get any weaker.
     
    The main problem with this movie is that it's a mindfuck of pointless characters, gaping plotholes, irrelevant plotlines and embarassing sex scenes! There are SO MANY scenes which provide NOTHING to the story. Here's an example. These two random people sneak into the main character's apartment and have sex there. When the scene ends, they're never seen again throughout the ENTIRE MOVIE. Here's another example. Johnny and his friends put on their finest tuxedos and go out to play football. After that, they go on with their normal day (triple facehoof). Believe, there's A LOT more pointless scenes than that! Then, there's the sex scenes. There are FAR TOO MANY of them, they all look awkward and they last FOREVER.
     
    The soundtrack is garbage, 'nuff said.
     
    Oh btw, here's another clip of Wiseau's "acting" (if you could even call it acting)
    http://youtu.be/LzDqIvkexbM
     
    F*CK THIS SH*T! F*CK THIS GARBAGE-ASS SH*T! You'd get more entertainment by smashing your head off a brick wall! It makes Troll 2 look Oscar-worthy! This movie gets a 1/10!
     
    Although, I would say go watch this movie. It truly must be seen to be believed. But if you're staying far away from this movie, then I don't blame you.
  3. GrauWitz
    From genre-defining blockbuster to tossed-off B-Movie in nine years. We're gonna take a look at the movie that killed the Superman film series for NINETEEN YEARS! You've most likely seen me rant about this movie all the time, so here's another rant. Only this time, it has extreme detail.
     
    First, the story. When I first heard about the story of this film, I thought it would be the best thing ever. Superman interfering with NUCLEAR WAR! How could you go wrong?! *silence*. Well here's how you go wrong. Have Superman get rid of ALL nuclear missiles in ONE SCENE! ONE FUCKING SCENE!!! On top of that, it's hardly focused on nuclear warfare. Instead, we have a shit load of subplots that take up the entire movie.
     
    Subplot #1: Clark Kent sells off the Kent family farm
    Subplot #2: The Daily Planet is turned into a trashy tabloid
    Subplot #3: Lex Luthor breaks out of prison
    Subplot #4: Some little kid gives Superman the idea of getting rid of all nukes
    Subplot #5: Clark Kent has a girlfriend
     
    THEN, the movie decides to rip off the scene from the first Superman film where Superman flys with Lois. Yep, the movie resorts to straling the best moment from the best movie. Where's the nuclear war?!?! And it doesn't help that there's A LOT of plotholes. Oh yeah, and a lot of scenes that were actually relevant to the story were cut from the movie, reducing the run time by 40 minutes! But you just hold on, this absolute mess of a screenplay is just the icing on the shit-cake.
     
    The next biggest problem with this movie is the special effects........Where do I begin? The special effects are dead upon arrival. Seriously, the effects are already shit from the opening credits onwards. Don't believe me? Well take a gander at these LOVELY (not) opening credits.

    (FUN FACT: These opening credits cost $1.98 to make. The effort shows)
     
    We have horrific Blue-Screen effects, fake miniatures and the same shot of Superman flying towards the camera used over and over and over again! Not to mention that the one flying shot they used looks like it was done using Photoshop! Here's some more WTF-ery. There are scenes where you can see THE F***ING WIRES that are suspending the actors. Then there's a scene on the Moon where you can actually see THE BLACK CURTAINS which are supposed to be Outer Space. This is like an Ed Wood movie! Although there are a handful of scenes where the effects are pretty good, the bad visual effects outweigh the good ones. In Superman IV, it's not the lead that we can't see through, but them big bulging wires.
     
    Hey, what do you do if you're too poor to film in New York? Film in England! Yep, they actually did that. There's a scene on the Metropolis subway, and you can clearly tell that they filmed the London Underground instead of the New York subway. AND for all the scenes in the city, they filmed in MILTON KEYNES! They even used Milton Keynes train station as the entrance for the United Nation building! God damn!
     
    Now, onto the cast. My opinions on the cast and how they perform is generally positive. Christopher Reeve plays Superman one last time and makes a top-notch performance. Gene Hackman returns as Lex Luthor and also does a really good job. Same goes for Margot Kidder as Lois Lane, and Mariel Hemingway as Lacy Warfield. The only performance I can pick on is Jon Cryer as Lex's nephew, Lenny Luthor. He talks like an 80's hipster, and that ain't good at all.
     
    The action scenes....Well....Just watch this scene....

     
    I should also mention that this movie has one of the worst villains ever. Nuclear Man.

    Look at him... just.... look at him. Have you seen anything more ridiculous than that? That costume looks like something you'd see in a Gay pride parade (no hate intended).
     
