Jump to content
Banner by ~ VKH17
Guidelines

Ice Fox

User
 View Profile  See their content

  • Posts

    244

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by Ice Fox

  1. Ice Fox
    Hey everyone. Ice Fox here. I joined these forums quite a while ago. Most of you probably don't recognize me. That's because I've been offline since May 24, 2015. That's actually what I'm here to talk about.
     

    This blog is an apology to the community and, more specifically, some of the good fellows I had made friends with. I normally feel that apologies are kind of pointless, because I feel that if you're sorry for something, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. But here, at least, I really do feel bad for how I've acted, and I want everyone to know that.
     
    I used to be a huge drama-queen, and that's mainly what I want to apologize for. I realize the irony there (this blog is pretty dramatic right?) but my intention is not to stir up drama. It's to explain my feelings and what happened, as well as apologize. If the stuff in here goes over your head... please ignore or whatever.
     
    Anyway... onto the main stuff.
     
    The truth is that back when I was part of these forums... I was a little piece of crap. I'm not gonna mince words, that's how it is. Simply put, I was a whiny edgelord manbaby who constantly posted whiny, self pitying, self loathing, drama-y status updates and got real moody when things didn't go just my way. I even tried to leave the forums a few times (yeah, one of THOSE guys), but I always came back. I even questioned my sexuality (probably doesn't sound like a big deal to most, but for me it is).
     
    But still, despite the way I acted, several people were still kind of enough to stop in their busy lives to talk to me. Whether it was giving advice or trying to befriend me, they were more polite to me than I probably deserved. Unfortunately, I didn't give them their due payment-I mostly brushed their advice aside without bothering to try and make a difference in my life, or saturated conversations between us with complaints and lethargy. In other words, I repaid nice people who stuck with me through my bad attitudes by taking a crap on them. Go me.
     
    Now, I wasn't actually TRYING to act like a litle piece of crap, mind you. I genuinely felt the things I posted, yeah. But there's no excuse. You can say it was because I was feeling guilty posting on forums behind my parents' backs, that I was going through puberty, that I was inexperienced in expressing myself socially-it doesn't matter. It doesn't excuse how I acted. It's just not how you treat other people.
     
    Finally though, for the icing on the cake, one day I posted a status update saying I was leaving, and vanished without a proper good-bye to anyone. This time, I meant what I said. I did not come back. The truth was, I didn't leave of my own will. My parents found out I was on forums behind their backs, and they didn't like it. They made me stop.
     
    Now, I didn't tell the people here what happened at the time, because I was still feeling very guility and confused over what happened. I didn't want to pin the blame on my parents, and I felt they were right to make me leave, because I felt very terrible over the whole thing.
     
    That was a year ago, I guess. A lot can change in a year. I realize now it was actually a good thing I was forced to go offline. I was doing crazy crap I would not have done in my right mind, like having crushes or whining constantly or even talking about suicide (blargh). By taking a step back, I came to realize what a fool I had been. I realized how crappily I treated some of the people here who tried to befriend me, and what a pest I was to the commnuity in general. I regret I ended up leaving before I had the chance to become a better person-or would that not have happened if I hadn't left? Maybe not...
     
    Anyway, aside from my whining and general bad attitude, the times I had on here were some of the best in my life. I had friends I could talk to, who listened to me, who cared about me, but then I had to ruin it by acting like a little piece of crap and doing stupid stuff that got me into trouble. You guys were nice to me, and I was a terrible friend. For that, I truly, truly do feel regret, and I apologize.
     
    This post isn't to make everyone feel sorry for me, or to make everyone forgive me, or to announce I'm coming back. The truth is, if I did come back, it would be on another account, because I feel I've changed far too much since then, nor would I be comfortable speaking with some of those old friends again because we have too much history and I was such a little stinker to them all.
     
