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GreySentinel

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  1. GreySentinel
    Well, I never thought I'd feel this way, but I'm pretty much done with fighting games(or at least, playing them). As a very competitive person, that rewarding feeling of victory gets farther and father away every time I compete and witness enormous losing streaks. The reason for this is obvious: I'm getting worse, and so is my skill and execution. The barriers that block me from winning aren't just my opponents, but my nerves and eventually impatience and frustration.
     
    I'm not a violent person, but fighting games bring out the worst in me. Thankfully, I keep my rage inside rather than outside, as of today. At first I hated my victorious opponents to an extreme extent; I don't hate them at all now, but I hate the game instead. I hate the sadness and anger it made me feel, I hate the time I wasted when I thought the genre was perfect for me, and I hate the things it caused me to say to my friends and family.
     
    After more than a decade, I'm willing to drop fighting games entirely and focus on more cooperative video games. I'll probably sell my arcade controller for in between $100 and $200. I just don't think it's worth the time and money to do something and leave in a worse mood than when I started.
     
    I just wanted to vent, and I already feel better now after letting this out. Thanks for reading.
  2. GreySentinel
    Well, after texting, and spending time with my folks, I had to get this off my chest (it ain't hair. I actually could use a reasonable amount of that). This'll be a long one, so please bear with me.
     
    From just a single event two days ago that led to me becoming a member here, My entire life, personality and viewpoint all dramatically changed since Today's (probably gonna be yesterday's by the time I finish this) morning. I take weekly therapy sessions on campus, and I was supposed to meet my new therapist (the former one received a great job position that she chose to accept. It required her to move far from the university, sadly. Gonna miss her.) the afternoon of that day; my lightest college day with only one course to attend.
     
    I'm an unbiased client, so I certainly don't care about the age, race, gender or etc of my therapist. He and I discussed issues that were bothering me, during the session. His feedback and advice on one issue of mine, however, is the main culprit of this snowball effect. When he heard about my fear of rejection and hostility, he gave his viewpoint and opinion about it; He also handed me a printout of an informational article that I'll probably hold onto for a lot of years, if not the rest of my life.
     
    The subject of the article was risk-taking; basically showing what could happen if you try, and what you might have missed out on if you don't take the plunge (thankfully, not related to unclogging a toilet) . It gave statistics about the absurd amount of failures that certain examples of famous people in history encountered. However, it also included their clearly overwhelming amount of successes afterwards. After viewing the article, the latter was clearly worth reaching for, despite having to deal with the former, in my opinion.
     
    I thanked my therapist at the end of the session, and headed back to my apartment (not before, I bought myself a cheese pizza to-go, though. Delicious stuff, right there!) ,already feeling great. I thought about what I heard during the recent session, and it sparked enough inspiration to attempt what I wanted to do as far back as my introduction to online gaming, (To those curious, the MMORPG was MapleStory. I avoid it like the plague nowadays, due to my bias toward Nexon, but I don't judge the games playerbase and fans; It was a blast, playing it with my twin brother.), joining an online community (*Insert cliche', dramatic music sequence, here, before cutting into commercial break*).
     
    I thought to myself, "I'd love to be part of an online community, but I want to be part of just one, so I can prioritize and keep my amount of interactions simplified and manageable." This led to reasonably timed research (thankfully not accompanied with a montage and music); It pretty much was just comparing and weighing my interests. After around thirty minutes, (basically of messing around with an imaginary battle royale involving my interests as personified combatants), only two were left, and only one would make the cut (Sounds like a realty show competition. I always felt bad that the runner-up left with only his/her time wasted. Screw that "worthwhile experience" junk!)
     
    I had to decide between choosing the community of my currently favorite MMORPG (Dungeon Fighter Online) or the brony fanbase (I'm proud to say that my existence here makes me a living spoiler; nice).
    I choose joining an online brony community for two reasons. I felt guilty about being a closet brony at the time, and the fact that the recent reboot of the My Little Pony cartoon titled, Friendship is Magic, got me hooked (I'd love to experience that Netflix marathon, last summer, one more time); It also made me feel that T.V is still relevant to me, and often left a lasting impact on me with nearly every episode. Nothing on television did that to me in (too many) years.
     
    Then came standard procedure: I made an account name,(cautiously double)checked the forum rules and regulations, and headed into it face-first (Just like the situation involving part of the stairwell in the atrium building on campus, today. Zing!). Then came my introductory thread, followed by a lot of you politely and respectfully welcoming me, to even a few of you adding me to your Friend List; a seemingly blank-slate (me, by the way. Also,that sounded kinda close to blank flank) appeared worthwhile to some of you to befriend. I could have been a troll, a typical hater (Ugh, arseholes...), a user that would make one post and never return after forgetting about the site, or whatever negative person the imagination could come up with. Some of you still chose to befriend me, despite those possibilities; forgive my sudden change in language, but that fuckin' speaks volumes.
     