    Then there's the soundtrack, which is the one saving grace of this movie. John Williams wrote the original themes and they were adapted and composed by Alexander Courage, who does an outstanding job. Despite the shittyness of the opening credits, I think it has the best version of the opening score. If you can get your hands on the soundtrack of this movie seperately, then I highly recommend picking it up.
     
    Every time I watch this film, I get a bittersweet feeling. I say this because it's the last time Christopher Reeve plays Superman before he was paralysed in a horse-riding incident. And that pretty much makes me very sad
     
    This movie gets a 3/10. The acting, the soundtrack and the ideas are all very good, but they can't save this trainwreck of a movie. It is the "Dutch-Elm disease" (One of Lex's quotes) of the Superman series.
     
    (FUN FACT: They had plans for Superman V is this travesty was successful! *facehoof*)
  4. GrauWitz
    I now move on to another great installment in the Superman series, Superman II. This is my review of the original theatrical version by Richard Lester. I'll review the Richard Donner Cut once I get my hands on it.
     
    Just like the first Superman movie, Superman II is amazing. It may not be as serious as Superman: The Movie, but it serves as a pretty damn good sequel. Here is my review.
     
    The story:
    Superman foils a terrorist plot in Paris by throwing their nuclear bomb into space. However, the blast wave shatters the Phantom Zone, releasing General Zod, Ursa and Non. They fly to the moon where they murder a group of astronauts on a research mission. Meanwhile, Lois Lane finds out that Clark Kent is Superman and they spend the night in the Fortress of Solitude, not realising that Zod and co. are destroying everything in their path. Somewhere in the plot, Lex Luthor breaks out of prison and helps Zod and co. find Superman. It then all leads to a battle in Metropolis. This is only a vague description of the plot, it's much more detailed in the movie itself. The plot is very good and I think it's the strongest plot in the Superman series.
     
    The cast/characters:
    Christopher Reeve plays Superman again and still does an excellent job. Margot Kidder returns as Lois Lane and Gene Hackman plays Lex Luthor again. Both make great performances. But the performance that steals the show for me is Terence Stamp as General Zod. His performance is so good that the first person that comes to mind when I think of General Zod is Terence Stamp. Then there's Marc McClure and Jackie Cooper, not much to say there.
     
    The special effects:
    The special effects, while not as good as the ones in the first Superman movie, are decent most of the time. However, during the flying scenes, you don't get the illusion that actor is actually flying. You can clearly tell it's fake. There are a couple of shot where the effects look EXTREMELY dodgy, but I'll give them a pass. The miniatures are very well done and actually look real. Overall, this film isn't as visually appealing as the first film, but it still holds up.
     
    The soundtrack:
    The soundtrack is one of the highlights of the film. Ken Thorne does an excellent job in adapting John Williams's scores and composing them. Here are a couple of the scores from the film.
    http://youtu.be/TnbLXvUBmkg
     
    http://youtu.be/4jvt5hnbBWM
     
    Much like the first Superman film, Superman II is awesome and I highly recommend it, even if you're not a big Superman fan. I'm gonna give it a 9/10
     
    Next review; Superman III
  5. GrauWitz
    This is my first entry in my movie review blog. And I'm going to start with the Superman series. I will be posting one review everyday.
     
    For my impressions of this film, I absolutely love it. It's my favourite superhero movie and is in my Top 10 list at Number 4. Here are the reasons why I love this film so much.
     
    The Cast/Characters:
    The cast of Superman: The Movie is one of the best I've ever seen. Christopher Reeve makes an excellent performance as Superman. He takes the role very seriously and just fits in with the character very well. He is the true Superman. Margot Kidder makes a good performance as Lois Lane, Superman's love interest. They portrayed her character really well and didn't just treat like a damsel in distress. Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor is also an excellent performance and has become one of my favourite villains. Then we have Marlon Brando as Jor-El, Jackie Cooper as Perry White and Mark McClure as Jimmy Olsen, all of which are great performances aswell.
     
    The Special effects:
    The special effects, while they haven't aged well over the years, still hold up pretty well and convince you that they're real. The use of forward-projection for Superman's flying scenes really do give the illusion that the actor is actually flying, All the miniatures are pretty good, especially the scene where Hoover Dam bursts. Overall, the film is very visually appealing.
     
    The soundtrack:
    The tremendous soundtrack of this film is done by the man, the legend, John Williams. He does an amazing job with the soundtrack and I think that this is his best work to date. Here are a few scores from the movie

     

    Magnificent
     
    Overall, it's a solid movie and I highly recommend it. Even if you're not a big Superman fan, you'll most likely enjoy this flick. I'm gonna give it a 10/10
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