    It's best for me to leave them alone now. And I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't forgive me. I don't expect them to. I was a piece of crap, but I am sorry for that. You can take it or leave it, but that is truly the way I feel. I am sorry.
     
    Hopefully I can cringe a little less every time I think about my time on these forums, having made this post. Maybe I'm overreacting-I don't know. I just want this out there.
     

    tldr; I was an edgelord manbaby who threw fits over everything and treated friends like crap, but after having to be offline for a while I realized that and wanted to apologize.
     
     
     
    I don't even know how active most of these people are on this site anymore, but a huge shoutout to the good fellows who took the time to speak with me and try to help me out. Here are some guys I want to say a special word to:
     
    @YouHeardNothing: You were honestly probably the guy I missed most, and felt the most bad for my treatment of you. We had actually only met a few weeks before I had to leave, but I felt quite close to you. You were everything I could have asked for in a friend, sappy as it is; you were actually my age, you were intelligent, you were very kind and polite, you took the time to respond to pretty much all of my dumb status updates (seriously, who does that?!), and you also shared my interest in religion. Peace, sir, and I hope all the best for you.
     
    @Base: I probably came off as some creepy stalker or something, with the way I latched onto you. If I did it was because I felt I could relate to you a lot. You seemed to have some of my same issues, and you seem to still be fighting them. Stay strong. I appreciate the time you took to chat with me and listen to my ramblings, truly.
     
    @LittleMac: The extent of our interactions is limited to you trying to help me, give me advice, or offer your services as a soundboard for my goofy little drama complex. Though I brushed you off rudely, now I really do appreciate how much you were willing to help a total stranger, and one who acted as I did. Stay awesome.
     
    @Your Silly Tem: Like the above user, our interactions were mainly you trying to help me and listening to what I had to say. Again, though my problems were superficial ones I had to overcome myself, I still regret not thanking you properly for your time and brushing you off. The world could always use more good Samaritans like you.
     

    @Rising Shine: We didn't talk much directly, but when I logged back on to blog this I saw you had sent me a PM telling me happy birthday, even though I had been offline for months at the time. I don't know if you do that to everyone on your friends list or what, but either way, you deserve mention on here for that. It really gave me a smile.
     
    If you don't get this or weren't affected or whatever, ignore plz
    And have a pony:


    Peace.
  2. Ice Fox

    Multiverse

    By Ice Fox,

    Welcome to Prism Studios! This is a blog about the projects of a currently one man company-me-and I'd like to show you the inside scoop of exactly what I am doing and creating. So buckle your seat belts: this may be a crazy ride.
     
     
    Multiverse (name not final)
     
    Story:
    You play the role of a young woman who is down on her luck. With no home and no money, she is in a very difficult position. While walking the streets of a dirty town, she spies a news program for a newly discovered ruin; one that may have boundless riches within. A slow smile creeping across her face, our heroine rushes to the ancient ruin, hoping that she will finally get her life out of the rut it is in. She has everything to gain, and nothing to lose...save perhaps her life.
     
    Gameplay:
    Once in a level, gameplay will be in 2D platformer style. Your character can jump, shoot a gun, and move left and right.
    The screen will often be very zoomed out, giving you awareness of your surroundings. Your character's unique skill is her jetpack. This jetpack will allow you to fly in one of the 4 compass directions at high speed, and direction can be changed while flying. However, it runs off of fuel, which recharges instantly upon touching the ground. So don't get too carried away jetting around! Also, your gun has another feature: a vacuum. This vacuum will allow you to pull certain objects to you and hold them at the front of your gun. How you can use these objects varies-there may be rubber balls you can shoot off at enemies, or dangerous swords that you can swing at foes! Perhaps the vacuum can also be used to move certain parts of a level.
     
    Your goal in a level will be to reach the magical key and return with it to the start of the level. However, that is no easy task; once you grab the key, a timer will begin counting down to your doom. If you don't escape quickly enough, you will have to restart. Also, the level will be changed once you grab the key-the kind of change depends on the level you're in. Some levels may have certain parts freeze in place; some may have the entire level flip upside down! Be sure to keep your wits about you.
     