    When I woke up this morning, I realized something frighteningly different about me. The empty void, constantly reminding me that I'm missing something in my life, shrunk in size, (NOT a Dr. Seuss reference! Mention this, and I will glare at you as if you told me my jeans were unzipped. Even if they ACTUALLY WERE unzipped...), if not filled itself completely (If so, good friggin' riddance! I hated that douche!).
     
    So many things happened to me at once. I realized that I'm not an introvert, but actually an (annoyingly enthusiastic) extrovert; I was very extroverted during my childhood, but all of that changed when I suffered unjust and cruel treatment throughout my public school years (honestly, I would have preferred the Fire Nation invading instead). I also accepted myself for who I am, and I've been trying to do that for a VERY damn long time. Lastly, and the most significant, ( "It looks like he's gonna end it with a dropkick, leaping off the turnbuckle, JR!") effect, was that I realized that I was more happy than I've been In years!
     
     
    This pretty much sums it up. I just wanted to say that ALL of you made this impact in my life, regardless of whether or not you just found out about me through this blog post ; Even if you made one constructive post as a member, you contributed to the existence of this forum, thus indirectly being responsible for that impact toward me. It'll take me a very long while, if not years, to return the favor somehow. If I were to meet any of you in person, and you were to ask me to be your friend, I'd accept the offer without hesitation. I'd also fight tooth and nail (incisor and blunt end of hoof?) against any person causing you trouble (Who cares about that punk's six-pack? You'd be surprised at what a normal untrained civilian can be capable of, using mostly their elbows and knees!).
     
    Thanks for reading (Or skimming over. "Yeah, I've got my eye on you, pardner...") this blog post. It just means a lot to me how you all have helped me. Thanks, again.
  3. GreySentinel
    This is satire, and NOT meant to insult or anger anyone from either side.


     


    Separate Loot VS Shared Loot


     
     
     

    (Diablo 3) - *rare item drops on the ground*
    Player 1: "Wow, guys! I found the item I needed! What did you all get?"
     
    (Borderlands 2) - *rare item drops on the ground*
    Player 1: "If any of you pick that up, I'm kicking you ALL out!"
     

    Unwanted Rare Item Appears


     
     
     
    (Diablo 3)
    Player 1: "Eh, I can re-roll the stats."
     
    (Borderlands 2)
    Player 1: "AGAIN?!? That's the twelfth time in a row!"
     

    Killed By An Enemy


     

    (Diablo 3)
    Player 1: "Dang. I shouldn't have done that."
     
    (Borderlands 2)
    Player 1: " ****! How can it DO THAT?!?"
     

    Finished Difficult Endgame Level


     

    (Diablo 3)
    Player 1: "That was fun! Do you guys want to do that again?"
     
    (Borderlands 2)
    Player 1: "We are NOT doing that again!"
     

    Killed A Raid Boss For The First Time


     
    (Diablo 3)
    Player 1: "Yes! We did it!"
     
    (Borderlands 2)
    Player 1: *Teabags dead boss furiously while foaming at the mouth*
     
     
     
     
     
    I was just feeling goofy today, so I ended up making this blog entry that I thought was funny. I'm not a professional comedian, so please be gentle!
  4. GreySentinel
    I'm making this entry, because I wanted to reflect upon it, as well as the possibility of receiving feedback. During a good majority of my years in middle school, I was timid and I did not have many friends. This led to me being a target for bullies nearly every week. It was absolute suffering, and it even progressed to high school.
     
    After graduating from high school, I thought back on my bad middle school and high school experiences. since then, it convinced me that my inability to defend myself was a sign of weakness. Skipping ahead two and a half years later, my personality has taken a major shift. I'm more of an extrovert, and I'm not afraid to retaliate when attacked verbally or physically.
     
    These changes made me feel like a stronger person, but is introversion with non-retaliation weakness? I still don't know the exact answer to that question. From the day my personality reached the climax of that shift, I forced myself to approach life differently. I relied on both a good moral compass, and my willingness to defend the defenseless came to light. If a friend was treated poorly by someone, It would be a matter of seconds for me to step in and help. If a friend simply wanted someone to talk to, I'd be there.
     
    When I summarized my newfound personality a year or so ago, I noticed that I had a hero complex. I had goals and aspirations to make at least the city that I live in a better place. I wanted to become a police officer, and I still do to this day. My confidence in myself allowed me to focus on ensuring that others felt safe, rather than myself.
     
    Overall, I'm happy with how I've changed. Sometimes I wish I changed earlier, but I keep reminding myself that I wouldn't be the same person today, if i did.
     
    Edit: I may have found the answer, regarding introversion. Sometimes, it takes more strength to simply endure and not retaliate.
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