    I plan for this game to be quite hard. One hit will kill you. Fortunately, you have no limit of lives.
     
    Progression:
    Within the ruins are numerous crystal shrines. When one ventures too near, he or she will be sucked into the unique but small world the crystal contains. On the game map, you will have access to 4 worlds at once, and may switch between them at any time. Within each world are several levels(crystals), which must be cleared progressively in their specific world. Each world will have a loose theme.
     
    For example, one world may have primarily machinery based levels, and once you reach the key, the mechanical parts will lock up. This world would have a more of a puzzle element than other worlds.
     
    Atmosphere and Inspiration:
    I really want this game to have an eerie and supernatural atmosphere. The game is inspired by titles such as Wario Land 4 and 1001 spikes.
     
    One last note: I plan for this game to have a long boss fight at the end of each world. I'm thinking it would be a good idea for you to get 3 hits on a boss in place of the usual one. I'll have to see.
     
     
    So what do you think of these ideas? Think this game should be killed at the start line? Would you like to see more of this game? Do you have ideas of your own? Make your voice heard below!
  3. Ice Fox
    While thinking about some of my mental issues earlier, I realized I can postulate where some of them came from. In this blog, I'll look at them one by one, and their possible origin.
     
    Note: These are hypothetical, and my memory of the past can be sketchy, being based largely off emotional recollections and memories of certain moments. Keep this in mind.
     
    My sister is around 8 years older than me, and my brother around 12 years older than me. Also note, I was pretty jerk-y myself during the timeframes usually discussed below.
     
    -Uncertainty In Regards To Attention Seeking
    I often hesitate admitting to issues I have, due to a feeling they may be superficial, or attention seeking.
    Possible Cause
    I believe I was accused of both by my siblings on more than one occasion as a young child. 'Stop pouting' was a common command given to me. Also, even today my sister gets mad at me if I act down, due to feeling SHE is the one with a right to be upset ( perhaps she does;why can't we BOTH be down? )
     
    -Difficulty Around Cliques
    Hoo boy, I'm a mess with these things. First, I seek acceptance into a group often, and stress out in regards to whether I'm a part of it. And then, I often suddenly turn my back on them, only to turn back a day later. Even just seeing a group makes me feel sad and excluded. Also, the clique can really be as small as two friends. Even when it should be clear if I am or not, I doubt I am counted amongst them.
    Possible Cause
    My siblings are both much older than me. As a result, I was rather distanced from them; they had an established relationship( and seemed pretty close, too, ) and naturally I could not do everything they did. I seem to recall both of them not wanting to spend much time around me even separated, either. Usually, I would watch them be friendly with each other while feeling excluded.
     
    -IRL, Lingering In The Background
    I find it hard to speak up in social interactions.
    Possible Cause
    Linked to the above, but my siblings also would banter constantly, and I was at times unable to get a word in edgewise. At times, I may have spoken during a lull in the talk, only to be covered up ( this happens to both me and my sister these days around my mother. )
     
    Fear Of Judgement
    I have quite the crippling fear of silent judgments, making it hard to relax around people.
    Possible Cause
    My household as a whole is pretty condescending and judgemental. I was not exmept from somewhat harsh remarks in the past on mistakes, or laughed at for misconceptions or stupidity.
     
    Emotionless
    There is a mask over my feelings sometimes, due in part to the issue above. However, I also find it hard to express emotion IRL.
    Possible Cause
    There was a time in my childhood I was VERY affectionate, lots of uncalled for hugs, etc. My siblings were the main targets of this. I don't remember them being discouraging, per se, but definitely not encouraging, either. Admittedly, I was acting like a freak, so...
     
    Self Confidence
    As demonstrated by some of the above issues, I lack confidence somewhat badly.
    Possible Cause
    There was also a time in my youth when I was pretty much bullied and accused of pouting nonstop.
    Meal times where dreadful, because all 3 of us where together. ( Note that my sister was a more tolerable person when my brother wasn't around. ) Just about everything I said was laughed at or ridiculed, in my memory, and I also had to listen to them talk to one another about things I didn't have much interest in on top of it. Not much of an ego boost.
     
    Just to be clear, I don't blame my family too harshly for their mistakes. My siblings are a lot nicer now, and my sister has actually apologized somewhat for the past, though that dosen't make much difference now.
     
    Thanks for reading. I want to apologize for the inconveniences these issues of mine have no doubt caused you in the past.
  4. Ice Fox

    Feeling Like A Spring

    By Ice Fox,

    I feel so emotionally uptight, I want to smash something.
    I always get this feeling of being distanced from people, even if I know inside they care for me.
    I want friendships, I know they take time, but its so hard to be patient. I get sad and lonely over the smallest things, like noone commenting on status updates.
     
    I feel like a fool oftentimes when I'm around others, and it makes me so irritated.
    I canlt get any psychological help since my pqrents have vendetta against doctors and they wouldnt see any valdity in getting help for mental issues.
     
    Suicide has never been an option for me, and it never will be. One, I hold to the belief things will get better. Not entirey valid as there are no gerantees in this world. Two, I know full well my soul is going to hell as soon as it leaves this body, so no matter how bad things get here, they'll be better than the next life.
     
    It's a shame, since heaven may be the only place a twisted mind like my own could ever find true peace. Someone who seeks love but sucks it up unfeelingly like a black hole. Indeed, someone who is better off by himself, yet seeks to befriend others. What a hopeless puzzle my mind is.
  5. Ice Fox
    WARNING: Long and depressing
     
    I've realized that I have walked myself into a trap, into a corner that I'll find it hard to escape from.
    What is this trap? The Internet. ( Or is it society as a whole? )
     
    Recently, I suppose the Internet has been a form of escape for me. I've been locked up in one house on a 2 acreage property for what, the past 10 years? Never in my whole life have I been allowed to speak to strangers. When I was very young, I would cheerfully chat with random strangers while going to the stores with my mother. However, my parents gave me a stern talking to, and since then I've never spoke to anyone outside my family besides like 5 people ( all adults. )
     
    And now recently I've begun to lose my respect for my family, resulting in my feeling rather lonely. Of course my parents don't allow me on Internet forums. They didn't even allow online multiplayer in video games till I was 15. So one day I made an account on a gaming forum, because I needed to do matchmaking to play a certain game over Wifi.
     
    Then one day I found a thread on there rather like the Count To A Million Thread here. It was from a few bronies there that I learned about MLP and decided to try it. That was when I started to form relationships with a few people. This was the first time I had ever felt attached to anyone outside my family.
     
    And then I made an account here and found the Count To A Million Thread, and began to form more bonds.
    That's great right?
     
    Wrong.
     
    You must understand that I've been essentially brainwashed up till now by my parents. Locked up in a house with no outside contact, how could I ever discover who I was, and develop my own views outside of they TOLD me to be?
     
    And so by making new 'friends' I discover things I never knew before about me. For one thing, I was lot less condescending than my parents seemed to want me to be. They told me things like, everyone is a backstabber, can't be trusted, you don't need anyone, etc. You probably froze up reading that, because me saying that always seemed to kill discussion, but there it is. I DO NOT feel that way, that's my parents talking.
     
    But here we come to the problem.
     
    I begin to question my self worth when talking to others. Feelings of doubt, depression, and sadness take over. Questions such as "Do they care about me' arise. It's a waste of time, I know, but there's no stopping it.
     
    But now I realize.
     
    No one needs me. They wouldn't care if I died.
     
    It's a painful blow to realize. It doesn't feel good. But I've always liked it when people got the punch, came out with their point. And it's a fact. Why would they? Maybe for a week, maybe they'd miss me just a bit. But that hole can very soon be filled. Why?
     
    There's nothing interesting about me. I'm a bug among 10 million other bugs. Now yes, all humans have their own individuality. I know that. But that doesn't mean I'm interesting. I've made no products, no proofs that I can accomplish things. All I've been able to do is listen to people's problems and say, "Oh I'm so sorry!!" Which isn't good for much.
    The only one who 'needs me' in a sense, is myself.
     
    There really isn't much worthwhile about my person, and it's a fact.
     
    Now I know what you're thinking. "Geeze, this is one depressed kid." Actually, you're only half right.
     
    Because all these problems disappear when I'm alone. When I'm alone, I feel good about myself, no one has to put up with me but myself. I have tons more confidence, I'm cheerful, easy to humor, etc. Life is good.
     
    To quote Twilight from the Guardians of Ga'Hoole series:
    "I can be alone. It is a special talent."
    So that's the root of the problem. Social interaction. That is when I have an inferiority complex. In society. I would be better off with my internet smashed to pieces and living in a shack, all to myself. So what's the problem?
     
    I'm worried that I can't survive being locked up in a house with people I dislike for the next few years without any social interaction. Can I really throw it all away and survive? Can my life go back to the way it was before without me going insane? That I can't answer.
     
    I'm not asking for advice either. The only one who can solve this problem is myself. My problems may very well be fixed in large part if I left the internet. But can I really survive the long term alone? I'm not sure I have the will power to find out.
    But I do know I'm tired of hearing myself whine. 'Whiney' and 'pouty' were two accusations that were often tossed at me in my early years. As a result I detest them, but I have to admit it's what I've been doing.
     
    If you've stuck with me this far, kudos. I don't expect anyone to care. I don't expect them to comment. I don't expect advice. I don't expect pity, which I do not deserve from anyone. In fact, if anything, I want the opposite. Someone to chew me out and tell me what a worthless fool I am because I know am.
     
    It is only due to some odd quirk of the human mind that 'venting' will somehow make things better that I choose to post this. Because as I said, no one can help me.
  6. Ice Fox
    There's something I've never understood. It's quite simple really.
     
    How exactly do you just 'make' friends?
     
    People will say "Just strike up a conversation with someone." Well...like what? They say that like it's easy. How exactly can I just spout some random stuff and expect a friendship or conversation out of it? It'll just end up feeling awkward and unnatural. I've tried it before.
     
    For me, I think my friendships have to be formed causally. No hardcore hunting or digging, no forced conversations. Just a casual chat or comment here and there. And pretty quickly really, I feel like friends with them.
     
    Sometimes, I envy these people who seem able to do this.
  7. Ice Fox
    Sleepless In Ponyville. This seems to be one of the more well received episodes out there. It introduced Scootaloo's first starring role, and touched on something the show never did before-childhood fears of nightmares. It did both of these things in a superb manner, weaving Scootaloo's admiration of Rainbow Dash ( which we had seen some of before, ) in with the nightly fears that must of us have had at some point.
     
    Reasons I Enjoy It:
     
    1: Humans have a tendency to like what they can relate to. Almost everyone had nightmares that frightened them when they were children. So we relate to Scootaloo's battle against these nightmares in the episode. Also, some of us probably try to hide our fears, because we worry what people would say or think. And many of us have no doubt had an idol we admired, and we attempted to show these idols only our very best side, lest they dismiss us.
     
    I had trouble with nighttime fears even in the start of my teenage years. To see Scottaloo own up to her own fear was very inspiring and heartwarming.
     
    2:We see Rainbow Dash from a new angle. This is something I only now realize. We've always seen Rainbow as the dreamer, the one chasing an idol ( the Wonderbolts. ) But now, with Scootaloo as the starring role, we see Rainbow from her perspective: and it flips the whole thing. Now Rainbow Dash is the model, the dream, and the example. And now we see how it feels to try to live up to the dream of being like Rainbow, as opposed to always seeing what it is like to try to follow the Wonderbolts as from Rainbow's perspective.
     
    This is a very nice twist, and it's intriguing to see the characters from new angles and how they appear when viewed from new perspectives.
     
    3:And, well, I can't leave without saying anything about the sisterly relationship between Scootaloo and Rainbow. Seeing that scene at the end where Scootaloo finally confessed, and to see Rainbow admit she once had those same fears, also taught a lesson: our idols are rarely what we make them out to be.
     
    So there. Everything I love about the episode. Say what you will about fan-service, I will always love this episode.
  8. Ice Fox

    Fluttershy [spoilers!]

    By Ice Fox,

    Well. My first blog entry. To get started, I'd like to talk about Fluttershy.
     
     
     
     
    This pony is more than merely adorable. Well, OK, she is, but she is also much more! While for some, Fluttershy may seem like quite a one dimensional character compared to the rest of the Mane 6, she has plenty of depth herself. I'd like to talk about this pony in some detail, especially her role in Keep Calm and Flutter On. So there are spoilers below, be warned!
     
     
    Well, as her name she suggests, she is very shy. Also, since she represents the Element of Kindness, she is very compassionate! These two traits are what I love most about her. If she lost her shyness, I'd be very sad...
    Fluttershy finds it hard to put herself forward and express herself. This and her shyness makes social interaction difficult for her. On top of that, she has an intense fear of performing in front of others.
     
     
    As something of a by-product of being so shy, Fluttershy is a very timid pony, so she has a tough time in frightening or dangerous situations. Unfortunately, her wings have a way of locking up when she gets scared, stopping her from flying! However, in a situation where it truly matters, she finds the courage to do what is necessary.
     
     
    Fluttershy also is very skilled at taming and making friends with animals. We've seen her tame a grouchy dragon and a dangerous cockatrice! She is also adept at understanding their emotions and thoughts.
     
     
    Perhaps one of the most amazing thing Fluttersy has ever done was helping to reform Discord in Keep Calm and Flutter On. This was amazing for anyone to do, let alone someone as timid as Fluttershy! Despite this, Fluttershy knew exactly how to help Discord become a better...dragon/chicken.goat/pony, showing that she understands a person's heart better than any of the Mane 6 ( who, quite frankly, weren't very helpful. ) She was able to put aside her timid nature and place faith in the wild and unpredictable Discord's heart, something that must have been quite difficult. Not only was she willing to ignore and put up with all the mischief Discord was causing, she even defended him as a true friend would, saying that it was only natural that he would not be perfect.
     
    And then, at the end, was Fluttershy's greatest test. As Discord's friend, Fluttershy asked him to fix his mischief.
    But before doing so, he challenged Fluttershyto remove her Element and never use it against him, if they were true friends. Perhaps this was a test of Discord's to prove Fluttershy's sincerity. And she certainly passed! To be able to put that much trust in Discord is something very amazing.
     
    When Discord did not keep his promise, we see Fluttershy getting genuinely angry at his lies and breaking of trust. But despite this, she kept her promise not to use her Element! However, she informed Discord in an unceremonious way that he was not her friend if he was going to lie to her and use her. Discord didn't realize till then how he would feel about breaking the trust of such a kind-hearted individual! He discovered that it wasn't even fun to do so after she had trusted him so completely, and thus, decided he wanted to keep that trust.
     
    And so we can see that Fluttershy won that battle of hearts, proving that she was more compassionate and trusting than any of the 6, and truly the Element of Kindness and compassion. Not to mention, proving that she was anything but a weak character! She proved she was strong of heart, strong in passion. So much passion is not easy to come by!
     
     
    Don't ever change, Fluttershy!
     
     
×
×
  • Create New...